"Do you know that I believe in being possessed by a spirit?" this friend asked me.
"How's that so?" I inquired with curiosity.
"Well it happened during my childhood days in Tanjung Dawai, Kedah, Malaysia. I was about ten years old when I witnessed a man possessed by a spirit. And this isn't any cock and bull story. It's a true story. I can vouch for it." He nodded his head vigorously as he stressed that it was the truth for he was a witness to what happened when the possessed fisherman was brought back to the beach of Tanjung Dawai.
This is his story:
It was in the evening, about six o'clock when a boat with a few fishermen tied up their boat and pulled and dragged their friend out of the boat onto the beach. This friend was tied with a rope and the reason given was that this friend would struggle frantically and talked gibberish. He was talking in a strange language none of them could understand. He sounded like an Englishman or an European. At that age I could neither understand nor know the difference. To ensure his as well as their safety in the boat, they had no alternative but to tie him up.
I had seen that tied up fisherman's walk and behaviour before as he was a familiar figure on the beach in Tanjung Dawai. That evening, his voice was not similar to his; it being hoarser and louder than his. The manner he carried himself and walked was different too. He moved as one holding some kind of authority and the way his shoulders swung as he strode forward could be described as swaggering.
Then, he gave himself a name, "I'm Captain Latib(possibly 'Latif') Keroh." It sounded like a Malay name but he certainly did not talk in Malay. Not during the first part of that encounter anyway. Was it a Malay name or did our ears associate the sounds of an English name with Malay equivalent sounds?
Then, suddenly, he surprised us with "Lu mau harta? Ada harta. (You want treasure? Have treasure.)"
All those people of Tanjung Dawai who had gathered to watch the incident were interested and went closer to listen to whatever revelation there could be. There were told the conditions for finding the treasure. A goat had to be slaughtered and offered to him. Then, only one person, the one who wanted the treasure, would have to follow him back to the island where he came from, to be shown the treasure.
Upon being told that only one person is allowed to follow him back to one of the islands near Tanjung Dawai, none dared to speak, none was brave enough to go for the treasure. If the spirit of Captain Latib had allowed three or four, perhaps there would have been takers of such a venture to look for treasure. One? No dice. Nobody was game for it.
Eventually, the spirit of Captain Latib said,"If you don't want the treasure, then I am going back." With that, the tied up fisherman fell forward onto his hands and face. When he came to, he looked in astonishment at the crowd gathered around him. He wondered what had transpired and upon being told about the spirit that had taken over his body, he was shocked for some time.
Accoding to this friend who told the story, anyone his age or slightly older would know the story of Captain Latib Keroh. This friend is forty-nine years old.
So, believe it or not, there is such a thing as possession by spirits.In fact I had witness another case in a school I taught where each time it happened, the bomoh (the local spiritual medicine-man)would have to chant and pray to persuade the spirit to leave the victims in peace. Among the Malays, it was and still is quite common although Islam, the religion of the Malays, does not accept the existence of such spirits.
I have seen it happen. So have quite a number of other people. Some think they are merely a creation of the mind. If you are lucky,witness such a happening and realise the truth. Truth is certainly sometimes stranger than fiction.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Quiting is not the way out..
John entered an organisation. He had a vision of how the organisation could move forward to achieve the purpose of helping the poor and downtrodden. He put in a lot of effort because he had a good cause. His work was appreciated and despite some detractors, he continued as the top man in the organisation welcome and supported his ideas. He was never a threat to anybody as his aim was never to take over anyone's position. He was happy to be just a member of the committee watching the progress of his ideas as they materialised into beneficial, appreciated work in the organisation. His vision of speedy assistance where needed was being implemented as he had planned.
Then, with his capability recognised, it was just a matter of time before he became the president of the organisation. With a post other might aspire to occupy, it was only a matter of time before someone arose to oppose some of his ideas. It did happen and that brought some annoyance. As the problem dragged on, annoyance turned to frustration and then anger. As the tide of opposition increased in strength, he vacated the post he had never craved for in the first place as he merely wanted to see his vision become reality.
Was that the right thing to do? What would happen to the ideas implemented? Would not there be change from the people who took over? Could the vision be lost, the effort wasted just by quitting?
That was exactly what happened. Of course, he was not the only person who faced disappointment. So did his supporters in the organisation. He did not give it another thought but went off in search of another body to pursue his vision again. After all, there are other organisations with almost the same goals.
Still, the question; Is quitting the right move?, remains to question one's wisdom. If on is ousted from a post through an election of office-bearers, that is another matter. We have to accept the vote of the majority.
First, it is a fact that in any family, community, group, club, society or country, that the people in them comprise of individuals. Every individual has his or her own characteristics and mannerisms. No two persons are totally the same. We have those who can joke and those who can't. We have people who are always trying to find fault no matter how you may try to please them. There are people who think they are the best and all the others have to move aside when they put forward their views. Some would like to talk about their capabilities for hours while others merely want to be inconspicuous in the crowd. There are some who want things done their way or else. Now all kinds of people are around everywhere and anywhere you go. There is just no way we can avoid them unless we want to stay secure in our little world of four walls surrounding a little space.
So these people are everywhere. We have our ambitions and we just have to accommodate these people as they come into our path. Be angry with them if we wish to but let not the anger stay to interfere with our programme. Be annoyed and fed-up with them if necessary but let the feeling pass and carry on with the task at hand. Stop and listen to them, admit that they have their point and their point will be given consideration as well as changes made if possible, apologise to them for not being able to implement their suggestions if necessary but we have to carry on with our vision, our cause or whatever. We must never quit unless we are voted out.
We should never quit and join another organisation for what is there to guarantee that the same type of people will not be around to mess up our efforts. Such people will always be around everywhere we go and so, to quit, and start all over again in another group is not the right option. We just have to persevere with the understanding that wherever we go, there can always be such obstacles and hindrances. We have to accept them as part of the problems we will encounter in our struggle for our cause. With that understanding, such annoying, disturbing and infuriating people will become more acceptable in our mind and will not be too much of a problem to handle.
Therefore, in life, it is alright to lose but never be a quitter.
Then, with his capability recognised, it was just a matter of time before he became the president of the organisation. With a post other might aspire to occupy, it was only a matter of time before someone arose to oppose some of his ideas. It did happen and that brought some annoyance. As the problem dragged on, annoyance turned to frustration and then anger. As the tide of opposition increased in strength, he vacated the post he had never craved for in the first place as he merely wanted to see his vision become reality.
Was that the right thing to do? What would happen to the ideas implemented? Would not there be change from the people who took over? Could the vision be lost, the effort wasted just by quitting?
That was exactly what happened. Of course, he was not the only person who faced disappointment. So did his supporters in the organisation. He did not give it another thought but went off in search of another body to pursue his vision again. After all, there are other organisations with almost the same goals.
Still, the question; Is quitting the right move?, remains to question one's wisdom. If on is ousted from a post through an election of office-bearers, that is another matter. We have to accept the vote of the majority.
First, it is a fact that in any family, community, group, club, society or country, that the people in them comprise of individuals. Every individual has his or her own characteristics and mannerisms. No two persons are totally the same. We have those who can joke and those who can't. We have people who are always trying to find fault no matter how you may try to please them. There are people who think they are the best and all the others have to move aside when they put forward their views. Some would like to talk about their capabilities for hours while others merely want to be inconspicuous in the crowd. There are some who want things done their way or else. Now all kinds of people are around everywhere and anywhere you go. There is just no way we can avoid them unless we want to stay secure in our little world of four walls surrounding a little space.
So these people are everywhere. We have our ambitions and we just have to accommodate these people as they come into our path. Be angry with them if we wish to but let not the anger stay to interfere with our programme. Be annoyed and fed-up with them if necessary but let the feeling pass and carry on with the task at hand. Stop and listen to them, admit that they have their point and their point will be given consideration as well as changes made if possible, apologise to them for not being able to implement their suggestions if necessary but we have to carry on with our vision, our cause or whatever. We must never quit unless we are voted out.
We should never quit and join another organisation for what is there to guarantee that the same type of people will not be around to mess up our efforts. Such people will always be around everywhere we go and so, to quit, and start all over again in another group is not the right option. We just have to persevere with the understanding that wherever we go, there can always be such obstacles and hindrances. We have to accept them as part of the problems we will encounter in our struggle for our cause. With that understanding, such annoying, disturbing and infuriating people will become more acceptable in our mind and will not be too much of a problem to handle.
Therefore, in life, it is alright to lose but never be a quitter.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Children look towards their parents for encouragement.
A child would put full enthusiasm into everything of interest. In their enthusiasm, they concentrate on their project without thoughts for their surroundings, their clothes and the condition of their appearance. Thus, it is not surprising to find a child so involved in something that he/she does not bother about time. The child will go on and on with his/her interest.
This is something parents ought to understand to appreciate the cause of their ignoring calls to dinner and so forth which is interference to the child’s present time joy. Understand that the child is putting in one hundred percent interest in his effort. Do not expect him to stop immediately. Go and get his attention slowly and gradually, then tell him/her about his/her next project. Get the child to turn his interest towards another direction.
As the child puts in effort into whatever is being done, clothes are bound to be dirtied, wet and crumpled. Even the hair, face and body may get some nature’s colours and pastes. So, if possible, keep the dirt and bacteria from him/her, not keep him/her away from the contaminants. Meaning that if the child plays in a clean environment; a well-kept room or hall perhaps, then the chances of him or her getting dirtied can be very slim. However, let the child play on sandy, clayey or loamy ground and we can expect more changes of clothes.
Now, the above would warn parents about the things they can expect and so not go into a rage over such matters. Do not grumble or scold about the messiness of his/her efforts. Give him a smile instead and get him or her to bathe more often. Encourage all his/her efforts for, good or bad, clean or dirty, artistic or not, they are all sincere efforts at achievement. Never judge the work done by our adult standards. If we do that, the child does not stand a chance to feel confident to carry on. Remember that children learn through such play. They learn about things around them, the effect of such things on their hands, the feel and texture and, even more important, the appreciation of their work. Without adult appreciation, there can be no encouragement to continue putting in effort. So never ever dampen such efforts.
To understand the importance of this, adults should stop and think of the feelings felt each time someone appreciates their efforts, be it games, fun or work. If you know these feelings, then you understand how vital appreciation is to the development of any child.
So, the next time your child were to scrawl or drawl something on a piece of paper, colour it with crayons or colour pencils, do ensure that you find the time to stop at least for a short moment whatever you are doing to take a look at his/her work, smile lovingly to him or her and show your appreciation of the effort. Be grateful that your child is trying something and learning in the process.
I stress on this because of the numerous times busy parents would shoo away their children with their seemingly unimportant piece of art work or small piece of self-made craft. Of course, you may not be impressed with his work as you are an adult but that is your child’s wholehearted attempt at expression or creativity in a piece of child art. Know that those few minutes of appreciation, now and then, each and every day can bring so much much needed encouragement for your child’s progress in his growth of self-esteem, a self respect which would give him/her the confidence to learn even more and develop positively as he or she transforms from a child to a teenager into an adult with a sense of self worth that would hold him/her in good stead in every sphere of life.
