No need to follow others.

Today I had a visitor who shared something which i believe could be of benefit to almost anyone. This friend was chatting with me when the subject of her getting a marriage partner arose.
"You ought to find someone to share your life with," was the advice given by a concerned friend. Of course this brought a certain amount of discomfort to this friend as her philosophy of life was obviously different from many but then there was nothing odd about her as her thinking and life is definitely well-balanced with much logic and truth in many ways. I certainly agree to her way of life and thinking.

Her philosophy on such matters is that every one of us are individuals with very different wants and needs. When it comes to women, some grow up wanting a family while others prefer to be on their own. Whatever their stand on the matter, so long as they find happiness who can claim they are wrong in their choice. No one in fact can dictate that his or hers is the only way to true happiness. And no one way is the perfect vehicle to bliss as experience and observations will easily point our the many pitfalls in both situations. The debate will carry on decades to come and none will become the wiser.

I did find happiness in marriage although there were a few times when the sea can be choppy. So, I can point out to her the number of benefits of a good married life, one of which is the opportunity to share whatever glories and triumphs, disappointments and sadness with someone who is almost constantly available to double your joys and diminish your pain, someone who can be depended upon to encourage you to overcome whatever obstacles in your path. There are many more points that could be factors to consider for marriage.

But then, she has her points too. She told me that once a marriage is concluded, change to the situation is no longer viable. According to her, in a marriage one partner is always subjected to the supervision of another. So, you cannot do whatever you wish freely, such as the woman going out with a man friend without having to give an account of the evenings events. Why should we have to subject ourselves to such things, as though our lives are no longer our own, having to answer to someone else our very own actions and our own lives. She obviously abhors such possible questioning by one's spouse.

And, she added, there is always the possibility of change. After a number of years, some may meet someone attractive enough to pull them away. Imagine the pain and sequences of events that can take place which can disrupt the harmony in their lives, when it happens to someone in a marriage. There would be divorce and accusations of one kind or another from both the parties. One could claim he/she has been neglected and that had led him/her to another's arms while the other partner could claim that there was never real care and understanding in the marriage. There would be a lot of fury, noise and an inevitable traumatic break-up. Whereas for those who remain single always, it is understood that no one has the right to prevent or feel cheated by such a change. Friendship could even continue as one of the partners goes off into another direction. She told me she had been very close with two such friends and are still friendly with them despite no longer being that close.

After all, she stressed, if someone is happy as a single why would that person be expected to change and follow others in what they do. Well, marriage is just not her cup of tea.

Furthermore, as a single, she has the freedom of movement and decisions available to her at all times. In fact, she is thinking of going to stop her work as a teacher and head for another country to study further. This is not the first time she has done so and she strongly believes, there could always be obstacles to such moves if she were already married. As for money, although she has probably not sufficient to last the two year course, she is going as she need not be responsible to anyone for whatever financial decisions she makes. Worse comes to the worse, she would just return home half-way through the course to earn more money should the money run dry at any time during the course. Would that kind of action be easy for a married man or woman? Leaving a family in such circumstances could be termed irresponsible, but a single woman is only responsible for herself. And the situation does not make her unhappy at all as she looked at it as being lucky; lucky to not have to be responsible to anyone else and lucky to be given the opportunity to try to see her way through the course on such a precarious financial position.

She is without doubt a really plucky woman with a very positive and admirable outlook on life. So, rightly or wrongly, she has made her own free choice to be happily single ever in control of every act and path she takes to live life to the full, consistently certain that happiness is available to her always.

When she tells me her conviction of her actions, I could see the wisdom behind her thoughts. However, by so saying I am not implying that married people are not wise for I was married to my wife till death did us part and I certainly have my wisdom. (As one previous girl-friend once muttered, 'Boasting again.' but then what can I do under this circumstance.) All of us have our own strong belief, be it to get married or to remain single and I must insist that all of us are right until for some, circumstance beyond their control prove them wrong.

Whatever it is live life with confidence regardless of the many potholes in our path for as long as the urge to live is there, happiness can be found if we persist in getting out of those potholes and get on with living. There is always life in living.

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

Sometimes it is good to be down on our luck. When we are down, there is simply no other way to go but up. The only thing we have to remember is never ever to stay down forever. We may agonise over our tragedy a little but climb up again we must.

Some great achievers made it because of an earlier failure. When we fail, we are ready to try on anything as there is nothing to lose but everything to gain. In fact, unless we are changing places of work or relationships, if we try for something new, there is always nothing to lose but everything to gain.

'Everything to gain, nothing to lose' were the words in substitute teacher, Kyle DeVan's mind when he was offered a chance to play football for Boise Burn of arenafootball2. You see, not only did he have nothing to lose, he gained the opportunity to show his football talent with arenafootball2. As a result, the Colts noticed him and he landed on their training camp where he was impressive enough to be given a place to play on their team.

