According to a Chinese newspaper, the Nanyang Siang Pau, a 17-month old boy fell into a washing machine after he had accidentally turned it on. After tumbling into the washing machine he was 'washed' for two minutes before his mother heard his screams and went to the rescue.It was a Pakistani child living with his family in a Hong Kong flat. Fortunately, there was no internal injury, according to scans made by a hospital. But then, what about the trauma? What about the emotional aspect?
I want to record this as a reminder to all of us that everything can become a danger if we ourselves do not exercise care in our everyday lives. Who could have imagined that a child could accidentally start a washing machine? Why, even my grandmother would not know how to use one of these things. And why was the power supply not switched off? Without reading the above story, many would say, it is perfectly safe to leave the power on. But, as is often proclaimed, 'Truth is stranger than fiction' and the above story testifies to it.
And who would have thought a child as young as that could ever think of experimenting with a washing machine by hopping into it, after having to strenuously climb up one of the steep and slippery sides of a washing machine. Unbelievable but it happened! Truth is indeed stranger than any kind of fiction!
Of course, we have come across the more believable entry into our cold box, the refrigerator and possibly be trapped and frozen by that man-made North Pole. We have read of children being crushed by the wheels of the parent's vehicle. All these do and did happen. There is just no doubt about it! And the things that can bring about a tragedy look so harmless, nobody would have thought about it until it happens.
What does this teach us? It clearly shows that anything can become dangerous if we are careless and allow dangerous play or use of it. It also teaches us that fear is necessary in certain matters although some people might claim that we should not put fear into a child. Actually both groups- those against the use of fear and those who uses it are right. It all depends upon the situations involved.
For example, when it comes to playing with things like fire-crackers and fire, we ought to teach the pain and possible suffering from being burnt. We ought to teach caution. We should explain the right way to handle these things. Certain things ought not to be learned from experience. Our children would be better off learning from the experiences of those who have been unfortunate to have undergone it although we are sympathetic towards such unlucky ones.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Friday, February 11, 2011
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Almost impossible to be clean. And that is why he is sick.
"He's sick again. He's had fever since yesterday and he does not like to take medicine. He's so difficult when he is down with fever! And, obviously, we are all very worried about his health."
Who, among us, has no fear of sickness? Who is most unconcerned about bacteria and knows nothing about them and the threat that they post? A child, of course! And so it is that unless the child has sufficient natural immunity, which he seldom possesses, he is bound to fall sick so many times unless he has parents who consistently look into his cleanliness.
In his curiosity, the child explores the appearance, the textures, the sounds, the smell and the taste of everything in his environment. And all those actions are good for in such a manner he learns and knows everything he comes into contact with. It is knowledge that he acquires.
However, whenever he puts something into his mouth, along goes the bacteria which moves in fast to multiply and increase in number to invade his body. To the body's defence comes the white blood cells and this 'war' activity against the invaders causes the body to heat up bringing fear to the parents.
Actually, we should not get the child immediately to a doctor unless the temperate is very high. If the child's immune system is strong enough, it can destroy the invaders and learn from experience how to tackle such invaders in future. However, should the temperature goes too high and a doctor is unavailable,we can bring the temperature down by swabbing the body, especially the head, around the ears, the face and the forehead with a wet towel.
Not allowing fever to go too high is important as fever has often affect the brains of children. It is so important that I do not sleep but control the temperature throughout the night, should a child of mine comes down with high fever. Twice had I found that fever went away after a night of swabbing.
In fact, parents should be more careful and ensure that toys or things that the child comes into contact with are clean. And if it is something that cannot be cleaned, never allow it to enter the mouth. Of course, if the child touches such an object, make sure that the hands are washed at the earliest possible moment.
I never said having to be so cautious is easy because it is indeed a lot of work. Fortunately, love makes light such precautions that we have to take for the safety of our child.
Who, among us, has no fear of sickness? Who is most unconcerned about bacteria and knows nothing about them and the threat that they post? A child, of course! And so it is that unless the child has sufficient natural immunity, which he seldom possesses, he is bound to fall sick so many times unless he has parents who consistently look into his cleanliness.
In his curiosity, the child explores the appearance, the textures, the sounds, the smell and the taste of everything in his environment. And all those actions are good for in such a manner he learns and knows everything he comes into contact with. It is knowledge that he acquires.
However, whenever he puts something into his mouth, along goes the bacteria which moves in fast to multiply and increase in number to invade his body. To the body's defence comes the white blood cells and this 'war' activity against the invaders causes the body to heat up bringing fear to the parents.
Actually, we should not get the child immediately to a doctor unless the temperate is very high. If the child's immune system is strong enough, it can destroy the invaders and learn from experience how to tackle such invaders in future. However, should the temperature goes too high and a doctor is unavailable,we can bring the temperature down by swabbing the body, especially the head, around the ears, the face and the forehead with a wet towel.
Not allowing fever to go too high is important as fever has often affect the brains of children. It is so important that I do not sleep but control the temperature throughout the night, should a child of mine comes down with high fever. Twice had I found that fever went away after a night of swabbing.
In fact, parents should be more careful and ensure that toys or things that the child comes into contact with are clean. And if it is something that cannot be cleaned, never allow it to enter the mouth. Of course, if the child touches such an object, make sure that the hands are washed at the earliest possible moment.
I never said having to be so cautious is easy because it is indeed a lot of work. Fortunately, love makes light such precautions that we have to take for the safety of our child.
Friday, December 31, 2010
A need for help in disciplining our children, sometimes.
Sometimes we need others to help teach our children to follow rules and regulations, to understand on matters such as dangers in the home.
There was this child who was quite pampered by the parents and the grandparents; more so the grandparents. They loved him too much to discipline him. And his demands are always met. Instead of talking about the dangers of sockets, they tried to redirect the child's attention to other things. Fortunately for the child, he was never left alone to have the opportunity to test the possibilities of plugging his fingers into the sockets in the house. When the parents are not around, they have the maid to look after his safety. Of course the poor maid's job became increasingly difficult as the child grew bigger and more desirous of trying out even more things.
There was one stage when the child wanted to play with the remote controller for the sliding gate. He enjoyed opening the gate just wide enough for any person to just squeeze himself or herself out or in. Once I saw it happen and could foresee the danger it placed the person entering or exiting the place. I told the maid but she could do little as the child demanded loudly and with cries that he be allowed to play with the gate controller.
Again, fortunately nothing untoward happened. And it was time to send the child to the kindergarten for him to mix with other children. Here, the headmistress of the kindergarten was very firm and he was among the new attendees who were firmly told not to play with sockets and fans in the place. The rules were strictly enforced and the child, for the first time in his life, understood that instructions given had to be followed. He realised he was not the 'king' of the place and he could not get away with tantrums. He learned to obey, to share and to behave correctly.
Well, it looks like sometimes there is a need for some other person in authority to teach our children the right things. Perhaps, that is why although, we as parents are the first teachers, it is good to have trained teaches to help us with our children.
There was this child who was quite pampered by the parents and the grandparents; more so the grandparents. They loved him too much to discipline him. And his demands are always met. Instead of talking about the dangers of sockets, they tried to redirect the child's attention to other things. Fortunately for the child, he was never left alone to have the opportunity to test the possibilities of plugging his fingers into the sockets in the house. When the parents are not around, they have the maid to look after his safety. Of course the poor maid's job became increasingly difficult as the child grew bigger and more desirous of trying out even more things.
There was one stage when the child wanted to play with the remote controller for the sliding gate. He enjoyed opening the gate just wide enough for any person to just squeeze himself or herself out or in. Once I saw it happen and could foresee the danger it placed the person entering or exiting the place. I told the maid but she could do little as the child demanded loudly and with cries that he be allowed to play with the gate controller.
Again, fortunately nothing untoward happened. And it was time to send the child to the kindergarten for him to mix with other children. Here, the headmistress of the kindergarten was very firm and he was among the new attendees who were firmly told not to play with sockets and fans in the place. The rules were strictly enforced and the child, for the first time in his life, understood that instructions given had to be followed. He realised he was not the 'king' of the place and he could not get away with tantrums. He learned to obey, to share and to behave correctly.
Well, it looks like sometimes there is a need for some other person in authority to teach our children the right things. Perhaps, that is why although, we as parents are the first teachers, it is good to have trained teaches to help us with our children.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Be aware that childrem learn fast.
"F*** you," he shouted to the sister.
The mother was shocked at the words the first time she heard it from her son. "What did you say?" she inquired the little son who has just returned from the kindergarten.
Laughing with delight at the mother's astonishment at his mastery of words in just a few hours, he replied, "I said f*** you."
Yes, children learn real fast and they are so innocent about what they had inadvertently learned that they they reveal their knowledge to all they come into contact with. In their innocence, they believe all knowledge is good, be it vulgar or not. So, in a way, it is easy to know what they have just learned so that parents can remove the dirt and filth immediately before the use of such words become a habit.
It depends upon the parents whether what has been learned will be in usage. Learning that such words are in existence and there are people using them is acceptable but if it comes into the child's everyday language, then he has acquired the use of unnecessary language. Such language is not useful, in fact detrimental to the child's welfare, in life. As adults, when we understand that someone has been brought up with the use of such language, we might accept it but there are times when such use of language becomes embarrassing besides it being unnecessary.
So parents should be aware of what their children have learned and discourage or encourage the usage of the newly acquired knowledge. If unnecessary or harmful knowledge has been learned and practised, it could lead to the child's future downfall.
One such harmful habit is acquired from friends or pushers who invite unwitting children to try smoking and from there to cigarettes spiked with drugs. And if the child learns that his parents dislike smoking, the child may even have the new knowledge concealed from the parents. However, parents who are aware or close with the child will be able to smell the difference. The smell of cigarette smoke in the mouth or fingers of smokers is strong. (When I was a teacher, I had been able to detect the smell as a student walked past me after returning from a smoke. Upon searching the pockets I had found cigarettes and a lighter in such a student, evidence that he smoked.) If the parent were to explain to the child the dangers of smoke in our lungs, then it might prevent further practice of the activity.
Of course, not all knowledge or activity is bad, just as not all knowledge or activity is good. Knowing a child's knowledge and interest early, parents can assist the child to be involved more deeply into it and have it become a hobby or stepping stone to further knowledge and interest in books with such knowledge. Interest in books can lead the child to improve his language capabilities and other interests. And from here, the sky is the limit as far as the acquiring of knowledge is concerned.
Besides knowledge, another important aspect of interests is the eventual realisation that there is so much to know, learn and do, making life so meaningful and wonderful. It makes life not just eating, resting, sleeping and working but living and enjoying each day, thus such a person looks forward to each precious minute with eagerness. That's what makes life precious!
The mother was shocked at the words the first time she heard it from her son. "What did you say?" she inquired the little son who has just returned from the kindergarten.
Laughing with delight at the mother's astonishment at his mastery of words in just a few hours, he replied, "I said f*** you."
Yes, children learn real fast and they are so innocent about what they had inadvertently learned that they they reveal their knowledge to all they come into contact with. In their innocence, they believe all knowledge is good, be it vulgar or not. So, in a way, it is easy to know what they have just learned so that parents can remove the dirt and filth immediately before the use of such words become a habit.
It depends upon the parents whether what has been learned will be in usage. Learning that such words are in existence and there are people using them is acceptable but if it comes into the child's everyday language, then he has acquired the use of unnecessary language. Such language is not useful, in fact detrimental to the child's welfare, in life. As adults, when we understand that someone has been brought up with the use of such language, we might accept it but there are times when such use of language becomes embarrassing besides it being unnecessary.
