Silence may be golden but communication is essential.

Silence is golden as I have shown in two previous postings but good communication is necessary to convey our needs, desires and thoughts to fellow humans.There are many ways we can communicate. There is body language, sign language and verbal language. So, although there are times when we need to be silent and attentive to gain knowledge and gather opinions, we still need to utter something. However, as i have said before, there ought to be no verbal onslaught on the listeners. There should be communication and that means a two-way traffic or exchange of thoughts, ideas and knowledge.

Silence itself may lead us nowhere if no one starts a conversation. The person who intends to learn something may start with a question. Questioning is one of the best means to start a communication. It could be: Can I help you? Is there anything I can do for you? Where do you wish to go? Are you from this area? Where are you from? Can you tell me how this is done? Can you show me the way to .....? Such questions can lead to some explanation or talk on something. In fact, some of the friends I have made started with one of such questions.

Other than starting a conversation, words are necessary to convey our intentions and hopes correctly. Being able to do that in important in our daily lives as we go about our work and social circles. Of course, some people need to be more excellent at communication than others; a salesman, more than most people; would certainly need to be able to convince people with words.

When it comes to communication, no matter what the language, vocabulary and correct expressions are important to give the right messages to the people concerned. So how well we express ourselves depend upon our language proficiency. With better language proficiency, a person will have greater confidence to approach another fellow human. Definitely, with better language skills, there will be lesser miscommunication leading to improved understanding of any communication.

So, talk is required as much as silence in our lives. It is the extremes that we have to watch out for. Talk when necessary and be silent when desirable to do so. In everything there ought to be a middle way.

No need to be apologetic. Time is ours to spend happily..

Yesterday evening, to prepare myself for a hike up a hill in Yan, Kedah, I bought some bread from one of the sundry shops in my area. Upon seeing me, the man told me,"Today, there's hardly anything to do. I watched television for a while and did some gardening. Time drags. It was still early afternoon with so much time on my hands." And he, a Chinese on Chinese New Year day, had nothing to do. So, he came to his shop, opened it and stood behind his counter to wait for someone to come so that he could occupy his time serving somebody and talking to someone. His tone of voice was apologetic. He realised he ought to be somewhere enjoying his Chinese New Year.

Actually, there was no necessity to feel bad about doing business or working on a holiday. After all, time is ours to spend as we wish. If we are happy doing it, who is to say it ought not to be done. But then if it is no joy to work at a business and yet have to do it just to kill time, then there is obviously something very wrong somewhere.

That is the reason we should cultivate some kind of hobby and have friends. Thinking about hobbies, I have so many that I could never find the time to enjoy all of them. And when it comes to friends, when one is friendly, there is no worry about having nobody to do things with. Everything about hobbies and friendship is as simple as that.

All of us have an inclination towards something. The more active people are usually interested in some kind of activities, be they indoor or outdoor. The quieter type has a lot of of things they can be involved in too. You can have a game of chess, participation in a discussion group or a sharing group.Perhaps reading or searching the internet is your kind of fun. Whatever it is, do find some kind of interest or hobby for it will come in useful some time.

And some of these activities lead to friendship for people of the same interest flock together to enjoy their likes. And such friends usually meet very often to quench their desire to participate and exchange knowledge in the same activity. So, in some hobbies, knowledge, friends and activities go together.

From what has been written it is without a doubt that humans need activities to live a satisfactory way, to find happiness in being alive. What is the use of being alive if time drags by and leave us uncertain of what to do with it?

Be aware of happenings.

Well, there are so many things people do just for the money. If you are a traveller, there is no harm in reading the email below for to be forewarned is to be forearmed. Well, knowledge helps prevent undesirable things from happening. Enjoy yourself but just be aware of what can possibly happen. Just keep your senses.

Judge for yourself the truth of the following stories. So, read on.......

**********************
This story is said to be True,
But be warned it is...
NOT NICE!

This is a true story, it has been confirmed, the Medical Centre phone
number at the end of this story is real.

