Demands, demands and demands.

“Do something about it! That man scolded me,” she shouted angrily at the son.
“But mon, you did dirty his floor,” the son tried to put some sense into his mom.
“What! Are you saying that he can scold me and get away with it?”
“Mom, I told……….”
“Don’t you talk back at your mom! How can you take the side of that man? I’m your mother, you know?”
The poor exasperated son , realizing nothing could get his mother to see reason, quickly walked away from the scene to escape further embarrassment.

That mother demanded for action, right or wrong, to be taken. Her demands had to be attended to or she would throw her usual tantrums. Why are some mothers or fathers, or anybody for that matter, be like that?

It all started when this mother was young. She learned then the art of getting things her way. She found the method one day and through years of practice have built it into her life to have things her way.

Young children, not just the present day ones, are clever and know how to wrap their unwary parents or grandparents around their little fingers. Throwing tantrums is quite a successful and popular technique and too-loving guardians and parents just are no match for some of these tiny little tots.

As a parent, I remember taking my wife, my two children, my mother-in-law and her granddaughter to an outing. There was this procession with a lion dance in it. It was something I felt I would like to have my children enjoy. It was after lunch and all of us ought not to be thinking of food.

Just then, as we were watching and enjoying the sight of a lion prancing around near us, the ringing bell of the ice-cream man attracted the attention of the little girl, my mother-in-law’s granddaughter. She demanded for ice-cream. When none of us paid her any heed, she stamped her feet and cried. My wife and I paid her no attention as we did not want our children to learn such behavior. If we were to buy ice-cream for her, then my two boys would come to understand that that was the way to get attention and whatever they wanted.

With the grandma there, of course, the girl succeeded with her technique. She knew it would get results. She got her ice-cream.

I did buy ice-cream for my two children when they were young but not when they shouted, screamed and demanded. From young, I have taught them love. I have always taught them what is good for them, what is the right thing to do and the way to doing it. When I see something tasty like the ice-cream in the supermarket, I would buy it for them to try the taste. At other times, I would not buy the ice-cream but get them some tasty fruits instead and teach them that fruits are better than ice-cream. Sometimes or as they grow up to understand better, I would explain to them the advantages of eating certain food over other food.

There is a lot of advantages in communicating with your children. Communication leads to a kind of closer relationship. Today, there are certain things my sons are better at or are more knowledgeable than me and because we easily communicate, they would tell me the things I do not know. Isn’t that wonderful?

Thus, we ought to talk to our children rather than just succumb to their demands and tantrum. Should a child throw a tantrum, parents must love them enough to stand firm and teach them why a thing ought not to be done then and teach them to communicate properly.

Of course, I have noticed that sometimes a tantrum is brought on by parents. A child may be hungry and needs food badly but uncaring(?) parents refuse to respond to complains of hunger; perhaps too engrossed in something such as an interesting conversation with a friend. To attract attention to his/her problem a child may be forced to complain even louder, gradually shouting and screaming for attention to a real problem. Only when a tantrum occurs do such parents stop whatever they could have been doing to attend to the child, indirectly teaching the child to throw tantrums or make demands.

How then can we fault such a child? That was what she had been taught or trained through a natural necessity to behave thus. If that child remained unaware of her problematic behavior, it can lead to an inability to understand that no one in society would pamper her with attention whenever she demands it. Success in being easily accepted by society, and even family members, can be crippled by such parenting.

Thus, it is important that children should never be allowed to continue or taught to throw tantrums.

Breathe correctly to better health.

The first time I learned the right way to breathe was through a friend, Tan Han Chiang, a teacher whom I met at the Language Institute in Pantai Valley in Selangor. According to some people, he was so similar to me in appearance that they thought we were related. Hopes he reads this and gets back to me as I have lost touch with him.

Next, I met him in Alor Star where he taught for a number of years before getting a transfer back to his home-town. Was it Parit Buntar? Well, I am not too sure about that.

Anyway, he was the guy who first introduced me to stomach breathing. He taught me to ‘breathe into the stomach’. It seems he has been practicing it every day since he was young. He pulled up his shirt front to reveal a spot about two inches below his navel. It was raised slightly and hard to the touch. That was the first time I heard about the ‘tan tien’, the centre of the body where the ‘chi’, the life-force' is stored.

He then demonstrated the correct way to breathe. He lay down on his bed and exposing his abdomen to show me how it is done correctly, breathed in by extending his abdomen. He told me to put my hands, folded together, on the abdomen so as to feel it rise as the breath goes in. Then, as he exhale, the stomach flattens and descends inward. He told me to do it slowly for as many times as I feel comfortable, which could be 5 minutes, ten minutes or even half an hour.