So do stop to appreciate whenever a child approaches with something he/she had made. The fact that this child approaches to show it must mean that he/she have to be looking for some assurance that his/her efforts are worthwhile and his/her learning process can continue with confidence.
This is something parents ought to understand to appreciate the cause of their ignoring calls to dinner and so forth which is interference to the child’s present time joy. Understand that the child is putting in one hundred percent interest in his effort. Do not expect him to stop immediately. Go and get his attention slowly and gradually, then tell him/her about his/her next project. Get the child to turn his interest towards another direction.
As the child puts in effort into whatever is being done, clothes are bound to be dirtied, wet and crumpled. Even the hair, face and body may get some nature’s colours and pastes. So, if possible, keep the dirt and bacteria from him/her, not keep him/her away from the contaminants. Meaning that if the child plays in a clean environment; a well-kept room or hall perhaps, then the chances of him or her getting dirtied can be very slim. However, let the child play on sandy, clayey or loamy ground and we can expect more changes of clothes.
Now, the above would warn parents about the things they can expect and so not go into a rage over such matters. Do not grumble or scold about the messiness of his/her efforts. Give him a smile instead and get him or her to bathe more often. Encourage all his/her efforts for, good or bad, clean or dirty, artistic or not, they are all sincere efforts at achievement. Never judge the work done by our adult standards. If we do that, the child does not stand a chance to feel confident to carry on. Remember that children learn through such play. They learn about things around them, the effect of such things on their hands, the feel and texture and, even more important, the appreciation of their work. Without adult appreciation, there can be no encouragement to continue putting in effort. So never ever dampen such efforts.
To understand the importance of this, adults should stop and think of the feelings felt each time someone appreciates their efforts, be it games, fun or work. If you know these feelings, then you understand how vital appreciation is to the development of any child.
So, the next time your child were to scrawl or drawl something on a piece of paper, colour it with crayons or colour pencils, do ensure that you find the time to stop at least for a short moment whatever you are doing to take a look at his/her work, smile lovingly to him or her and show your appreciation of the effort. Be grateful that your child is trying something and learning in the process.
I stress on this because of the numerous times busy parents would shoo away their children with their seemingly unimportant piece of art work or small piece of self-made craft. Of course, you may not be impressed with his work as you are an adult but that is your child’s wholehearted attempt at expression or creativity in a piece of child art. Know that those few minutes of appreciation, now and then, each and every day can bring so much much needed encouragement for your child’s progress in his growth of self-esteem, a self respect which would give him/her the confidence to learn even more and develop positively as he or she transforms from a child to a teenager into an adult with a sense of self worth that would hold him/her in good stead in every sphere of life.
So do stop to appreciate whenever a child approaches with something he/she had made. The fact that this child approaches to show it must mean that he/she have to be looking for some assurance that his/her efforts are worthwhile and his/her learning process can continue with confidence.
What’s courage? What is fear?
During my secondary school days, my parents rented a floor of a three-storey house in Bishop Street, Penang. At that time, I had already taken up weight-lifting to strengthen my weak body. I can still remember the great feeling of my strength developing each day as I conscientiously followed a regime of exercise and nutrition to develop strength as fast as I could, enjoying each moment of pain as the muscles in my body grew bigger, firmer and tougher.
It was also in Bishop Street that I had my moment of truth. In those days, there were street gangs and to be safe you have to acknowledge them as your big brothers. I belonged to no such gangs and such people like me were at the mercy of those people. With their numbers, the individual was no match for them. Move away or be mowed down. That was the law of the concrete jungle. Obey that law or your safety is at risk.
However, one evening, with two years of strength training and a solid body to prove it, I returned home from the gym to find my path blocked by one such 'big brother'. Fortunately, he was alone. Young and egoistic, seeing the guy as just my size then, I continued my way instead of moving to the other side of the road like I had done whenever they had a group of them. He faced me as I walked straight towards him. I could have just walked pass him without either of us having to move to one side. However, as I got nearer, he sifted his position to place himself directly into my path. My stupid ego refused to safeguard myself by moving to one side to avoid him. I plowed on. Then, unbelievable as it was, he moved aside for me. Elated, I went on to pass him without looking back, for I was also fearful of the consequences should he decide to call upon his group to teach me a lesson which did happen in another incident at Great World Park, Penang; the incident in which I have written about how a friend and I went through back lanes and places to evade their search. (I have written that in an earlier post on the ego.)
Yes, my heart did beat faster and there was that fear in my heart. But that moment of truth taught me that such people were only brave when they are backed by others. They are courageous because of the numbers. It also taught me that fear could always be there in us when we understand the danger and risk we encounter even when we gather sufficient nerve to face it.
It was a moment of truth that has taught me that courage comes to those who are confident of winning. The fear will be there if we understand that we are sure the chances of losing is greater or when we have no chance at all of winning. And fear of losing something valuable to us may give us the courage to try. Or the fear of hurting someone we love may stop us from carrying on or trying further. Yes, the courage to sacrifice for a loved one can be due to the fear of hurting that somebody. Such are the moments of truth and hurt that I have faced.
It was also in Bishop Street that I had my moment of truth. In those days, there were street gangs and to be safe you have to acknowledge them as your big brothers. I belonged to no such gangs and such people like me were at the mercy of those people. With their numbers, the individual was no match for them. Move away or be mowed down. That was the law of the concrete jungle. Obey that law or your safety is at risk.
However, one evening, with two years of strength training and a solid body to prove it, I returned home from the gym to find my path blocked by one such 'big brother'. Fortunately, he was alone. Young and egoistic, seeing the guy as just my size then, I continued my way instead of moving to the other side of the road like I had done whenever they had a group of them. He faced me as I walked straight towards him. I could have just walked pass him without either of us having to move to one side. However, as I got nearer, he sifted his position to place himself directly into my path. My stupid ego refused to safeguard myself by moving to one side to avoid him. I plowed on. Then, unbelievable as it was, he moved aside for me. Elated, I went on to pass him without looking back, for I was also fearful of the consequences should he decide to call upon his group to teach me a lesson which did happen in another incident at Great World Park, Penang; the incident in which I have written about how a friend and I went through back lanes and places to evade their search. (I have written that in an earlier post on the ego.)
Yes, my heart did beat faster and there was that fear in my heart. But that moment of truth taught me that such people were only brave when they are backed by others. They are courageous because of the numbers. It also taught me that fear could always be there in us when we understand the danger and risk we encounter even when we gather sufficient nerve to face it.
It was a moment of truth that has taught me that courage comes to those who are confident of winning. The fear will be there if we understand that we are sure the chances of losing is greater or when we have no chance at all of winning. And fear of losing something valuable to us may give us the courage to try. Or the fear of hurting someone we love may stop us from carrying on or trying further. Yes, the courage to sacrifice for a loved one can be due to the fear of hurting that somebody. Such are the moments of truth and hurt that I have faced.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Are you too handsome for your own good?
A really handsome guy can have problems with loneliness.
What? Did Ai Wei write that right? Sour grapes! That so-so guy could not help but say such things about people who are easily more handsome than him. How can good looks ever be a problem? What nonsense is Ai Wei ranting about?
Excuse me, but what I am going to put onto this page is nothing but the truth. So, please read this true-life story about one of the most handsome men I have ever known.
This guy was born with good height, fantastic looks and a body, if developed properly with weights could look something like Hercules portrayed by the handsome Steve Reeves at one time. (Steve Reeves is one of those enviably handsome actors into whose arms most girls would likely faint into.)
According to what the girls tell me, “One look at him and you’ll fall for him.” Of course, that got me real envious but what could I do. Alas, I was born just me. Being me, no girl would say that of me. Okay, forget it. After all, despite everything I had my fair share of girls. So, I am not complaining.
You would have thought such a guy, as I thought so too, would easily land one beautiful gal who would just adore his presence and pamper him to her heart’s delight. Unfortunately, that was not the case. In fact, it could have been if only he had allowed one such gal the chance.
You see, the problem was this guy have always known he was fantastically handsome. His parents and other folks could have constantly commented upon his good looks. Possibly, the girls in school could have chased after him and fawned over him in his younger days. Whatever it was, this realisation of his good looks went to his head. (Parents should never let their children become big-headed. Confident, yes but never big-headed.)
Maybe because of all that attention, his studies was not good. All the attention could have dragged him away from his studies, what with the dates he could easily have. As he found that dating any girl he wanted was easy, he became a playboy, playing the field with ease. And that dragged him away from a good education and possibly knowledge that could have helped him to recognise his 'problems' and put him back on the right path.
This, knowing that he could have his pleasure anywhere anytime, perhaps grew his ego and a kind of superiority complex that caused him to drop some of the best prospective loving partners in his life. Vanity led him to think any beautiful girl, forget those who are less endowed, was his for the taking.
And that was true. He had girls falling head over heels in love with him only to awaken to the fact that, in just a very short while, some other beauty had taken over their place.
Well, when one is young and handsome, that is possible. However, time brings others even as handsome guys along to replace the older guys. As this handsome old guy discovered that those who went after him had settled down to a family life, he also found the younger gals have better looking, more youthful guys to fawn on.
His weakness was his super ego which refused to allow him to accept better although not as good-looking prospects who could have changed his fate from one of loneliness to one of joy and contentment.
Today, he hopes for introductions but his ego still could not accept those who are not so good looking. So, it is not just second or third-rated guys in their forties or fifties who could be lonely.
In fact, there is no such thing as second or third-rated guys. The problem lies with the attitude. If, like this guy, you think you are too good to be true, then you are too good to be true to anybody, so no gal for you. Similarly, if you think you are not good enough, then you just cannot be good enough. If you do not love yourself enough, how can you expect anyone to love you?
So, parents must teach their children to love themselves for the right values in them, not some kind of superficial good looks.
As for me, I was born a little somewhat rugged. (Perhaps, after some weight-lifting and body-building during my younger days.) Nothing really handsome but I loved John Wayne who was even more rugged and girls just liked John Wayne during his time. So, with that attitude on my looks, girls just love me. (Vain! Vain! But that’s the truth. Take a good look at me in one of my earlier posting to view the truth. I just can’t help it. And I thank God for it.)
What? Did Ai Wei write that right? Sour grapes! That so-so guy could not help but say such things about people who are easily more handsome than him. How can good looks ever be a problem? What nonsense is Ai Wei ranting about?
Excuse me, but what I am going to put onto this page is nothing but the truth. So, please read this true-life story about one of the most handsome men I have ever known.
This guy was born with good height, fantastic looks and a body, if developed properly with weights could look something like Hercules portrayed by the handsome Steve Reeves at one time. (Steve Reeves is one of those enviably handsome actors into whose arms most girls would likely faint into.)
According to what the girls tell me, “One look at him and you’ll fall for him.” Of course, that got me real envious but what could I do. Alas, I was born just me. Being me, no girl would say that of me. Okay, forget it. After all, despite everything I had my fair share of girls. So, I am not complaining.
You would have thought such a guy, as I thought so too, would easily land one beautiful gal who would just adore his presence and pamper him to her heart’s delight. Unfortunately, that was not the case. In fact, it could have been if only he had allowed one such gal the chance.
