A religious teacher wrote in a opinions column that ‘in Islam, there are guidelines why boys and girls need to be separated as they grow older – from separate blankets, beds, bedrooms and schools. I think it is in the best interest of the students that we should look into separate secondary girls and boys schools.
When it comes to what a religion forbids, I do not wish to comment as I am neither a scholar nor an expert on such matters. If certain matters are written in a religion’s holy book as a guideline, then those who wish to be the followers must abide by the rules given unless they wish to get out or be considered recalcitrant followers.
However, this religious teacher went further to condemn the western concept of co-education saying that it has contributed to the moral decay in some of our children. That, unfortunately, is something I cannot agree with and therefore has to share my thoughts with others so that right thinking and practices can bring better understanding, development and maturity to world society.
As regards the separation of boy from girls as the grow older when it comes to blankets, beds and bedrooms, I believe every society no matter what religion they profess to believe in, would agree for that is common sense.
But to say that they should go to different schools, I think that would be depriving our children of the opportunity to learn about people of a different sex. And this is something I talk from experience. You see, I was born into a family of boys, no girls. Not only that, I was sent to a single-sex school. I was a pupils of Wellesley Primary School where there were only boys. Then, I was transferred to Hutchings School which was another boys’ school. Then, with all the As in my standard six examination results, I was selected to study in the Penang Free School which is another boys only school.
As a result of my ‘living in a boys-only island’, it took me a long time to understand those alien creatures people called ‘girls’. For an unnecessary period of my life, I was uncomfortably shy and tongue-tied with those ‘beautiful, attractive aliens’. I did not understand the messages behind their smiles and looks. I did not comprehend their slightly different behaviour and talk. With them I did not know when to move forward and when not to. Dating is happiest when I do not care what happens but becomes unpredictable when things get serious. Sometimes, to this day, despite my having overcome a lot of things, I think I still have some problems although I would like to believe I do not have any. And it is useless asking girl-friends whether I have any such problems as they usually prefer to remain somewhat mysterious. On a more positive note, I just know that I am one of those lucky guys who can mix quite well with a good number of girls.
Based on my background and what others had shared with me, I would say that it is important for a person to not live in the proverbial ‘coconut shell’ and not know the opposite sex until it is too late. Poor understanding of the opposite sex can lead to all kinds of misunderstanding and problems, if not danger.
Firstly, by not mixing with the opposite sex, the girls do not know and understand the many different types of boys in our society. The same goes for the boys. Are we going to separate them forever and let them live in different planets? That would then be alright but that would not be life and that would be the end of the human race.
If not, are we going to let them find out for themselves when it is too late? Just like the girl who befriended a boy on her first day to work in a different town and got herself raped that very night? Whose fault was it? Was it the fault of the girl who was never given the opportunity to understand how friendliness with this first boy could lead to disaster? How was she to be able to read the danger signs when she had never been allowed to learn them in some kind of training or education under the supervision of the parents or the teachers? “They said not to mix with the boys but in the world of work, we have no alternative to work with all kinds of people, be they men or women.” Are we going to have them work in a one-sex world all their lives? Is that reality?
The reality is that we are in a world where there is no alternative but to mix and work with people of the opposite sex if we wish to be successful in life, to achieve our dreams undaunted by unrealistic fears. For these fears can be overcome by knowledge, understanding and correct behaviour but certainly not by hiding ones head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich.
Yes, the answer lies in knowledge and understanding leading to right behaviour. When children are young, let them mix among themselves, among the opposite sex under some kind of supervision. Of course, it can incur in the parents some kind of effort or inconvenience but then for the love of our children, it is worth any effort or inconvenience necessary. Let them have their birthday parties, inviting their friends of both sexes to the event under the supervision of at least a pair of conscientious parents. Let them use the house and not go to some undesirable place for the event. Under the watchful eyes of the parents, the children will be under no danger. It will be healthy fun. At the same time there is the chance for our children to know and understand, appreciate and evaluate the various types of people, their thinking and behaviour. They will eventually know the types who can be depended upon for help, those who know only how to enjoy or the types who would take advantage of them. With experience, they would be able to read the characters they meet. So that one day when they have to leave the nest to venture into a world of their own, our children with this knowledge behind them will be, to a certain degree, safe from some of the vultures and bad apples that are amongst us. The fact is that that is unavoidable and we have to prepare our children to be alert and know the ‘potholes’ in their lives.
Of course, no matter how good the training and knowledge, once in a while mistakes are made but with the knowledge the chances of that happening would be slim.
For those who firmly believe that the sexes must be separated, only allowing them to know one person only of the opposite sex for the purpose of marriage, well, if you insist, what can I say. And if it is according to a holy book, I will not say otherwise for it is certainly not wise to do so. However, if you can find what I say of benefit, please set about ensuring that our beloved children be always safe and sound with the proper knowledge to guide them through life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment