There is a little bit of evil in us.

There is this friend, an animal lover who has again and again shown herself to be someone who loves animals to the extent of going out of her way to care for them, treat them or give assistance where and when necessary.

We were having lunch eating a kind of steamed flat noodles with fish, eggs and mushroom in a light sauce when she asked me whether it was true that a child is born good and it is only later that we learn to be bad.

My reply was: That is what has always been said. What do you think?

She told me about a guy who caught a rat in a trap one day. The guy told his friends how he got hold of some cooking oil, poured it over the rat and set fire to it before letting the rat run out of the trap. She told me that was really cruel for that rat was burnt to death, suffering from extreme pain before death came to its rescue.

But then, she added it is not that she herself was all that good either. Once, just the guy in the first story, she caught a rat in a trap and thought of her cats. She attracted the cats to the trap and had them waiting to pounce on the rat as soon as she opened the trap-door. Of course, her cats got the rat for their food. She told me that although in nature the rat is possible food for the cat, it could have escaped death if those cats were not placed ready to catch it. She said she enjoyed the sight of the rat being caught by the cat. She admitted that she had that little bit of sadistic streak in her.

When she had finished her story, I realised I too had at one time or another been guilty of demostrating such sadism. Sadism in humans is in fact very common. How many of us get pleasure from saying words that make others feel uncomfortable or hurt others. How many of us have instigated another to some undesirable or healthy activity. How many of us have challenged others knowing full well that that person would certainly end up the loser or the sufferer. Even as youngsters, how often has the stronger squeezed the hands of the weaker that little bit harder to have the other person grimace with pain or discomfort? A very common occurrence during those egoistic youthful period of our lives. Yes, it has a lot to do with ego, the show of superiority over somebody or something. Bullying, for example, is one clear cut indication of sadism among children.

Could it be that adults inadvertently cultivated such sadism? At this point I remembered a scene where a child hit an adult on his hand. Although not painful, just to entertain the little child, the adult pretends to cry. That first surprised the child. Getting over the surprise, the child laughed at the adult. The child did the sme act again, hitting the adult with the adult reacting in a similar manner which gives the child pleasure. Apparently without any harm to anybody, is such a play an unintentional lesson for the development of sadism? What do you think?

If it is the fault of the ego inherent in each and every one of us, then she is right in claiming that a child is not born totally good for every child is born with an ego. No? If sadism had been taught or acquired through actions or some other means that take place while the child is developing, then the saying that a child is born innocent or good is true.

Well, whatever it is, as long as our ego is our master, we will find it difficult to rid our world of a lot of problems caused by humans. And most, if not all, of our problems come from the deeds of Man.

What is the most dangerous?

Yesterday I went to an Indian temple in Harvard Estate near Gurun and started a new chapter in my life with the first lesson on spiritual therapy.

I was prepared with all the necessary equipment. However, as it was my first day in this class I went early and it was a fairly long wait for the next few students to turn up. By the time they did it was already nine-thirty at night with the surroundings in deep darkness as the temple was in the middle of an oil palm estate.

The master whom we called 'Bapa' first questioned each of us regarding the reasons we were there for such a spiritual therapy. After going through the reasons he told us to be earnest in our study of what is to be us. That we must be confident of ourselves and our desire to learn, that as we learn we must have the confidence that whatever power that we may achieve does not depend any other person but ourselves for the power lies in us. Nobody can help us if we do not have the confidence of achieving what we are set to learn.

Henceforth he told me something which struck me as a universal truth, that nothing in this world is evil but the evil of humans. No spirit or devil will do any wrong or harm except that which a human gets it to do.

No spirit would for example possess a person and cause him harm except when another him had ordered it to do. So, it is merely obeying the evil desires of some evil human. Therefore, do not hurt or harm it unless circumstances force you to it.

At this, I thought of all the weapons of destruction that we have in this world and how all those weapons does no harm, maybe ensure our safety unless someone misuse them.

Take the terrorists in our world. Most of those suicide bombers would not have wanted to die unless they have been brain-washed into believing the glory that they would achieve in doing so. There would have been no gory mass of dead bodies killed by bombs had not some evil mind of man used some humans to perform those destructive deeds.

It was man and the craze for power and wealth that caused all that we abhor. It is the evil in man that caused the world so much misery but so often we blame all those wrongs on the innocent spirits, innocent people and things that have been used by such evil people.

So, if those people could think right, evil can be avoided but that is the most difficult task of all. It is humans who are the most dangerous on this earth.

Conflicting information about plastics.

It was many years ago I read about chemicals from plastic containers leaching into the water. At that time I was using plastic bottles which I had bought with half a litre of mineral water or drinking water. What I did was I replaced the bottles with new ones containing mineral or drinking water that I had bought from the supermarket.

Then, one day I read that those very plastic bottles were not safe for reuse due to the leaching of dangerous chemicals from the plastic; that the only safe plastic containers must be numbered or graded a 7 and upwards to be safe. So I took my wife and children to the supermarket to look for safe plastic water containers to carry water around so that we consume sufficient amount of day each day so as to be healthy. Those plastic water containers were made of hard plastic and were quite expensive at that time.

Now, whoever spread that knowledge must have been out to earn a fast buck from the consumers for recently I read of chemicals leaching out not from those soft plastic containers that I once used each time I finished the half a litre of mineral water but from the hard plastic containers that I paid quite a sum for to escape drinking dangerous chemical tainted water. So all plastics, be they plates, cups or bottles that are hard, contain this synthetic chemical called bisphenol. And according to the experts, bisphenol-free bottles are available in the supermarket. So, it looks like I would have to throw all my plastic containers away and replace them with new bisphenol-free bottles and containers. And according to the information, soft plastic is bisphenol-free. Thus, it is back to bottles used to contain mineral or drinking water once again.

Well, perhaps I should forget about using plastic bottles but turn to good stainless steel containers for my water.

But I still wonder what happened to have us receive the information that those soft plastic bottles could bring along the danger of leaching chemicals when the recent information deem such soft plastic safe.

Is that the way to give in?

"If there is something they want and they don't get it immediately, what do your children do?" one friend asked another.
"My kids are all grown and I never had problems with them but the neighbour's children always shout and demand till they get what they want. Otherwise, you hear them at the top of their voices going on for such a long time. Usually, I close the door and move into the room farthest away from their house but you still can hear their grouses," the other friend observed.

"What do the parents do under such circumstances?" his friend wanted to know.
"Well, sometimes not a sound came from the parent but then there are times when both seem to be having a quarrel and at such times I just don't know how she could stand such nonsence," he told his friend.

I was standing nearby and what they said I noted with interest. Is what I heard the result of too busy parents who are both out somewhere most of the time with hardly any quality time to spend with their children? But then what about the love for the precious children or are those children no longer precious? And how is it that they could allow such tantrums to occur so often?

I am the proud parent of two wonderful children who loves and respect their parents just as their parents had always love and respect them. Although I was very busy with my morning teaching and evening training of my gymnasts at least five days a week when they were growing up, the rest of the time was for my children. Their interests were my interests and their joys were my joys. They wanted a hen and I wished to have that hen in my garden. They wanted fish and the fish was bought. They wanted walks in the low hills behind the house and we took walks. I planned our weekend outings with what they can possibly be interest in. So in many things there was no need for tantrums and therefore they knew not how to throw tantrums. But then I did not pamper them. Far from it, I never allow them things that were not good for them. But there are ways to tell a child something is neither good nor suitable.

Regarding teaching a child what are neither good nor beneficial, allow me to tell you about cigarettes. At a very young age I have studied and known the bad effects of unnatural substances such as smoke in one's lungs because of poor health during my younger days, the frustrations of being weak. So, at the earliest opportunity I reacted negatively towards the smell of smoke and showed my obvious dislike of such smell. Yes, they learn to dislike the smell of smoke from me and since then, when they were young, they would hurry me away from an area where smokers were puffing away.