So parents should be aware of what their children have learned and discourage or encourage the usage of the newly acquired knowledge. If unnecessary or harmful knowledge has been learned and practised, it could lead to the child's future downfall.
One such harmful habit is acquired from friends or pushers who invite unwitting children to try smoking and from there to cigarettes spiked with drugs. And if the child learns that his parents dislike smoking, the child may even have the new knowledge concealed from the parents. However, parents who are aware or close with the child will be able to smell the difference. The smell of cigarette smoke in the mouth or fingers of smokers is strong. (When I was a teacher, I had been able to detect the smell as a student walked past me after returning from a smoke. Upon searching the pockets I had found cigarettes and a lighter in such a student, evidence that he smoked.) If the parent were to explain to the child the dangers of smoke in our lungs, then it might prevent further practice of the activity.
Of course, not all knowledge or activity is bad, just as not all knowledge or activity is good. Knowing a child's knowledge and interest early, parents can assist the child to be involved more deeply into it and have it become a hobby or stepping stone to further knowledge and interest in books with such knowledge. Interest in books can lead the child to improve his language capabilities and other interests. And from here, the sky is the limit as far as the acquiring of knowledge is concerned.
Besides knowledge, another important aspect of interests is the eventual realisation that there is so much to know, learn and do, making life so meaningful and wonderful. It makes life not just eating, resting, sleeping and working but living and enjoying each day, thus such a person looks forward to each precious minute with eagerness. That's what makes life precious!
Thursday, December 09, 2010
The five siblings and their inheritance.
"Wait, I am the eldest and therefore I make the decisions in this house now that father is no longer around," the biggest of the children told the others. The others looked at each other, unhappy with the situation, yet fearful of saying what they had in mind. Silent, that is until one of them felt he had to have his say or be pushed out of his rightful part of the inheritance.
"But the decision is not fair. You have been enjoying yourself, disappearing from this shop most of the time, leaving the four of us doing the work around here," the second son protested.
"What's that? Do you understand that the eldest is the one who takes over and become the head of the family. The head of the family makes the decision and everyone else must agree to it. Do you understand that?"
There was a lot of grumbling and unhappy faces with the second son the most vociferous about the injustice of sharing the shop with the eldest who had always been away somewhere else. This eventually lead to a quarrel among the siblings and the latest was the possibility of the matter being taken to the court.
What has transpired? Their father has just passed away without a will and not sufficient wealth to make every son happy. All he had left them was a big electrical shop. How could a shop be shared among five brothers, four of whom were already married. How much can the shop provide in a day or a month? Could the earnings from that shop be enough to feed the brothers and their families when they have to get dwellings of their own. Certainly, they cannot continue occupying the already crowded top floor.
What had happened? It was actually the father's fault that the five siblings had to face such a predicament. You see, the children were not exactly stupid. If they had been given the opportunity to strike out on their own as soon as they stopped their schooling, most of them, if not all, would have been able to find good jobs or develop their own businesses. Unfortunately, the old man had conventional ideas that the family must be together and work together for the wealth of the family. In those days, the sons were usually made use of and they become the unpaid workers in the shop. Of course, in return they have a secure job, a sense of belonging as they are also the bosses in their own shop and life was easy as the family or staff was sufficiently big to make everyone's job easy.
The problem only emerged when the father passed away and the question of who the rightful boss was arose. Even if everyone of them is the boss, someone had to head the organisation and manage the money. Who is going to trust who to control the money and divide the earnings? When it comes to money, even members of the same family will face some problems. And such problems are practically insurmountable. Brothers become no longer that close especially when a court case or some authority finally decides how the property is to be divided.
That is why a will is important, especially when the property is big enough to fight for. It will stop any misunderstanding and even if there is disatisfaction, it can only be directed at the one who has passed away and that is harmless as that one is no longer able to suffer anything more.
Another thing is the allowing of children to go out and establish their own future, no matter how much wealth is at stake. And this is how the story came to my ears. I met a relative of one of those siblings and he was repeating the mistake of his father, not allowing his child to further his studies but made to concentrate on his business. This relative told me he had no alternative but to point to that sibling's problems at the time of his father's demise as a lesson. The relative did not wish to have him make the same mistake.
"But the decision is not fair. You have been enjoying yourself, disappearing from this shop most of the time, leaving the four of us doing the work around here," the second son protested.
"What's that? Do you understand that the eldest is the one who takes over and become the head of the family. The head of the family makes the decision and everyone else must agree to it. Do you understand that?"
There was a lot of grumbling and unhappy faces with the second son the most vociferous about the injustice of sharing the shop with the eldest who had always been away somewhere else. This eventually lead to a quarrel among the siblings and the latest was the possibility of the matter being taken to the court.
What has transpired? Their father has just passed away without a will and not sufficient wealth to make every son happy. All he had left them was a big electrical shop. How could a shop be shared among five brothers, four of whom were already married. How much can the shop provide in a day or a month? Could the earnings from that shop be enough to feed the brothers and their families when they have to get dwellings of their own. Certainly, they cannot continue occupying the already crowded top floor.
What had happened? It was actually the father's fault that the five siblings had to face such a predicament. You see, the children were not exactly stupid. If they had been given the opportunity to strike out on their own as soon as they stopped their schooling, most of them, if not all, would have been able to find good jobs or develop their own businesses. Unfortunately, the old man had conventional ideas that the family must be together and work together for the wealth of the family. In those days, the sons were usually made use of and they become the unpaid workers in the shop. Of course, in return they have a secure job, a sense of belonging as they are also the bosses in their own shop and life was easy as the family or staff was sufficiently big to make everyone's job easy.
The problem only emerged when the father passed away and the question of who the rightful boss was arose. Even if everyone of them is the boss, someone had to head the organisation and manage the money. Who is going to trust who to control the money and divide the earnings? When it comes to money, even members of the same family will face some problems. And such problems are practically insurmountable. Brothers become no longer that close especially when a court case or some authority finally decides how the property is to be divided.
That is why a will is important, especially when the property is big enough to fight for. It will stop any misunderstanding and even if there is disatisfaction, it can only be directed at the one who has passed away and that is harmless as that one is no longer able to suffer anything more.
Another thing is the allowing of children to go out and establish their own future, no matter how much wealth is at stake. And this is how the story came to my ears. I met a relative of one of those siblings and he was repeating the mistake of his father, not allowing his child to further his studies but made to concentrate on his business. This relative told me he had no alternative but to point to that sibling's problems at the time of his father's demise as a lesson. The relative did not wish to have him make the same mistake.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Learning how to demand.
The child yelled loudly and stomped his feet demanding that he be given a kind of food kept in the refrigerator. Despite the parents explanations about it being too close to lunch time for him to have such a snack, he continued to shout and cried at the top of his voice. And the result? He knew he would get what he wanted. And he did. He got his snack, no matter almost lunch time or not. Yes, children learn fast. He has learned the use of a tool for successfully obtaining things.
Who taught him how to use this tool? It is the first adult who inadvertently gave in to his demand through crying. This adult rewarded his behaviour. It proves to the child such crying brings results. Then, as the second and third crying episode reinforce the fact that adults' resolve melts to cries for things, the belief that this is an excellent method is consolidated with all those successes.
So, never pay any attention to a crying demand. Tolerate the noise for ten or fifteen minutes and soon the weeping will subside and he would understand that crying does not work with his parents or those people who do not encourage it. For this child, experience would have taught him not to cry for things but use more subtle ways to persuade and explain the need for something. It is also the right and acceptable way to finding success in life. In life, people look upon loud demands with aghast. However, if people are approached properly and given the right explanations, they can be persuaded to act in accordance with the desire of the speaker.
As it is bad upbringing to cultivate such behaviour as crying and loud demands, parents ought to not bow down to it but ignore the child. If the food demanded is good for the child, when the crying has stop for some time, give the food to him/her. And when doing so, tell the child quietly, that he must never use crying to get things; that things that are good for the child would be given when asked for properly.
For example, if we know our children likes yogurt, buy it even before he/she asks for it. And to encourage good mannerisms, buy happily what is requested in a proper manner. It teaches the child that good manners and behaviour lead to correct attention to needs.
This is in fact what leads to us having the different types of children in this world; those who are loud and rude as well as those who are proper and polite; those who stride out with confidence and those who lack it. All these behaviours are the results of actions and teaching from their first teacher, the first people they come into contact with since birth, most probably the parents.
So, parents are the most important people in this world. The future of the world and this universe depends upon them. Whatever the results, we stand to suffer or benefit from them.
Of course, it is not totally the parents who bear full responsibility, for the adult is moulded by not just the parents, although parents usually have the most influence, but also other people in learning institutions and society; almost everyone the child comes into contact with.
Who taught him how to use this tool? It is the first adult who inadvertently gave in to his demand through crying. This adult rewarded his behaviour. It proves to the child such crying brings results. Then, as the second and third crying episode reinforce the fact that adults' resolve melts to cries for things, the belief that this is an excellent method is consolidated with all those successes.
So, never pay any attention to a crying demand. Tolerate the noise for ten or fifteen minutes and soon the weeping will subside and he would understand that crying does not work with his parents or those people who do not encourage it. For this child, experience would have taught him not to cry for things but use more subtle ways to persuade and explain the need for something. It is also the right and acceptable way to finding success in life. In life, people look upon loud demands with aghast. However, if people are approached properly and given the right explanations, they can be persuaded to act in accordance with the desire of the speaker.
As it is bad upbringing to cultivate such behaviour as crying and loud demands, parents ought to not bow down to it but ignore the child. If the food demanded is good for the child, when the crying has stop for some time, give the food to him/her. And when doing so, tell the child quietly, that he must never use crying to get things; that things that are good for the child would be given when asked for properly.
For example, if we know our children likes yogurt, buy it even before he/she asks for it. And to encourage good mannerisms, buy happily what is requested in a proper manner. It teaches the child that good manners and behaviour lead to correct attention to needs.
This is in fact what leads to us having the different types of children in this world; those who are loud and rude as well as those who are proper and polite; those who stride out with confidence and those who lack it. All these behaviours are the results of actions and teaching from their first teacher, the first people they come into contact with since birth, most probably the parents.
So, parents are the most important people in this world. The future of the world and this universe depends upon them. Whatever the results, we stand to suffer or benefit from them.
Of course, it is not totally the parents who bear full responsibility, for the adult is moulded by not just the parents, although parents usually have the most influence, but also other people in learning institutions and society; almost everyone the child comes into contact with.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Riches is neither good nor bad.
The last few days I had to leave this blog unattended as I went to Kuala Lumpur to attend to matters pertaining to my car at Bukit Aman. While I was there I met an interesting young man who was always impressing upon all that he met that he can afford a very luxurious life-style.
I had a long talk with him as we talk of the possible wealth that awaits him from his academic success. He was not talking of thousands but millions. At the beginning I felt that was not altogether bad as dreams are what takes people to heights of success in life. But as we talked on I realised that his feet were not securely planted on the ground. His dreams were obviously unreachable, not possible with what he intends to do anyway. As Napoleon Hill said,"Whatever the mind of Man can conceive and believe, he will achieve." Well, this man was dreaming of millions but he could not conceive how it could be done and he was asking if it could ever be possible. Yet, it is certain that this man has a great thirst for wealth. He has that inferiority complex which could give him the drive to go the distance to achieve it.
He has this thirst for wealth because he has known hardship and poverty. He came from a family where the father had looked for no job as the grandfather was very rich.
Well, his is the story of a man (the man's grandfather) who gathered so much wealth that when he passed away he left behind so much money that his children had never had to worry about anything that money could buy. Some of the children did well; using the money to earn more money but a few depended upon their inheritance and as a result did not search for a job or did any kind of business. The need was just not there!