You see, the problem was this guy have always known he was fantastically handsome. His parents and other folks could have constantly commented upon his good looks. Possibly, the girls in school could have chased after him and fawned over him in his younger days. Whatever it was, this realisation of his good looks went to his head. (Parents should never let their children become big-headed. Confident, yes but never big-headed.)
Maybe because of all that attention, his studies was not good. All the attention could have dragged him away from his studies, what with the dates he could easily have. As he found that dating any girl he wanted was easy, he became a playboy, playing the field with ease. And that dragged him away from a good education and possibly knowledge that could have helped him to recognise his 'problems' and put him back on the right path.
This, knowing that he could have his pleasure anywhere anytime, perhaps grew his ego and a kind of superiority complex that caused him to drop some of the best prospective loving partners in his life. Vanity led him to think any beautiful girl, forget those who are less endowed, was his for the taking.
And that was true. He had girls falling head over heels in love with him only to awaken to the fact that, in just a very short while, some other beauty had taken over their place.
Well, when one is young and handsome, that is possible. However, time brings others even as handsome guys along to replace the older guys. As this handsome old guy discovered that those who went after him had settled down to a family life, he also found the younger gals have better looking, more youthful guys to fawn on.
His weakness was his super ego which refused to allow him to accept better although not as good-looking prospects who could have changed his fate from one of loneliness to one of joy and contentment.
Today, he hopes for introductions but his ego still could not accept those who are not so good looking. So, it is not just second or third-rated guys in their forties or fifties who could be lonely.
In fact, there is no such thing as second or third-rated guys. The problem lies with the attitude. If, like this guy, you think you are too good to be true, then you are too good to be true to anybody, so no gal for you. Similarly, if you think you are not good enough, then you just cannot be good enough. If you do not love yourself enough, how can you expect anyone to love you?
So, parents must teach their children to love themselves for the right values in them, not some kind of superficial good looks.
As for me, I was born a little somewhat rugged. (Perhaps, after some weight-lifting and body-building during my younger days.) Nothing really handsome but I loved John Wayne who was even more rugged and girls just liked John Wayne during his time. So, with that attitude on my looks, girls just love me. (Vain! Vain! But that’s the truth. Take a good look at me in one of my earlier posting to view the truth. I just can’t help it. And I thank God for it.)
Loneliness.
Today, I read in the Star Online a letter which says, "I am wondering how single people, especially those in their 40s and 50s, cope with being single.I am also single and we are the people who are not able to get married due to many reasons that are best known to ourselves. My question is: If all women only seek the best men, where would all the second or third-rate men turn to, if not prostitutes?"
Since the writer is single and talks about having to visit prostitutes to overcome his loneliness, it must be a man who could be in his forties or fifties. Since he talks about visiting prostitutes, his problem cannot be erectile deficiency or ED. He must be just any ordinary guy with no obvious problem.
However, from his 'where would all the second or third-rate men turn to' question, he could be suffering from some kind of inferiority complex. Such a complex could result from poverty; thus the belief that no woman could be interested in him due to his financial situation. It could also be due to superiority complex. (How can that be? Well, I know of one such guy who is still single because of his superiority complex. That has to go into another posting.) It could also be due to being jilted by the first love. (Many should have such experiences. Yet, they survive to find an even better love-life.) Whatever the reasons, life is for living and if we follow this principle; life, with or without a wife, is not necessarily lonely. Not even for guys with an ED problem. Believe me, it is not a big problem. They can still satisfy their wives any day. How? That's a thousand ringgit answer.
Let's return to this guy with his loneliness. No person can be lonely as long as he is friendly. Mix around with people. Talk to them. If there is nothing to talk about, just listen to those who would. Acknowledge their views and opinions with a smile and a nod. Certainly, that is not difficult to do. Be a part of a group, even when one is not good at conversation. People need listeners. They appreciate the fact that someone enjoys their stories, their ideas, their knowledge. When you have friends, you cannot be lonely. And friends would comprise of both sexes.
Take me for example. I am not handsome, financially alright but not rich, strong and healthy maybe but that does not help much, but I am friendly. I mix around. Nothing attractive about me except for my belief that life is what we make of it. Life is for living. Don't wait for happy moments to come. Every moment can be happy if you enjoy the people around, look at the positive part of any situation and loneliness is seldom felt.
Yes, if you notice, I said loneliness is seldom felt. Of course, once in a while, especially when a beloved girlfriend has left, never to return, anyone can feel lonely and lost. Loneliness is good because without it, how can anyone appreciate the company of those who are still around. Without it, how can anyone appreciate the girlfriend who returns. Sometimes, it is loneliness that gets a person to seek a partner.
However, please do not equate a partner with a prostitute. A prostitute; not that I do not respect her as a person for some of them are in the trade due to circumstances not within their control and therefore we ought to be compassionate towards them; cannot take the place of a partner and cannot help anyone to overcome loneliness as there is no friendship or true company offered. Only sex, do it, be finished with it, pay and that's the end of the story. One may feel even lonelier after such a visit.
Loneliness can be overcome through mixing with others. Join groups of people, a club, an association or an organised gathering to mix and know people, take part in the activities conducted and be active. Smile and be approachable. It is not exceptional to have others reach out to us just as we reach out to them.
Friendship and happiness has nothing to do with age, be it forties or fifties. I am in my sixties and am still meeting and making new friends because I am willing to take part in activities organised by other people. I am willing to make myself useful and so, when people find you are sincere in your friendship, there are just no possible barriers. With so many activities and friends around, there is no time for loneliness.
Hah! But then this guy is talking about girls not seeking men like him. Why not! First, when we mix around, forget about getting hitched. Just be friendly and approachable. Just be sincere and let things happen. Who knows? Of course, I cannot promise anybody a wife. I am not that great. I wish I am but I believe there is something good in everyone of us and one day there will be people who will come to realise that good.
Furthermore, this lonely guy forgot that for every lonely man out there, there is a lonely gal. (Hey, thinking of those gals, I think he ought to stop complaining. He has his prostitutes to visit. What about those gals?) But, do not worry about those gals. They have their own plans. Three of them voiced one particular plan to me. Tell you about that one later as this posting is getting a little too long. So, till then, adios.
Since the writer is single and talks about having to visit prostitutes to overcome his loneliness, it must be a man who could be in his forties or fifties. Since he talks about visiting prostitutes, his problem cannot be erectile deficiency or ED. He must be just any ordinary guy with no obvious problem.
However, from his 'where would all the second or third-rate men turn to' question, he could be suffering from some kind of inferiority complex. Such a complex could result from poverty; thus the belief that no woman could be interested in him due to his financial situation. It could also be due to superiority complex. (How can that be? Well, I know of one such guy who is still single because of his superiority complex. That has to go into another posting.) It could also be due to being jilted by the first love. (Many should have such experiences. Yet, they survive to find an even better love-life.) Whatever the reasons, life is for living and if we follow this principle; life, with or without a wife, is not necessarily lonely. Not even for guys with an ED problem. Believe me, it is not a big problem. They can still satisfy their wives any day. How? That's a thousand ringgit answer.
Let's return to this guy with his loneliness. No person can be lonely as long as he is friendly. Mix around with people. Talk to them. If there is nothing to talk about, just listen to those who would. Acknowledge their views and opinions with a smile and a nod. Certainly, that is not difficult to do. Be a part of a group, even when one is not good at conversation. People need listeners. They appreciate the fact that someone enjoys their stories, their ideas, their knowledge. When you have friends, you cannot be lonely. And friends would comprise of both sexes.
Take me for example. I am not handsome, financially alright but not rich, strong and healthy maybe but that does not help much, but I am friendly. I mix around. Nothing attractive about me except for my belief that life is what we make of it. Life is for living. Don't wait for happy moments to come. Every moment can be happy if you enjoy the people around, look at the positive part of any situation and loneliness is seldom felt.
Yes, if you notice, I said loneliness is seldom felt. Of course, once in a while, especially when a beloved girlfriend has left, never to return, anyone can feel lonely and lost. Loneliness is good because without it, how can anyone appreciate the company of those who are still around. Without it, how can anyone appreciate the girlfriend who returns. Sometimes, it is loneliness that gets a person to seek a partner.
However, please do not equate a partner with a prostitute. A prostitute; not that I do not respect her as a person for some of them are in the trade due to circumstances not within their control and therefore we ought to be compassionate towards them; cannot take the place of a partner and cannot help anyone to overcome loneliness as there is no friendship or true company offered. Only sex, do it, be finished with it, pay and that's the end of the story. One may feel even lonelier after such a visit.
Loneliness can be overcome through mixing with others. Join groups of people, a club, an association or an organised gathering to mix and know people, take part in the activities conducted and be active. Smile and be approachable. It is not exceptional to have others reach out to us just as we reach out to them.
Friendship and happiness has nothing to do with age, be it forties or fifties. I am in my sixties and am still meeting and making new friends because I am willing to take part in activities organised by other people. I am willing to make myself useful and so, when people find you are sincere in your friendship, there are just no possible barriers. With so many activities and friends around, there is no time for loneliness.
Hah! But then this guy is talking about girls not seeking men like him. Why not! First, when we mix around, forget about getting hitched. Just be friendly and approachable. Just be sincere and let things happen. Who knows? Of course, I cannot promise anybody a wife. I am not that great. I wish I am but I believe there is something good in everyone of us and one day there will be people who will come to realise that good.
Furthermore, this lonely guy forgot that for every lonely man out there, there is a lonely gal. (Hey, thinking of those gals, I think he ought to stop complaining. He has his prostitutes to visit. What about those gals?) But, do not worry about those gals. They have their own plans. Three of them voiced one particular plan to me. Tell you about that one later as this posting is getting a little too long. So, till then, adios.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Greed is the cause of so much harm.
It's the twenty-first century. The world ought to have made much progress in every sphere of human endeavour. And in many aspects, that is true. But then, in some very important aspects of being human, we are still in the dark ages where people still kill for power, followers of religions still abuse the name of God to perpetuate wrongs, man still do not understand that boundaries, countries and race are man-created.
Perhaps, hopefully, it is not a poor understanding of such matters. Perhaps, it is the greed in humans that create such misunderstanding.
Greed comes in many forms. There are those who are greedy for popularity to take themselves to positions of power. They form associations for the interest of a particular race. To get themselves noticed, they had to profess that their race is in peril of being marginalised or weakened as the result of the capabilities of other races.
In Malaysia, we have PERKASA, an association for Malays to ensure that their special privileges and supremacy are safeguarded despite the fact that these people proclaimed themselves to be the very religious followers of God. Do these people truly understand God? Do they not know that all living things in this world are His creations. Every human is His creation. As such God would never agree to one human being more privileged than another, not even when that human has not found Him yet for He is known for His compassion to all. Anyway, would any true believer of God believe that Almighty God would ever create the people of a certain race to lord over all the others?
The greed for power has kept this world in turmoil. Man loses his senses in the struggle for power. To achieve this purpose, there are those who would spread lies, exaggerate matters, use religion, abuse the name of God, plot kill and commit foul deeds.
In Malaysia, race has again and again been used to divide the people. The unfortunate thing is the fact that the leaders of the very party with the slogan of One Malaysia are the ones bringing up matters as racial matters even when those matters have nothing to do with race.