As for some expensive toys which I feel are not worth that price, I would explain to them that they are just too expensive, that with that money we could buy so many this and that. As I have always been close with them (That's the secret!) they knew that I care for them and have their interest at heart at all times and because of that they do not demand. Sometimes I have observed that they could be reluctant to let go of the idea of having something but in the end they understood. Once, in fact (I have written about this in an earlier post.) my elder child was interested in a very expensive toy and as it was after his excellent results in the standard six, primary school results, I told him that if he wished it, he could buy it but after looking longingly for some time, he stopped me from calling for a salesperson to get the toy and told me it was not only expensive, it was of not much use to him.

So, when our children ask for something, talk nicely to them. If they need it and it's good for them and it's affordable, we should give it to them and enjoy their happiness. However, if it is not good for the child, tell the child the reason and if its unaffordable, tell the little one. And if the little one is too young to understand, give the child a choice of something else but no tantrums. Anyway, such problems would not arise if parents had always thought of their children's needs and wants. If they do, then happiness is always available and that would never cultivate any tantrums.

Why tantrums? Children throw tantrums because they know that is the way to get what they want. And the worse effect on the tantrum-throwing child is that that child would be using the same technique throughout his/her life. Parents may tolerate tantrums but not others. Others would just disappear and the child will find loneliness in his/her world unless he/she is very wealthy, but he/she will never have true friends for such 'ants' are only around for the sugar. And should that wealth go away, so will those ants.

So, who do you think encourage some children to throw tantrums? Yes, it is the parents, parents who do not care or know enough to do the right thing.

The inheritance of wealth.

Money is the one subject that crops up every now and then and there is never an agreement on thoughts regarding this topic.

At first the group of friends were talking about a rich man who was on the verge of death and the children already discussing about the ownership of the various businesses that he had. This lead to disagreements and some ill-feelings which was not there before. And they came to the conclusion that although the man was excellent at managing his wealth, he certainly did not plan for his own demise so as to ensure that his family would not face the distasteful decision of allotting the wealth in a fair and proper manner.

Then one of them asked what was meant by fair and proper. How easy can it be fair if he left behind a wife and ten children with six companies of varying sizes? Who would get the six companies with the other five sharing the cash in the banks or investments? With the money in banks and investments, it can be divided equally but what of the companies. Even though those companies have a value to them, an established and bigger one could generate more wealth much more easier than less established or smaller businesses. When it comes to investments, there is so much uncertainty in their growth or downfall.

Then again, a parent has to be fair to the children. If a child has been working at a certain company, developing it together with the father, then that child ought to be given special preference to inherit that company. Those who have gone off on their own to build their own fortune should be considered too but after those who have played a part in building up the businesses.

Of course, as the group rightly figured, it is not going to be as simple as that. So, they thought of one certain way to prevent any quarrel or disagreement, verbally or legally, which is to have a will. A wish would have everything in black and white regarding the dying person's wishes, be they fair or otherwise. Some of the children may still have their unhappiness and sometimes what is written or given may not be fair, but since it is the dying parent's wish, that will has to be respected. Therefore, a will is of great importance to many people.

For those with less wealth, there is this government body which looks into the division of inheritance left behind. They have a formula for the division of property among the people the dead leaves behind. Of course a very small percentage of the whole sum will have to be paid to the government body for managing all this.
And usually, when the amount is small or negligible, there is no problem.

Well, looks like everything in this life up to one's death is looked after by humans. This is the benefit humans derive from the benefit of possessing brains, one of which is solving problems. So, it is not a problem any longer.

Do we have the right person for the job?

The other evening I visited a friend in Bandar Perdana, Sungai Petani. She is a teacher and she told me of the tension she has to face each day because of the principal of her school. As a retired teacher, I was all interest as I wanted to be aware of what is happening in our schools these days.

She told me of a self proclaimed religious man who make life for all those teachers who do not know how to polish his apples. I was in this teacher’s house and I saw the piles of exercise books she took home to have them marked. She obviously had her time full completing her job as a English Language teacher. Yet, the principal was never satisfied all because she was never a ‘yes’-man, or woman if you prefer. The principle wanted her school teachers to produce the best results in public examinations and he told this teacher she was doing enough. The question here is ‘What is enough?’. Frustrated at being not appreciated for the work she had put in, she told him, “I’m sorry, sir but I have done the very best I can.” For that, he was not happy with her and since then had looked for fault with her. Being a conscientious lady she felt the tension as she found that every effort she put in was not enough for that principal.

Yet, that principal was not exactly the model for the teachers to follow. Though he was supposed to enter particular classes for a certain subject, he did not do so. In fact he was brash enough to sat to his teachers, “What can anyone do to him for not going to teach? Anybody who wants to can go and report me. Who dares?” Such a poor model for his teachers. Yet, with the authority he holds, he demands so much from the teachers that whatever they do is never sufficient. So, the teachers only hope for a transfer out of the school to another place where the principal is more understanding and appreciative. This teacher is one of those who pray for a transfer as soon as possible as they are unable to stand the principal’s demands any longer. In fact she was at one point even considering suicide. She was so depressed that I had to explain to her that suicide is never the out of any problem. We must value the only life that God has given us and not allow anyone to forgo this gift from God. So, I told her that since the man is unreasonable, we need not have to bother about him. We do our work and as long as we have performed conscientiously, god will approve and that is more important than any approval from any human. Furthermore, if it is fear of any kind of action taken against us, as long as we can show from the loads of effort we have put in, nobody, no matter how powerful can take action of us. So, carry on working for the students, self and God and put aside the unworthy stress put on by others. With that I hoped that her mind will be clearer as to what counts and what is unimportant in our lives.

I understand her position well as my late wife was under such a headmistress once. I knew what happened and how the pressure was so great that it lead to depression and eventually sickness and her death. The unfortunate thing is that such principals and headmistresses are good at cultivating strong relationships with the top authority which of course chose these people to be the heads of the schools. Of course, not every head is chosen because of whom they know. But even the small number is sufficient to create problems for an average of at least twenty teachers per school. Imagine that if ten such heads are chosen in this manner, two hundred teachers would have to suffer unnecessarily.

Well, here again we see the craze for power is the problem. People who crave for power would do almost anything to move into a position of power and being the head of a department, school or organisation is one way of achieving that. With that as the motivating factor they would go the extra mile and befriend someone up the ladder of authority. When appointed not because of management ability but as a crony, they can wield their authority on others while enjoying the position they hold without need for performance for they knew whatever complains made against them would only find their way into the dustbin, chucked there by their crony. Because the one complained against is a crony, no action can be expected.

Now, if a crony is able to perform well, by being firm, just and appreciative in the management of the body he/she has been appointed to, well and good but if the crony is incapable of being a good professional manager, then the department he/she is charge of suffers. More so if it is a school as when teachers are unhappy and depressed, students will receive some of the side-effects. So many people will have to suffer because of the mistake of one person in authority. Therefore it is important to have really professional people hold the very top posts so that choices made on personnel and jobs are professional and for the benefit of everyone.

Encourage! Never force your children.

In the previous post I wrote that I hoped parents could get their children into activities to cultivate certain qualities in their children as a foundation upon which children can build their success. Jessica Cox’s parents laid the foundation for their child to face the challenges ahead by getting her involved in activities whereby she gained strength, agility, courage and a sense of achievement which stood her in good stead as she went about her daily tasks with the strength and agility or flexibility in her legs and toes to enable those tasks to be carried out satisfactorily. Those activities she took part in at such a young age obviously were suitable for preparing her legs and toes for the tasks required of them so that Jessica Cox could live her life independently. That, of itself was already sufficient to place her on par with every other human.

Now, imagine if every parent were to think of activities that could help prepare her child for life, would not that have given the child a head-start in life? However, not every activity is suitable for every child's needs. Furthermore, as individuals, children have their own natural inclinations and interests. Such things have to be taken into account when planning activities for the children.

Therefore, I have to stress that not every child is a Jessica Cox, by which I mean not every child treads the same path as hers. Born without arms, she need another part of her body to substitute for her arms, her legs and toes. For the legs to perform as arms, she had to start young to have her legs and toes get used to performing the tasks of holding, turning and pushing everyday objects. For those deeds, the toes need strength and agility, and those early activities built up the necessary strength and agility for her success. Yes, she needed gymnastics, dancing or tae-kwon-do to achieve the necessary strength and agility or courage.