The admirable part about Kyle DeVan was his 'never give up' attitude. You see, DeVan played college football, did not get to play after signing up with the Washington Redskins and the New York Jets. Later, back on practice with the New York Jets, he was removed again.

A lesser man would have called it quits but not Kyle DeVan. Here is a man who still hangs around for another chance. He may encounter obstacles but it was not the end for him. The opportunity was still out there.

To tide him over, to get money to pay his bills, he became a substitute teacher. And when the opportunity came in the guise of arenafootball2, he jumped at it and proved himself a footballer of note.

Here is another excellent example of how consistent effort and determination got a man the place he wanted in life. It also shows us why we should be ready and look out for opportunities which are always there. When one door closes, another will open.

However, we need the ego to improve ourselves.

In my previous postings, I have told of the times I fell or crashed while on my motorcycle and it was all because of my strong ego. I was the one. I am still the one. To show the world how good I was, be it on a motorbike or a tall tree, my ego was willing to risk my neck and my life.

There were also the times I almost got into deep trouble, like the time when I had an encounter with the gangsters. Fortunately, I had my strength and courage to support my ego.

True, ego can bring us problems and misunderstandings. However, it is also important to have an ego. Without the ego, none of us would ever be anything. Without the ego, there would not have been any pride. Without pride in oneself, we would not desire to be the best in whatever we do. Without the ego, we would not bother to overcome obstacles and prove to ourselves that we are just as good as any other. Without my ego, there would not be me; Ong Ai Wei would not be the adventurous, hardworking, caring, loving guy who is always game enough to face whatever challenges life throws at him. Those who know me would know this to be true while those who doubt this cannot have known me well enough. See, how egoistic I can be. And I believe it is good as without it, I would not still be striving to be the best at my age.

Looking back, I was an excellent teacher, having all, with not even one failure, my art and craft students pass the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia art and craft paper every year. Though I did not get 100% passes in the SPM English paper, the percentage during all those years was something I could be proud of. And when it came to gymnastics, during the late sixties and early seventies, my first school team, the St. Michaels Secondary School team from Alor Star was the champion in Kedah state every year I was their coach. When it came to Sekolah Menengah Tengku Ismail from which I retired, the team was constantly in the first or second placing in the state.
All my efforts and training were powered by my ego.

I am what I am today because of my ego. Without my ego and self-esteem, I would not have stayed the course which was full of obstacles and pain.

So, although we have to beware of the problems our ego may lead us to, we should also let the ego power us to the greater things all of us are capable of as we remove all boundaries that may hinder our direction to better things to come. What I have in mind is control and guidance of the ego towards the right direction, the right path through right decisions.

Decisions, confidence and life.

When someone tells you to jump across a wide drain, do you do it? At a metal barrier which is about four feet high, do you vault over it, knowing that you had done it ten years ago?

Well, I would do it for those are two things I did recently. Since my teenage days, after I have taken up body-building and found that I was just as strong as any other if not more so, I have done all those so called dangerous things. Oherwise, I would not have taken up gymnastics which can bring one's self-esteem down easily. Perhaps, it was my ego. Well, through the years, my ego has mellowed a little through knowledge and understanding from experience and places such as The Art of Living Centre.

When my wife was around she would often caution me. Still I went ahead and did some of the things which she would consider too adventurous and dangerous. It was my ego, fo course. To be the hero has always been strong in me somehow. There are times I succeeded and that brought that wonderful top of the world feeling I have always desired. Of course, there were times when I had to smile sheepishly as I drag myself out of the undignified situations I put myself into. I had been fortunate to have escaped any permanent injury in the spins and spills I endured. Thank God for that.

So, I was really sorry to read in Yahoo!. News today that a young man of twenty-six from Salt Lake City died after he was stuck upside down in an L-shaped underground cave for twenty-eight hours. He could not be saved despite recuers' attempts to get him out with drilling equipment, rope and a pulley system.

This young man was an experienced caver who had even led groups of cavers into other more dangerous caves. Certainly, he must have known the dangers involved. He must have been very confident of his ability to explore such a cave. Perhaps, it was this overconfidence which was his undoing. Having been able to get out of dangerous situations easily can give one the confidence to tackle other dangerous situations without putting much thought into it. I have known this kind of feeling as I have had such kind of confidence with my gymnastic ability and my motorcycle control.

However, upon reading this story of this caver, I think we should not throw caution to the wind unless a situation deems it necessary. We should think of possible consequences when the situation presented us is not a life or death issue. Yes, it is great to be be a 'hero' but is it worth it?

Then again, what would life be like if it is boringly safe and uneventful? Well, we will just have to balance between the two. Judgement is important here. Take risks but if the percentage is too high, so high that we cannot stand a chance of winning, then, if we can, just walk away from it.

I suppose this is something that every individual has a responsible for: his own life. Nobody can do it for us. Judge the situation and decide for yourself what to do. Is not that life? We go through life making choices.