Unless and Until you see it, you may never know.

This morning I took a friend to the hill with me. She has been to that hill a number of times before but this morning was the only time when it was after the rain. Of course, the ground was wet and a little slippery. But despite a little bit of complains concerning the wet clayey soil going into her shoes and the slippery slopes, she did trek the hill with me for almost an hour. That was very good exercise.

However, there was something I did not bother to warn her about and that was the presence of leeches along the wet path. It could have been fine too if she had not seen a few women holding some plastic bags of golden yellow 'assam fruits'. When the women were a little distance from us, she commented on those women bringing along fruits to enjoy on the hill. I told her those were not the ordinary fruits which you can consume raw but the sour 'assam' which came from a particularly tall tree. I then told her how we could cut the fruit, slicing them into almost thirty or forty slices to be dried in the sun. those dried slices of assam could then be used to cook a salty, sweet sour soup for a bowl of thick noodles which people in Malaysia call 'laksa'.

As she was interested in gathering some of those fruits, we looked around for them but was unable to find any as all had been collected. As I have known of another assam tree off the route, I asked her to follow me down a little used path to a small stream where the tree was located. When we reached the spot where the tree was located, we found seven fruits which we collected. Without a plastic bag, that was all our hands could hands and pockets could mange anyway. Happy to have found the fruits, she followed me down the slope to reach the bottom of the hill through another path.

As I descended that last stretch down the slope, I felt an itch near my right ankle. Not wishing to stop until I have reached the bottom, I hurried on. When I reached my car, I squatted down to have a look at the spot where there was the itch and found the two centimeters long, dark brown leech already punctured my skin and starting to draw blood. I forcefully pulled it off and after a few flicks of my fingers, managed to send it to the ground where it curled into the letter ‘n’, moved the front end forward, lifted the hind end to place it just behind the front end. Again the front end was lifted upwards to stretch forward to a spot in front of it. In this manner, it moved forward.

Noticing the little creature that I had caught and the blood slowly seeping out of my leg, my lady friend gave me a horrified look and gasped in disgust at the little blood-sucking leech on the ground.

“Do I have any on my legs?” she enquired, obviously frightened at the prospect of a few getting some blood donation from her.
“Let’s have a look,” I said as I looked at her socks and pulled it down. Oh, my gosh! There were two of the creatures enjoying their meal. At the sight of those new kind of ‘vampires’ she screamed. Caught unawares by her piercing cry, I looked around to see if there was any attention drawn to us. Who knows? Someone could have thought I was up to some kind of mischief. Fortunately, there was no one around the vicinity. What a relief!

After getting rid of a few more leeches from myself and her, she wanted me to make sure that there was none under her pants. My goodness! What was I to do? Take down those pants and have a look? No! I may be a fool but not that stupid for such a deed in bright daylight. So, I cautiously folded the lower part of her pants up to midway to check for the leeches. I certainly would not go all the way up as I fear another scream from her. Hey! Perhaps, it would be a moan. Fat hope! Forgive this guy but he is sometimes up in the clouds with his dreams.

She told me how she shuddered to think such creatures could slip under clothing and go to forbidden places. At the thought of it, she did the most unexpected which was to vomit uncontrollably. What a smelly mess she made! But she was a woman so what can a man do?

Frankly, that was the first time I have seen a woman experience such a disgust for those creatures. Well, there is always something we have never seen or thought would happen until and unless we see it with our own eyes.

What’s courage? What is fear?

During my secondary school days, my parents rented a floor of a three-storey house in Bishop Street, Penang. At that time, I had already taken up weight-lifting to strengthen my weak body. I can still remember the great feeling of my strength developing each day as I conscientiously followed a regime of exercise and nutrition to develop strength as fast as I could, enjoying each moment of pain as the muscles in my body grew bigger, firmer and tougher.

It was also in Bishop Street that I had my moment of truth. In those days, there were street gangs and to be safe you have to acknowledge them as your big brothers. I belonged to no such gangs and such people like me were at the mercy of those people. With their numbers, the individual was no match for them. Move away or be mowed down. That was the law of the concrete jungle. Obey that law or your safety is at risk.

However, one evening, with two years of strength training and a solid body to prove it, I returned home from the gym to find my path blocked by one such 'big brother'. Fortunately, he was alone. Young and egoistic, seeing the guy as just my size then, I continued my way instead of moving to the other side of the road like I had done whenever they had a group of them. He faced me as I walked straight towards him. I could have just walked pass him without either of us having to move to one side. However, as I got nearer, he sifted his position to place himself directly into my path. My stupid ego refused to safeguard myself by moving to one side to avoid him. I plowed on. Then, unbelievable as it was, he moved aside for me. Elated, I went on to pass him without looking back, for I was also fearful of the consequences should he decide to call upon his group to teach me a lesson which did happen in another incident at Great World Park, Penang; the incident in which I have written about how a friend and I went through back lanes and places to evade their search. (I have written that in an earlier post on the ego.)

Yes, my heart did beat faster and there was that fear in my heart. But that moment of truth taught me that such people were only brave when they are backed by others. They are courageous because of the numbers. It also taught me that fear could always be there in us when we understand the danger and risk we encounter even when we gather sufficient nerve to face it.

It was a moment of truth that has taught me that courage comes to those who are confident of winning. The fear will be there if we understand that we are sure the chances of losing is greater or when we have no chance at all of winning. And fear of losing something valuable to us may give us the courage to try. Or the fear of hurting someone we love may stop us from carrying on or trying further. Yes, the courage to sacrifice for a loved one can be due to the fear of hurting that somebody. Such are the moments of truth and hurt that I have faced.

Is it normal to fear?

Anyone who says that he has never feared anything is not telling the truth. All of us have at one time or another experienced fear, I believe. Alright, who am I to put words into other people’s mouth? Forget it, then. I have been in many situations, as a little bit of a rascal during my boyhood days, adventurous as a teenager, a care-free young adult, and a discipline teacher in two very notorious schools in Kedah.

As a rascal, I have experience the fear of being beaten by the rambutan estate people. As an adventurous youth, I have gone into forbidden, fenced territory in search of short cuts to a destination. Fear gave the legs of my friends and I speed and strength as we ran and jumped over fences and wide drains to escape fierce dogs. As a disciplinarian, I have faced gangsters, from outside, not without trepidation, who came thinking they could put sufficient threat to have me look the other way when students collect protection money.

Yes, there was fear, especially at the first incident of its kind. In my post of disciplinary teacher, experience taught me that the other party had as much, if not more, fear as I had, I understood that the first to buckle down would be the loser. For me, my duty gave me no choice but to meet those people when they claimed to be related to a particular student. Afraid to show my trepidation, I faced the ordeal with a bold front. As a physical educationist as well as a gymnast and a one-time body-builder, I was no weakling. However, as much a human as anyother, I felt fear. Fortunately, truth and rightfulness was on my side, forcing the other party to back down.

Fear and experience taught me how to handle such uncertain situations. Experience of success gave me courage. Courage was strengthened each time fear is overcome.

When I was young, I had always wondered whether others experienced the fear which arose in such uncertain, difficult situations where the element of danger was present. Today, after having had the courage to overcome so many frightful situations, I understand that fear as well as courage is present in all humans.

Both have their uses and I wish to tell you true stories, not just mine but also those of my close friends, so that we can share such feelings and improve ourselves as we understand ourselves better.

Of course, any story from you will always be welcome.