However, different individuals born with differing weaknesses need different activities to prepare them for life. There are many roads leading to Rome and although different, a few of them could be suitable paths to take the children there to success. So not every child needs to pilot a plane or surf to reach success. The child could just as easily find his/her niche in music, writing or outer space. It can just be anything. So how should we know, a parent ought to ask.

Well, look at her inclinations. Where are the child’s interests? If the child is unsure, let the little one try whatever activities are available, encourage the little one to try out anything and everything. And if the little one is shy or fearful, give a nudge towards the things and be there to give confidence. In doing so, we give the child a chance to know his weaknesses and strengths. Even Jessica Cox has the obvious weakness of having no arms, and that lead her to find the strength in her legs. After that it was just the courage to try and the perseverance to learn to succeed. Remember that it took her three years to get her pilot’s licence. She could have given up after one year and become a quitter but she did not and that made the difference. From this, parents ought to realise children must be taught the virtue of perseverance. Give encourage to go on trying even when things look bleak. The best way to encourage to be there, to accompany the child at such times.

Children do want to learn and take on new activities with enthusiasm. However, if the inclination is not there, parents should never use force as then the child will fight against being involved and when that happens the battle is lost. Persuade, encourage and praise but there must be no force. Give a helping hand whenever necessary and the problems can be overcome. And even if one activity is rejected there are still many others which may prove helpful to the child. Thus, if one activity would not do, go on to others and for God’s sake, never give up. And if the little one does not reach the top of that activity like achieving a black belt in karate, it is no big deal. He or she may turn out to be a Kungfu or Tai-chi master. Who knows? Nobody can tell you that but as long as everyone is supportive, there is always hope of some kind of success. Just let the child’s inclination and interests lead to his/her niche in life.

And not all activities need to be physical. When it comes to Jessica Cox, the problem is physical and therefore requires physical remedies. Children may need academic or spiritual activities to improve their chances of success. Although spiritual may sound a little far-fetched, it may just be that which helps. After all I have seen the use of the English Language improved through attending church functions. Well, let us be open-minded and allow that all activities in one way or another can and do help children develop.

So go ahead and encourage the children to be involved to benefit as well as prepare for life ahead.

A tribute to Incredible Jessica Cox: Living life to the fullest with her best feet forward.

How many can drive cars? Almost everyone of us. How many of us have a black-belt in tae kwon do? A good number of you people out there do, I believe. How many people can surf a board on the waves? A small number, perhaps And how many can fly a plane? Very few of us, I think. Now those answers are for folks like you and me. How about if you are born without two arms? That’s right! No arms!

Last night, I slept rather late as I could not stop searching for everything there is to know about this one beautiful fantastic lady I was introduced to by Youtube. There she was standing with the greatest of confidence I have ever encountered in such a little 26 year old, 5 foot one inch tall, armless lady beside a plane and from Youtube I was to discover that this little beautiful lass was capable of everything on earth. That is the impression I get anyway and I think I cannot be wrong as she has proved to the world she can do things many people could not have done.

As I read on I realised I have encountered one of the greatest achiever of all times. She must have been sent by God to show others that the only limits to our lives are all in our minds. And she is the living walking proof of that undeniable fact. Here is a gal who believes that through creativity, persistence and the determination to conquer her fears, everything is possible.

Here is this lady, Jessica Cox, a Pilipino-American who was born in Tucson, Arizona, without arms. No doctor knew how that came about. Anyone would have thought people without arms would just sit helplessly and give up on life. However, as I searched the internet till late I discovered that there are quite a number of people who not only did not just throw down the towel but are successful with their lives.

One of the youngest happen to be a little girl who entered primary school this year at the age of seven. She is from Alor Star, Kedah, Malaysia and her name is Huang Zhaoqian. Despite being born with no arms, she copes with her homework very well by writing with a pencil between her toes. She attracted sufficient attention from Malaysia’s Moral Education Curriculum Committee to have them request for permission from her parents to have her story in next year’s moral education textbook. Then there is this very healthy lady, Barbara Guerra, who lost her arms in an accident at the age of two and a half. She can look after herself well, dressing up, doing her own make-up, brushing her teeth and other everyday activities and even driving her own car wherever she wants and a place she frequents often is the gym. So, people who make use of whatever they have instead of concentrating on whatever they do not have can still live life to the full. And Jessica Cox is one of three armless people who appeared in a one-hour documentary called ‘Born without Arms’ where these people reveal their struggles and talked about their accomplishments. The other two are Nadia and Mark.

When it comes to Jessica Cox, she went to school and just like Malaysia’s Huang Zhaoqian used her toes to turn the pages and write. Well, Jessica did use artificial arms from time to time but she threw them away as she found that they prevented her from doing what came naturally to her. She did wonder why she was not given two arms just like other people. However, she did not wonder too long. Instead she did what she could with what has. She has legs and toes, legs and toes which through practice and work became strong, flexible and capable of feats that helped her to handle things which normally require hands. With those legs and toes she is able to perform anything others use their hands to do. Thus, she is able to dress up, do her own make-up and look after herself such as eat, type, play the piano and even put in her own contact lenses. Even without arms, she also learned how to swim. She swam at the pool in the University of Arizona. Yes, at the university of Arizona for it was there that She studied well to emerge as a Psychology graduate with a bachelor’s degree. (Hope young Malaysian Huang Zhaoqian and her parents read this and be inspired by it.)

The second of three children, Jessica attributes part of her success in life to her parents, William Cox, a retired music teacher and her mother, Inez Macabare from the Philipines, a nurse as well as the support of her older brother, Jason and her younger sister, Jackie. Her parents gave her the confidence by treating her no different from her other children and so it was that she learned early to feed herself, play with toys, comb her hair and write with a pencil with her own feet. When she was three years old, the parents did not stop her from activities where others need their hands. Instead she was enrolled in gymnastic classes. (I know of so many parents who fear so much that their children would hurt themselves that their children were forbidden to take part in such activities. Imagine that! Parents instilling fear instead of providing confidence.) They did not stop at that. At the age of six years, Jessica was already attending swimming and dance classes. By age ten, she was into tae-kwon-do until she obtained her black belt in the seventh grade. And she went on to get her black belt twice! What a tough petite lass. Now we know where and how she became strong with her legs and gained so much agility and confidence in all her activities despite her slender frame.

Jessica Cox who is as fiercely independent as her mother, believes that that sort of attitude is the most important factor she had inherited from her mother. For that kind of independence to be possible, she had to overcome the odds with what she had, two strong legs. That is the formula for success; look for what is in us or what we have and use it. Unfortunately, most of us merely compare with others and complain about what we do not have instead of turning to what we have and using it.

And she is not just tough. She has artistic talent too. She can play the piano. Of course, she can write as she has her own website: www.rightfooted.com and that is where you can avail yourself of her photographs. Isn’t she a beauty? Oh, yes! She will be writing a book on her life with the title ‘Disarming prejudice.’.
Oh, yes, she can drive her own car without any adjustments to the controls. Like Barbara Guerra, she drives very well. When first learning to drive, Jessica was encouraged to use special modifications in her car. But even after her car was modified, she decided to remove them and drove without the changes. She holds an unrestricted driver’s license. With her right foot she grabs the buckles of her seat belt and locked the belt before slipping her body into it. She then turns on the ignition, adjusts the window and air conditioning controls, puts on the direction indicator signal and flips down her sun visor before driving off to her destination, steering with her right foot on the wheel as her left foot works the gas and brake pedals.

And last year in 2009, she became the first armless pilot to obtain a licence to fly a plane using her feet - one manning the steering column and the other the controls. Her license allows her to fly up to 10,000 ft on light sports aircraft. She took three years to gain her licence with her teacher Parrish Traweek guiding her on how to use the controls of the Ercoupe 415 plane with her feet. She was helped by the Able Flight organization which helps disabled people to gain self confidence through flying.