This guy went out on a Saturday
night a few weeks ago to a party. He was having a good time and had a
couple of beers and some girls seemed to like him and one invited him to go to
another party. He quickly agreed and decided to go along with her. She
took him to a party in some apartment and they continued to drink, and
even got involved with some unknown drug.
The next thing he knew, he woke up completely naked in a bathtub filled
with ice. He was still feeling the effects of the drugs, but looked
around to see he was alone.
He looked down at his chest, which had 'CALL 000 or YOU'LL DIE' written
on it with lipstick. He saw a phone was on a stand next to the tub so he
picked it up and dialled. He explained to the EMS operator what the
situation was and that he didn't know where he was, what he took, or why
he was really calling. She advised him to get out of the tub. He did,
and he appeared normal, so she told him to check his back. He did. He
found two nine inch slits on his lower back. She told him to get back into
the tub immediately, and they sent a rescue team over. Apparently,
after being examined, he found out more of what had happened. His
kidneys were stolen. They were worth $10,000 each on the black market.
Several guesses are in order: The people involved had to be at least
medical students and it was not just recreational drugs he was given.
Regardless, he is currently in the hospital on a life support, awaiting
a spare kidney. The University of Sydney in conjunction with the Royal
Prince Alfred hospital is conducting tissue research to match the victim
with a donor.


I wish to warn you about a new crime ring that is
targeting business travellers. This ring is well organized and well
funded, has very skilled personnel and is currently operating in most
major cities around the world and recently very active in Sydney ......
The crime begins when a business traveller goes to a lounge for a drink at
the end of the work day. A person in the bar walks up as they sit alone
and offers to buy them a drink. The last thing the traveller remembers
until they wake up in a hotel room bathtub, their body submerged to
their neck in ice, is sipping that drink. There is a note taped to the
wall instructing them not to move and to call 000. A phone is on the
small table next to the bathtub for them to call. The business traveller
calls 000 who have been quite familiar with this crime. The business
traveller is instructed by the 000 operator to very slowly and carefully
reach behind them and feel there is a tube protruding from the back. The
business traveller finds the tube and answers 'YES'. The 000 operator
tells them to remain still, having already sent paramedics to help. The
operator knows that both of the traveller's kidneys had been harvested.



This is not a scam or out of science fiction novel. It is real. It is
documented and confirmable. If you travel or someone close to you
travels, please be careful.


Sadly, this is very true. My friend's husband is a Sydney EMT and they have received alerts regarding this crime ring. It is to be taken very seriously. The daughter of a friend
of a fire-fighter had this happen to her. Skilled doctors are performing
these crimes! (which, by the way have been highly noted in the Brisbane
area). Additionally, the military has received alerts regarding this.



I REALLY WANT AS MANY PEOPLE TO SEE THIS AS POSSIBLE
SO PLEASE BOUNCE THIS TO WHOEVER YOU CAN.
Michele Shafer
DML/Lab
Administration
Medical Manager Research & Development
99 Missenden RD , Camperdown, Sydney 2000
Tel: (029)5156111 ; Fax:(029) 4621505



Another story.....
I was approached yesterday afternoon around 3.30 pm in the Coles Parking
lot at Miranda by two males, asking what kind of perfume I was wearing.
Then they asked if I'd like to sample some fabulous scent they were
willing to sell me at a very reasonable rate.
I probably would have agreed had I not received an email some weeks go, warning of this scam. The men continued to stand between parked cars, I guess to wait for
someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, I pointed
at them and told her about how I was sent an email at work about someone
walking up to you at the malls, in parking lots, and asking you to sniff
perfume that they are selling at a cheap price.
THIS IS NOT PERFUME - IT IS ETHER!
When you sniff it, you'll pass out and they'll take your wallet, your valuables, and heaven knows what else. If it were not for this email, I probably would have sniffed the 'perfume', but thanks to the generosity of an emailing friend, I was spared whatever might have happened to me, and wanted to do the same for you. These guys hit Sydney and Melbourne 2 weeks ago and now they are doing it in Perth and Queensland ...




IF YOU CAN PASS IT ON TO ALL THE WOMEN YOU KNOW!!!

Information and communication are important for understanding.

This friend has much interest in aquaculture landscaping. In aquaculture landscaping, plants, rocks and hard wood able to withstand rot in water are used to beautify an aquarium. To ensure there is no opportunity for mosquito larvae to thrive, two or three small fish like the neon tetra and guppies are put into the aquarium.

Such an enthusiast as this friend is always on the lookout for beautiful and rare water plants, suitable beautiful rocks and wood to use for attaching plants as well as decorating the aquarium. So it was that one day this friend happened upon a piece of mahogany wood which attracted his attention with its shape and texture. It was a beautiful piece of wood and he was so happy to part with thirty ringgit in exchange for it. He took it back with great delight for having been fortunate enough to chance upon it before another enthusiast did. For him it was a good buy.

He took it home and left it on the table in the hall. When his parents asked about it, he quickly passed it off as just a nice piece of wood he found somewhere. He knew his parents would disapprove of spending thirty ringgit on a piece of wood. Believing that his parents need not know of the price and thus possibly make complains about his purchase, he decided to keep the price a secret.