Since then I have changed my way of breathing. I breathe into my lungs with the stomach expanding outwards. However, I have not been as regular in my practice as my friend as I am constantly in search of knowledge, practising whatever new thing I have just learned and twenty-four hours are just not enough. And there is always a little bit more to learn. So, I have not had the chance to stop learning.

So, there you are, a way to breathe your way to health. In fact, it is the natural way. Look at a baby the next time you have the opportunity. Look before a teacher or parent tells him to breathe in and put his chest out. Look and see the calm breathing a sleeping baby does as his/her stomach rises and descends with each breathe.

That is the way mother nature has always meant for us to breathe. It is the way to move the diaphragm downwards as we breathe in, so as to give space for air to reach the farthest corners below and replace the (possibly stagnant, unchanged) air there as the diaphragm again goes up as we breathe out.

If you are too busy to make it a regular practice, you can do a number of times each day to start a new way of breathing if you have not yet discover this technique.

The spread of AOL to Baling: The spread of knowledge and the breath.

Mrs Wong and Teacher Tan Hwa Seng are the masters-of-ceremony.


The enthusiasm of the members is obvious.


Members enjoy themselves, dancing away.


Life is indeed a celebration for all of them.


Look at them go!


Look at the joyous celebration!


The videos and pictures above shows the celebration of AOL members at our new AOL Baling centre.

It took place at 7.30pm. on Saturday, the 18th of July, 2009. Mr. and Mrs. Wong helped the members in Baling to set up the centre.

With the spreading of energy to Baling, The Art of Living can reach farther to assist more individuals to develop the full potential of their lives. The Baling centre will enable the residents of Baling and its outskirts to avail themselves of the ancient wisdom and knowledge as well as the healing power of the breath.

While many call it the ancient wisdom and knowledge of The Art of Living, it would actually be more accurate to name it the evergreen, ageless wisdom of The Art of Living.

'Quality and success in life are determined by the state of mind. Under stress, the mind vacillates between regretting the past and worrying about the future. This results in lack of concentration, decreased efficiency and interpersonal conflicts.'The ageless wisdom and knowledge of The Art of Living enlightens us, and thus assist us to overcome such unnecessary, undesirable effects of stress so that we function more fully in the present moment.

Through the use of breathing practices and techniques, the body can be infused with energy. The natural rhythms of the body, mind and emotions are harmonised. The special breathing technique of the Art of Living, the Sudarshan Kriya, uses 'specific rhythms of the breath to re-establish balance in life as it simultaneously floods the cells of the body with oxygen and energy.' That is the power of your breath! Do it correctly and mind, body and emotions are constantly in excellent balance.

So as to reach the fullest of your potential, discover for yourself the power of the breath, wisdom and knowledge from the Art of Living. For those in Baling, the Art of Living is in town. How lucky they are!

Of course,how much benefit the people can derived from the AOL centre depends upon themselves, for God can only help those who help themselves.

Mastering depression.

The first time I saw depression, it was mirrored on the face of a person I knew. The face was sad, without confidence, the eyes looking away from the person who was talking to her. Most times, it was a monologue, a one way communication. Sometimes, the person distanced herself away from the people around, went around on her lonesome. Every now and then, she talked to herself, cried or laughed to herself.

Depression is brought on by the inability to handle a certain situation, finds no solution to the problem and eventually believes no one can help to solve it. Alone with the problem causes the mind to think there is no way out, the burden cannot be removed except for the mind to think of an escape, to escape into one’s own private world where one can lose the depressing problem.

When someone is unable to handle a situation; too much work or too difficult to accomplish or overcome, the person feels the weight of the work on his/her shoulders. If the work can be shared, and he/she knows there is someone else to turn to, it can never lead to depression. Tough, tired and exhausted but never depressed.

If it is a human relationship problem, the situation can be handled through understanding that it may be god’s guide to another even better relationship. Life is not just one relationship.

Getting involved in the activities of life allow the mind to move away from the problem. Sharing our painful thoughts with close friends or God can help elevate oneself from such a problem. That is one reason we have confessions in church where people can share their troubled thoughts with God.

If the situation eases after a short period, then there is relief. If the problem persists with no sight of a solution, the stress is too long and somewhere in the mind, something breaks down and hopes to find solace in depression. That is why there must be rest, a vacation, a distraction, every now and then, to move away from the pressures of life.

Sharing one’s sorrow helps to lighten the load. That is the reason we need good friends who can lend a sympathetic ear to our problems and show concern by suggesting ways to overcome the situation.

I believe it is one reason researchers discover that married people live longer and happier lives. There is always the spouse to share whatever terrible stress we have received from the office. The spouse listens and pacifies or lovingly shows there is at least one person in the world who cares.