People who constantly use race to achieve their objectives should remember that the world have no real boundaries. Boundaries are man-made, merely lines on maps, no lines on the actual land. Countries are also created by humans. Early humans grabbed the land, lord over the people and proclaimed themselves the rulers. All of us belong to the human race. Skin colours and pigments are due to the environment and the amount of exposure to the sun or other elements of weather. Look at India, for example and we find Northern Indians very fair while southern Indians are so dark. As for languages, they are sounds invented by the people of a similar region. Thus, man created countries, names of countries, races and languages.
The only way to peace is through this understanding and the mastering of greed among us. Mastering greed can only be achieved through spiritual understanding, through the true words of God, not versions we ourselves create to achieve human ends.
Look at the world's religions. Humans have put in so much of his/her own interpretation that almost every religion is as divided as humans in this world. Islam has so many sects. So has Christianity. Buddhism has so many groups too. So does Hinduism. The problem is that man has played God.
That is the reason for my being a monotheist, a believer of one God. However, I belong to no religion as religion has changed some of the words of God and interpreted them for their convenience. I pray to God from anywhere for Almighty God hears my prayers, know my wrongs and rights at all times, no matter where I am, not necessarily in a temple, church or mosque, for I believe God is with me always. (Anybody who thinks that is impossible does not know God as nothing is impossible for God.)
Perhaps, hopefully, it is not a poor understanding of such matters. Perhaps, it is the greed in humans that create such misunderstanding.
Greed comes in many forms. There are those who are greedy for popularity to take themselves to positions of power. They form associations for the interest of a particular race. To get themselves noticed, they had to profess that their race is in peril of being marginalised or weakened as the result of the capabilities of other races.
In Malaysia, we have PERKASA, an association for Malays to ensure that their special privileges and supremacy are safeguarded despite the fact that these people proclaimed themselves to be the very religious followers of God. Do these people truly understand God? Do they not know that all living things in this world are His creations. Every human is His creation. As such God would never agree to one human being more privileged than another, not even when that human has not found Him yet for He is known for His compassion to all. Anyway, would any true believer of God believe that Almighty God would ever create the people of a certain race to lord over all the others?
The greed for power has kept this world in turmoil. Man loses his senses in the struggle for power. To achieve this purpose, there are those who would spread lies, exaggerate matters, use religion, abuse the name of God, plot kill and commit foul deeds.
In Malaysia, race has again and again been used to divide the people. The unfortunate thing is the fact that the leaders of the very party with the slogan of One Malaysia are the ones bringing up matters as racial matters even when those matters have nothing to do with race.
People who constantly use race to achieve their objectives should remember that the world have no real boundaries. Boundaries are man-made, merely lines on maps, no lines on the actual land. Countries are also created by humans. Early humans grabbed the land, lord over the people and proclaimed themselves the rulers. All of us belong to the human race. Skin colours and pigments are due to the environment and the amount of exposure to the sun or other elements of weather. Look at India, for example and we find Northern Indians very fair while southern Indians are so dark. As for languages, they are sounds invented by the people of a similar region. Thus, man created countries, names of countries, races and languages.
The only way to peace is through this understanding and the mastering of greed among us. Mastering greed can only be achieved through spiritual understanding, through the true words of God, not versions we ourselves create to achieve human ends.
Look at the world's religions. Humans have put in so much of his/her own interpretation that almost every religion is as divided as humans in this world. Islam has so many sects. So has Christianity. Buddhism has so many groups too. So does Hinduism. The problem is that man has played God.
That is the reason for my being a monotheist, a believer of one God. However, I belong to no religion as religion has changed some of the words of God and interpreted them for their convenience. I pray to God from anywhere for Almighty God hears my prayers, know my wrongs and rights at all times, no matter where I am, not necessarily in a temple, church or mosque, for I believe God is with me always. (Anybody who thinks that is impossible does not know God as nothing is impossible for God.)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sharing experiences of pain can eleviate similar suffering.
Today, a friend and I visited another friend who is suffering from cancer. He is much better now after enduring the weakness experience after the last chemotherapy. He was certainly in a much better mood too as he told us of the people he encountered in the hospital's cancer ward.
According to him most of the people in the cancer ward gets thinner and thinner before they depart from this world. In one of his more jovial moments, he told of one of the patients who approached him with "Another one of us is gone." that he is not to worry as long as "we are still around and it is not our time to go soon".
Upon that, I remarked that everyone of us will have to go sooner or later. I told him we ought not to worry about the going as that is bound to happen for all, without exception. What we do not wish for is to not be able to go when we have started to suffer pain and the indignity of having the television watch us in our agony. Imagine the misery we would have to endure while all the people around suffer together with us.
As I have explained in previous postings, I have grounds to believe that there is reincarnation, that we do not die, only the physical body dies and we are released from our body to be reincarnated, to live on with another earthly identity. Therefore, there is nothing to fear about death. However, that does not mean that we should seek death for we come into this world to accomplish something, a role we ought to play to its completion.
From this discussion about suffering and coma before eventual death, we went on to talk of the merits and demerits of mercy killing. Many cases that we knew of were brought up and throughout all this our friend, the cancer patient, for more than an hour forgot his own condition and emphathise with the people in such critical conditions.
Sharing thoughts and feelings on such matters do alleviate a person's own problems.
According to him most of the people in the cancer ward gets thinner and thinner before they depart from this world. In one of his more jovial moments, he told of one of the patients who approached him with "Another one of us is gone." that he is not to worry as long as "we are still around and it is not our time to go soon".
Upon that, I remarked that everyone of us will have to go sooner or later. I told him we ought not to worry about the going as that is bound to happen for all, without exception. What we do not wish for is to not be able to go when we have started to suffer pain and the indignity of having the television watch us in our agony. Imagine the misery we would have to endure while all the people around suffer together with us.
As I have explained in previous postings, I have grounds to believe that there is reincarnation, that we do not die, only the physical body dies and we are released from our body to be reincarnated, to live on with another earthly identity. Therefore, there is nothing to fear about death. However, that does not mean that we should seek death for we come into this world to accomplish something, a role we ought to play to its completion.
From this discussion about suffering and coma before eventual death, we went on to talk of the merits and demerits of mercy killing. Many cases that we knew of were brought up and throughout all this our friend, the cancer patient, for more than an hour forgot his own condition and emphathise with the people in such critical conditions.
Sharing thoughts and feelings on such matters do alleviate a person's own problems.
Choosing a leader.
When there is a need to choose a leader, we certainly, without exception, must choose someone whom we can respect; someone we believe will never play us out under any circumstances, someone who have great self-respect and a mind strong enough not to be manipulated by other quarters.
The Chinese in Malaysia is reputed to be proud where morals are concerned. However, recently, according to what we read in the media, much support is given to people who do not deserve our respect. There is this man who have admitted to cheating on his wife in a scandal which, at that time, he himself saw fit to resign from all those posts of responsibility he held.
Do we not have sufficient self respect to only want a leader who is better than us in every way? How can we have someone; or woe betide us if there is no other who has not shown his weakness; in a case in which the person has shown his willingness to put at risk his own marriage, his love for someone he had promised to love and cherish, despite the fact that she loved him enough to remain quiet throughout the trauma that must have been hers even when the scandal was exposed? Who are we, compared to his wife and marriage, to think that we would not be considered alright to be sacrificed by him if this leader were to be faced with another temptation?
Then, we have a guy who had already admitted his weakness as a leader, had stepped down due to that weakness, wanting to return to the same leading position because he had the support of the people.
If it is true that he had the support of the majority, then the supporters have shown that they cannot be good at choosing good leaders and such people certainly deserve what they get. If they believe such a leader can lead them to better days, then they have to accept the outcome and face the future that such leaders will bring. They have lost their right to complain when such leaders fail them again.
If we feel that another person of a lower caliber has to be chosen because we do not like the style of another leader, then we have to consider whether it is the right thing to do. What are the consequences? Not the immediate ones but the long term effect on our lives. Sometimes we commit the mistake of having insignificant short term gains over important long term benefits. We throw out someone who is a better leader just because he never shakes our hand and deprive ourselves of a respected leader who can courageously fight for our rights. Which would you choose? How you choose indicates the type of wisdom you possess.
Yes, it is important that we understand the consequences of our actions as people who vote in the leaders. We vote in great leaders who are held in great respect wherever they go because of their capabilities and dependability and we know these people can bring great development to us. Vote in people who merely want to wield power, yet unable to exert that power for our benefit, forever kowtowing to others in higher positions to safeguard their own position first and we know we can end up the losers. It has happened before and it can happen again. The unfortunate thing is that people do not seem to learn from the mistakes they make in choosing their leaders. These people usually would complain a lot in places, such as coffee-shops, where what they say do not make a difference at the time when these leaders fail them. Then, they forget their complains and make the same mistake of electing the same type of leaders again.
Unless a people can learn from their mistakes, there can be no improvement.
The Chinese in Malaysia is reputed to be proud where morals are concerned. However, recently, according to what we read in the media, much support is given to people who do not deserve our respect. There is this man who have admitted to cheating on his wife in a scandal which, at that time, he himself saw fit to resign from all those posts of responsibility he held.
Do we not have sufficient self respect to only want a leader who is better than us in every way? How can we have someone; or woe betide us if there is no other who has not shown his weakness; in a case in which the person has shown his willingness to put at risk his own marriage, his love for someone he had promised to love and cherish, despite the fact that she loved him enough to remain quiet throughout the trauma that must have been hers even when the scandal was exposed? Who are we, compared to his wife and marriage, to think that we would not be considered alright to be sacrificed by him if this leader were to be faced with another temptation?
Then, we have a guy who had already admitted his weakness as a leader, had stepped down due to that weakness, wanting to return to the same leading position because he had the support of the people.
If it is true that he had the support of the majority, then the supporters have shown that they cannot be good at choosing good leaders and such people certainly deserve what they get. If they believe such a leader can lead them to better days, then they have to accept the outcome and face the future that such leaders will bring. They have lost their right to complain when such leaders fail them again.
If we feel that another person of a lower caliber has to be chosen because we do not like the style of another leader, then we have to consider whether it is the right thing to do. What are the consequences? Not the immediate ones but the long term effect on our lives. Sometimes we commit the mistake of having insignificant short term gains over important long term benefits. We throw out someone who is a better leader just because he never shakes our hand and deprive ourselves of a respected leader who can courageously fight for our rights. Which would you choose? How you choose indicates the type of wisdom you possess.
Yes, it is important that we understand the consequences of our actions as people who vote in the leaders. We vote in great leaders who are held in great respect wherever they go because of their capabilities and dependability and we know these people can bring great development to us. Vote in people who merely want to wield power, yet unable to exert that power for our benefit, forever kowtowing to others in higher positions to safeguard their own position first and we know we can end up the losers. It has happened before and it can happen again. The unfortunate thing is that people do not seem to learn from the mistakes they make in choosing their leaders. These people usually would complain a lot in places, such as coffee-shops, where what they say do not make a difference at the time when these leaders fail them. Then, they forget their complains and make the same mistake of electing the same type of leaders again.