And believe it or not, she said that flying was her greatest fear. It was that fear which motivated her to strive for a few years to be able to fly, to conquer that fear. Well, how many of us are deterred from certain joys due to fear? In her, we see that fear can be overcome with effort and the desire to do it. Of course, as she implies, conquering fear is not easy but it can be done.

For a lady who admitted to being shy the first time she went on stage to dance, Jessica has certainly come a long way through her own steam. She overcame fear and shyness, two of the most debilitating factors in many people’s lives.
Encouraged by her success, she takes her first surfing lesson in Maui, Hawaii. On Youtube, I see her with her instructor going out to sea, then she gets up to stand on the surfboard. While the instructor pedalled with his hands she used her feet to move the surfboard forward. Later, with the instructor nearby, a short distance away in the sea, she stood and surfed all alone.

For a lady yet to reach her 27th birthday, she has come a long, long way without those arms. She has perhaps covered more distance than most people her age. However she was most fortunate to have what to a certain degree many people may lack or possess; loving and understanding parents, supportive siblings, self-dependence, determination, courage, perseverance, positive attitude and the right kind of activities to prepare her for the challenges ahead.

Parents can learn at lot from a study of Jessica’s success as you can see that at an age when she could not have comprehend fully the challenges she may face in life, her parents had started preparing her for a normal life, getting her to perform in activities which gives her the strength and flexibility as well as the much needed courage to live life to the full.

I believe this is one of my most important study of an individual as her life not only bring inspiration; she is an international motivational speaker; but also lessons on bringing up children.

The love of a mother..

Below is a story sent to me by email. It brought such heart-felt emotions to me as I read it. Let us share this story. It has been translated into English by some kind soul, Violet by name. Thanks to her, we have this touching piece.
*****************************

There were so many touching stories from the Wen Chuan earthquake. I cried so many times watching the news coverage in the past week. But this story from a friend has to rank as one of the most touching. As a salute to this mom, I have translated the original into English, so my non-Chinese-speaking friends could read it, and pass it around, too. It's a story that should not stay only within the Chinese community.
Violet
抢救人员发现她的时候，她已经死了，是被垮塌下来的房子压死的，透过那一堆废墟的的间隙可以看到她死亡的姿 势，
When rescuers found her, she was already dead, crushed by the collapsed house. Through gaps in the rubble, they could see her posture.
双膝跪着，整个上身向前匍匐着，双手扶着地支撑着身体，有些象古人行跪拜礼，只是身体被压的变形了，看上去 有些诡异。
Kneeling on both knees, her entire upper body bent forward, held up by her two hands pressed against the ground, as if performing the ceremonial bow in an ancient ritual. Except, her body had been compressed out of shape and looked somewhat eerie.
救援人员从废墟的空隙伸手进去确认了她已经死亡，又在冲着废墟喊了几声，用撬棍在在砖头上敲了几下，里面没 有任何回应。
A rescuer extended his hand through a gap and confirmed her death. He called out to her, and tapped on the bricks with his shaft, but received no response.
当人群走到下一个建筑物的时候，救援队长忽然往回跑，边跑变喊"快过来"。他又来到她的尸体前，费力的把手伸进女人的身子底下摸索，
As the team walked towards the next building, the squad leader suddenly turned back, yelling as he ran, "Come quick!" He came to her body, labored to maneuver his hand under her body, searching.
他摸了几下高声的喊"有人，有个孩子 ，还活着"。
He called out after some rummaging, "There's someone, a child, still alive."


经过一番努力，人们小 心的把挡着她的废墟清理开，在她的身体下面躺着她的孩子，包在一个红色带黄花的小被子里，大概有3、4个月大，
With some effort, rescuers carefully removed the debris burying her, found her child lying beneath her, bundled in a little red blanket decorated with yellow flower prints. He was about 3-4 months old.
因为母亲身体庇护着，他毫发未伤，抱出来的时候，他还安静的睡着，他熟睡的脸让所有在场的人感到很温暖。
Shielded by his mother's body , he was totally unharmed, sleeping peacefully as he was brought out. His soundly asleep face warmed the hearts of all rescuers on the scene.

　 随行的医生过来解开被子准备做些检查，发现有一部手机塞在被子 里，医生下意识的看了下手机屏幕，发现屏幕上是一条已经写好的短信
As the rescue team's doctor unbundled the blanket to examine the baby, he discovered a mobile phone tucked into the blanket. He had a quick look at the display and found that there was an SMS message.

"亲爱的宝贝，如果你能活着，一定要记住我爱你"，看惯了生离死别的医生却在这一刻落泪了，手机传递着，每个看到短信的人都落泪 了。
"My Dear Baby, If you were to stay alive, you must remember that I love you." No stranger to the pain and sorrow brought by death, the doctor nonetheless wept at this moment. The cell phone was passed around, every person who read the message wept.

Children need parents' attention.

The monitor of a class was sent to request my help as a young form three student refused to return to the class when he was found sniffing glue behind one school block. That was 1988 when I was the discipline-teacher of Sekolah Menengah Bakar Arang, the then most notorious school in Sungai Petani for gangsterism. Established just three years ago, there were lots of problems and being discipline-teacher kept me on my toes throughout the day as such a post brings problems from school as well as outside school hours.

One of the problems I encountered were children from families who were too busy with work or family tiffs, separation and divorce.

Returning to the child with his sniffing of glue, I had to approach the child slowly, talking to him from a distance in as quiet and calm a voice as I could muster. I knew I had to portray my concern for him to gain his confidence. There was no reprimand to be given, no demand for him to explain himself or return to class. I just sat down some distance from him, watched him and asked if he was alright. When he did not reply I told him I just wondered how I could help him. Then, I innocently asked him what it was he was holding in his hand. He showed me the small tin of glue. I slid a little closer, took a look at it and asked him what he was doing with it. He did not respond with any any words but merely looked at me as I went on to tell him that if there was any problem I was there to help him. I had to be patient and it took some time before he allowed me to take the tin of glue from him, each time moving just a little bit closer. Then with one hand over his shoulder, I told him I understood how he felt, although I did not as I have never sniffed glue or been high before. Nevertheless, I sat there for a little while longer before I got him to return to his class where i told the form teacher to let him rest at his place.

The next day I had a talk with his parents and told him the problem their child was facing, warning them that that child needed love and understanding more than any accusation or scolding. I told them that if they care for that child they have to give him more attention, know his activities and his friends.

Yes, children can be easily lead astray if there is a lack of attention on the part of the two most important people in their lives, the parents. In fact, as a disciplinarian in that school I learned a lot from those unfortunate children. Most of them went astray to find alternative attention in one form or another. I believe a study into our heroes and villains will lead to one conclusion; they perform all those deeds again and again because of the attention they beget. Even the ordinary man on the street perform whatever they do each day to get the necessary attention from their peers, their colleagues and their friends or whoever they come across.

And attention is least found in problem families where both parents no longer care for the welfare of their homes, both spending less and less time in the home with more and more time away somewhere else. In bigger families, the reduction in attention could be overcome with attention from other loving members of the family but if those other members do not care, hope for proper attention for those children is lost and they have to search for other sources of attention. Be the external sources of attention good or bad is a matter of luck. If the children are lucky they find some sources of attention beneficial, if not it can lead to drugs, theft and all kinds of possible mischief.

Therefore, a happy, loving family is the best place to nourish a growing child. Where there is love, there will always be care and when that is present there must be happiness and a beautiful path towards success in life.

There must be systematic planning.

Especially in the political field, we see many plans quickly thought of and before sufficient brain-storming had gone into the project, things were implemented.

This morning I gave a lift to a friend and she told me of the lengthy meeting she had the day before with departmental heads who wanted the civil servants to do things in a certain manner. What exasperated this friend most was the impractical aspect of the job.

Frankly, although I listened attentively and sympathetically, I could not quite comprehend where the problem was as I have never worked in an office in a government department. However, I believe she has grounds for her complaints. In most cases when politicians implement certain things, especially when they have never had the experience of working in such places, they do not have any idea of the practicability of the idea. How do i know that? That's a good question.