One of those who merely enjoyed their lives with the fortune left behind was the father of this man whom I met. As he was neither thrifty nor careful, the money soon ran out. And when he found himself with hardly sufficient to continue his luxurious lifestyle, he found no one willing to employ him as he was either too old or without a skill. The most unfortunate ones were this new acquaintance and his siblings. They had to do with whatever little the father could earn as a small vegetable seller.
So, it is no wonder that this new acquaintance had this inferiority complex. According to another person who was there too, I was told he would spend more than what he could afford. I realised that he was trying to cover up the fact that he was poor. But it resulted in him being in debt even when he was studying in the university.
Fortunately for this acquaintance, his success academically surely would give him the chance to overcome his financial position if he is careful and manages his finances well.
Now, it the rich grandfather had done better parenting and ensured that the children work despite his wealth, the children and grandchildren would not have to suffer the 'disadvantage' of being too rich. For wealth need not necessarily hampers dependents from improving themselves or reaching out for their own successes.
I had a long talk with him as we talk of the possible wealth that awaits him from his academic success. He was not talking of thousands but millions. At the beginning I felt that was not altogether bad as dreams are what takes people to heights of success in life. But as we talked on I realised that his feet were not securely planted on the ground. His dreams were obviously unreachable, not possible with what he intends to do anyway. As Napoleon Hill said,"Whatever the mind of Man can conceive and believe, he will achieve." Well, this man was dreaming of millions but he could not conceive how it could be done and he was asking if it could ever be possible. Yet, it is certain that this man has a great thirst for wealth. He has that inferiority complex which could give him the drive to go the distance to achieve it.
He has this thirst for wealth because he has known hardship and poverty. He came from a family where the father had looked for no job as the grandfather was very rich.
Well, his is the story of a man (the man's grandfather) who gathered so much wealth that when he passed away he left behind so much money that his children had never had to worry about anything that money could buy. Some of the children did well; using the money to earn more money but a few depended upon their inheritance and as a result did not search for a job or did any kind of business. The need was just not there!
One of those who merely enjoyed their lives with the fortune left behind was the father of this man whom I met. As he was neither thrifty nor careful, the money soon ran out. And when he found himself with hardly sufficient to continue his luxurious lifestyle, he found no one willing to employ him as he was either too old or without a skill. The most unfortunate ones were this new acquaintance and his siblings. They had to do with whatever little the father could earn as a small vegetable seller.
So, it is no wonder that this new acquaintance had this inferiority complex. According to another person who was there too, I was told he would spend more than what he could afford. I realised that he was trying to cover up the fact that he was poor. But it resulted in him being in debt even when he was studying in the university.
Fortunately for this acquaintance, his success academically surely would give him the chance to overcome his financial position if he is careful and manages his finances well.
Now, it the rich grandfather had done better parenting and ensured that the children work despite his wealth, the children and grandchildren would not have to suffer the 'disadvantage' of being too rich. For wealth need not necessarily hampers dependents from improving themselves or reaching out for their own successes.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Children can be innocently destructive.
"Oh, no! Look at all the photographs on the floor! Who cut them into small little pieces?" the shout arose from one of the ladies in the house. Her dismay attracted all the other members of the house-hold. They watched in disbelief as the lady squatted and scooped up the cut pieces from the floor. Nearby was a pair of scissors.
"Look! this must be the scissors used to cut up these photos," she turned round to show the others the evidence of the crime.
When she held up the scissors, the elderly man nearby spoke up, "I think it's the work of Seow Lik." He had seen his little grand-daughter with the scissors cutting up what he had thought were pieces of unwanted papers. At that, they helplessly looked in the direction of the little girl's grandpa.
"Oh, my God! Why didn't you stop her? Look at all these spoiled photos. You should have kept an eye on her," one of them cried.
Well, this is a case where the old man did not realise that very young children in their enthusiasm of performing new skills would use practically anything at hand to enjoy. The little girl must have just learned how to use a pair of scissors and finding photographs available for cutting had done just that. To the educationists, it is creativity. So no parent should punish the little girl, for by doing so, there would be more harm than good done. Since it was over, the harm to the adults was completed but that did not mean that the child cannot benefit from the creativity. Anyway, it was not the child's fault.
Yes, definitely no fault of the child. The fault lies with the adults for not understanding their child. As children grow older, they are bound to be curious, active and bent on creativity. If we understand this, then we obviously will keep things not to be used by the children away or out of their reach. Then, those things will be safe.
Whether it will be a lesson or not to the adults again depends upon how the adults take it. If they think it the fault of their children, then the adults have learned no lesson, have no understanding of children and certainly would have faulted the children, perhaps scolded or worse, given them a caning.
Furthermore, parents ought to watch out for their children at this exploratory age as they could also put themselves into all kinds of danger. Parents are the ones who are supposed to be having the knowledge for bringing up the children safely and properly while children in their ignorance are expected to make some mistakes in their learning process.
Therefore we need knowledgeable parents who can guide their children through their early learning years to safer and greater development.
"Look! this must be the scissors used to cut up these photos," she turned round to show the others the evidence of the crime.
When she held up the scissors, the elderly man nearby spoke up, "I think it's the work of Seow Lik." He had seen his little grand-daughter with the scissors cutting up what he had thought were pieces of unwanted papers. At that, they helplessly looked in the direction of the little girl's grandpa.
"Oh, my God! Why didn't you stop her? Look at all these spoiled photos. You should have kept an eye on her," one of them cried.
Well, this is a case where the old man did not realise that very young children in their enthusiasm of performing new skills would use practically anything at hand to enjoy. The little girl must have just learned how to use a pair of scissors and finding photographs available for cutting had done just that. To the educationists, it is creativity. So no parent should punish the little girl, for by doing so, there would be more harm than good done. Since it was over, the harm to the adults was completed but that did not mean that the child cannot benefit from the creativity. Anyway, it was not the child's fault.
Yes, definitely no fault of the child. The fault lies with the adults for not understanding their child. As children grow older, they are bound to be curious, active and bent on creativity. If we understand this, then we obviously will keep things not to be used by the children away or out of their reach. Then, those things will be safe.
Whether it will be a lesson or not to the adults again depends upon how the adults take it. If they think it the fault of their children, then the adults have learned no lesson, have no understanding of children and certainly would have faulted the children, perhaps scolded or worse, given them a caning.
Furthermore, parents ought to watch out for their children at this exploratory age as they could also put themselves into all kinds of danger. Parents are the ones who are supposed to be having the knowledge for bringing up the children safely and properly while children in their ignorance are expected to make some mistakes in their learning process.
Therefore we need knowledgeable parents who can guide their children through their early learning years to safer and greater development.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Regurgitation of milk by babies can be dangerous.
Recently, a baby died in the afternoon after taking his milk. It is obvious from this case that anything not done properly, possibly without the right knowledge, can be dangerous.
This seven-month old baby is believed to have choked on the milk given to him. Therefore mothers and care-givers must be equipped with the proper knowledge of taking care of babies.
In this case, the baby had just been given his milk and upon finishing it had immediately been left to lie down in his cot. There is this probability of the baby having regurgitate the milk. If the milk returned to the mouth while it was lying down on his back, it could choke the baby. This regurgitating of milk often happens and care-givers or parents must be prepared for it. To be safe, the baby ought not to be placed in his cot unaccompanied. The adult caring for the baby should look after the child for a while or soothe the back of the baby with gentle strokes of the hand.
I believe this is not the first time a child regurgitates his/her milk. So parents should look out for this probable action on the part of the baby.
This seven-month old baby is believed to have choked on the milk given to him. Therefore mothers and care-givers must be equipped with the proper knowledge of taking care of babies.
In this case, the baby had just been given his milk and upon finishing it had immediately been left to lie down in his cot. There is this probability of the baby having regurgitate the milk. If the milk returned to the mouth while it was lying down on his back, it could choke the baby. This regurgitating of milk often happens and care-givers or parents must be prepared for it. To be safe, the baby ought not to be placed in his cot unaccompanied. The adult caring for the baby should look after the child for a while or soothe the back of the baby with gentle strokes of the hand.
I believe this is not the first time a child regurgitates his/her milk. So parents should look out for this probable action on the part of the baby.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Gambling is the worse habit!
Most of us are bound to become parents one day. Therefore, it is of utmost importance that we ensure our children never take up the gambling habit.
To be very sure my children never get addicted to gambling, they were never given the opportunity to gamble even on special occasions such as Chinese New Year. To me and my wife, it is an unnecessary activity.Of course, as the parents, to show a good example, neither of us ever gamble, buying lottery tickets only once in a blue moon.
Even buying lottery numbers, hoping to strike it rich can lead a person astray. In an earlier posting I have told about a relative, a Chinese Physician, who was already very rich with lots of money from the many clients who seek treatment from him. He had this idea of compiling all the numbers that appeared in the results of each lottery draw throughout the whole of ten years. With that he pointed out to me that certain numbers seem to appear regularly. And with that he planned on betting on that number to appear in a few months' time, with him placing a higher and higher amount on it so that when it did appear he would be a sure winner. Sad to say, he lost too much for him to ever return the sum he owed. One night his whole family disappeared into the night never to return.
Was it greed? Or was it the mind that thought it had a fool-proof idea of becoming rich the easy way? Was he too confidence in his mental capability? Whatever it is, he lost too much at a time when his career was going full swing.
When it comes to gambling, in order not to give the habit the chance to develop, we must ensure our children do not mix with the wrong company. Mixing with the wrong company can take our children to disaster. If it is a group of drug addicts, the child could be doing drugs soon, if it is loiters, it would be loss of education and advancement opportunities for the child; and if it is a group of gamblers, no doubt the child would turn to gambling.
Where would gambling lead a person? Well, newspapers very often carry stories of gamblers who borrow money to support their habit. The latest was a young man, one working in a bank, who developed an addiction to gambling. So you see, it does not matter what a person's job is, how intelligent he can be, he is just as susceptible to the thrill of gambling. Gambling caused the young man to lose all control of his senses, enough to have him get into a debt of RM70,000. Unable to return the loan he got from loan sharks, he did the miserable deed of exposing his own family to harm by providing those loan sharks a photocopy of his own mother's identity card so that they could go after her.
As a result of that action the loan sharks demanded money from the poor mother and when she could not return the money, the amount escalating with each day, the family was threatened with harm, paint splashed on the car and part of the house. Eventually they even tried to burn the house! Their lives were certainly at stake, all because of a gambling son.
As for the gambling, he became a fugitive from those loan sharks. To do that he had to leave a good job and disappear God knows where. Look at all the problems and the bleak future for this gambler. Like that relative of mine, this gambler would also have to disappear for good.
So, how much effort are we willing to put in to prevent such a destructive habit from ever surfacing? If you look at the above young man, he has lost everything that his parents had helped him to establish. As for the parents, they have lost a son, at least for the next foreseeable future.
“My son gave one of these loan sharks a photocopy of my identity card and asked them to recover the money from me,” said Lim’s mother Chong Shue Koon, 60.
She said her son had left her and her husband Lim Loi, 58, a note saying that he owed loan sharks RM170,000, and that he was leaving.
Lim Loi said his son, who works as a bank clerk in Kuala Lumpur, had developed an addiction to gambling last year.
To be very sure my children never get addicted to gambling, they were never given the opportunity to gamble even on special occasions such as Chinese New Year. To me and my wife, it is an unnecessary activity.Of course, as the parents, to show a good example, neither of us ever gamble, buying lottery tickets only once in a blue moon.
