A grandpa's hardship.

This evening I met a friend who confirmed my constant belief that children should never be pampered. My talk with him revealed that grandparents are not the best guardians even though their intentions are nothing but the best.

Here was this friend who exposed the problems of being grandparent-guardians of two lovely grandsons. First, there are these two children who demand his and his wife's time almost eighteen hours a day seven days a week. Awakened by a need to get things done and ready before the two grandchildren awakens; things such as moping the floor, cleaning the table and getting breakfast ready are an everyday affair. Once they are awake, it is feeding them and watching over them wherever they may wander, inside the house, to the front, the back and into the garden.

And besides this, there is this over-loving of grandparents, sometimes one more concerned than the other. For example, he would allow them to run around and fall every now and then, while she, the grandma, would scream at him whenever one of the grandchildren is in danger of a fall or a crash into a piece of furniture. Or one child would touch the floor, then grabs a piece of food and pops it into his mouth. Oh, no! How can that be allowed? No grandchild of mine must have dirt go into his mouth! And grandpa gets the blame. So, everyday, something would cause heated arguments on proper care of grandchildren. Tempers can flare and and relationships can get strained. All because of two grandchildren.

All these can happen because one or both grandparents love the children too much. Well, too much of a good thing can be bad. It leads to pampering. Everything the grandchild wants, he will get, be it food or playthings. At the supermarket recently, this grandpa saw how extravagant the grandma was with her money, paying almost thirty ringgit for a rifle, handcuffs and other 'police' toys. The young father who was present then refused to purchase them as he was thinking of effects such toys could have on his son, the grandpa would not part with so much money for some useless plastic toys but the grandma thought her grandchild must have what is desired by him as children need toys to play with. Furthermore, she has her own money to pamper her grandchild with and that silenced the other two men. So, nothing is too expensive for a pampering grandmother and the toys were bought.

And as the children grew bigger, the grandparents required more energy. Even a simple bath is a problem. Getting them to bath needs a lot of persuading, something leading to scolding and threats before any bathing could take place. Then, there was the amount of play when two children wants to enjoy the bathroom at the same time. There was noise and a lot of splashing that got the floor wet and slippery. The grandma and grandpa have to be extraordinarily careful holding onto the children under such slippery surfaces. Thus, each bath ends with another round of mopping and drying of the floor. That is a lot of work for two old folks.

This friends did remarked that it was easier with their own children. They were more willing to discipline them, be more firm with them and should that not be effective, a spanking on the buttocks was sufficient to put things into proper order. So, he admitted that when it came to the grandchildren, they were unwilling to commit the same type of disciplining.

This grandpa realised that he was not able to enforce discipline on his grandchildren; the very same discipline which had been effective with his own children. Why is that so? Could it be that they understand, deep in their hearts, that grandchildren have their own parents to love, and so, unless even greater love is bestowed upon the grandchildren, the grandchildren might not love them enough? And that could be the reason, they give too much love, pampering, to their grandchildren.

It is time that grandparents search their hearts and should their actions are the result of this subconscious thought, then they must correct their thinking as pampering, be it on one's own children or grandchildren, is never good for them as it would do them a lot of harm. In my earlier posts I had explored the harm and problems that could arise from pampered children. Even in the previous post was a true story of a woman who was divorced by her husband due to her uncaring ways which was caused by her being pampered as an only child. Let us help our beloved young ones grow properly with the right amount of love and understanding into great wonderful individuals loved by all humans they associate with in their lives.

To truly love, we have to suffer the pain of having to discipline when necessary so that the ones we discipline will grow to love and be loved by all.

Strong legs and a healthy body into the future.

When it comes to exercise and strength building, my mind goes back to my teenage days when I was a member of the Penang Youth Club. It was there that I went from Dynamic Tension to weights for strength training.

In my earlier posts you have been told that my childhood weakened me with a number of sicknesses that left me a scrawny kid. Having known the pain and suffering of sickness, the terrible inability to perform due to weakness, I had determined to take action to overcome my situation.

In those days, there was this Mr. Universe. Charles Atlas, who sculpted his body his way with a method known as Dynamic Tension. Later, I discovered the Penang Youth Centre and its weight training.

I must say that weight-training is one of the best strength developing method I know of. Within two solid years of training, I was a changed person with muscles to show, strength to take part and be good at running long distances, gymnastics and rugby as well as other games. It definitely made a difference in my life. I was more confident too. with my ability to perform in more things, especially those which require strength. And My health is so good that i have not had to see a doctor for more than thirty years because of some sickness. The benefits remain with me to this day.

However, there was a weakness in me. Like a good number of weight-trainees, I concentrated more on my arms, chest, stomach and back. I did do leg exercises but that was with minimum effort put in.

