Is that the way to give in?

"If there is something they want and they don't get it immediately, what do your children do?" one friend asked another.
"My kids are all grown and I never had problems with them but the neighbour's children always shout and demand till they get what they want. Otherwise, you hear them at the top of their voices going on for such a long time. Usually, I close the door and move into the room farthest away from their house but you still can hear their grouses," the other friend observed.

"What do the parents do under such circumstances?" his friend wanted to know.
"Well, sometimes not a sound came from the parent but then there are times when both seem to be having a quarrel and at such times I just don't know how she could stand such nonsence," he told his friend.

I was standing nearby and what they said I noted with interest. Is what I heard the result of too busy parents who are both out somewhere most of the time with hardly any quality time to spend with their children? But then what about the love for the precious children or are those children no longer precious? And how is it that they could allow such tantrums to occur so often?

I am the proud parent of two wonderful children who loves and respect their parents just as their parents had always love and respect them. Although I was very busy with my morning teaching and evening training of my gymnasts at least five days a week when they were growing up, the rest of the time was for my children. Their interests were my interests and their joys were my joys. They wanted a hen and I wished to have that hen in my garden. They wanted fish and the fish was bought. They wanted walks in the low hills behind the house and we took walks. I planned our weekend outings with what they can possibly be interest in. So in many things there was no need for tantrums and therefore they knew not how to throw tantrums. But then I did not pamper them. Far from it, I never allow them things that were not good for them. But there are ways to tell a child something is neither good nor suitable.

Regarding teaching a child what are neither good nor beneficial, allow me to tell you about cigarettes. At a very young age I have studied and known the bad effects of unnatural substances such as smoke in one's lungs because of poor health during my younger days, the frustrations of being weak. So, at the earliest opportunity I reacted negatively towards the smell of smoke and showed my obvious dislike of such smell. Yes, they learn to dislike the smell of smoke from me and since then, when they were young, they would hurry me away from an area where smokers were puffing away.

As for some expensive toys which I feel are not worth that price, I would explain to them that they are just too expensive, that with that money we could buy so many this and that. As I have always been close with them (That's the secret!) they knew that I care for them and have their interest at heart at all times and because of that they do not demand. Sometimes I have observed that they could be reluctant to let go of the idea of having something but in the end they understood. Once, in fact (I have written about this in an earlier post.) my elder child was interested in a very expensive toy and as it was after his excellent results in the standard six, primary school results, I told him that if he wished it, he could buy it but after looking longingly for some time, he stopped me from calling for a salesperson to get the toy and told me it was not only expensive, it was of not much use to him.

So, when our children ask for something, talk nicely to them. If they need it and it's good for them and it's affordable, we should give it to them and enjoy their happiness. However, if it is not good for the child, tell the child the reason and if its unaffordable, tell the little one. And if the little one is too young to understand, give the child a choice of something else but no tantrums. Anyway, such problems would not arise if parents had always thought of their children's needs and wants. If they do, then happiness is always available and that would never cultivate any tantrums.

Why tantrums? Children throw tantrums because they know that is the way to get what they want. And the worse effect on the tantrum-throwing child is that that child would be using the same technique throughout his/her life. Parents may tolerate tantrums but not others. Others would just disappear and the child will find loneliness in his/her world unless he/she is very wealthy, but he/she will never have true friends for such 'ants' are only around for the sugar. And should that wealth go away, so will those ants.

So, who do you think encourage some children to throw tantrums? Yes, it is the parents, parents who do not care or know enough to do the right thing.