Even buying lottery numbers, hoping to strike it rich can lead a person astray. In an earlier posting I have told about a relative, a Chinese Physician, who was already very rich with lots of money from the many clients who seek treatment from him. He had this idea of compiling all the numbers that appeared in the results of each lottery draw throughout the whole of ten years. With that he pointed out to me that certain numbers seem to appear regularly. And with that he planned on betting on that number to appear in a few months' time, with him placing a higher and higher amount on it so that when it did appear he would be a sure winner. Sad to say, he lost too much for him to ever return the sum he owed. One night his whole family disappeared into the night never to return.
Was it greed? Or was it the mind that thought it had a fool-proof idea of becoming rich the easy way? Was he too confidence in his mental capability? Whatever it is, he lost too much at a time when his career was going full swing.
When it comes to gambling, in order not to give the habit the chance to develop, we must ensure our children do not mix with the wrong company. Mixing with the wrong company can take our children to disaster. If it is a group of drug addicts, the child could be doing drugs soon, if it is loiters, it would be loss of education and advancement opportunities for the child; and if it is a group of gamblers, no doubt the child would turn to gambling.
Where would gambling lead a person? Well, newspapers very often carry stories of gamblers who borrow money to support their habit. The latest was a young man, one working in a bank, who developed an addiction to gambling. So you see, it does not matter what a person's job is, how intelligent he can be, he is just as susceptible to the thrill of gambling. Gambling caused the young man to lose all control of his senses, enough to have him get into a debt of RM70,000. Unable to return the loan he got from loan sharks, he did the miserable deed of exposing his own family to harm by providing those loan sharks a photocopy of his own mother's identity card so that they could go after her.
As a result of that action the loan sharks demanded money from the poor mother and when she could not return the money, the amount escalating with each day, the family was threatened with harm, paint splashed on the car and part of the house. Eventually they even tried to burn the house! Their lives were certainly at stake, all because of a gambling son.
As for the gambling, he became a fugitive from those loan sharks. To do that he had to leave a good job and disappear God knows where. Look at all the problems and the bleak future for this gambler. Like that relative of mine, this gambler would also have to disappear for good.
So, how much effort are we willing to put in to prevent such a destructive habit from ever surfacing? If you look at the above young man, he has lost everything that his parents had helped him to establish. As for the parents, they have lost a son, at least for the next foreseeable future.
“My son gave one of these loan sharks a photocopy of my identity card and asked them to recover the money from me,” said Lim’s mother Chong Shue Koon, 60.
She said her son had left her and her husband Lim Loi, 58, a note saying that he owed loan sharks RM170,000, and that he was leaving.
Lim Loi said his son, who works as a bank clerk in Kuala Lumpur, had developed an addiction to gambling last year.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Allow the child to grow into an adult
Today I read the story of a forty-three year old man breaking the arm of his father just because the seventy-one year old man stared at him for shouting at his mother.
Now, even if the old man was not the father, breaking someone's arm just because of a stare is obviously too much. The picture I got in my mind then was a gangster whose ego is such that even a stare cannot be tolerated. In my youth I have come across such a gangster who asked me what I was looking at. In my adolescent recklessness I told him how could he know I was looking at him if he had not been looking at me. So "Why the hell are you looking at me," I shot back. But, please do not emulate my then stupid action. For me at that time, I had the body of a body-builder and every other person is a coward if he is not confident of winning the fight. With no weapon and a body less rugged and faced with a guy who was certainly not timid, he knew the odds and went off.
In the present story, apparently he knew the father was too old to retaliate and dared to break his arm and kicked him. And he knew the others would not dare to intervene as he had a bowie knife in his hand. What a hero! Would he be brave enough to tackle someone his age and size?
Now, I detest such types; they who would take on someone weaker and show their sadistic streak harming those unable to defend themselves because of age, less strength and less power. They people should put their need to satisfy their ego to better use.
And once a child is big enough to be on his/her own, parents must let go and allow the grown-up child the freedom to find his/her own destination. In this sense I agree with parents in certain countries who get their children to be out of their homes or pay for their own expenses once they are capable of earning a salary. In this way, some children would have the opportunity to develop some maturity and be able to think right. When a child is not able to think correctly, his words and actions will not be right. And when words and action are not controllable by the brain, the person will always be in danger of committing wrong.
So, parents must allow the child to grow into a man/woman. Like a kite-flyer, parents must gradually lose hold of the string that hold and retards their child's growth mentally and spiritually. Allow the child to grow into an adult with all the capabilities of a fully-developed one.
Now, even if the old man was not the father, breaking someone's arm just because of a stare is obviously too much. The picture I got in my mind then was a gangster whose ego is such that even a stare cannot be tolerated. In my youth I have come across such a gangster who asked me what I was looking at. In my adolescent recklessness I told him how could he know I was looking at him if he had not been looking at me. So "Why the hell are you looking at me," I shot back. But, please do not emulate my then stupid action. For me at that time, I had the body of a body-builder and every other person is a coward if he is not confident of winning the fight. With no weapon and a body less rugged and faced with a guy who was certainly not timid, he knew the odds and went off.
In the present story, apparently he knew the father was too old to retaliate and dared to break his arm and kicked him. And he knew the others would not dare to intervene as he had a bowie knife in his hand. What a hero! Would he be brave enough to tackle someone his age and size?
Now, I detest such types; they who would take on someone weaker and show their sadistic streak harming those unable to defend themselves because of age, less strength and less power. They people should put their need to satisfy their ego to better use.
And once a child is big enough to be on his/her own, parents must let go and allow the grown-up child the freedom to find his/her own destination. In this sense I agree with parents in certain countries who get their children to be out of their homes or pay for their own expenses once they are capable of earning a salary. In this way, some children would have the opportunity to develop some maturity and be able to think right. When a child is not able to think correctly, his words and actions will not be right. And when words and action are not controllable by the brain, the person will always be in danger of committing wrong.
So, parents must allow the child to grow into a man/woman. Like a kite-flyer, parents must gradually lose hold of the string that hold and retards their child's growth mentally and spiritually. Allow the child to grow into an adult with all the capabilities of a fully-developed one.
Friday, September 10, 2010
The mind of a child.
One day he was arranging the chairs and stools of different sizes and height in a winding row so that he could climb up at one end, step from one stool to another or from one chair to another until he reached the other end which was approximately twenty chairs and stools away. Fortunately for him, his parents' house was big enough and possessing sufficient furniture to allow him to form a bridge from one part of the house to another.
The imagination of this child was indeed good. Another day, he would create a vehicle out of a computer table, enter it through an open door and have the maid push the vehicle so that it could move on its four small wheels.
A child sees a car and then he sees the vehicle in other furniture of objects in the house. He wants to be in the driver's seat and with that the dream of driving a car comes into existence.
And that is why parents who hope their children would one day be a doctor would buy them stethoscopes and dress them as doctors with the hope that their dreams will come true. Of course it would be easier if the child has a doctor as a father, especially one the child loves and is proud of. However, to foster the desire to be a doctor, children should support extracurricular activities such as St. John's or in Malaysia the Bulan Sabit Merah where they learn how to treat minor injuries. Of course, if the child is not academically inclined, he or she could end up as a nurse or an hospital assistant. But then, except for getting the child interested in reading and learning about science and gaining more knowledge, that is practically all that parents can do. The rest we leave to the child and his/her inclinations or life's destination or fate.
A lot of a child's future depends upon his/her interests and inclinations taking him/her to various directions which would eventually decide his/her future. Whatever it is, parents must allow the child to develop his mind as fast as is possible so that he will be ready when opportunity comes. Give him the chance to imagine, to think and to experience all that can be had. Provide him/her with such exposures to ideas, knowledge and things to help his/her mind to grow and form the foundation upon which his natural interests can given the impetus and motivation to reach their greatest potential.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
It's the age of exploration for those above three years.
One moment the grandmother watched the cute little grandson jumping all over the place with a smile on her happy face enjoying the antics of the lovable little one. Then, barely five minutes after she turned into the kitchen, a crash broke the calm silence of the hall and that broke the old lady running back to the grandson, anxiety written clearly on her face. And she had reason to be for the young rascal had put a plastic stool near a shelf, reached up with extended hand and clumsily toppled a bottle of wine onto the floor, splintering it into a hundred pieces, staining the floor with its reddish-brown colour and permeating the surrounding air with an aroma some adults would certainly enjoy.
She threw up in despair at the scene that greeted her, shouting for the grandson to stay put and not move as sharp glass pieces threaten to cut into the flesh of the little one. Furthermore the floor was wet with slippery wine, certainly not a safe place for a little boy of three going on four years. In her worry she shouted and scolded. No longer was that grandson cute and cheeky but naughty and dangerous.
Wearing a pair of thick-soled slippers, she carefully move in towards her grandson, swoop him up and away from that dangerous splinter-strewn area. Looking all over the child, she was relieved to find nowhere a cut or bloodstain.
When she met me, she told me of the possible danger that could have been possible if not for the lucky stars that had shone upon her then. Yes, the child had indeed been lucky to escape unhurt and stars were not around then as it was broad daylight. Imagine what could have happened had the bottle hit the child as it dropped to the ground! And when the child fell off the stool he could have been cut by shards of glass from the broken bottle. With the floor wet and slippery, a fall like that could have broken a bone. So, without pain, a cut or even a fracture, this young explorer can be deemed to be real lucky.
Children at the age of three and four are curious little rascals who have to be watched at least twelve hours a day, relaxing only when such young explorers take a nap. When the young ones are awake, expect them to look for toys in everything that they set eyes on. Dangerous things such as knives and bottles must be placed out of their reach. Do not tempt them with a position they can reach with some ingenuity. Just like this grandson, any little boy would be able to come up with a stool, a chair, a block of wood, a box and a ladder to extend their hands to grab the things they want. Don't challenge their inventiveness or they will show you the amount of brain cells they already possess even at that tender age. In their curiosity, they would explore the whole house for the house is their first playground. So child-minders and parents must be alert at all times.
I know that is a lot of effort but then years would roll by and soon the opportunity to enjoy their presence will be lost forever. Their exploration keep us on our toes and give us the chance to be active and get some exercise in the process. So our children keep us young until one day when they fly away from the nest and we are left alone to watch television and grow old as the television takes it turn to watch us as our muscles gradually dwindle into fat. So, be glad the children are around to provoke some kind of action or alertness.
She threw up in despair at the scene that greeted her, shouting for the grandson to stay put and not move as sharp glass pieces threaten to cut into the flesh of the little one. Furthermore the floor was wet with slippery wine, certainly not a safe place for a little boy of three going on four years. In her worry she shouted and scolded. No longer was that grandson cute and cheeky but naughty and dangerous.
Wearing a pair of thick-soled slippers, she carefully move in towards her grandson, swoop him up and away from that dangerous splinter-strewn area. Looking all over the child, she was relieved to find nowhere a cut or bloodstain.
When she met me, she told me of the possible danger that could have been possible if not for the lucky stars that had shone upon her then. Yes, the child had indeed been lucky to escape unhurt and stars were not around then as it was broad daylight. Imagine what could have happened had the bottle hit the child as it dropped to the ground! And when the child fell off the stool he could have been cut by shards of glass from the broken bottle. With the floor wet and slippery, a fall like that could have broken a bone. So, without pain, a cut or even a fracture, this young explorer can be deemed to be real lucky.
Children at the age of three and four are curious little rascals who have to be watched at least twelve hours a day, relaxing only when such young explorers take a nap. When the young ones are awake, expect them to look for toys in everything that they set eyes on. Dangerous things such as knives and bottles must be placed out of their reach. Do not tempt them with a position they can reach with some ingenuity. Just like this grandson, any little boy would be able to come up with a stool, a chair, a block of wood, a box and a ladder to extend their hands to grab the things they want. Don't challenge their inventiveness or they will show you the amount of brain cells they already possess even at that tender age. In their curiosity, they would explore the whole house for the house is their first playground. So child-minders and parents must be alert at all times.