You see, I do not know about other departments in the government service but I certainly know a lot about the education department, especially the teaching and classroom aspects. Thinking back there ware projects in which they wanted schools to plan teaching with lots of audio-visual aids at one time. The idea was good but it failed in the long term because the planners did not plan to the end and eventually insufficient fund and material caused the project to fail.

Then there was this sudden Malaysian astronaut's visit to schools to motivate students to study rocket science and what not which also petered out.

Vocational schools was at one time used to assist weak students study less academic subjects and still be successful in other fields which are not academic. True that the idea is good but after a number of years we find that only bright students are given the opportunities to study in such schools. So, weak students were left with not place to go but to find apprenticeship in private workshops.

Someone even brought back a file type of record for teachers to fill and they called it the 001 and 002 cards. The aim of recording the students' capabilities and weakness in every aspect is good as with such records, the authorities could help the students to overcome their weaknesses. But the planning on the use of the feedback was not there. For example, a child finds difficulty in reading the words on the blackboard and this is recorded in the card but such a card is merely kept in a cupboard, not seen or read by anyone else and with no action taken, perhaps take the child to an optician and help him/her to get proper glasses should the child face financial problems in overcoming his/her weakness. There is no such action and no such fund, so it was just a record with no purpose.I think even to this day teachers are grumbling about filling cards which brings more work but no benefit to anyone.

Then there was the teaching of science and mathematics in English which was a way to give meaning to the learning of English which is seldom used by the student outside the classroom. Despite opposition from the citizens at the beginning, it was implemented with very good reasons as every country in the world is trying to improve this international language which is very necessary in a world which is opening up its borders. However, when certain groups continue to oppose despite results indicating that students can overcome whatever initial problems they face, politicians fear for their popularity and relented by scrapping the project together with the various reasons given for it. It was scrapped in midway which implies that the project was not given the chance to succeed and with that I believe we have gone one step backwards. No wonder other countries with poorer resources are catching up economically with our country.

And this year we have seen how a prime minister is so cautious as to appear to have lost his confidence by going back on projects suggested by the government.

It is time everyone, not just politicians, plan their future well. Planning is essential to success and unless one puts in efforts to plan things well from the beginning to its end, a project's success hinges on luck which is not always dependable. Sometimes the element of luck is involved but not always. We depend on just lady luck when unforeseen obstacles are plentiful and there is no turning back. Otherwise, good proper planning should get us through.

Teach your children money management.

As parents we wish to teach the children almost everything. Nowadays we even send them to tuition at the age of six years as if we fear that a morning of nursery class is not enough. But when it comes to money, do we ever train them how to realise its value, understand what money is and be able to manage it well so that no matter how much they earn, they can end up with sufficient to last the rest of their days?

Nowadays if we were to look at the bankruptcy column in the newspapers we see so many being so at such a young age. And if we enquire into the matter, we discover that for some people money control goes haywire with the use of credit cards. That is one reason the government requires that for every card we possess we have to pay fifty ringgit. Perhaps the intention is good but is it effective? Just one credit card's use is sufficient to put us in debt if we spend to the limit it permits us. For example, a person with a three thousand ringgit pension is given a limit of twelve thousand ringgit. The only reason we do not go into debt is our control over our expenditure despite the amount available to us.

So what do we teach our children. We can teach our children the wondrous power it gives us to purchase whatever makes our life good. We could teach him or her to make payments for food enjoyed, extending the money in exchange for toys and food and getting back the change. In doing so, we teach them how to count note and coins. And as they progress, let them buy some small household items. I see some streetwise children able to go to nearby sundry shops to buy things even at the age of five or younger, initially accompanied by bigger brothers or sisters. And these children know about money and how much they are holding.

Then, even if we are rich, we have to create the situation for understanding the limit of the amount available. Of course, if one is rich, everything a child needs is within the ability of the parents to buy but unless the child understands that there is such a thing as limit, the child would never have to think twice before purchasing anything and should that continue into adulthood, there can be problems if the untaught adult has unbridled desires for such addictive things as gambling and sexual pleasure. When it come to the child of a poor family his circumstances would be his very efficient teachers for he would have learned early that not all things are within his reach and he has to make choices, with priorities in mind, getting the necessary and forgoing the frivolous. The necessity for choice comes when money is limited. And in the adult world of most people, there is always a limit to what can be spent. And unless we learn this while we are young, there will always be loan sharks and and unsettled debts to make life miserable. (Oh, yes! I remember reading just this morning about a married couple in their forties who made a pact to commit suicide due to monetary woes. According to the news,the husband is to be charged for the murder of his wife when he could not summon enough courage to kill himself.)

As money is limited and the need for it is obvious, parents ought to teach children to save early. Teach them to put some of their pocket money aside. Show them how it can become useful when they wish to buy some special something that is priced somewhat higher than most things and which is not possible to purchase with their pocket money although the parents have the money to buy it for them. Such times our children can learn the reason for saving. For some people, the first time they learn the value of savings is when they think of the first payment for a car or a house.

Children ought to be taught about the need to save for another reason which is old age. As I have always pointed out, the world is our audio-visual aid for teaching our children. If we meet, read or know of unfortunate people who find themselves in financial problems due to poor management of money during their younger days, use them as examples of what can happen to people who do not save enough. Show them how savings multiply in fixed deposits and other kinds of investments. Teach them the need to save. Savings and the ability to manage it well can bring peace of mind when we realise that there is sufficient and the need for charity does not arise.

Then, of course, there are people who insists that the amount they have is not enough. The question here is what is enough. Is one ringgit enough for a meal? Some people may jump at the mention of such a low price for a meal. Do you know that in Sungai Petani, a one ringgit 'nasi lemak' or coconut-milk rice comes along with anchovies, a few slices of cucumber, some small prawns and half an egg. I have eaten such a meal and it is tasty. Of course, I add in a cup of raw greens such as spring onions and a good number of edible leaves which are tasty and good. Certainly, we do not hope to eat one ringgit meals everyday for the rest of our lives. Therefore, we should save so that we do not have to wonder whether what we have is enough. But if we are ready to take on life as it comes after learning how to save and manage our money as well as spend it wisely, then the question of 'Is it enough?' does not arise.

We are too sympathethic, perhaps.

God gave us brains so that all of us have the chance to use brain cells to gather knowledge so assist us in becoming intelligent so that we can judge what is right and what is wrong as well as make the right decisions. Everyone of us use this intelligence to live life to the fullest. So life depends upon the use of that acquired intelligence. Most use intelligence for work and good causes but some abuse their intelligence to deprive others of their hard earned money.

As humans we are a humane race, generally. As a social person we care for our fellow humans. So when another human is in trouble we tend to see how we can be of help. But then there are those who uses this knowledge to their advantage for quick and easy financial profits.

In a world where there is order and banks are available worldwide, there are still people who would have one believe that a story of being robbed could be used to elicit sufficient sympathy for strangers to send sums of money to the person robbed.

If you were this guy who is robbed, would not the police direct you to your embassy for assistance after your police report. Well, that was what did happened, according the sender of the email. However, according to him his own country's embassy (Which embassy? His country of origin is not given. Obviously it is not given so that a check on the truth of the matter cannot be made. With emails, it would be so easy to make a check.)did not seem to be interested in his problems which ought not be the case. The least the embassy would do would be to contact his relatives or place of work so that his problem could be solved. In fact, once confirmed a citizen of that country his embassy would take steps to send him home. With confirmation that he is whom he claims to be, his embassy could possibly even help him take money out from his bank account.

From what I see of the email sent me, it is a ruse to get some money. I believe many would receive such emails and being aware of them can help to prevent painful deprivation of cash. So, do read the email sent to me:
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MAY ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU HELP ME....
Hi, Hope you get this on time? I had a trip to United Kingdom yesterday for a medical program. I am presently in UK and I am having some difficulties here because I was robbed last night on my way to the hotel and unfortunately they took all my money, credit card and some of my valuable things, including my cell phone. I am confused now and I really need your help.The police only asked me to write a statement about the incident and directed me to the embassy, I have spoken to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively.Please can you send me $1,900? I just need some money so I can make arrangement and return home, as soon as I get home I will pay you back. I will appreciate any amount you can afford to help me with. Please let me know if you can be of any help ASAP?I currently don't have a phone where I can be reached.I will be waiting for your reply please. Mr collins.
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Knowledge helps us make the right decision. Being aware can prevent unnecessary losses.