Unless a people can learn from their mistakes, there can be no improvement.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Giving wrong labels happens so often.
"How can anybody expect us to take on such a despicable joy as a waiter at one of the restaurants?"
There was this guy who had no job although he was a graduate who thought such a job is despicable. I immediately found the guy most despicable as it was merely his excuse for not finding some kind of work to support himself before moving to other careers when opportunities appear. In my mind it was,"How can the mind of a graduate ever think that way?"
Yet, a parent of that graduate could be proud of his son's determination never to lower his dignity despite having to stretch out his hand to the parents for money for his daily expenses. What a dignified graduate!
A job is an honest way of securing some form of income to afford someone of the necessary everyday expenses. Some jobs require less skill and/or knowledge than others. As such, the employees are paid accordingly. Of course, as expected, a job without any skill required would derive less pay than a skill or knowledge-qualified job. And in a world where opportunities for work is less because of world financial crisis, especially those who can think ought to realise they have to take on whatever is available just to tide over till better times arrive. Certainly, those who have skills and knowledge do not wish to take on such simple jobs.
Yes, the job may be simple, lowly paid and uninteresting, ego-bursting, demoralising but it can never be despicable. No job is despicable! It is those people who prefer to parasite, beg, borrow or steal, rather than to take on some simple jobs, who are despicable.
What I mean here is that even having to depend upon others, begging, borrowing or forced to steal to survive is not despicable.
If, due to circumstances beyond our control, we are born with a disability which forces us to depend upon others, it is not despicable to do so. We arrive in this world with a purpose through the mysterious working of God, to offer others the opportunity to perform good deeds and earn better karma. Disabled people have a role to play, reminding others to be grateful to God for the abilities they possess and to make full use of their abilities responsibly.
Similarly, others are given the opportunity to become better individuals and be aware of their blessings as they encounter people who appear to be less fortunate. We learn to be more compassionate, to be grateful for whatever we have, to care for our fellow human beings.
It is unbelievable that so often people give wrong labels to so many things in our lives. What is despicable is not thought to be so. Those who ought to be helped are not helped. Help by governments are extended to those who are capable of handling thousands and millions of ringgit to make them even richer while only a mere pittance is given to the hard-core poor, hardly sufficient to make any significant change in their lives. Those who are greedy and corrupted are thought to be clever. Those who are violent are thought to be the victims. Those who start or instigated the attack become the victims when they lose. The villains become the heroes even when they kill many innocent people with a cause in their blodied hands. Those who are clever are thought to be stupid and this is most obvious as we go through history to find so many of our great inventors, thinkers and geniuses who were once labeled as stupid in their schools. We read about it happening throughout the world throughout the ages.
Some wrong labels are made purposely with discriminatory selected evidence to support a certain group in the interest of political parties, religions, race and culture.
As such, intelligence, knowledge, understanding and an open mind is the only way we can see the truth through the veil of half-truth and falsehoods that we read about each day.
There was this guy who had no job although he was a graduate who thought such a job is despicable. I immediately found the guy most despicable as it was merely his excuse for not finding some kind of work to support himself before moving to other careers when opportunities appear. In my mind it was,"How can the mind of a graduate ever think that way?"
Yet, a parent of that graduate could be proud of his son's determination never to lower his dignity despite having to stretch out his hand to the parents for money for his daily expenses. What a dignified graduate!
A job is an honest way of securing some form of income to afford someone of the necessary everyday expenses. Some jobs require less skill and/or knowledge than others. As such, the employees are paid accordingly. Of course, as expected, a job without any skill required would derive less pay than a skill or knowledge-qualified job. And in a world where opportunities for work is less because of world financial crisis, especially those who can think ought to realise they have to take on whatever is available just to tide over till better times arrive. Certainly, those who have skills and knowledge do not wish to take on such simple jobs.
Yes, the job may be simple, lowly paid and uninteresting, ego-bursting, demoralising but it can never be despicable. No job is despicable! It is those people who prefer to parasite, beg, borrow or steal, rather than to take on some simple jobs, who are despicable.
What I mean here is that even having to depend upon others, begging, borrowing or forced to steal to survive is not despicable.
If, due to circumstances beyond our control, we are born with a disability which forces us to depend upon others, it is not despicable to do so. We arrive in this world with a purpose through the mysterious working of God, to offer others the opportunity to perform good deeds and earn better karma. Disabled people have a role to play, reminding others to be grateful to God for the abilities they possess and to make full use of their abilities responsibly.
Similarly, others are given the opportunity to become better individuals and be aware of their blessings as they encounter people who appear to be less fortunate. We learn to be more compassionate, to be grateful for whatever we have, to care for our fellow human beings.
It is unbelievable that so often people give wrong labels to so many things in our lives. What is despicable is not thought to be so. Those who ought to be helped are not helped. Help by governments are extended to those who are capable of handling thousands and millions of ringgit to make them even richer while only a mere pittance is given to the hard-core poor, hardly sufficient to make any significant change in their lives. Those who are greedy and corrupted are thought to be clever. Those who are violent are thought to be the victims. Those who start or instigated the attack become the victims when they lose. The villains become the heroes even when they kill many innocent people with a cause in their blodied hands. Those who are clever are thought to be stupid and this is most obvious as we go through history to find so many of our great inventors, thinkers and geniuses who were once labeled as stupid in their schools. We read about it happening throughout the world throughout the ages.
Some wrong labels are made purposely with discriminatory selected evidence to support a certain group in the interest of political parties, religions, race and culture.
As such, intelligence, knowledge, understanding and an open mind is the only way we can see the truth through the veil of half-truth and falsehoods that we read about each day.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
We need to have a positive attitude and be responsible.
"Caring for those parents who brought me up is my responsibility," claims one guy. "As for the others, why do I care?"
While it is true that nobody can force anyone to be responsible for anything, we ought to think of the consequences of our actions. According to me, everything that concerns this world is also our responsibility. Of course, we can only do so much, given our limited resources, our limited time and our limited energy. However, that is not an excuse not to do anything at all.
Just as our wise Confuscius said,"A journey of a thousand miles begin with one step." Thus, with one step forward, there can be a second and a third step to follow and soon the thousand miles or kilometers are covered. Similarly, every endeavour begins with each of us doing whatever we can for anything in and around our environment. Whatever good deed a person does today will be imitated and followed with another by another person.
I remember a time when my parents and I lived in a house in Caunter Hall, now known as Jalan P. Ramlee, in Penang. It was then some kind of Chinese village. There was one night some burglars tried to pry open the window of one of the houses. A neighbour saw the robber, took out his tin-can and started hitting it with a stick. The sound awaken the other neighbours and they too did the same thing with their sticks and metal containers, thus causing sufficient noise to frighten off the robbers. Now, if that neighbour who took the trouble to make a din to awaken everyone did not think it any of his business to be responsible for the safety of his neighbours, then it is the attitude that would be most welcome by the the roobers and thieves. It would be an attitude they need to go about with their criminal work. Fortunately, people who lived in far-away villages knew they need to cultivate the attitude of looking after each other's interest. They knew they cannot afford not to care. They have to be responsible or face the dangers individually as that would be the consequence of being not responsible for everyone in the village.
Security is just one aspect of our life. There is cleanliness, finance and assistance in so many forms. If the people in a village refuses to be responsible for the cleanliness of his village and starts to throw things anywhere they like, they will experience and realise the outcome of their attitude towards the responsibility to keep their village clean very soon when disease or sickness brings weakness and death. Criticism will be made where necessary and action by the village headman will awaken the recalcitrant to the need to be responsible. With greater responsibility come closer and better relationship which will ensure aid be given where and when necessary in nay tragedy that may before any family.
If we can see the need to be responsible and the consequences that may result, then we should be able to understand that we are also responsible for the whole world. After all what is the whole world but a bigger family. No doubt, a bigger world has certain difficulties when it comes to society's recalcitrant members. There is greater need for education of the masses and a need for laws to be enforced to ensure that a sense of responsibility where the right positive attitude is less prevalent.
Difficult as it may seem, every member of society has to do their part to ensure the world will be safe and secure for the future of the people we love; our friends, our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren.
Whatever we do today will affect the world of our beloved. In fact, this very minute, the world is getting hotter and hotter and while people suffer from the heat in the tropics, ice is melting at the poles causing traumatic changes that could harm the world we live in. We cannot be selfish and declare that our life would be over soon before any harm to our world can become more evident. We cannot afford not to care or be responsible as long as we know we will be leaving behind many people we love when the time comes for us to depart from it.
The greatest love we can ever declare to the beloved people we leave behind one sure day is to start, each in his/her own way, being responsible in every possible way for everything in our environment.
We have to start caring more or else whatever love we declare for anyone will sound so hollow and empty. And if there is none on this planet you do love, then you are one of the most sorrowful person in this world.
While it is true that nobody can force anyone to be responsible for anything, we ought to think of the consequences of our actions. According to me, everything that concerns this world is also our responsibility. Of course, we can only do so much, given our limited resources, our limited time and our limited energy. However, that is not an excuse not to do anything at all.
Just as our wise Confuscius said,"A journey of a thousand miles begin with one step." Thus, with one step forward, there can be a second and a third step to follow and soon the thousand miles or kilometers are covered. Similarly, every endeavour begins with each of us doing whatever we can for anything in and around our environment. Whatever good deed a person does today will be imitated and followed with another by another person.
I remember a time when my parents and I lived in a house in Caunter Hall, now known as Jalan P. Ramlee, in Penang. It was then some kind of Chinese village. There was one night some burglars tried to pry open the window of one of the houses. A neighbour saw the robber, took out his tin-can and started hitting it with a stick. The sound awaken the other neighbours and they too did the same thing with their sticks and metal containers, thus causing sufficient noise to frighten off the robbers. Now, if that neighbour who took the trouble to make a din to awaken everyone did not think it any of his business to be responsible for the safety of his neighbours, then it is the attitude that would be most welcome by the the roobers and thieves. It would be an attitude they need to go about with their criminal work. Fortunately, people who lived in far-away villages knew they need to cultivate the attitude of looking after each other's interest. They knew they cannot afford not to care. They have to be responsible or face the dangers individually as that would be the consequence of being not responsible for everyone in the village.
Security is just one aspect of our life. There is cleanliness, finance and assistance in so many forms. If the people in a village refuses to be responsible for the cleanliness of his village and starts to throw things anywhere they like, they will experience and realise the outcome of their attitude towards the responsibility to keep their village clean very soon when disease or sickness brings weakness and death. Criticism will be made where necessary and action by the village headman will awaken the recalcitrant to the need to be responsible. With greater responsibility come closer and better relationship which will ensure aid be given where and when necessary in nay tragedy that may before any family.
If we can see the need to be responsible and the consequences that may result, then we should be able to understand that we are also responsible for the whole world. After all what is the whole world but a bigger family. No doubt, a bigger world has certain difficulties when it comes to society's recalcitrant members. There is greater need for education of the masses and a need for laws to be enforced to ensure that a sense of responsibility where the right positive attitude is less prevalent.
Difficult as it may seem, every member of society has to do their part to ensure the world will be safe and secure for the future of the people we love; our friends, our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren.