I know that is a lot of effort but then years would roll by and soon the opportunity to enjoy their presence will be lost forever. Their exploration keep us on our toes and give us the chance to be active and get some exercise in the process. So our children keep us young until one day when they fly away from the nest and we are left alone to watch television and grow old as the television takes it turn to watch us as our muscles gradually dwindle into fat. So, be glad the children are around to provoke some kind of action or alertness.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Talk to the children.
"Do you know that my sister had at one time been the type of mother who would shout and demand that her kids obey and do everything her way. And she seemed to be having her way with her daily rantings until one day, the eldest kid could not take it any longer and struck back?"
"So, what happened?" the friend was impatient to hear what happened.
"The eldest kid was sixteen years of age then and one day after being berated by his mother for half an hour and finding no apparent stop to the verbal bashing despite having tried to explain himself, he took up a chair and heaved it in her direction, the chair missing the astonished mother by just a few inches. It was a great shock to her to have that happen to her. Frightened by the episode, she rushed to see me and told me what had happened that day as tears flowed incessantly from her reddened eyes."
"Oiyo! How can that happened? What did she do after that?"
"She was both frightened and uncertain of the next move to make. I sat her down and told her to think why her son would do such a thing. When she said that all she did was to teach her son not to do the wrong things, I asked her how she did it. At first she was adamant that she was doing right by scolding him for the wrong that he had done. So, I told her that to teach the child the right things is the duty of every parent and to be annoyed is also very natural when a child is constantly committing wrongs. But it is the way she has been doing it. She shouts and rants, broadcasting her child's faults to the whole world while she is at it. When the child is younger, he had not alternative but to take whatever she dishes out. But now the child is growing up and soon he will be big. He understands embarrassment very well even as a little boy. At sixteen he is big and strong enough to stop all the nonsense of having to tolerate all those broadcasts each time he encounters a problem."
Yeah, girl! That sister of yours should stop her shouting and talk slowly to her son. Explain everything in a nice way," the friend offered.
"You're right there. That was exactly what I told her. She needed to talk to her children and sometimes listen to what explanations or problems that they might be facing. She cried and told me that was her style. Now, they no longer want to listen to her. What could she do, she asked me. So, I advised her to return home, forget the nasty happening of the day and start everything afresh. Just keep quiet about it and when she met him, she should not say anything but quietly tell him if he ever asked for something. No more shouting! Talk nicely. It took some time of course but she did learn a lesson from there and eventually she found that the children were responsive to the new her. They slowly, the process taking a number of months, get to understand and communicate with each other their needs and wants in an amicable manner. Now, the family is one happy unit. The children have progressed well and all of them are now so much closer to each other."
Yeah, that ought to be the way parents handle their children. They order, demand and dictate until a rebellion forms. Some parents just do not know how to talk properly to their children and shouting parents end up with equally loud and disrespectful children who rebel when they reach the age of adolescence, perhaps that's the time when they are fed up enough to demand independence. In a country we can have a change of government but children cannot change parents, so.....
"So, what happened?" the friend was impatient to hear what happened.
"The eldest kid was sixteen years of age then and one day after being berated by his mother for half an hour and finding no apparent stop to the verbal bashing despite having tried to explain himself, he took up a chair and heaved it in her direction, the chair missing the astonished mother by just a few inches. It was a great shock to her to have that happen to her. Frightened by the episode, she rushed to see me and told me what had happened that day as tears flowed incessantly from her reddened eyes."
"Oiyo! How can that happened? What did she do after that?"
"She was both frightened and uncertain of the next move to make. I sat her down and told her to think why her son would do such a thing. When she said that all she did was to teach her son not to do the wrong things, I asked her how she did it. At first she was adamant that she was doing right by scolding him for the wrong that he had done. So, I told her that to teach the child the right things is the duty of every parent and to be annoyed is also very natural when a child is constantly committing wrongs. But it is the way she has been doing it. She shouts and rants, broadcasting her child's faults to the whole world while she is at it. When the child is younger, he had not alternative but to take whatever she dishes out. But now the child is growing up and soon he will be big. He understands embarrassment very well even as a little boy. At sixteen he is big and strong enough to stop all the nonsense of having to tolerate all those broadcasts each time he encounters a problem."
Yeah, girl! That sister of yours should stop her shouting and talk slowly to her son. Explain everything in a nice way," the friend offered.
"You're right there. That was exactly what I told her. She needed to talk to her children and sometimes listen to what explanations or problems that they might be facing. She cried and told me that was her style. Now, they no longer want to listen to her. What could she do, she asked me. So, I advised her to return home, forget the nasty happening of the day and start everything afresh. Just keep quiet about it and when she met him, she should not say anything but quietly tell him if he ever asked for something. No more shouting! Talk nicely. It took some time of course but she did learn a lesson from there and eventually she found that the children were responsive to the new her. They slowly, the process taking a number of months, get to understand and communicate with each other their needs and wants in an amicable manner. Now, the family is one happy unit. The children have progressed well and all of them are now so much closer to each other."
Yeah, that ought to be the way parents handle their children. They order, demand and dictate until a rebellion forms. Some parents just do not know how to talk properly to their children and shouting parents end up with equally loud and disrespectful children who rebel when they reach the age of adolescence, perhaps that's the time when they are fed up enough to demand independence. In a country we can have a change of government but children cannot change parents, so.....
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Is that the way to give in?
"If there is something they want and they don't get it immediately, what do your children do?" one friend asked another.
"My kids are all grown and I never had problems with them but the neighbour's children always shout and demand till they get what they want. Otherwise, you hear them at the top of their voices going on for such a long time. Usually, I close the door and move into the room farthest away from their house but you still can hear their grouses," the other friend observed.
"What do the parents do under such circumstances?" his friend wanted to know.
"Well, sometimes not a sound came from the parent but then there are times when both seem to be having a quarrel and at such times I just don't know how she could stand such nonsence," he told his friend.
I was standing nearby and what they said I noted with interest. Is what I heard the result of too busy parents who are both out somewhere most of the time with hardly any quality time to spend with their children? But then what about the love for the precious children or are those children no longer precious? And how is it that they could allow such tantrums to occur so often?
I am the proud parent of two wonderful children who loves and respect their parents just as their parents had always love and respect them. Although I was very busy with my morning teaching and evening training of my gymnasts at least five days a week when they were growing up, the rest of the time was for my children. Their interests were my interests and their joys were my joys. They wanted a hen and I wished to have that hen in my garden. They wanted fish and the fish was bought. They wanted walks in the low hills behind the house and we took walks. I planned our weekend outings with what they can possibly be interest in. So in many things there was no need for tantrums and therefore they knew not how to throw tantrums. But then I did not pamper them. Far from it, I never allow them things that were not good for them. But there are ways to tell a child something is neither good nor suitable.
Regarding teaching a child what are neither good nor beneficial, allow me to tell you about cigarettes. At a very young age I have studied and known the bad effects of unnatural substances such as smoke in one's lungs because of poor health during my younger days, the frustrations of being weak. So, at the earliest opportunity I reacted negatively towards the smell of smoke and showed my obvious dislike of such smell. Yes, they learn to dislike the smell of smoke from me and since then, when they were young, they would hurry me away from an area where smokers were puffing away.
As for some expensive toys which I feel are not worth that price, I would explain to them that they are just too expensive, that with that money we could buy so many this and that. As I have always been close with them (That's the secret!) they knew that I care for them and have their interest at heart at all times and because of that they do not demand. Sometimes I have observed that they could be reluctant to let go of the idea of having something but in the end they understood. Once, in fact (I have written about this in an earlier post.) my elder child was interested in a very expensive toy and as it was after his excellent results in the standard six, primary school results, I told him that if he wished it, he could buy it but after looking longingly for some time, he stopped me from calling for a salesperson to get the toy and told me it was not only expensive, it was of not much use to him.
So, when our children ask for something, talk nicely to them. If they need it and it's good for them and it's affordable, we should give it to them and enjoy their happiness. However, if it is not good for the child, tell the child the reason and if its unaffordable, tell the little one. And if the little one is too young to understand, give the child a choice of something else but no tantrums. Anyway, such problems would not arise if parents had always thought of their children's needs and wants. If they do, then happiness is always available and that would never cultivate any tantrums.
Why tantrums? Children throw tantrums because they know that is the way to get what they want. And the worse effect on the tantrum-throwing child is that that child would be using the same technique throughout his/her life. Parents may tolerate tantrums but not others. Others would just disappear and the child will find loneliness in his/her world unless he/she is very wealthy, but he/she will never have true friends for such 'ants' are only around for the sugar. And should that wealth go away, so will those ants.
So, who do you think encourage some children to throw tantrums? Yes, it is the parents, parents who do not care or know enough to do the right thing.
"My kids are all grown and I never had problems with them but the neighbour's children always shout and demand till they get what they want. Otherwise, you hear them at the top of their voices going on for such a long time. Usually, I close the door and move into the room farthest away from their house but you still can hear their grouses," the other friend observed.
"What do the parents do under such circumstances?" his friend wanted to know.
"Well, sometimes not a sound came from the parent but then there are times when both seem to be having a quarrel and at such times I just don't know how she could stand such nonsence," he told his friend.
I was standing nearby and what they said I noted with interest. Is what I heard the result of too busy parents who are both out somewhere most of the time with hardly any quality time to spend with their children? But then what about the love for the precious children or are those children no longer precious? And how is it that they could allow such tantrums to occur so often?
I am the proud parent of two wonderful children who loves and respect their parents just as their parents had always love and respect them. Although I was very busy with my morning teaching and evening training of my gymnasts at least five days a week when they were growing up, the rest of the time was for my children. Their interests were my interests and their joys were my joys. They wanted a hen and I wished to have that hen in my garden. They wanted fish and the fish was bought. They wanted walks in the low hills behind the house and we took walks. I planned our weekend outings with what they can possibly be interest in. So in many things there was no need for tantrums and therefore they knew not how to throw tantrums. But then I did not pamper them. Far from it, I never allow them things that were not good for them. But there are ways to tell a child something is neither good nor suitable.
Regarding teaching a child what are neither good nor beneficial, allow me to tell you about cigarettes. At a very young age I have studied and known the bad effects of unnatural substances such as smoke in one's lungs because of poor health during my younger days, the frustrations of being weak. So, at the earliest opportunity I reacted negatively towards the smell of smoke and showed my obvious dislike of such smell. Yes, they learn to dislike the smell of smoke from me and since then, when they were young, they would hurry me away from an area where smokers were puffing away.
As for some expensive toys which I feel are not worth that price, I would explain to them that they are just too expensive, that with that money we could buy so many this and that. As I have always been close with them (That's the secret!) they knew that I care for them and have their interest at heart at all times and because of that they do not demand. Sometimes I have observed that they could be reluctant to let go of the idea of having something but in the end they understood. Once, in fact (I have written about this in an earlier post.) my elder child was interested in a very expensive toy and as it was after his excellent results in the standard six, primary school results, I told him that if he wished it, he could buy it but after looking longingly for some time, he stopped me from calling for a salesperson to get the toy and told me it was not only expensive, it was of not much use to him.
So, when our children ask for something, talk nicely to them. If they need it and it's good for them and it's affordable, we should give it to them and enjoy their happiness. However, if it is not good for the child, tell the child the reason and if its unaffordable, tell the little one. And if the little one is too young to understand, give the child a choice of something else but no tantrums. Anyway, such problems would not arise if parents had always thought of their children's needs and wants. If they do, then happiness is always available and that would never cultivate any tantrums.