So, through knowing that there is always someone who can help, through sharing, through taking breaks and through a lover, the darkness of the night is not so cold and a new day dawns with the warm rays reaching out towards us. These are the ways of preventing or mastering depression!

However, should depression managed to overcome anyone, there is still another solution besides the psychiatrist. I have personally helped a very young girl recover from depression by taking her to The Art Of Living. This was related in an earlier posting in which I have revealed how the Bhasrika, knowledge and the singing of the Bhajans have helped.

For adults, the Sudarshan Kriya is a wonderful breathing technique which has helped many.

Allow The Art of Living volunteers in the 146 countries in the world to reach you if you encounter or know of such cases which need help. For further assistance, email me and I will do whatever I can.

Further information on the Sudarshan Kriya can be found in
http://www.artofliving.org/

Understand and allow differing views and peace will be ours.

This morning, I was on my way to meet a friend to hike up a hill when she rang up to ask if it was raining. My house was nearer to the hill and there was no rain at all at the time. She informed me that it was raining at her place. It was the same sky in the same small town but a different weather.

Some weeks ago while I was at one of those Art of Living knowledge sessions, I looked out through the window in front on my right to see a dark, gloomy sky. I turned to the left to look through a window at a clear, blue sky. How contrasting the views were despite observing from the same spot at the same sky! Two clearly differing views were seen! Yet, both were true!

How often have we met people who have differing knowledge of a friend? Someone may describe the person as generous to a fault while another may find him the most self-centered person in the universe. This, of course, is due to the experiences we had with the person. If we understand this, then we can no longer be surprised at the difference.

Just as the scientist, who would demand proof and not accept anything beyond logic, and the priest, who willingly tell of the miracles he had witnessed, cannot except the other’s understanding of the matter; people with different experiences see things differently.

And because these people see things differently and do not try or are unable to understand the other person’s view, there are so many problems among individuals, people, a community and the whole world.

All we need to realize is that each person’s view is based on his understanding through his/her own experiences as well as the angle at which the subject is observed. Through this we ought to be able to accept the other person’s views.

Take for example, my own experience with helping a young girl overcome her psychiatric problem merely through a breathing exercise and some knowledge in the Art of Living program. I would not fault anyone who thinks what I have just said is a lot of hogwash. In his position, without personal knowledge of what had happened, I could have said the same thing.

Fortunately, being able to realize that it is possible and right to have different views, I can accept other people's views. I turn to see his point of view.

Here are a number of things I could consider nonsense if I had not known its existence. I would not have believed in chakras which are energy points in our body. I would not have believed the existence of a third eye. I would not have believed the third eye could be opened if I had not known of people who have had theirs opened. I would not have believed in trigger points if I had not use the knowledge to overcome pain.

If we try to be more aware that views can be different, yet right; then, we can open ourselves to more knowledge and greater understanding. Then, we have the opportunity to wonder at the many mysterious truths which exist in this world.

When we have greater understanding, there will be less conflicts and clashes. Peace can then descend upon all humans who are the same, no matter what skin color, language or place of origin.

Mental health: Our child's body is only as strong as its weakest part.

Our body can only be really strong when we take care of our food, exercise, rest, emotional and physical needs.

Most of us know the importance of exercise, balanced meals and rest. Yet, there are two needs that every human needs to remain happy and focused in life.

One of them is the emotional need. When the emotional need is not fulfilled the brain may go haywire. With a disturbed mind, all interest in life and the surroundings stops. Food, exercise and rest become unimportant. When that happens, health is bound to weaken. So the body can weaken due to a disturbed mind.

Here is a true story in which no names will be used so as to protect a child. There was a thirteen year old who was cared for by another relative since her parents divorced five years ago. When the parents divorced, none of them took the responsibility of caring for her. They just disappeared from the child, on different paths to different destinations. The child slowly and gradually felt her loss. Unlike other children, she had no one to call mummy or daddy. Unlike other children, she did not have someone to run to when she felt lost in her big, big, lonely world. Unlike other children there was no one who would whole-hearted hug or love her. In her mind, she was all alone. Then, one day, her aunt suddenly found her talking to herself, telling herself things.

The aunt realized something was very wrong and fortunately, she felt responsible enough to take her to a doctor. The little girl underwent psychiatric treatment. One of the teachers told me about her, hoping that I could find help for her through The Art of Living. I talked to her to find out her problem. With the aunt’s permission, I took her to satsang and an Art of Living teacher. We taught her the bhastrika, a breathing exercise, as well as some knowledge. It got her well again in two months. She became well enough to mix around with other children.She was no longer talking to herself. Thank God for that!

So, you see, exercise, food and rest may be sufficient but if there is no emotional support, the brain may break down.

And once the brain breaks down, everything else will eventually become worse. So, as parents, we ought to look into a child's mental health too.