Betray not the trust of your woman.

Let no man who has betrayed the trust of his woman sleep peacefully in her bed. What is a marriage but a union based on trust to help each other towards the path of bliss in any form imaginable. Therefore those who decide to marry must remember to honour that trust placed upon them. With that the home and certainly the master-bedroom is the best refuge from anything harmful to both the partners in marriage. However, when one betray the trust, no longer should one expect the master-bedroom to be the safest for a woman scorned is the worse enemy a man can ever find.

There was this Indian woman who suspected her husband of having affairs outside the home. Whether what is suspect can be true or not is immaterial for once the seed of suspicion is sown, no one can turn back the tide of hatred that swells in the heart of the one betrayed, be that with substance or otherwise.

Therefore it is essential in marriage for transparency to be in all deeds and times. With that there can be no suspicion and the devil cannot perform any divisive moves to the marriage.

Well, this woman must have thoroughly believed her suspicions and must have grounds for doing so, for she had lodged a police report against the husband for his infidelity. However, knowing that the police would be too slow in their actions, she decided to take matters in her own hands and teach him a most memorable lesson as making that police report was not sufficient to appease her own besieged mind. Of course, she knew she could never overcome her husband as she was admittedly weaker. Hah! But there are ways to weaken him as he has a weakness for drinking. So that night she spiked his drinks and sent him into a drunken stupor. In that drunken state he was defenceless as she went on to take revenge on him. Therefore, my dear friend, if you do drink make sure that your spouse loves and cares for you dearly, otherwise you drink at your own risk as this story will reveal.

That night, as the husband lay numbed and drugged by drink, she sharpened her kitchen knife and with one clean swipe severed his limp penis. Unfortunately, we are not told what happened to that penis after the incident. Was it sewn back and restored to its former state by a surgeon? Did she minced up the sausage look-alike? Was it given to the dog or a cat? Gruesome indeed when we think of the possibilities. Whatever it is, it is certainly safer to be faithful than to lose that pleasure-tool. Furthermore, how is the guy going to urinate after that? So, the next time when a friend gets itchy and you wish to get him 'to walk the line' for the sake of his family, tell him this story. Maybe not then but in later years, he will thank you for it. After all, it is not just the fear of losing a penis but also the danger of being presented with all kinds of venereal diseases.

And this is not the only true story. If you read the news daily, you know there are more cases of this popping up every now and then. Women are learning fast some of the ways to keep their men in line. Although it is somewhat cruel but then it does help to keep things right so that divorces do not happen as divorces bring lots of problems to many, the poor innocent children
and the person you once loved and most probably still do. It is time couples learn to be matured, to be fair to each other, to think of each others welfare and the consequences that ought not to come, especially to our children; consequences which can traumatise them for the rest of their lives. (I have personally seen the depression that can come to such children. God, is it fair?)

No need to follow others.

Today I had a visitor who shared something which i believe could be of benefit to almost anyone. This friend was chatting with me when the subject of her getting a marriage partner arose.
"You ought to find someone to share your life with," was the advice given by a concerned friend. Of course this brought a certain amount of discomfort to this friend as her philosophy of life was obviously different from many but then there was nothing odd about her as her thinking and life is definitely well-balanced with much logic and truth in many ways. I certainly agree to her way of life and thinking.

Her philosophy on such matters is that every one of us are individuals with very different wants and needs. When it comes to women, some grow up wanting a family while others prefer to be on their own. Whatever their stand on the matter, so long as they find happiness who can claim they are wrong in their choice. No one in fact can dictate that his or hers is the only way to true happiness. And no one way is the perfect vehicle to bliss as experience and observations will easily point our the many pitfalls in both situations. The debate will carry on decades to come and none will become the wiser.

I did find happiness in marriage although there were a few times when the sea can be choppy. So, I can point out to her the number of benefits of a good married life, one of which is the opportunity to share whatever glories and triumphs, disappointments and sadness with someone who is almost constantly available to double your joys and diminish your pain, someone who can be depended upon to encourage you to overcome whatever obstacles in your path. There are many more points that could be factors to consider for marriage.

But then, she has her points too. She told me that once a marriage is concluded, change to the situation is no longer viable. According to her, in a marriage one partner is always subjected to the supervision of another. So, you cannot do whatever you wish freely, such as the woman going out with a man friend without having to give an account of the evenings events. Why should we have to subject ourselves to such things, as though our lives are no longer our own, having to answer to someone else our very own actions and our own lives. She obviously abhors such possible questioning by one's spouse.

And, she added, there is always the possibility of change. After a number of years, some may meet someone attractive enough to pull them away. Imagine the pain and sequences of events that can take place which can disrupt the harmony in their lives, when it happens to someone in a marriage. There would be divorce and accusations of one kind or another from both the parties. One could claim he/she has been neglected and that had led him/her to another's arms while the other partner could claim that there was never real care and understanding in the marriage. There would be a lot of fury, noise and an inevitable traumatic break-up. Whereas for those who remain single always, it is understood that no one has the right to prevent or feel cheated by such a change. Friendship could even continue as one of the partners goes off into another direction. She told me she had been very close with two such friends and are still friendly with them despite no longer being that close.

After all, she stressed, if someone is happy as a single why would that person be expected to change and follow others in what they do. Well, marriage is just not her cup of tea.

Furthermore, as a single, she has the freedom of movement and decisions available to her at all times. In fact, she is thinking of going to stop her work as a teacher and head for another country to study further. This is not the first time she has done so and she strongly believes, there could always be obstacles to such moves if she were already married. As for money, although she has probably not sufficient to last the two year course, she is going as she need not be responsible to anyone for whatever financial decisions she makes. Worse comes to the worse, she would just return home half-way through the course to earn more money should the money run dry at any time during the course. Would that kind of action be easy for a married man or woman? Leaving a family in such circumstances could be termed irresponsible, but a single woman is only responsible for herself. And the situation does not make her unhappy at all as she looked at it as being lucky; lucky to not have to be responsible to anyone else and lucky to be given the opportunity to try to see her way through the course on such a precarious financial position.

She is without doubt a really plucky woman with a very positive and admirable outlook on life. So, rightly or wrongly, she has made her own free choice to be happily single ever in control of every act and path she takes to live life to the full, consistently certain that happiness is available to her always.

When she tells me her conviction of her actions, I could see the wisdom behind her thoughts. However, by so saying I am not implying that married people are not wise for I was married to my wife till death did us part and I certainly have my wisdom. (As one previous girl-friend once muttered, 'Boasting again.' but then what can I do under this circumstance.) All of us have our own strong belief, be it to get married or to remain single and I must insist that all of us are right until for some, circumstance beyond their control prove them wrong.

Whatever it is live life with confidence regardless of the many potholes in our path for as long as the urge to live is there, happiness can be found if we persist in getting out of those potholes and get on with living. There is always life in living.

What's in a title?

"Have you read today's news about a Datuk and his wife held of suspected in baby trafficking, Ai Wei?"
"Of course, I did but I'm never surprised at such things happening. True or not, for me it is always possible that a datuk is capable of such deeds."
"Hey! How can you say that? He's a datuk, you know? Someone bestowed with a title by the king or one of the sultans must be someone really great."
"Great? I don't know about that. What I do know is that some of the datuks I have known do not deserve any datukship. As for the king and the sultans giving titles to these people, the king or sultans are merely following the advise of the political leaders," I told my friend.
" Still they must have done something to get those titles," my friend insisted.
"That's where I have to agree with you. What I do not agree to is the greatness attached to such actions. I have known so called great politicians who could be great enough to pass a party's treasurer's accounts without the accounts available. And the whole lot of so called party leaders can just vote to allow it even though they were told by a few of us that that could not be done through a vote as no account can ever be passed without a proper look, if not study, of it. But as you say, such people are great. They can do such things. That's how great that datuk was."
"Did such a thing really happen?" he queried.
Well, let's put it this way. I would never say something I don't know. Of course, it's difficult to prove after so many years but it's a fact that it did happen. Any way, even if you do not believe my saying that some datuks do not deserve their titles, tell me what you read and follow the story to confirm what I said."