Why tantrums? Children throw tantrums because they know that is the way to get what they want. And the worse effect on the tantrum-throwing child is that that child would be using the same technique throughout his/her life. Parents may tolerate tantrums but not others. Others would just disappear and the child will find loneliness in his/her world unless he/she is very wealthy, but he/she will never have true friends for such 'ants' are only around for the sugar. And should that wealth go away, so will those ants.
So, who do you think encourage some children to throw tantrums? Yes, it is the parents, parents who do not care or know enough to do the right thing.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
A tribute to Incredible Jessica Cox: Living life to the fullest with her best feet forward.
How many can drive cars? Almost everyone of us. How many of us have a black-belt in tae kwon do? A good number of you people out there do, I believe. How many people can surf a board on the waves? A small number, perhaps And how many can fly a plane? Very few of us, I think. Now those answers are for folks like you and me. How about if you are born without two arms? That’s right! No arms!
Last night, I slept rather late as I could not stop searching for everything there is to know about this one beautiful fantastic lady I was introduced to by Youtube. There she was standing with the greatest of confidence I have ever encountered in such a little 26 year old, 5 foot one inch tall, armless lady beside a plane and from Youtube I was to discover that this little beautiful lass was capable of everything on earth. That is the impression I get anyway and I think I cannot be wrong as she has proved to the world she can do things many people could not have done.
As I read on I realised I have encountered one of the greatest achiever of all times. She must have been sent by God to show others that the only limits to our lives are all in our minds. And she is the living walking proof of that undeniable fact. Here is a gal who believes that through creativity, persistence and the determination to conquer her fears, everything is possible.
Here is this lady, Jessica Cox, a Pilipino-American who was born in Tucson, Arizona, without arms. No doctor knew how that came about. Anyone would have thought people without arms would just sit helplessly and give up on life. However, as I searched the internet till late I discovered that there are quite a number of people who not only did not just throw down the towel but are successful with their lives.
One of the youngest happen to be a little girl who entered primary school this year at the age of seven. She is from Alor Star, Kedah, Malaysia and her name is Huang Zhaoqian. Despite being born with no arms, she copes with her homework very well by writing with a pencil between her toes. She attracted sufficient attention from Malaysia’s Moral Education Curriculum Committee to have them request for permission from her parents to have her story in next year’s moral education textbook. Then there is this very healthy lady, Barbara Guerra, who lost her arms in an accident at the age of two and a half. She can look after herself well, dressing up, doing her own make-up, brushing her teeth and other everyday activities and even driving her own car wherever she wants and a place she frequents often is the gym. So, people who make use of whatever they have instead of concentrating on whatever they do not have can still live life to the full. And Jessica Cox is one of three armless people who appeared in a one-hour documentary called ‘Born without Arms’ where these people reveal their struggles and talked about their accomplishments. The other two are Nadia and Mark.
When it comes to Jessica Cox, she went to school and just like Malaysia’s Huang Zhaoqian used her toes to turn the pages and write. Well, Jessica did use artificial arms from time to time but she threw them away as she found that they prevented her from doing what came naturally to her. She did wonder why she was not given two arms just like other people. However, she did not wonder too long. Instead she did what she could with what has. She has legs and toes, legs and toes which through practice and work became strong, flexible and capable of feats that helped her to handle things which normally require hands. With those legs and toes she is able to perform anything others use their hands to do. Thus, she is able to dress up, do her own make-up and look after herself such as eat, type, play the piano and even put in her own contact lenses. Even without arms, she also learned how to swim. She swam at the pool in the University of Arizona. Yes, at the university of Arizona for it was there that She studied well to emerge as a Psychology graduate with a bachelor’s degree. (Hope young Malaysian Huang Zhaoqian and her parents read this and be inspired by it.)
The second of three children, Jessica attributes part of her success in life to her parents, William Cox, a retired music teacher and her mother, Inez Macabare from the Philipines, a nurse as well as the support of her older brother, Jason and her younger sister, Jackie. Her parents gave her the confidence by treating her no different from her other children and so it was that she learned early to feed herself, play with toys, comb her hair and write with a pencil with her own feet. When she was three years old, the parents did not stop her from activities where others need their hands. Instead she was enrolled in gymnastic classes. (I know of so many parents who fear so much that their children would hurt themselves that their children were forbidden to take part in such activities. Imagine that! Parents instilling fear instead of providing confidence.) They did not stop at that. At the age of six years, Jessica was already attending swimming and dance classes. By age ten, she was into tae-kwon-do until she obtained her black belt in the seventh grade. And she went on to get her black belt twice! What a tough petite lass. Now we know where and how she became strong with her legs and gained so much agility and confidence in all her activities despite her slender frame.
Jessica Cox who is as fiercely independent as her mother, believes that that sort of attitude is the most important factor she had inherited from her mother. For that kind of independence to be possible, she had to overcome the odds with what she had, two strong legs. That is the formula for success; look for what is in us or what we have and use it. Unfortunately, most of us merely compare with others and complain about what we do not have instead of turning to what we have and using it.
And she is not just tough. She has artistic talent too. She can play the piano. Of course, she can write as she has her own website: www.rightfooted.com and that is where you can avail yourself of her photographs. Isn’t she a beauty? Oh, yes! She will be writing a book on her life with the title ‘Disarming prejudice.’.
Oh, yes, she can drive her own car without any adjustments to the controls. Like Barbara Guerra, she drives very well. When first learning to drive, Jessica was encouraged to use special modifications in her car. But even after her car was modified, she decided to remove them and drove without the changes. She holds an unrestricted driver’s license. With her right foot she grabs the buckles of her seat belt and locked the belt before slipping her body into it. She then turns on the ignition, adjusts the window and air conditioning controls, puts on the direction indicator signal and flips down her sun visor before driving off to her destination, steering with her right foot on the wheel as her left foot works the gas and brake pedals.
And last year in 2009, she became the first armless pilot to obtain a licence to fly a plane using her feet - one manning the steering column and the other the controls. Her license allows her to fly up to 10,000 ft on light sports aircraft. She took three years to gain her licence with her teacher Parrish Traweek guiding her on how to use the controls of the Ercoupe 415 plane with her feet. She was helped by the Able Flight organization which helps disabled people to gain self confidence through flying.
And believe it or not, she said that flying was her greatest fear. It was that fear which motivated her to strive for a few years to be able to fly, to conquer that fear. Well, how many of us are deterred from certain joys due to fear? In her, we see that fear can be overcome with effort and the desire to do it. Of course, as she implies, conquering fear is not easy but it can be done.
For a lady who admitted to being shy the first time she went on stage to dance, Jessica has certainly come a long way through her own steam. She overcame fear and shyness, two of the most debilitating factors in many people’s lives.
Encouraged by her success, she takes her first surfing lesson in Maui, Hawaii. On Youtube, I see her with her instructor going out to sea, then she gets up to stand on the surfboard. While the instructor pedalled with his hands she used her feet to move the surfboard forward. Later, with the instructor nearby, a short distance away in the sea, she stood and surfed all alone.
For a lady yet to reach her 27th birthday, she has come a long, long way without those arms. She has perhaps covered more distance than most people her age. However she was most fortunate to have what to a certain degree many people may lack or possess; loving and understanding parents, supportive siblings, self-dependence, determination, courage, perseverance, positive attitude and the right kind of activities to prepare her for the challenges ahead.
Parents can learn at lot from a study of Jessica’s success as you can see that at an age when she could not have comprehend fully the challenges she may face in life, her parents had started preparing her for a normal life, getting her to perform in activities which gives her the strength and flexibility as well as the much needed courage to live life to the full.
I believe this is one of my most important study of an individual as her life not only bring inspiration; she is an international motivational speaker; but also lessons on bringing up children.
Last night, I slept rather late as I could not stop searching for everything there is to know about this one beautiful fantastic lady I was introduced to by Youtube. There she was standing with the greatest of confidence I have ever encountered in such a little 26 year old, 5 foot one inch tall, armless lady beside a plane and from Youtube I was to discover that this little beautiful lass was capable of everything on earth. That is the impression I get anyway and I think I cannot be wrong as she has proved to the world she can do things many people could not have done.
As I read on I realised I have encountered one of the greatest achiever of all times. She must have been sent by God to show others that the only limits to our lives are all in our minds. And she is the living walking proof of that undeniable fact. Here is a gal who believes that through creativity, persistence and the determination to conquer her fears, everything is possible.
Here is this lady, Jessica Cox, a Pilipino-American who was born in Tucson, Arizona, without arms. No doctor knew how that came about. Anyone would have thought people without arms would just sit helplessly and give up on life. However, as I searched the internet till late I discovered that there are quite a number of people who not only did not just throw down the towel but are successful with their lives.
One of the youngest happen to be a little girl who entered primary school this year at the age of seven. She is from Alor Star, Kedah, Malaysia and her name is Huang Zhaoqian. Despite being born with no arms, she copes with her homework very well by writing with a pencil between her toes. She attracted sufficient attention from Malaysia’s Moral Education Curriculum Committee to have them request for permission from her parents to have her story in next year’s moral education textbook. Then there is this very healthy lady, Barbara Guerra, who lost her arms in an accident at the age of two and a half. She can look after herself well, dressing up, doing her own make-up, brushing her teeth and other everyday activities and even driving her own car wherever she wants and a place she frequents often is the gym. So, people who make use of whatever they have instead of concentrating on whatever they do not have can still live life to the full. And Jessica Cox is one of three armless people who appeared in a one-hour documentary called ‘Born without Arms’ where these people reveal their struggles and talked about their accomplishments. The other two are Nadia and Mark.
When it comes to Jessica Cox, she went to school and just like Malaysia’s Huang Zhaoqian used her toes to turn the pages and write. Well, Jessica did use artificial arms from time to time but she threw them away as she found that they prevented her from doing what came naturally to her. She did wonder why she was not given two arms just like other people. However, she did not wonder too long. Instead she did what she could with what has. She has legs and toes, legs and toes which through practice and work became strong, flexible and capable of feats that helped her to handle things which normally require hands. With those legs and toes she is able to perform anything others use their hands to do. Thus, she is able to dress up, do her own make-up and look after herself such as eat, type, play the piano and even put in her own contact lenses. Even without arms, she also learned how to swim. She swam at the pool in the University of Arizona. Yes, at the university of Arizona for it was there that She studied well to emerge as a Psychology graduate with a bachelor’s degree. (Hope young Malaysian Huang Zhaoqian and her parents read this and be inspired by it.)
The second of three children, Jessica attributes part of her success in life to her parents, William Cox, a retired music teacher and her mother, Inez Macabare from the Philipines, a nurse as well as the support of her older brother, Jason and her younger sister, Jackie. Her parents gave her the confidence by treating her no different from her other children and so it was that she learned early to feed herself, play with toys, comb her hair and write with a pencil with her own feet. When she was three years old, the parents did not stop her from activities where others need their hands. Instead she was enrolled in gymnastic classes. (I know of so many parents who fear so much that their children would hurt themselves that their children were forbidden to take part in such activities. Imagine that! Parents instilling fear instead of providing confidence.) They did not stop at that. At the age of six years, Jessica was already attending swimming and dance classes. By age ten, she was into tae-kwon-do until she obtained her black belt in the seventh grade. And she went on to get her black belt twice! What a tough petite lass. Now we know where and how she became strong with her legs and gained so much agility and confidence in all her activities despite her slender frame.
Jessica Cox who is as fiercely independent as her mother, believes that that sort of attitude is the most important factor she had inherited from her mother. For that kind of independence to be possible, she had to overcome the odds with what she had, two strong legs. That is the formula for success; look for what is in us or what we have and use it. Unfortunately, most of us merely compare with others and complain about what we do not have instead of turning to what we have and using it.