The hand-phone rang and some friends wanted to meet him outside. He joined them and spent a good number of hours in their good company. By the time they separated it was late in the evening. So, he returned and went looking for his piece of wood but it could not be found. Unable to find it, he gave up the search and approached his father to enquire about it.

“Oh, you mean that piece of wood you brought back this afternoon. Come. I’ll show you how useful it is,” the father happily told his son.
“What do you mean? Where is it?” He followed his father into the garden where he saw some orchid plants tied to some pieces of wood.
“Look! I have cut the piece up for these three orchid plants. The pieces of wood are just right for my orchids. Next time you see such pieces of wood, do bring more of them back.” The father was so proud of being able to display his orchids on such beautiful pieces of wood. The poor guy could not say anything. How was he to blame his father when he never let on that that piece of wood which he brought back was expensive? Would it be right of him to dampen his father’s joy when he did not inform him that he intended to use it for his aquaculture? He knew he had lost something good but it had also taught him a lesson.

From that day onwards, in everything he does, he informs his parents and those around him. He realises that that is the only way to avoid misunderstanding and possible losses.

How is it we find certain people so very easy to communicate with?

“How is it we find certain people so very easy to communicate with?” That was the question this lady friend voiced after we had talked with each other all the way up and down the hill. It took me back to the numerous encounters with people I find it so easy to be with, to share thoughts and ideas as well as to discuss practically anything under the sun although we have just met.

This lady is a very spiritual person and she believed that those people we have a sense of kinship with are those we have not only met in a past life but also somebody we had been close with.

When she talked about past lives I could relate my belief and knowledge with the experiences and feelings she had.

You see, I strongly believe in reincarnation. Even in my teens I had searched for information on the subject. There was this book which told of a young girl in India who described a house in a certain place so well. She informed the people that she lived there before she died. When she was taken there, she could recognise the house but was surprised at the colour of its walls. She could tell of her family members staying there but upon enquiry found that the house was no longer her family's but was occupied by another family. She described places inside the house. They found the inside just as she had described.

Then there was this uncle who gave up his life-style and marriage to walk the path of healing. I admired the tremendous sacrifice he made in order that others be healed. According to him, the spirit of the elephant diety, Ganesan, descended into him and astounded the area around Butterworth with miraculous healing about forty years ago. In Chinese newspapers at that time people read of his healing power and meditation in a glass-case which according to him, he failed miserably due to his talkative nature. However, through his Tai Pee Sun Temple in Tanjung Bungah, he did a lot of good healing the sick. He was the one who told me of that mission in his life which was to assist Ganesan to help the sick. He related how he was Ganesan’s keeper in an earlier life and Ganesan got him to be his medium to help me ascent to a higher level. He told me about reincarnation.

Of course, I expect some people not to believe in Ganesan and his godly power to heal. There was one Christian who told me nobody but God has the power to heal. Of course, what he had in mind was the Christian God. Unlike me, he does not believe that God may appear in any form to help his creations. I strongly hold onto the saying: 'God works in mysterious ways.', sometimes too mysterious for us humans to understand. As such, it is inevitable that he thought anything that is not the Christian God, yet have the power to heal must be the Satan. Other religions' followers could be thinking along similar lines. I do not wish to quarrel with anyone over this as I also believe that differing views arising from differing experiences and knowledge is possible. (Read about it in an old posting in this blog.) However, if Satan were to heal the sick and bring good to mankind, then certainly God would gladly accept him and appreciate his godly ways, for He is God.

Okay, I have strayed afield. Let me go back to past lives and communication. There are also people who can take you into past lives to help solve certain problems of difficult relationships especially those with parents. Such problems could be solved through understanding, understanding gained from a peep into the past and realization how the strained relationship came about as a result of some circumstances in a past life. With understanding, relationships can be improved.
In past lives, those who were close to us such as marriage partners and close friends can meet again in future lives and the emotional closeness in still there and so they find it easier to click and get to know each other and become close friends. Obviously, such people will find it easier to communicate.

However, that does not mean that new friends who have just met during this present life time cannot be close. If the wave-length are the same, the thinking and belief are similar, of course, they are more able to connect with each other. And their friendship may last forever from one life time to another.

Well, I expect some people not to put any weight on what I have written but then, let us have an open mind and search for the truth. Knowledge can only go to those whose mind is not already closed to new knowledge. For those who believe they know everything already and therefore close the door to everything else, they should not be surprised that they can never see or learn anything more.

Lines of communication in a marriage.