As I grow older, I realise the importance of strong legs. Now I am sixty-three and if I hope to live many more years, I certainly would not like to spend those years sliding slowly one foot forward after another around. A worse scenario could find me laying in front of the television with it watching me most of the time. No! I would prefer to die rather than suffer such indignity. So, to live life to the full, I must look after my legs and make sure they are strong enough to carry me wherever I wish to go till death part me from my legs and body.

As we grow older, we still need a strong body, However, we would have to depend upon our legs even more to still go places, climb things, have a good balance with steady legs and jump for joy or over anything in our path. And I believe we can always remain as agile and strong if we continue with our regular exercise and strength training.

Sometimes weakness from age is all in the mind. I remember someone telling me not to run so fast at the age of forty-five. Then, at the age of fifty, someone told me to walk slowly. Now at sixty-three, I have not slowed down at all although, every now and then, there is someone who would, with great concern, tell me to not run as I might fall. Why should I fall? It is all in the mind of these people that everything must slow down with age. Well, i have not and I will not slow down. As for myself, I have made up my mind to run, jump and vault till the day I just cannot do them. Then, and only then, will I walk briskly around.

In fact, I do more strengthening exercises for my legs than ever before and I am pleased with my health. My friends and I are fortunate to have a hill to trek and run up and down each morning. Thank God for he is certainly looking after our needs. What more can anyone ask for?

Strangers are also a source of information.

The importance of being able to approach people to ask for information is undeniable. It is important to our self-esteem, our ability to move around to reach our destination as well as to gather information of one kind or another.

Many people can talk and talk to their relatives and their friends, to the people they are familiar with but when they are outside among strangers, they are unable to reach out to others to perform whatever is required by asking for information.

I have been with a guy who drove round and round to reach a place but was unable to. I told him to stop at any place to enquire about its location. He was, for one reason or another, reluctant to do so. And we spent a good hour or so running around probably in circles just because of this.

Eventually, unable to withstand having to sit there watching him no nearer to the destination after so much time, I told him to stop, head for the nearest shop and made the necessary enquiries. With the proper directions given, we finally reached the place within fifteen minutes.

Imagine the amount of time lost, time which gives us no benefit as we were certainly not relaxed or resting in that traffic; we were not enjoying any scenery as we were constantly on the lookout for any landmark which could indicate that we had reached. And all it took was to approach a stranger and politely ask for some directions.

I often stop to ask whenever we felt adventurous and travelled out-station to some never before frequented place. At such times, I would often stop the car, smilingly greet a stranger to politely ask for information and thank the person. Of course, there were times when information was wrong but if we stop to confirm the information at the next junction, we can have the information corrected.

Whenever I stop to request for information I made it a point to tell my children how approachable all those strangers were. Even the person with the worst gruff exterior can be helpful in his rough, unfriendly manner. After all, he is just another human being who can feel just as good as us at being able to assist another. His gruffness could be the result of being not included in the activities at home or in society due to one reason or another. It is a protective front sometimes.

As can be seen, being able to reach out to ask for information is very necessary at certain times in our lives and our children ought to be taught from young to be able to approach people for assistance when necessary.

The desire to try. Part 1.

"Hey, that's something new."
"Sure, but it looks so black and the noodles are thick."
"Have you taken it before?" I asked.
"No, I rather not have it. I don't know the taste."
"If none of us know how it tastes, let's try it. I'll get two plates of it for us." I insisted.

After eating the 'Hokkien Char', a fried noodle dish with dark thick soya sauce, my friend smilingly admitted it was tasty and she would like to order that again another time.

"See, we must always order things we have not eaten before to get to know their taste. Ohterwise, we'll never know what we'll miss," I told her.

Yes, unless something is obviously too dangerous or wrong to do, we must try it.

Imagine what would have happened if nature had not imbued us with the desire to try things out, to imitate or to attempt the so called impossible.

Beginning with our precious children, if they had not tried to walk at the time when they could not, they would have been unable to do so. Despite the weakness in their legs, they pulled their bodies forward, then crawled and eventually waddled forward clumsily, sometimes to fall, perhaps cry, but to persist until they had strengthen their legs, improved their coordination and straighten their bodies to walk upright just like us.

If they had not tried to talk when they could not, they would have remained mute forever. Fortunately, the desire to try was a natural instinct in them. They uttered unfathomable language, babbled incoherently for a time before their tongues, jaws and mouth managed to coordinate to give out language; initially words, then phrases and clauses ending up with sentences as they gained confidence.

How did they manage to do all that? First, there was the example. You, the parents and others in the surroundings. Yes, you are the ones who showed the way. Your child imitates your walk and your talk. That is the reason children brought up in the wilds by wolves walk around on all fours just as wolves do. And they snarled just as good as any wolf too.