Whatever we do today will affect the world of our beloved. In fact, this very minute, the world is getting hotter and hotter and while people suffer from the heat in the tropics, ice is melting at the poles causing traumatic changes that could harm the world we live in. We cannot be selfish and declare that our life would be over soon before any harm to our world can become more evident. We cannot afford not to care or be responsible as long as we know we will be leaving behind many people we love when the time comes for us to depart from it.
The greatest love we can ever declare to the beloved people we leave behind one sure day is to start, each in his/her own way, being responsible in every possible way for everything in our environment.
We have to start caring more or else whatever love we declare for anyone will sound so hollow and empty. And if there is none on this planet you do love, then you are one of the most sorrowful person in this world.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Cultivating responsibility.
"He's the one who approach his parents to inform them of what his brother's and sisters need. The other children look towards him for advice whenever problems arise and their parents are not nearby." One neighbour was telling another about a young man who just went into one of the houses across the street from where they lived.
"Well, what do you expect? He's always been like that since all of them were young. Their parents are always so busy, so he is the one who tends to their needs most of the time," the other neighbour agreed to the comment on that young man.
"It's certainly not in the genes as the other children are not that way," noted the neighbour.
"How is it that he is such a responsible one even when he was in his teens?" wondered the other neighbour.
"What do you expect? He is the eldest and so on his shoulders fell the responsibility of looking after the younger ones when the parents had to be away at work."
"However, it is not always the case that the eldest are given the most responsibility. Sometimes, if the eldest have to go elsewhere for studies or work, a younger child may be given the responsibility of looking after the rest or getting things done in the home."
"That's true. I know the second child in a family who has develop such a sense of responsibility as the eldest had to work while the third or last child was too small to be given any responsibility."
"When you think about it, it's so important to establish that sense of responsibility in every one of our children. It would make him disciplined and be responsible for every aspect of his/her life."
Bring responsible is such an important characteristic of a person that every family ought to think of ways to instill it our precious children so that they will grow into responsible adults in our society.
If an adult feels responsible for him/herself and everything in the world around him/her, then what a beautiful world this would be. This responsible person would certainly do the necessary to perform as well as possibly be, search for no excuses but look for opportunities to improve not just him/herself but as much of anything he/she comes into contact with in everyday life.
To cultivate such a sense of responsibility, children from as young a age as possible should be given responsibilities. Responsibilities need not be difficult. "Please tell mummy when daddy/brother/sister comes home." is a responsibility that any young child who understands the instruction can perform. "Come and help daddy pick up all the toys." is another responsibility. "Please take the towel from the basket and give it to daddy." is another responsibility. Then, as the child grows older, there is the responsibility of collecting the clothes, the responsibility of reminding someone of something and the task of hanging up the clothes to dry when the washing machine has completed its job.
Of course, just being responsible may not be perfect yet. Cultivating the right positive attitude is just as important.
"Well, what do you expect? He's always been like that since all of them were young. Their parents are always so busy, so he is the one who tends to their needs most of the time," the other neighbour agreed to the comment on that young man.
"It's certainly not in the genes as the other children are not that way," noted the neighbour.
"How is it that he is such a responsible one even when he was in his teens?" wondered the other neighbour.
"What do you expect? He is the eldest and so on his shoulders fell the responsibility of looking after the younger ones when the parents had to be away at work."
"However, it is not always the case that the eldest are given the most responsibility. Sometimes, if the eldest have to go elsewhere for studies or work, a younger child may be given the responsibility of looking after the rest or getting things done in the home."
"That's true. I know the second child in a family who has develop such a sense of responsibility as the eldest had to work while the third or last child was too small to be given any responsibility."
"When you think about it, it's so important to establish that sense of responsibility in every one of our children. It would make him disciplined and be responsible for every aspect of his/her life."
Bring responsible is such an important characteristic of a person that every family ought to think of ways to instill it our precious children so that they will grow into responsible adults in our society.
If an adult feels responsible for him/herself and everything in the world around him/her, then what a beautiful world this would be. This responsible person would certainly do the necessary to perform as well as possibly be, search for no excuses but look for opportunities to improve not just him/herself but as much of anything he/she comes into contact with in everyday life.
To cultivate such a sense of responsibility, children from as young a age as possible should be given responsibilities. Responsibilities need not be difficult. "Please tell mummy when daddy/brother/sister comes home." is a responsibility that any young child who understands the instruction can perform. "Come and help daddy pick up all the toys." is another responsibility. "Please take the towel from the basket and give it to daddy." is another responsibility. Then, as the child grows older, there is the responsibility of collecting the clothes, the responsibility of reminding someone of something and the task of hanging up the clothes to dry when the washing machine has completed its job.
Of course, just being responsible may not be perfect yet. Cultivating the right positive attitude is just as important.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
There can only be one queen.
Through experience,I would say unless you can afford your own home, if you can, do not jump into marriage yet. The exception would be when the incumbent lady and the new lady of the house have, through years of knowing each other well, found each other very compatible or able to allow one of them to rule the home. Otherwise, I can assure you there will be trouble aplenty in the years to come; for in a home, there can only be one 'queen'.
If a son thinks he can manage any problem that can crop up, I can assure him he will be found wrong. He can never please both his mother and his wife at the same time when both cackle and fight to rule the roost. And do not ever believe that an unbiased judge who listens to either of them separately could say that he is right.
In the end, his mother would accuse him of siding with his wife and she would point out the times when she was certainly in the right, omitting the times she was wrong. The same thing would occur should his wife be telling her story. Both are always right as their aim is to paint a terrible picture of the other party.
As for that son, his greatest mistake is to establish his kingdom in the palace of his parents. He cannot usurp his parents' throne. Once things go wrong, every move the queens make will be scrutinised with suspicion. There will always arise some kind of criticism for the minds of the queens have been tuned to play such notes for every act of the other queen.
And when the minds are so tuned, there could be no way the mind can change for it is the mind of the aggrieved one who can only expect sympathy and apology. Justice can only be done when the irritant and tormentor is removed from the scene.
Although we understand that change is inevitable in our lives, changes that we want to make can be difficult to come by.
In such a circumstance the only move that son can make is to move out if he is wise. however, if he and his queen are too stubborn to face the reality of such an impossible situation, then woe betide all of them as the 'Hundred Years War' can continue till death do them part. There will be no winner, only losers. That is the sad reality they will have to face.
If the war is allowed to continue to that sad end, then they have lost every chance to have real happiness for no matter who seem to be getting the upper hand, the embattled, bitter thoughts that persists in the mind wards off whatever happiness that hopes to emerge. Any laughter that results must be empty and hollow.
Is all that bitterness, irritation, anger and quarrels worth whatever any party hopes to achieve? Is life just this miserable petty struggle for power in the home?
If a son thinks he can manage any problem that can crop up, I can assure him he will be found wrong. He can never please both his mother and his wife at the same time when both cackle and fight to rule the roost. And do not ever believe that an unbiased judge who listens to either of them separately could say that he is right.
In the end, his mother would accuse him of siding with his wife and she would point out the times when she was certainly in the right, omitting the times she was wrong. The same thing would occur should his wife be telling her story. Both are always right as their aim is to paint a terrible picture of the other party.
As for that son, his greatest mistake is to establish his kingdom in the palace of his parents. He cannot usurp his parents' throne. Once things go wrong, every move the queens make will be scrutinised with suspicion. There will always arise some kind of criticism for the minds of the queens have been tuned to play such notes for every act of the other queen.
And when the minds are so tuned, there could be no way the mind can change for it is the mind of the aggrieved one who can only expect sympathy and apology. Justice can only be done when the irritant and tormentor is removed from the scene.
Although we understand that change is inevitable in our lives, changes that we want to make can be difficult to come by.
In such a circumstance the only move that son can make is to move out if he is wise. however, if he and his queen are too stubborn to face the reality of such an impossible situation, then woe betide all of them as the 'Hundred Years War' can continue till death do them part. There will be no winner, only losers. That is the sad reality they will have to face.
If the war is allowed to continue to that sad end, then they have lost every chance to have real happiness for no matter who seem to be getting the upper hand, the embattled, bitter thoughts that persists in the mind wards off whatever happiness that hopes to emerge. Any laughter that results must be empty and hollow.
Is all that bitterness, irritation, anger and quarrels worth whatever any party hopes to achieve? Is life just this miserable petty struggle for power in the home?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
They are never too young to learn.
"He's still too young to know. Let him be. He'll understand as he grows older."
That is what we hear from some parents when their children commit wrongs when they are still young. The question is "When will he be old enough to learn?". When should the teaching start? At what age is he old enough to realise his mistakes?
Parents ought to understand that children start learning, at the latest, the day they were born. That is the age they start to learn about the little world they are put in. That little world consists of their parents and their surroundings.
They learn to love and be loved. They learn to respond to their parents. They learn the attitudes of their parents. They learn to make demands the correct way or the wrong way. All these depend upon the parents for the parents are the first teachers.
Do they feel security? Are the parents always present to attend to their needs? Do they feel the comfort of their parents arms?
Then, are there voices to listen to? Does the sound of language come often enough to help the child remember it?
Is there the opportunity to learn coordination? Do the parents play with the child to have it develop physical skills, to catch hold of parents' hands, toreach out for them?
Then, does the child get pampered? A morning or evening walk in his pram is good but when he is used to it and when parents' time do not permit such an activity, does it demand with cries and such cries are rewarded. When that happens every time, a child learns to cry for rewards. He learns that tantrums can get his demands met. When that happens, it is the start of a bad habit which, unless quick action is taken to stop further practice of such demanding ways, can lead a child to throw tantrums to expect being rewarded to stop the undesirable action.
Pampering starts innocently enough to have parents not realise that it could lead to a child with bullying techniques to achieve his aims in life. It can lead to undesirable ways unacceptable to society. That could bring danger not just to society but also to the child because as the child grows older and realises that tantrums alone could never get him what he wanted, he would resort to other undesirable ways to achieve his goal.
So, a child is never too young to learn bad habits or language. When it comes to language, it imitates the parents and that is the reason we sometimes hear very young children shout offensive or obscene words without much thought of its effect on other people. There have been parents who are so casual with such profanity that their children learn them at a very young age. As such, parents ought to be careful with the kind of language they use in front of their children.
Children are never too young to learn. Parents must ensure only good habits and proper language reaches their young.
That is what we hear from some parents when their children commit wrongs when they are still young. The question is "When will he be old enough to learn?". When should the teaching start? At what age is he old enough to realise his mistakes?
Parents ought to understand that children start learning, at the latest, the day they were born. That is the age they start to learn about the little world they are put in. That little world consists of their parents and their surroundings.
They learn to love and be loved. They learn to respond to their parents. They learn the attitudes of their parents. They learn to make demands the correct way or the wrong way. All these depend upon the parents for the parents are the first teachers.
Do they feel security? Are the parents always present to attend to their needs? Do they feel the comfort of their parents arms?
Then, are there voices to listen to? Does the sound of language come often enough to help the child remember it?
Is there the opportunity to learn coordination? Do the parents play with the child to have it develop physical skills, to catch hold of parents' hands, toreach out for them?