As we gathered at a coffee shop to wait for one more friend to turn up; talking and telling stories of economic failures of the governments in certain countries, coming to the conclusion that certain failures are inevitable especially when there is no natural source of wealth for the country to fall back on, unlike Malaysia which ought to be very rich with its oil, oil palm, rubber and the numerous places of attraction for tourists; when one of the ladies commented how interesting it is to gather now and then to listen to the interesting, witty and humorous stories that each individual among us could contribute. She added that life in a marriage could be boring if there were no such exchanges, if it is merely conversation between just the husband and the wife.

Well, what can the other partner in a marriage tell that has not been told before a good number of times already? Perhaps, after some time they have run out of matters to discuss, stories to relate, jokes to share or experiences to share. Just like the television, they run out of new movies after every now and then, and they have to pick something old to show. In Malaysia, many had to turn to Astro as the local television channels replay old movies so often. The old classics are even worse. Sometimes it gives the impression that P. Ramlee was the only good actor and producer in the country. Even though that might be the case, the numerous times the same old movies appear would have killed the interest people once had. According to this lady, the same effect is accomplished with too often repeated stories in a marriage.

Whether there is truth or not in that comment, it all depends upon your own marriage. First, are we repeaters of stories, talking about the same topics day in, day out. This happens even among friends. Some just like to repeat the same old things simple because they like to talk, perhaps because they like to hear their own voice. Or it could be to let others know how much they know, of which I am sometimes guilty of, but I try not to repeat. But then, who isn’t? (I am sorry but it looks like I wish to invite you to take a look at your own self today. The motivation is that it would certainly make you a more interesting person to your marriage partner as well as your friends.) Knowledge of this part of ourselves brings awareness and awareness is the tool for changes where necessary.

Anyway, it is not necessary to repeat if we keep up with the daily news, happenings in the neighbourhood and learn new things from the internet. Go into a blog or two, know what is written and when the married couple has time to relax and converse, tell each other what each had read or learned that day, discuss the truth of the matter, comment on the usefulness or applicability or practicality of the solutions or ideas of the writers and think of the possible situations where they can come in useful. That would be enough engaging new topics and ideas to exchange. If those are insufficient, throw in your own experience of that day and that would suffice for the day. The lines for communication are wide open and more intimate communication will flow through much more easily.

Where communication is concerned, what is even more important is the show of interest in the partner. While conversing, we ought to make it a point to look at each other. Drop every other thing and concentrate on the person who cares for you not just for a moment, a day, a week, a month or a year but forever. Give him/her your hundred percent attention. Watch the expressions on the face, the acknowledgement of the news or information. We should remember that communication cannot be achieved one hundred percent or fully unless we do it verbally, physically and emotionally. So, we must think about it and tell ourselves truthfully how good we are at communication.

Communication starts all relationships and a stop to it would indicate the end of any relationship.

Attention and love make the difference.

Today, in the star newspaper, was this sad and tragic report of the death of one young twenty-six year old man who was stabbed to death by his own younger twenty-three year old brother as a result of a quarrel.

According to the report, the parents blamed the tragedy on siblings rivalry since childhood.

It seems improbable that such a deadly ending could be possible of their relationship as both the brothers had apparently acquired education above that of the average individual. The elder brother was in his final year of a master degree while the younger sibling hold a diploma in business management.

According to the parents, the quarrels and fights between the two children were over petty issues, probably arising from jealousy and unhappiness.

From the case, parents should be aware that even among siblings, every indication of unhappiness ought to be looked into seriously. So often have I seen parents so slipshod in treating such cases. They consider such happenings as natural and would certainly peter out as the children grow older. The words, 'They are just like that. It's normal for them to behave thus at such an age.' are so frequently heard by parents who believe everything will turn out right as the children grow older.

Perhaps parents ought to read or be taught child psychology where we are told children can become jealous of the fuss and attention given to the new-born baby. If we understand this part of the feeling of the elder child and not neglect the elder child but get him/her involved in the process of giving attention to the new-born, then his jealousy may abate or be defused as the new-born became a part of him/her and not a distraction of the attention he/she had been used to.

Jealousy and sibling rivalry can result from the one-sided appreciation of the siblings by the parents. Well, no two individuals are the same. One may be quicker, smarter, more agile, more capable or more in everything than the other. Parents heap praises on the one who achieve more, obviously. However, parents should always pay just as much attention to the one who seems less capable. Give that less capable child as much love as the capable one. Hug him/her as much as the other. And show as much enthusiasm and heap praise on him or her achievements as they happen no matter how much smaller the achievements are comparatively. In fact, never compare in words as well as in deeds. I believe every child is as beloved as another. If the talents are not seen, they perhaps have not been given the opportunity to emerge yet.