And she is not just tough. She has artistic talent too. She can play the piano. Of course, she can write as she has her own website: www.rightfooted.com and that is where you can avail yourself of her photographs. Isn’t she a beauty? Oh, yes! She will be writing a book on her life with the title ‘Disarming prejudice.’.
Oh, yes, she can drive her own car without any adjustments to the controls. Like Barbara Guerra, she drives very well. When first learning to drive, Jessica was encouraged to use special modifications in her car. But even after her car was modified, she decided to remove them and drove without the changes. She holds an unrestricted driver’s license. With her right foot she grabs the buckles of her seat belt and locked the belt before slipping her body into it. She then turns on the ignition, adjusts the window and air conditioning controls, puts on the direction indicator signal and flips down her sun visor before driving off to her destination, steering with her right foot on the wheel as her left foot works the gas and brake pedals.
And last year in 2009, she became the first armless pilot to obtain a licence to fly a plane using her feet - one manning the steering column and the other the controls. Her license allows her to fly up to 10,000 ft on light sports aircraft. She took three years to gain her licence with her teacher Parrish Traweek guiding her on how to use the controls of the Ercoupe 415 plane with her feet. She was helped by the Able Flight organization which helps disabled people to gain self confidence through flying.
And believe it or not, she said that flying was her greatest fear. It was that fear which motivated her to strive for a few years to be able to fly, to conquer that fear. Well, how many of us are deterred from certain joys due to fear? In her, we see that fear can be overcome with effort and the desire to do it. Of course, as she implies, conquering fear is not easy but it can be done.
For a lady who admitted to being shy the first time she went on stage to dance, Jessica has certainly come a long way through her own steam. She overcame fear and shyness, two of the most debilitating factors in many people’s lives.
Encouraged by her success, she takes her first surfing lesson in Maui, Hawaii. On Youtube, I see her with her instructor going out to sea, then she gets up to stand on the surfboard. While the instructor pedalled with his hands she used her feet to move the surfboard forward. Later, with the instructor nearby, a short distance away in the sea, she stood and surfed all alone.
For a lady yet to reach her 27th birthday, she has come a long, long way without those arms. She has perhaps covered more distance than most people her age. However she was most fortunate to have what to a certain degree many people may lack or possess; loving and understanding parents, supportive siblings, self-dependence, determination, courage, perseverance, positive attitude and the right kind of activities to prepare her for the challenges ahead.
Parents can learn at lot from a study of Jessica’s success as you can see that at an age when she could not have comprehend fully the challenges she may face in life, her parents had started preparing her for a normal life, getting her to perform in activities which gives her the strength and flexibility as well as the much needed courage to live life to the full.
I believe this is one of my most important study of an individual as her life not only bring inspiration; she is an international motivational speaker; but also lessons on bringing up children.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Another scheme of carjackers.
Do you know that crooks have brains just like any of us? As an ex-teacher, I know that for a fact. It is the clever ones who can scheme and think of ways to bluff and cheat without batting an eye. Yes, they are good poker players too, some of them. Sometimes I could not help but admire them for the beautiful stories they can tell to get out of a jam. The recalcitrant ones are just as clever as the well-behaved ones and there is no doubt about it.
What do we expect, for they were all good from the beginning. Then some guardian, parents or relatives pampered them, praised them for the wrong things or talked with pride about the small mischief and bullying or bad behaviour and the words became motivators in their little minds, gradually leading them to bigger wrongs. So parents and relatives, when you love those kids, love them enough to care about what they are going to become in the future.
Well, again and again, there are people up to all kinds of ways to get unsuspecting victims to fall for some ruse whereby they could profit from it. Below is an email I received from a friend. I shall let the email below tell you the story.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Warning..!!!!
Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public car park. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for petrol. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car. Then we received this email yesterday.
WARNING FROM POLICE:
THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE
NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)
Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.. You walk across the car park, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine put it into reverse.
When you look into the rear-view mirror to back out of your space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you stop and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.
When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically run you over as they speed off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse or handbag is still in the car.
So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.
If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, lock your doors and just drive away.
Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you
read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women.
A purse or handbag contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
Please tell all your friends
What do we expect, for they were all good from the beginning. Then some guardian, parents or relatives pampered them, praised them for the wrong things or talked with pride about the small mischief and bullying or bad behaviour and the words became motivators in their little minds, gradually leading them to bigger wrongs. So parents and relatives, when you love those kids, love them enough to care about what they are going to become in the future.
Well, again and again, there are people up to all kinds of ways to get unsuspecting victims to fall for some ruse whereby they could profit from it. Below is an email I received from a friend. I shall let the email below tell you the story.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Warning..!!!!
Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public car park. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for petrol. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car. Then we received this email yesterday.
WARNING FROM POLICE:
THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE
NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)
Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating.. You walk across the car park, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine put it into reverse.
When you look into the rear-view mirror to back out of your space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you stop and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.
When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically run you over as they speed off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse or handbag is still in the car.
So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.
If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, lock your doors and just drive away.
Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you
read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women.
A purse or handbag contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
Please tell all your friends
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Habits die hard.
When I was driving my car, a Toyota Corolla, the car which I had for about thirty years, I used my right hand to flick on the turning indication lights while I flick on the windscreen wipers with my left hand. There were only four gears with the fourth gear pulled to the back. I had always been fast as everything could be performed without any thought on it.
However, at the beginning of this year, I scrapped my old car to receive RM5,000 for it. If I had sold the old car, it would have fetched me very much less than a thousand ringgit. The condition for the five thousand ringgit in return for the scrapped car was that I bought a locally made car. So, I got myself a Proton Saga.
With the Proton Saga, whenever I wanted to signal to turn either left or right, I use my right hand to flick a lever and discover that the windscreen wipers started wiping under the hot sun. Oh, no! I should be using my left hand to flick the lever on that side for the signals. It was just the opposite of what I had for my old car. I found that it was difficult to change the habit of right hand for signals and left hand for wipers. Thus, I had to think before I act each time. Certainly, the action is slower. Every now and then, the hands, or is it the mind, would move the wrong lever and I would realise habits are hard to change. Once, I almost put my gear into reverse while moving as my mind automatically instruct my hand to pull the manual gear lever towards me which could be the exact action for the highest, the fourth, gear in the old car.
Yes, habits are established automatic actions that are difficult to change. Even if there is change, the change would take a long time. That is an undeniable fact.
With that understanding, we ought to realise that our children must never cultivate bad habits as once those habits had been inculcated in the child, there is so much problem for anyone to help that child change for the better.
Some of the habits can be an embarrassment to a person or a source of merriment to others. Those who study people and their mannerisms will find people interesting in many ways. There was one teacher who liked to wipe his sweat on his sleeves, causing those sleeves to be smelly and dirty by midday. There was even one teacher who would put up his legs every so often onto the table where the students could report whether he was wearing any socks. Once the student caused us to laugh by pointing out that the teacher concerned was wearing not only two totally different socks as could be seen from the designs but one of the socks was so dirty, possibly very smelly too (The boy who indicated the socks held his nose tightly closed as he cheekily pointed out the sock.), and it had such a big hole in it.
One young lady teacher with a beautiful figure had the habit of sitting onto the table top where all of us could have an eyeful of her beautiful legs and more. Perhaps, that was not just a habit but one of those clever ways of exposing ones' jewels without appearing to do so and secretly enjoying the admiring glances that move towards that direction.
Actually, writing about habits have lead me back to those good old days when there was so much fun in those wholesome mischief that we had. Of course, we did all that as we were just as curious as any teenager eager to know and to learn what made the opposite sex tick. It was good wholesome fun as we were innocent then, unlike the rascals of the present day (Perhaps,I judge them too harshly for they must be just as curious as I was and still am.) and we did not think anything more than what we appreciated. As for having fun at the expense of others, so long as the person we had fun on did not realise it, there was no harm done. We just had our smiles, our laughter and our jokes and those things drove whatever gloom there was away. For that short time, happiness was ours to have.
However, at the beginning of this year, I scrapped my old car to receive RM5,000 for it. If I had sold the old car, it would have fetched me very much less than a thousand ringgit. The condition for the five thousand ringgit in return for the scrapped car was that I bought a locally made car. So, I got myself a Proton Saga.
With the Proton Saga, whenever I wanted to signal to turn either left or right, I use my right hand to flick a lever and discover that the windscreen wipers started wiping under the hot sun. Oh, no! I should be using my left hand to flick the lever on that side for the signals. It was just the opposite of what I had for my old car. I found that it was difficult to change the habit of right hand for signals and left hand for wipers. Thus, I had to think before I act each time. Certainly, the action is slower. Every now and then, the hands, or is it the mind, would move the wrong lever and I would realise habits are hard to change. Once, I almost put my gear into reverse while moving as my mind automatically instruct my hand to pull the manual gear lever towards me which could be the exact action for the highest, the fourth, gear in the old car.
Yes, habits are established automatic actions that are difficult to change. Even if there is change, the change would take a long time. That is an undeniable fact.
With that understanding, we ought to realise that our children must never cultivate bad habits as once those habits had been inculcated in the child, there is so much problem for anyone to help that child change for the better.
Some of the habits can be an embarrassment to a person or a source of merriment to others. Those who study people and their mannerisms will find people interesting in many ways. There was one teacher who liked to wipe his sweat on his sleeves, causing those sleeves to be smelly and dirty by midday. There was even one teacher who would put up his legs every so often onto the table where the students could report whether he was wearing any socks. Once the student caused us to laugh by pointing out that the teacher concerned was wearing not only two totally different socks as could be seen from the designs but one of the socks was so dirty, possibly very smelly too (The boy who indicated the socks held his nose tightly closed as he cheekily pointed out the sock.), and it had such a big hole in it.
One young lady teacher with a beautiful figure had the habit of sitting onto the table top where all of us could have an eyeful of her beautiful legs and more. Perhaps, that was not just a habit but one of those clever ways of exposing ones' jewels without appearing to do so and secretly enjoying the admiring glances that move towards that direction.
Actually, writing about habits have lead me back to those good old days when there was so much fun in those wholesome mischief that we had. Of course, we did all that as we were just as curious as any teenager eager to know and to learn what made the opposite sex tick. It was good wholesome fun as we were innocent then, unlike the rascals of the present day (Perhaps,I judge them too harshly for they must be just as curious as I was and still am.) and we did not think anything more than what we appreciated. As for having fun at the expense of others, so long as the person we had fun on did not realise it, there was no harm done. We just had our smiles, our laughter and our jokes and those things drove whatever gloom there was away. For that short time, happiness was ours to have.
Monday, June 07, 2010
The guilty would probably never tell the truth?
A fight broke out among the two siblings, their loud voices and outburst of anger reaching the mother’s ears. The anxious mother rushed to investigate the matter to find both her children grappling with each other, their faces contorted in fierce anger. She shouted to them to stop the fight and after a few minutes succeeded in getting both to stop. With chest heaving, breathing heavily and arms hanging at their sides, they continued to glare at each other as the mother told them to tell her what had happened.
“He spat at me and called me ‘stupid’,’ one of them accused.
“Hmm! He slapped me first. So, what do you expect me to do?” the other demanded.
“Bluffing! You started it first,” was the respond.
Now who did the mother believe? How would the mother ever know the truth? I can tell you this: she would never know the truth. And a clever mother would not try to as it would be a futile effort. Which person is guilty? How would she know who was guilty when both claim to be the innocent party? The guilty would claim his story to be the truth and the other’s story to be a bluff. Of course, the innocent party would rightly insist his story to be the truth. There is no third party to tell the truth.