If my memory has not gone senile, and the case has been proved true, then it must be true that this is not the first time, a datuk has been found to be worse than a commoner. I think there was even a gangster among them. Well, since most of you read the news more regularly than me, you ought to know better.

Another thing which lead to my not giving such titles much respect is the fact that very good, hard-working opposition leaders who have served the people and the country well, a few even putting a hundred percent effort into it despite not being a minister have never been awarded such titles although according to the constitution these opposition leaders are the king's opposition, working for the progress of the country as much, if not more, than the king's government. So, if the title is to be awarded for the great deeds they have done, people like Karpal Singh and Lim Kit Siang, opposition politicians who are already well known to every citizen for their efforts to be the country's watchdog and correct the government to ensure the citizens' interests are upheld, should have already been awarded titles. How come less able politicians and others who have never served the country as well as these two known capable leaders are awarded? I would certainly respect Karpal Singh or Lim Kit Siang more than many so-called leaders who have done so little for the country. I believe even the many datuks we have in this country do respect those two leaders although they would never admit to it as in doing so another idiot among them might report them as 'traitors'. Well, nowadays, that is the word they used to describe anyone who does not subscribe to their thinking.

So, if the association of datuks wants more respect from the public, it must do something to ensure that such titles are not so freely available to any politician or wealthy business people even when such people have not done anything worthwhile for the country. In fact, I remember a time when someone pointed out that that title is so easily available that if you were to throw a stone, it would most probably hit a datuk. And the people who pick the right people for such titles must never be bias, picking only the truly best regardless of whether you like them or not or belong to your party or not. Then, my dear friend, you can protest should anyone disagree that a datuk must be one of those great guys in the country and I will have to agree even if one or two of them happen to change and become bad apples.

And in doing so can we be fair to those datuks who truly are great. Of course we have to admit that there must have been some who are truly great. Well, I know of one who deserve his datukship. this man served the state as its goalkeeper and later did much for the community in his area as well as speak out his conscience boldly whenever the need arose. So there are some who are great. But how can we think thus of most datuks if what we see or happenings which we experience tell us otherwise? It is time to be fair and for a change to be made. For too long some have been deprived of fairness. the wise take action to correct the wrongs while the mediocre allows time to flow on hoping for no need of such an action. As an individual, what kind of action can you take?

Give them responsibilities.

Not everybody is born responsible. People feel responsible for something due to a number of factors. That sense of responsibility comes due to having to be in charge of things, sometimes brought on by circumstance beyond our control. However not everything is not within our control. Training children is within parents' if not other adults' control.

Some children mature earlier as a result of being the first child in the family. Being the first child, he or she may have to be in charge of the other younger siblings. When parents are too busy, they place the eldest in charge and expect that one to look after the others, being scolded or punished when things go wrong. Of course, it could also go the other way with the eldest rebelling against having to be responsible for the others. But, more often than not, they realise the job had to be done and he is the chosen one.

Being chosen to be responsible does not merely involve looking after siblings but also preparing food and keeping the place or home tidy if both parents need to work to get more income and someone else have to look into meals for the others as well as the parents when they return. Sometimes circumstances are such that that is the only alternative for the family to survive. That type of responsibility leaves a permanent imprint on the young mind and that child benefits not only as being more responsible but also better management with time as well as money for such a child has to mange with a minimum sum of money and time not just for home but also for schooling.

However, such teaching methods are not available to everyone as the rich or well-to-do would never have to go through such experience or learning as it is certainly not neccessary. However, that does not mean that a child from a rich family is deprived of the opportunity to be responsible. Here, the parents have to play the part of early teachers by letting children be responsible for their own things such as their toys and later their books. Getting children to keep their toys and be rewarded with something the child likes is one of the first step towards responsibility for his or her own things. Even though the child may have a maid to do it for him or her, get the child to do it as a lesson towards better responsibility.

Then, when the children have books of their own, get the children to keep the books in their proper place even though they cannot do it neatly. Parents ought not to use the excuse that the child cannot put the books back neatly to get the maid or themselves to do it. And if the first few tries, parents cannot get the child to do it, the parent should use every opportunity available to encourage the child to be responsible with his/her things. After all, as most parents would have realised, they have to go back again and again to the same exercises in responsibility as long as the child is still with them even to the stage passed his/her teens. Never should the parent have to say 'How many times have I told you to.........'. So what? Has the job been completed satisfactorily. Is it right to give up on a child you so love? His/Her future depends upon you and your teaching him/her the right way to do things.

Is it too difficult to give them the chance to practise responsibility. You know, even teachers have sometimes tried to help children be more responsible. Let me tell you a true story.

There was this boy who would quarrel and make noise in class most of the time. Apparently, his behaviour developed from his home environment, with member of the family quarrelsome and noisy. The class teacher knew of his behaviour and felt desperate about having such well-known problem kid in her class. Knowing that this problem child rebelled against authorities, prefect and monitors, she decided that she had to try to change the child's behaviour. So, after the first day, she called the child to the teachers' common-room where the teacher had a talk with the child, asking him whether what he had heard about him was true. Of course, he denied its truth and said that the others were not fair to him and demanded to know why others should try and blacklist him like that. At that the teacher told him she was giving him a chance to be responsible to himself and show the others that he was not exactly what they claimed he was. So, one way to prove to the world that he was not only good but responsible as well was to become her class monitor. The teacher solemnly told him she was putting herself in a position which could bring all kinds of accusations if he does not prove to be the good guy he was. With that he was made the class-monitor. You know, with his reputation, few of the children wanted any problems with him, so they were well behaved. And perhaps realising that his position in class give him a kind of prestige, he did it well, changing his image as the days, weeks and months went by. It could be gratefulness on his part to the teacher who gave him the opportunity to change and be more responsible or it could be, he had always known that quarrelsome and noisy had not done nim any good and when the chance to change came, he grabbed it and made full use of it. Whatever it is, if teachers can care enough for a child every detested, why can't parents do a more sustaining job and try till death do they part.

After all the child is brought into this world by us. If there is love for that child then we must do our utmost to ensure he has the best chance possible at life.

Image tarnished by a policy.

Do you know who suffered the most as a result of being part of a community given special privileges?

You know, those of us who made it, doing well physically, academically or financially, on our own steam without any privileges given truly or implied, stand tall and proud of our achievements. Not only that! Friends and people who see our success recognise it as our own effort and we are given sincere due praise. Take me for example. As a Malaysian Chinese, I come from a poor family which ought to be helped or aided by the government's National Economic Policy. None was given Even an application for a low cost house was not granted to my parent and the reason given was that my father's pay was too low and uncertain to be able to afford a low-cost house. So, when I was young it was always a rented house or room. And my father worked to the bone with the assistance of my mother and their children. And that was how my brother was deprived of an education at form two level despite him being fairly intelligent and capable academically. So, when despite all the obstacles placed in our path, I managed to be chosen to enter the Penang Free School on my own steam, without any tuition, I was and still am proud of my capability. Eventually, without the financial backing for further education, I entered teacher training where I did very well in the subjects and areas I was involved. I am one of those teachers who can claim a 100% passing rate in form five art and craft each and every year. That is another of my pride. (Today it looks like I have to brag a bit.) So, everything I possess is the result of my own effort and ability as I had no economical assistance from either my parents or the government, not that I did not need it but help never came just because I am not a bumiputra (This is translated into 'Prince of the soil', in this case the Malaysian soil. This word is used in Malaysia to refer to the Malays.) although I was born and bred here and this is definitely my country. I was never given any special treatment or privileges and therefore all my success is to my credit.