Then, there was the encouragement from you. During the olden days when toys were less or less affordable, children still managed to walk because parents always gave praise for their efforts. Sometimes, over enthusiatic parents tried to quicken the process by forcing the child to walk before the bones had formed properly, resulting in bow-legged children and adults.Nevertheless, the joy of learning is always there in the child and so, though forced, the child would still be happily, laughingly swaying towards the parent.

Well, from the above, we can see how important good examples of what is possible and achievable is to our children and us.

After that, it ought to be encourage and praise, irregardless of the results of their attempts in achieving anything. Never ever let our children down with criticism of their amateurish performance. Even experts and artistes were amateurish while training to be good.

Look at those world-class gymnasts. Watch the ease with which they perform. That performance could not have been without the examples seen or the practices carried out so rigourously for a long period of time. It did not just happen. If they had been heaped upon with loads of criticism and disdain at the beginning of their learning, there would most probably have been no such gymnasts. The much needed confidence would have been lost.

I remember very well one ocassion where a little cried when her piano teacher told her that she has to practise at home if she wants to be good. Upon being asked the reason for her breaking down thus, she told the teacher she just could not find the time to practise. She had to attend to her studies. Why? Her mother hit her hands twice for getting an average of 95 marks. I was aghast at such revelation. I could not contain myself any longer and told her, this uncle who was a teacher then, seldom scored such a high average in an examination.(Yet, this uncle scored enough in the standard six examination in 1958 to be given a place in the then best school in Penang, The Penang Free School. When the child was not around anymore; I did not wish to undermine her confidence in her parents; I told the music teacher how sad it was that parents make such unreasonable demands on their children, putting them to such great stress. Further more, how many of us had ever scored so high marks constantly?

Thus, parents ought to teach their children using encouragement and praise for trying to achieve anything; and when our children are not up to the mark, we should let it on that we are proud of their attempts. The children will learn something for every attempt that they make. They will come to understand their strengths and their weaknesses as well as their limits. They will know of their capabilities, the possibilities and the probabilities in their lives.


How often have adults themselves given up just because they thought they were too clumsy or not knowledgeable enough for a job, even though those jobs could be done through a little know-how?

In a recession such as the present one, we will soon hear of success stories of people who still have the desire to try new jobs. As a saying goes: Just do it! And it can be done. Adults have to tell themselves they can and will as they face each new day. In magazines such as The Readers Digest, we have read of people failing even in good times, in ordinary times and recovering from their failure, learning from it to achieve even greater success.

Smoking was his downfall.

To be good, if not excellent, every individual must be disciplined. Disregard of the factors which determine success in his/her particular field can lead to failure.

I had a gymnast who was initially determined to achieve success. He was always one of the first to be ready for practices. He did very well in competitions winning the individual championship as well as medals in every gymnastic event.

He was selected to be a member of the Kedah state team. He won some medals. For his effort, the state presented him with ‘The most promising gymnast’ of the state medal in recognition of his efforts.

Unfortunately, this recognition was the beginning of his downfall. His friends could have praised him too much. It went to his head. He could have thought he was already sufficiently good to ignore rules, regulations and discipline.

He had a group of friends who made him a hero, a demigod, and he was soon no longer able to see his path to success clearly. Nay, he had lost sight of it.

His group was made up of heavy smokers. He joined them although this coach had told all gymnasts in the team that stamina was important and keeping their airways free of smoke, besides the practice, was of utmost importance where stamina is concerned. Nevertheless,he became addicted to cigarettes.

Although, he did return for training, he did very little; putting in the least effort. Maybe, he thought he was too good for this coach. Then after a certain period of time, he was weaker and unable to complete a routine in floor exercises with sufficient stamina to end it well. He was weak and was not stable; he stumbled as he landed on his feet at the end of each routine.

Eventually, this coach had to give him a warning on his addiction to cigarettes. Then, at the state meet, he failed to get a place in the state team. Other gymnasts have improved while he had deteriorated. He had forgotten what i had taught him; that talent alone does not take a person to the very top. What is required to achieve the best results is lots of training using the right methods. This weakness happened to a gymnast who had shown promise in achieving better results just a year ago!

In every endeavour, no matter what field we are in, discipline and knowledge are important. Knowledge tells us how to achieve a certain level, a particular result. Discipline gets us back on track when distractions appear. Discipline ensures we continue with our goal despite having obstacles appear in our path. Success cannot evade a talented one who carries on despite encountering any kind of river, having to get over or around all sorts of walls, facing rain or shine, or any other obstacles.

Knowledge and practice together with talent make the difference between being average and being excellent.