Then, does the child get pampered? A morning or evening walk in his pram is good but when he is used to it and when parents' time do not permit such an activity, does it demand with cries and such cries are rewarded. When that happens every time, a child learns to cry for rewards. He learns that tantrums can get his demands met. When that happens, it is the start of a bad habit which, unless quick action is taken to stop further practice of such demanding ways, can lead a child to throw tantrums to expect being rewarded to stop the undesirable action.
Pampering starts innocently enough to have parents not realise that it could lead to a child with bullying techniques to achieve his aims in life. It can lead to undesirable ways unacceptable to society. That could bring danger not just to society but also to the child because as the child grows older and realises that tantrums alone could never get him what he wanted, he would resort to other undesirable ways to achieve his goal.
So, a child is never too young to learn bad habits or language. When it comes to language, it imitates the parents and that is the reason we sometimes hear very young children shout offensive or obscene words without much thought of its effect on other people. There have been parents who are so casual with such profanity that their children learn them at a very young age. As such, parents ought to be careful with the kind of language they use in front of their children.
Children are never too young to learn. Parents must ensure only good habits and proper language reaches their young.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Change is never easy.
Yesterday, I have told about the poor policeman with his burnt liver due to alcoholic drinks. Just as I was going to post it, a friend came. When he saw what I had written, he informed me of a fairly young man, aged thirty-six, who had the same problem. He had a burnt liver but according to this friend of mine, the guy did not stop drinking. It was not easy for him to stop as the shaking of his unsteady hands was worse without the alcoholic drinks. Well, it looked like he had a good excuse not to change, to carry on drinking despite the problem.
Even if the problem was not given the chance to materialise, it is never easy to change. There has to be a superb determination to do so. That was my experience. The drinkers I met were my friends. I met them almost everyday at their homes, at parties and at sports gatherings. Especially when the drinks are free at those sports gatherings, friends were bound to pour me drinks, urging me to bottom up. Upon my waving the drink away, they would insist, demanding that I join them as they knew I could drink. Eventually, there was no alternative but to accept that glass of cool beer but put it aside as soon as their attention was drawn away by someone else. This process of 'letting your friends down' had to be repeated numerous times for a number of months before everyone finally realised that this guy had changed 'beyong redemption'. They eventually understood that there was nothing they could do to rehabilitate this guy back into the drinking club. It certainly was difficult and it took quite a while for the message to sink in.
Looking back, it is no wonder drug addicts and drinkers or smokers find it difficult to stop or change, especially when the other members of the addiction are very close and still around almost everyday. The person who wishes to change is one against many. His/Her change is easily outvoted. Without sufficient determination, a weakness of the ego would have blown down all the bridges to change.
However, determination boosted by knowledge of the problems that could possibly crop up in later years can strengthen our resolve to do the right thing.
That is why I have often told my friends, a visit to see the fate that awaits drug addicts and drinkers in hospitals or rehabilitation centers can be profitable to our young children, to open their eyes to the horrible realities of the kind of life that awaits such addiction. As for gambling and smoking, read and expose to our young the news about those people's plight whenever it appears in our news media. Let them know what can possibly happen so that they can make intelligent choices based on true knowledge in life.
Everything in this world is the parents' audio-visual aids. Use it for the benefit of our beloved children.
Even if the problem was not given the chance to materialise, it is never easy to change. There has to be a superb determination to do so. That was my experience. The drinkers I met were my friends. I met them almost everyday at their homes, at parties and at sports gatherings. Especially when the drinks are free at those sports gatherings, friends were bound to pour me drinks, urging me to bottom up. Upon my waving the drink away, they would insist, demanding that I join them as they knew I could drink. Eventually, there was no alternative but to accept that glass of cool beer but put it aside as soon as their attention was drawn away by someone else. This process of 'letting your friends down' had to be repeated numerous times for a number of months before everyone finally realised that this guy had changed 'beyong redemption'. They eventually understood that there was nothing they could do to rehabilitate this guy back into the drinking club. It certainly was difficult and it took quite a while for the message to sink in.
Looking back, it is no wonder drug addicts and drinkers or smokers find it difficult to stop or change, especially when the other members of the addiction are very close and still around almost everyday. The person who wishes to change is one against many. His/Her change is easily outvoted. Without sufficient determination, a weakness of the ego would have blown down all the bridges to change.
However, determination boosted by knowledge of the problems that could possibly crop up in later years can strengthen our resolve to do the right thing.
That is why I have often told my friends, a visit to see the fate that awaits drug addicts and drinkers in hospitals or rehabilitation centers can be profitable to our young children, to open their eyes to the horrible realities of the kind of life that awaits such addiction. As for gambling and smoking, read and expose to our young the news about those people's plight whenever it appears in our news media. Let them know what can possibly happen so that they can make intelligent choices based on true knowledge in life.
Everything in this world is the parents' audio-visual aids. Use it for the benefit of our beloved children.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saved by the policeman whose liver was burnt.
As a person, I have always been adventurous. However, I always believe that our future, our health and wealth, is our own responsibility. We are the ones to make or break it. Therefore, despite being adventurous, I have stayed away from drugs as I knew there will never be any easy way, perhaps not even after a great struggle, out of such addiction. To be adventurous, one has to be knowledgeable to be safe. Many adventurous souls sank into the mire of such quicksand addition because of the devilish encouragement of drug pushers without the full understanding of the sticky dangers that that can draw them down to the deepest hell-hole that draws humans into it without any mercy.
So, this guy here has tried drinking. It all started at a wedding party where there was that adult who fooled this young guy of ten into drinking some beer. It was a new drink for me then. It did not taste good, a little bitter just like some kind of liquid medicine. Nonetheless, it was a new experience and I went for it glass after glass, following that adult. Soon a kind of numbness gripped me and I seem to stand in a far-off place with people's voices and the music at the wedding party in the background some distance away. I wanted to throw up but nothing came except some kind of discomfort. Later, semi-conscious of my surroundings, I followed my parents home to fall mercifully asleep.
The next morning and the next few days after was the worse. I itched all over with my skin blotchy red in many places. And when the wind blows against me, the itch was even worse. you see, I was allergic to alcohol. So, I stopped taking the drink.
I did stop taking alcoholic drinks until I was active in the sports field during my first few years of teaching. Each sports day, there were free drinks for everyone. Well, it was not the organiser's fault as non-alcoholic drinks were easily available too. That time it was my ego. Everyone of those tough guys could drink. So, why not me? Of course, I again suffered that alcohol allergy but the young ego demanded that I be no less capable as those guys out there and soon even that allergy was conquered. Furthermore, knowledge helped to prevent me from getting drunk. The trick was merely knowing when it was too high, stop, take some water, urinate all the alcohol out and then when the alcoholic high subside in the head, return to face the challenge of drinking even more.
And that went on for a number of years. I even reached the stage where I could take brandy. And alcohol could have become one of my favourite drinks if God had not put me into a hospital in Alor Star. You see, I once again had to take a vacation in one of those six-star hotel they call a hospital where there is always a pretty nurse on call every minute of the day because one doctor could not hear my heart-beat at all and deemed it necessary for me to go through an ECG, a machine to detect my heart-beat and proclaimed that I had rheumatic heart, a illness which gives patients only about six years to live. Today, almost forty years later, it is quite obvious that I had changed the record.
It was in that hospital that I got acquainted with a policeman who showed me his unsteady hands, hands that can never be steady again. According to him, he got that way through a burnt liver caused by taking too much alcohol.
When I saw and heard about his predicament, I knew right then I would not want to have to suffer thus. I knew I got no benefit out of taking alcoholic drinks. It was merely my ego and that was certainly not worth it especially when I knew what I was worth, an excellent English Language teacher, a gymnastic coach who knew how to train champions and a guy who can stand as tall as the best. That was already good enough in any crowd. Of course, it is quite clear that my ego is still very much alive but it is essential to have a healthy ego to progress in life.
So, I stopped alcoholic drinks almost completely. Today, the only time I consume a little, just a glass, perhaps once or twice a year, is at weddings or some such gatherings. And I am happy with that. The allergy has returned and my face would turn red as a lobster the minute just a mouthful of alcohol gets down my throat.
Well, that's my true story. Parents, beware of adults who think it is fun to fool around with your children with alcoholic drinks. Sometimes even with adults, they do it. Once, I was a little annoyed that a lady friend of mine was made to drink a little too much. And too much alcohol can do so much harm, like burning a liver.
So, this guy here has tried drinking. It all started at a wedding party where there was that adult who fooled this young guy of ten into drinking some beer. It was a new drink for me then. It did not taste good, a little bitter just like some kind of liquid medicine. Nonetheless, it was a new experience and I went for it glass after glass, following that adult. Soon a kind of numbness gripped me and I seem to stand in a far-off place with people's voices and the music at the wedding party in the background some distance away. I wanted to throw up but nothing came except some kind of discomfort. Later, semi-conscious of my surroundings, I followed my parents home to fall mercifully asleep.
The next morning and the next few days after was the worse. I itched all over with my skin blotchy red in many places. And when the wind blows against me, the itch was even worse. you see, I was allergic to alcohol. So, I stopped taking the drink.
I did stop taking alcoholic drinks until I was active in the sports field during my first few years of teaching. Each sports day, there were free drinks for everyone. Well, it was not the organiser's fault as non-alcoholic drinks were easily available too. That time it was my ego. Everyone of those tough guys could drink. So, why not me? Of course, I again suffered that alcohol allergy but the young ego demanded that I be no less capable as those guys out there and soon even that allergy was conquered. Furthermore, knowledge helped to prevent me from getting drunk. The trick was merely knowing when it was too high, stop, take some water, urinate all the alcohol out and then when the alcoholic high subside in the head, return to face the challenge of drinking even more.
And that went on for a number of years. I even reached the stage where I could take brandy. And alcohol could have become one of my favourite drinks if God had not put me into a hospital in Alor Star. You see, I once again had to take a vacation in one of those six-star hotel they call a hospital where there is always a pretty nurse on call every minute of the day because one doctor could not hear my heart-beat at all and deemed it necessary for me to go through an ECG, a machine to detect my heart-beat and proclaimed that I had rheumatic heart, a illness which gives patients only about six years to live. Today, almost forty years later, it is quite obvious that I had changed the record.
It was in that hospital that I got acquainted with a policeman who showed me his unsteady hands, hands that can never be steady again. According to him, he got that way through a burnt liver caused by taking too much alcohol.
When I saw and heard about his predicament, I knew right then I would not want to have to suffer thus. I knew I got no benefit out of taking alcoholic drinks. It was merely my ego and that was certainly not worth it especially when I knew what I was worth, an excellent English Language teacher, a gymnastic coach who knew how to train champions and a guy who can stand as tall as the best. That was already good enough in any crowd. Of course, it is quite clear that my ego is still very much alive but it is essential to have a healthy ego to progress in life.
So, I stopped alcoholic drinks almost completely. Today, the only time I consume a little, just a glass, perhaps once or twice a year, is at weddings or some such gatherings. And I am happy with that. The allergy has returned and my face would turn red as a lobster the minute just a mouthful of alcohol gets down my throat.