Back to the poor fellows who suffer the most as a result of being in a community given special privileges. You know, I realised this long ago, pitied the guys who had to suffer for it but then when people fight for it almost everyday in the media, I suppose people cannot but believe that whatever success achieved by a bumiputra must be because of those special privileges even when it is not true.

In Sungai Petani, for example, there is this Malay doctor in a private hospital. He is very good and has shown himself to be capable and skillful in his profession. Unfortunately, the stigma of the special privileges is always present and whenever people who have never had any professional contact with this doctor heard the doctor's name recommended, the perception is that it is a doctor who reached where he is because of the special privileges that he is entitled to, meaning that he could not be very good. With that his good name is indirectly tarnished by the fact that special privileges entitled some not so good students to qualify for places in the universities and every opportunity is made to have the students concerned pass so that there will be a certain quota achieved.

Whether it is true or not that not so good students made it in the public universities, who is to know except that it is a fact that a good number of our graduates could not get jobs in their particular field of study and most of them could not even write a simple letter in English although there was at one time no lack of jobs. Some of the graduates had to be taken into professions not in their field of study to stop graduate unemployment.

Sad it is to know that some bumiputra who are very capable have to be burdened with an image which is obviously not of their doing. And it is for this reason that many citizens are ready to accept the fact that scholars be chosen based on merits and help given to the truly needy. In fact help does not go to the rural Malays or the poor because this help is often extended to the already well-to-do who use their position to still demand special privileges so that they can become richer. They know that when economic aid is to be given to the needy which ought to be the case as the money comes from the citizens, they will not fall into that category and so will not enjoy the chance for greater wealth. Such shameless demands will always be around as long as the conscience allow it.

It happens when conscience become blunt and people shamelessly take what ought not to be theirs. I know of so many well-to-do Malays and Chinese owning low-cost houses or lots, low cost because the houses and lots are subsidised with other buyers' or citizens' money.

These shameless people enjoy while there are some who get their image or name tarnished all because of a not well planned policy.

The love and sacrifices of some people.

As I looked at this neighbour, it dawned upon me the amount of sacrifices a parent have to sometimes make to bring up a child who is handicapped.

This neighbour has a son who was involved with an accident as a result of which he was unable to walk. To go anywhere there is the need for a wheelchair. To go anyplace far there is need for transport from the gate of the house. As the family is not exactly rich, they have no car and have to depend upon relatives and friends to provide the necessary transport.

The family moved to this present location so as to be near the primary school where the child is studying. Each morning, the mother would push the child in his wheelchair to the school which is about two hundred metres from their home.

That is not all. In this case the child is also very demanding, sometimes shouting at the top of his voice. Most of the time, perhaps understanding his frustrating situation, the mother would tolerate his nonsense but once in a while there would be some disagreement and quarrel would ensue. Yet, she attends to him well each day without fail.

Giving attention to the child must have cost the family a lot of time, time which a not so rich family could have put to use to obtain more income and have a better life. Thus, such a family has to endure some form of hardship. Life is tough of course but the family, especially the mother is ever so positive and kind to the child. Well, such is the love of a mother.

So, love pulls us through no matter what difficulty may arise. Difficulties are temporary but love remains forever even when the person is no longer there.

Certainly not sports, obviously cruel.

A friend sent me an email in which there is this campaign to stop the senseless killing of seals all in the name of sports. What kind of sports would have so many innocent lives destroyed just to entertain some people. God created us all and we ought to live as peacefully as possible. Killing if ever it has to be done must be in self-defense, an action which has to be a last resort to save oneself.

Hunting? Why not hunt for terrorists and bring them to justice.

Furthermore there are so many ways to find entertainment. We can have the thrill of going into the unknown, live like the yogi or try to change the terrorists and if not possible, capture them for trial. There are so many challenges that we can face which will improve the world. Furthermore, is it not cowardly to take on defenseless creatures such as the seals?

In short i support whoever started this campaign and I am all for it. Therefore, here is the story with just one photograph missing as it just could not be uploaded.
*****************************

Forward Until Everyone Knows About This And It Stops!


This is me.... A Baby Seal..



Norway and Canada have a new kind of tourism. Killing baby seals!!!! They call it 'hunting' and it's a sport



You want to call this sport ??



Is he a sportsman???





Why?


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You're our only hope !!!



Please let it stop. This barbarism shouldn't be possible in our society







Don't turn your back on us, we are so defenseless, we have no guns, please help us..!!!


I know these images seem painful for you, but we feel the pain...!! We are being slaughtered by ruthless people and it's going on RIGHT NOW...!!!



What gives him the right to kill us. Who is he to decide about life and death



What kind of sport is this..?? I didn't harm anyone..!! I was just swimming around doing nothing, now I'm dead...!!



Please help me and my friends...!! !


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You can't just ignore these images..?? Keep silent and doing nothing makes you guilty...!!



Please help us...!!





Please don't leave us alone...!!
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STOP THE KILLING OF SEALS

You can make a statement by
Forwarding this mail
To as many people as you can.
Bring these murderers to the attention
Of world leaders.
Thank you... !!!!!

THIS IS THEIR HOME TOO.


KINDLY FORWARD THIS TO EVERY ONE U KNOW

The wedding night and the voyageur.

In a small area where there is no struggle for power there is always unity and a natural togetherness brought in by the need to assist each other and happy association with one’s fellow men, regardless of race or religion.

I was lucky to have lived in such a place once where people were not divided by their skin colour or their religion. They regarded themselves as just people who needed the friendship and companionship of people living near to them. Politics was far from their minds then.

Besides safety and companionship there is unity. Here is a story of what happened when I was still a little boy in a small village in Caunter Hall where the Indians, Malays and Chinese lived as the human race.

A family had moved out of one of the rooms in the big bungalow house where my family lived a week ago. Another family would be moving in soon. Through our daily communication, we knew that a couple would be moving in on the day of their marriage. So the room would be the couple first residence together spending their wedding night there.

There was lots of excitement as the people watched new furniture and things arrive at the place. They would peer into the room to have a look at the arrangement in the room. Well, no matter what the age, curiosity is always very much alive.
Then the wedding day came and there was a feast as all were invited to join in the celebration. It was a buffet kind of feast and everyone just got hold of a plate, rice and whatever food one wished to eat. In those days, the Muslims and the non-Muslims would sit down together at the same table with their permitted and non-permitted food. In those days, Muslims were not particular about the place or the utensils so long as the ‘eat nothing that contains pork’ or ‘eat not chicken which is not slaughtered by a Muslim’ are abided to. When it comes to chicken, there was an easy way out. There were so many Malays in the village and nearby and they were always ready to help with the preparation as well as the cooking of the food. (My wife and I once gave a feast in Tikam Batu, Kedah where all the cooks were Muslims.)

Well, with the feast over, each happily shook hands, wished the couple well and each went back home. That night, most of the folks in the village were tired and soon most of the lights in the village went out or dimmed with wicks in kerosene lamps turned lower. They all slept, not realising that two excited eyes watched the village from a distance, focusing on the room of the newly-weds.

Soon snores were heard through the wooden planked walls of the houses in the village. That was the signal for the two eyes to move into the village, managed to find a chair, climbed up onto it and peered into one of the many cracks in the wooden wall of the newly-weds’ room, heart-rate up to watch the new couple in their embrace. The voyageur was there to have his fun.

Of course, he would not hurt the couple but privacy is important to everyone. As the voyageur watched, he did not realise that there are old folks who do not need much sleep or are used to sleeping very much later than others. Excitement brought carelessness and sounds or was it a six-sense that caused one resident to suspect something, peered out through another crack and saw the uninvited visitor. Anyway, soon the sound of the beating of metal pots sent the voyageur running as fast as he could into the nearby banana plantation. That voyageur learned that unity and togetherness in life can deter people from evil deeds.

When the alarm was sounded, everyone came out with their torches and all sizes of sticks in their hands ever ready to uphold the peace and safety of their village. Such in their togetherness, their strength in the power of one, acting as one against their foes! That was the beauty of life in a village uncorrupted by the craze for power. And I was lucky to be in such a wonderful place once.