In the above true story, both of the people involved in the fight were children who just wanted to escape possible punishment from the mother. However, even when adults are the ones who are involved in a dispute, a quarrel or a fight, the same denial of wrongful acts or refusal to accept blame is evident. The guilty seldom admits his/her fault. It is always the other party who ought to be admonished. Many people just have the attitude that they cannot admit to any wrong.
And there are even those who are weaker who hide behind their weakness using it as a license to and even as a proof that it must be the other party who is wrong. “How could I have started it when he is the stronger one?” appears to be good logic but it may not be the truth. I have personally seen small guys disturb bigger guys and then shout for help when the bigger guys decided that enough was enough and give those little fellows a beating to teach them a lesson. Unfortunately, should the little fellows cry out for help claiming that those bigger guy are bullying them, such little fellows are usually believed.
Therefore, parents ought to be impartial, not always thinking that the little brother is always the one who is bullied. After all, there are younger brothers who know that they could get away with bullying their bigger brother. Parents ought to remember that even their little angels can be rascally and that the guilty party will most probably not tell the truth.
So, if there is a talk to be given, give both parties their lessons. Do not accuse anyone unless we see with our own eyes what did happen. In this way, a parent will not find himself or herself in the uncomfortable position of having wronged the party in the right. Respect for the parents would not be jeopardised.
A fight broke out among the two siblings, their loud voices and outburst of anger reaching the mother’s ears. The anxious mother rushed to investigate the matter to find both her children grappling with each other, their faces contorted in fierce anger. She shouted to them to stop the fight and after a few minutes succeeded in getting both to stop. With chest heaving, breathing heavily and arms hanging at their sides, they continued to glare at each other as the mother told them to tell her what had happened.
“He spat at me and called me ‘stupid’,’ one of them accused.
“Hmm! He slapped me first. So, what do you expect me to do?” the other demanded.
“Bluffing! You started it first,” was the respond.
Now who did the mother believe? How would the mother ever know the truth? I can tell you this: she would never know the truth. And a clever mother would not try to as it would be a futile effort. Which person is guilty? How would she know who was guilty when both claim to be the innocent party? The guilty would claim his story to be the truth and the other’s story to be a bluff. Of course, the innocent party would rightly insist his story to be the truth. There is no third party to tell the truth.
In the above true story, both of the people involved in the fight were children who just wanted to escape possible punishment from the mother. However, even when adults are the ones who are involved in a dispute, a quarrel or a fight, the same denial of wrongful acts or refusal to accept blame is evident. The guilty seldom admits his/her fault. It is always the other party who ought to be admonished. Many people just have the attitude that they cannot admit to any wrong.
And there are even those who are weaker who hide behind their weakness using it as a license to and even as a proof that it must be the other party who is wrong. “How could I have started it when he is the stronger one?” appears to be good logic but it may not be the truth. I have personally seen small guys disturb bigger guys and then shout for help when the bigger guys decided that enough was enough and give those little fellows a beating to teach them a lesson. Unfortunately, should the little fellows cry out for help claiming that those bigger guy are bullying them, such little fellows are usually believed.
Therefore, parents ought to be impartial, not always thinking that the little brother is always the one who is bullied. After all, there are younger brothers who know that they could get away with bullying their bigger brother. Parents ought to remember that even their little angels can be rascally and that the guilty party will most probably not tell the truth.
So, if there is a talk to be given, give both parties their lessons. Do not accuse anyone unless we see with our own eyes what did happen. In this way, a parent will not find himself or herself in the uncomfortable position of having wronged the party in the right. Respect for the parents would not be jeopardised.
“He spat at me and called me ‘stupid’,’ one of them accused.
“Hmm! He slapped me first. So, what do you expect me to do?” the other demanded.
“Bluffing! You started it first,” was the respond.
Now who did the mother believe? How would the mother ever know the truth? I can tell you this: she would never know the truth. And a clever mother would not try to as it would be a futile effort. Which person is guilty? How would she know who was guilty when both claim to be the innocent party? The guilty would claim his story to be the truth and the other’s story to be a bluff. Of course, the innocent party would rightly insist his story to be the truth. There is no third party to tell the truth.
In the above true story, both of the people involved in the fight were children who just wanted to escape possible punishment from the mother. However, even when adults are the ones who are involved in a dispute, a quarrel or a fight, the same denial of wrongful acts or refusal to accept blame is evident. The guilty seldom admits his/her fault. It is always the other party who ought to be admonished. Many people just have the attitude that they cannot admit to any wrong.
And there are even those who are weaker who hide behind their weakness using it as a license to and even as a proof that it must be the other party who is wrong. “How could I have started it when he is the stronger one?” appears to be good logic but it may not be the truth. I have personally seen small guys disturb bigger guys and then shout for help when the bigger guys decided that enough was enough and give those little fellows a beating to teach them a lesson. Unfortunately, should the little fellows cry out for help claiming that those bigger guy are bullying them, such little fellows are usually believed.
Therefore, parents ought to be impartial, not always thinking that the little brother is always the one who is bullied. After all, there are younger brothers who know that they could get away with bullying their bigger brother. Parents ought to remember that even their little angels can be rascally and that the guilty party will most probably not tell the truth.
So, if there is a talk to be given, give both parties their lessons. Do not accuse anyone unless we see with our own eyes what did happen. In this way, a parent will not find himself or herself in the uncomfortable position of having wronged the party in the right. Respect for the parents would not be jeopardised.
A fight broke out among the two siblings, their loud voices and outburst of anger reaching the mother’s ears. The anxious mother rushed to investigate the matter to find both her children grappling with each other, their faces contorted in fierce anger. She shouted to them to stop the fight and after a few minutes succeeded in getting both to stop. With chest heaving, breathing heavily and arms hanging at their sides, they continued to glare at each other as the mother told them to tell her what had happened.
“He spat at me and called me ‘stupid’,’ one of them accused.
“Hmm! He slapped me first. So, what do you expect me to do?” the other demanded.
“Bluffing! You started it first,” was the respond.
Now who did the mother believe? How would the mother ever know the truth? I can tell you this: she would never know the truth. And a clever mother would not try to as it would be a futile effort. Which person is guilty? How would she know who was guilty when both claim to be the innocent party? The guilty would claim his story to be the truth and the other’s story to be a bluff. Of course, the innocent party would rightly insist his story to be the truth. There is no third party to tell the truth.
In the above true story, both of the people involved in the fight were children who just wanted to escape possible punishment from the mother. However, even when adults are the ones who are involved in a dispute, a quarrel or a fight, the same denial of wrongful acts or refusal to accept blame is evident. The guilty seldom admits his/her fault. It is always the other party who ought to be admonished. Many people just have the attitude that they cannot admit to any wrong.
And there are even those who are weaker who hide behind their weakness using it as a license to and even as a proof that it must be the other party who is wrong. “How could I have started it when he is the stronger one?” appears to be good logic but it may not be the truth. I have personally seen small guys disturb bigger guys and then shout for help when the bigger guys decided that enough was enough and give those little fellows a beating to teach them a lesson. Unfortunately, should the little fellows cry out for help claiming that those bigger guy are bullying them, such little fellows are usually believed.
Therefore, parents ought to be impartial, not always thinking that the little brother is always the one who is bullied. After all, there are younger brothers who know that they could get away with bullying their bigger brother. Parents ought to remember that even their little angels can be rascally and that the guilty party will most probably not tell the truth.
So, if there is a talk to be given, give both parties their lessons. Do not accuse anyone unless we see with our own eyes what did happen. In this way, a parent will not find himself or herself in the uncomfortable position of having wronged the party in the right. Respect for the parents would not be jeopardised.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Love carries no guarantee.
"How can the son beat up his own father?' Incredible as it seems, such things do happen, for all persons have feelings and different people have different levels of control over their emotions and actions. Of course, the unexpected and unacceptable act here is based on the belief that a son would never hurt a father whom he ought to love.
People tend to forget that love for someone depends upon the care and attention given. In an earlier post I have written about everything in life being like a wall with our actions like a rubber ball, a ball which would bounce back in return the same way we had thrown it. You throw gently and gently the ball would return. Throw it hard and it bounce back just as hard. Throw a smile and a smile is what you will get. Glare at someone and the person would respond similarly. Love the child and the child would love you just as much. Ignore the ball and it would not react. Love from a child, like everything else, is the same.
Some parents do not bother to spend time with their children, merely letting them grow up by supplying food and drinks as well as a shelter. These parents give attention and love to the children only when they were cute and cuddly. Then as they grow up, become less cute and cuddly and more of a nuisance when natural curiosity cause them to hold this or that, breaking things in the process, parents may lose interest and get fed-up with them. With time, such parents, sometimes due to a heavy workload, may even ignore the children very often. (In fact, as a disciplinarian, I had a case in which the father returns home very late at night only when the son was asleep and was still asleep when the son woke up to go to school. Of course, it led to no communication between father and son. The son felt neglected and soon problems cropped up.)
so, with a feeling of being neglected, can we blame the child for his unhappiness at being expected to respect or obey his parents?
Do you know that being neglected can be very painful, especially when the neglect is by someone we love? It is, I can tell you that. But then, how do children demand not to be neglected? There just isn't any way children can overcome the problem except to sulk and show his unhappiness through some undesirable act or behaviour. And should the parents still do not give the expected attention, love gradually goes out through the window. Being somebody's child does not mean that the child must love that somebody. Love is not guaranteed. It has to be fostered and grown.
Therefore, parents must be responsible and not think of having a child unless they are ready and willing to give love, time and effort to the individual we have caused to start life on this earth. As parents, we are responsible for his growth and well-being in every sphere of life. Being a parent is a great responsibility as the child's presence and his/her deeds will have an influence, be it good or bad, on the lives of every body in his vicinity, if not the world.
People tend to forget that love for someone depends upon the care and attention given. In an earlier post I have written about everything in life being like a wall with our actions like a rubber ball, a ball which would bounce back in return the same way we had thrown it. You throw gently and gently the ball would return. Throw it hard and it bounce back just as hard. Throw a smile and a smile is what you will get. Glare at someone and the person would respond similarly. Love the child and the child would love you just as much. Ignore the ball and it would not react. Love from a child, like everything else, is the same.
Some parents do not bother to spend time with their children, merely letting them grow up by supplying food and drinks as well as a shelter. These parents give attention and love to the children only when they were cute and cuddly. Then as they grow up, become less cute and cuddly and more of a nuisance when natural curiosity cause them to hold this or that, breaking things in the process, parents may lose interest and get fed-up with them. With time, such parents, sometimes due to a heavy workload, may even ignore the children very often. (In fact, as a disciplinarian, I had a case in which the father returns home very late at night only when the son was asleep and was still asleep when the son woke up to go to school. Of course, it led to no communication between father and son. The son felt neglected and soon problems cropped up.)
so, with a feeling of being neglected, can we blame the child for his unhappiness at being expected to respect or obey his parents?
Do you know that being neglected can be very painful, especially when the neglect is by someone we love? It is, I can tell you that. But then, how do children demand not to be neglected? There just isn't any way children can overcome the problem except to sulk and show his unhappiness through some undesirable act or behaviour. And should the parents still do not give the expected attention, love gradually goes out through the window. Being somebody's child does not mean that the child must love that somebody. Love is not guaranteed. It has to be fostered and grown.
Therefore, parents must be responsible and not think of having a child unless they are ready and willing to give love, time and effort to the individual we have caused to start life on this earth. As parents, we are responsible for his growth and well-being in every sphere of life. Being a parent is a great responsibility as the child's presence and his/her deeds will have an influence, be it good or bad, on the lives of every body in his vicinity, if not the world.
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