Furthermore, when it comes to ability, our measuring instrument is more often than not, faulty. For example, some are spiritualist and their capabilities may not be so obvious. Capabilities are only obvious when someone is able to excel in matters of education and the arts where there are opportunities to be tested, to have a platform to perform, with talents that can be evaluated with certificates and monetary awards. Capability with handling children and social work for example is not as obvious. Later in life, while working at something else, do the people themselves discover the niche most desirable. Other people may not even realise that these people are talented in such matters.

However, coming back to children, be it obvious or not that they possess certain abilities, parents should always give them all the attention and love possible despite the time constraint in their lives. In a family, which adult have no time constraints?

Know your child: The bond between the parents and the child.

Do we really know our children? Do we know our children’s character, his feelings, needs, habits, likes and dislikes, hobbies or interests?
How do we get to know our children well enough to ensure he/she can develop his potential to the fullest?

The first thing we have to realize is that every child is an individual. Each child’s needs are different. Even when the needs of two children are the same, the amount or the intensity can be different. For example, all children need encouragement, but a timid child would need more encouragement than the aggressive one. That is the reason all of us need to know and understand our own children well.
Getting to know our children well must come from firsthand knowledge. To do that well, the bond between parents and the child must be good. This bond not only helps us to know our children. It will help us to be close to them, to communicate easily, to know their problems and to be able to assist them with whatever wisdom we have in solving day to day problems.

So, to know our children well, we need to be with them; to spend quality time with them. Initially, all that is needed is to cuddle, talk and give him some attention as often as possible.

Of course, there are some of us who may find it difficult to spend time with the family. To them, I would say, we ought to think of our priorities. To me, my wife and my children are the most important people in the world. Of course, my friends are important too. Their happiness is my happiness. I devoted myself to my wife the day I fell in love with her. My devotion was extended to my children the day they came into my life. This does not mean we do not care for our friends. I do and friends of mine know it.

Back to the bond with our children, we need to talk and play with them. Talking with them not only helps our children learn language, it is also the first step to communication, an essential part of living. Every human needs to communicate with somebody. That is why, when there is no one to turn to, to communicate on problems, insecurity and fears, people start to talk to themselves. A baby is happy when there is someone to communicate with. Have you ever noticed that?

In playing with our children, we help our child cultivate togetherness. We are social creatures. We need company. Loving parents are the best company for baby. Other than helping our children learn about shapes, textures and taste; parents can, through play as the child grows, get to know his likes and dislikes as well as his interests.

There was a student of a science school in Pokok Sena, Kedah, Malaysia who told me that his interest in cars and all the engineering aspects on cars started during his early years through playing with toy cars. He played with his father pushing the toy cars to each other. Knowing that his son was interested, he bought him many models to play with. Magazines followed at a later stage.

Spending time with our children, taking him/her around to know and see his/her world is an important process of development. From the known things at home, our children get to discover unknown things outside the home. The more things there are to see, the more communication there is, the more language is learned, the greater the knowledge. And the more familiar the surrounding is, the more confident is our children. With this, our child is more ready for greater improvement earlier in life. Imagine the amount of benefit our children get just through bonding!

How the right circumstances and the need to communicate helped

I am going to tell you how a child learned English in a year’s stay in a strange place.

When I attended a one-year TESL (Teaching of English as a Secondary Language) in University Malaya, I met a married Chinese couple with their only child, a girl aged three years. They were from Penang Island. The husband was attending the same TESL course while the wife was a housewife. They decided to stay in Kuala Lumpur so that they could be with the man of the family.

They thought of a suitable place to lodge and while doing so, the idea of having their child learn English in this new place. However, they were not thinking of placing her in a kindergarten or a boarding school. They realized that their child forced by circumstances to communicate in another language would be able to take on the challenge and overcome any obstacles in her path, emerging with sufficient language skills to survive in such a situation.

With at least a parent nearby, the child would not feel neglected or lost in facing the problem of having to communicate in another language.

How can such a situation be arranged? They determined to search for an English speaking family with no Chinese Language proficiency. With some effort, they did find an Indian family who speaks mostly English with hardly any Tamil language used.
They managed to rent a room there and stayed for a year. The Chinese girl had to listen to and talk to the Indian couple and their children in English. The girl’s mother gave her child lots of opportunity to play with the Indian children.

Soon, a year was over and the little Chinese girl had mastered sufficient English Language to talk, joke, scold and complain about her friends to their parents during the various situations that arise from time to time.

The right circumstances and the need to communicate are strong motivating forces in language learning.