Well, that's my true story. Parents, beware of adults who think it is fun to fool around with your children with alcoholic drinks. Sometimes even with adults, they do it. Once, I was a little annoyed that a lady friend of mine was made to drink a little too much. And too much alcohol can do so much harm, like burning a liver.
Gambling away a life.
Once upon a time, there were two brothers from a poor family. At the tender age of fourteen, the elder brother had to drop out of school so as to enable the other brother to continue his studies because the family just did not have sufficient money to afford two school-going children. You see, in those days, parents had to buy text-books, pay school fees each month and fork out a sum of money for transport. The poor family found the expenses too much for their meagre incomes.
Life for the younger son was not easy although he had the opportunity to go on studying. He had to cook for the family, clean the only rented room they had and wash up the plates and utensils besides completing his homework. The only thing in the house he needed not to do was to wash the clothes. His mother did that before preparing some food to hawk in the streets from afternoon to late evening in order to supplement the husband’s income. To help her hawk her food was the younger son.
Life was tough but the family was tough enough to carry on with their life.
Unfortunately, life is never as easy going as this endlessly. There came a time when evil lurked at the elder son’s place of work, eveready to pull him away from his profitable boiled cuttlefish with sauce which he was good at and selling the food at the Penang Esplanade at night. The younger son helped him by waiting at the tables.
Somebody started a gambling table where the stall-owners and outsiders gather to stake their money for easy gains. Then, there was one evening when business was not as good as usual. The elder brother moved towards the group of gamblers, pulled by the lure of winning money. Initially, he did win and that was the problem. He learned from the experience that easy money could come from gambling. It was to be his downfall.
He lost interest in his own stall and business. He left his younger brother to manage the business while he gambled. Of course, he did win now and then but most of the time he ended the loser.
Realising what is happening, the younger brother decided that action had to be taken to stop the evil. One evening, he had to leave the stall unattended to slip away and report the gamblers to the nearest police-station which was about four kilometers away. The police came and broke up the gambling group but the urge to gamble had lodge itself too deeply in the gamblers. They posted look-outs and continued with their games, stopping only when they received word that the police was on the way.
Eventually, the stall of boiled cuttlefish with sauce had to be closed as it could not be managed by the younger brother alone.
That was the first tragedy to befall the gambling brother. Since then, wherever he worked, he was constantly frequenting places where gamblers gather. His earning is usually lost and sometimes he was even in debt.
One vice led to another and soon he even took up drinking. As a result he got diabetes and then, high blood pressure. Throughout his life, he was always unable to cope with his money, gambling his pay away and drinking to enjoy whatever life there was in drink; or was it to forget the misery of life. Some gal did love him enough to try to get him away from his vices but failed and gave up. Finally his life ended after much booze at a New Year Eve’s party.
See how dangerous the pull of gambling is to people. We certainly do not wish anyone we love to be dragged into its ‘quicksand’ unable to crawl out to save himself or herself. Gambling is a vice we must always be on guard against.
Life for the younger son was not easy although he had the opportunity to go on studying. He had to cook for the family, clean the only rented room they had and wash up the plates and utensils besides completing his homework. The only thing in the house he needed not to do was to wash the clothes. His mother did that before preparing some food to hawk in the streets from afternoon to late evening in order to supplement the husband’s income. To help her hawk her food was the younger son.
Life was tough but the family was tough enough to carry on with their life.
Unfortunately, life is never as easy going as this endlessly. There came a time when evil lurked at the elder son’s place of work, eveready to pull him away from his profitable boiled cuttlefish with sauce which he was good at and selling the food at the Penang Esplanade at night. The younger son helped him by waiting at the tables.
Somebody started a gambling table where the stall-owners and outsiders gather to stake their money for easy gains. Then, there was one evening when business was not as good as usual. The elder brother moved towards the group of gamblers, pulled by the lure of winning money. Initially, he did win and that was the problem. He learned from the experience that easy money could come from gambling. It was to be his downfall.
He lost interest in his own stall and business. He left his younger brother to manage the business while he gambled. Of course, he did win now and then but most of the time he ended the loser.
Realising what is happening, the younger brother decided that action had to be taken to stop the evil. One evening, he had to leave the stall unattended to slip away and report the gamblers to the nearest police-station which was about four kilometers away. The police came and broke up the gambling group but the urge to gamble had lodge itself too deeply in the gamblers. They posted look-outs and continued with their games, stopping only when they received word that the police was on the way.
Eventually, the stall of boiled cuttlefish with sauce had to be closed as it could not be managed by the younger brother alone.
That was the first tragedy to befall the gambling brother. Since then, wherever he worked, he was constantly frequenting places where gamblers gather. His earning is usually lost and sometimes he was even in debt.
One vice led to another and soon he even took up drinking. As a result he got diabetes and then, high blood pressure. Throughout his life, he was always unable to cope with his money, gambling his pay away and drinking to enjoy whatever life there was in drink; or was it to forget the misery of life. Some gal did love him enough to try to get him away from his vices but failed and gave up. Finally his life ended after much booze at a New Year Eve’s party.
See how dangerous the pull of gambling is to people. We certainly do not wish anyone we love to be dragged into its ‘quicksand’ unable to crawl out to save himself or herself. Gambling is a vice we must always be on guard against.
Friday, March 12, 2010
But then, taking a gamble in life is necessary.
To gamble and obtain more money the easy way is not good because of the attitude and greed that it cultivates. Most things just do not come easily. Things that come easily depend upon luck. Of course, some people are damn lucky, and I am one of them, but how many have that kind of luck consistently? There just is no way you can ensure that it would turn out the way you want it to.
However, in life, there is a need to take a gamble. We face each day certain of some things but a few things may be unpredictable. We may know we are heading towards a certain point in life but we can never know what could possibly happen on the way. When such unplanned happenings take place, what is needed is a decision but then, what is the right decision, are we going to turn left or right, or are we going to turn back? Perhaps, we could ignore the omen and just go ahead. Here, we are taking a decision which could bring certain consequences.
What if our instincts tell us that we should go on although we have been given information that to do so could lead to problems. Is the information accurate? Is reaching what is ahead important enough? If it holds something meaningful in our life, perhaps we ought to take a gamble, take a chance and see how things turn out.
It could be a change in career. It could be people in a relationship. What is ahead may not be smooth-flowing. There could be rough patches ahead but there is also promise of better things to come. Do we take a chance? Do we take a gamble and hope for the best.
Taking a gamble and go by one's instincts is the best option when every path forward is uncertain, full of questions, full of unknowns. We cannot just stay put, we have to move forward, take that gamble and hope for the best with all our efforts put in.
Inaction is never the option as one is already lost with no progress possible, nothing to gain, nothing to lose; so nothing to get and nothing to learn or experience.
However, in life, there is a need to take a gamble. We face each day certain of some things but a few things may be unpredictable. We may know we are heading towards a certain point in life but we can never know what could possibly happen on the way. When such unplanned happenings take place, what is needed is a decision but then, what is the right decision, are we going to turn left or right, or are we going to turn back? Perhaps, we could ignore the omen and just go ahead. Here, we are taking a decision which could bring certain consequences.
What if our instincts tell us that we should go on although we have been given information that to do so could lead to problems. Is the information accurate? Is reaching what is ahead important enough? If it holds something meaningful in our life, perhaps we ought to take a gamble, take a chance and see how things turn out.
It could be a change in career. It could be people in a relationship. What is ahead may not be smooth-flowing. There could be rough patches ahead but there is also promise of better things to come. Do we take a chance? Do we take a gamble and hope for the best.
Taking a gamble and go by one's instincts is the best option when every path forward is uncertain, full of questions, full of unknowns. We cannot just stay put, we have to move forward, take that gamble and hope for the best with all our efforts put in.
Inaction is never the option as one is already lost with no progress possible, nothing to gain, nothing to lose; so nothing to get and nothing to learn or experience.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Gambling and its consequences.
Never ever be addicted to gambling. It has been the downfall of many.
I am not talking about just a game of cards to while away the time and having fun with friends as we celebrate something. When it is merely for fun or having a good time with friends, our aim is not to win at all cost, so the stakes cannot and should not be high. It ought to be as low as possible so that winning or losing has no consequences.
Once, as a bachelor in a rented house shared with other singles, we sometimes found ourselves with nowhere to go, no programme to fulfill, no work to complete. At such times in the evening, we would gather at a table with a stack of cards to play twenty-one. The condition was that the biggest winner would have to foot the bill for that night's supper. With such a condition, the winner sometimes end up the loser when the total cost of the supper was more than the biggest winner's winning. It was a good condition as it ensured that there was no greed, nobody wanted to win big enough to be the biggest winner. The smaller winners were safe and the smaller losers could be the winner, the cost of their food more than what they lost. In that manner, we enjoyed our gambling without being greedy, without thinking of gambling as a way to get other people's money. And that was a good way to prevent addiction to gambling. Of course, there were people who considered that a waste of time and effort. For us, we reaped comradeship and joy without any fear of financial problems. We gambled without fear of loss, except the loss of an adrenaline surge.
However, it is the adrenaline surge which resulted from the fear of losing and the excitement of winning that attracted people to gambling. It was the same surge that cause those people to be addicted. And how many people have gambled and consistently win. It has always been when the gambler wins, he hopes to win even more just to find that his/her winning streak is bound to change. And when the gamble loses, he gambles on, with a loan from someone perhaps, to hope for the losing streak to change but before the change comes, his/her financial resources has run out. Thus, most of the time, gamblers lose.
Then, who wins? You see, gamblers need a place to gamble day after day. They have to pay for it. In mahjong, they pay by the game. Then again, the loser have to think of the interest on the loan he/she took. The winner become the big spender of the day, thus lessening his/her winnings. In the long run, the wise ones who give out loans, those who let their premises be used to get 'rental', and the food suppliers are the real winners while most of the gamblers lose.
The unfortunate thing is that there are people who are not financially sound among such gambling addicts. There are even house-wives among them. When they do not have sufficient money to try and recoup their loses, they borrow. And when they have no money to return the loans, and so as to not let the household members or the husband know, they have sometimes no alternative but to trade with what they have, their body.Yes, from the guy who give out such loans, I have personally heard about how such loans are settled when it is just not possible to do it with cash. Depending upon the amount owed it is either cheap thrills or prostitution. For such women, it is sometimes the easy way out. (This is from true stories that I know.)
For the gambling men, there is no such easy way out. Unless they meet with a gay perhaps, they have to find the hard cash to repay the loan. We have often read of the dilemma of such men when they have to run away to escape the wrath of the people they owe.
I have personally known of a Chinese physician who borrowed so much to support his folly that he had to run off in the middle of the night to a destination unknown even to his own relatives, leaving behind his house, car and all other belongings. Imagine how desperate he must have been!
As it can be seen, gambling is one of the worst vices humans can have. Therefore, it is important that children be taught about this and prevented from being too carried away by the adrenaline surge from gambling. Give them other activities instead. Gambling is certainly not an activity to be encouraged or allowed free reign, even during a festive season.
I am not talking about just a game of cards to while away the time and having fun with friends as we celebrate something. When it is merely for fun or having a good time with friends, our aim is not to win at all cost, so the stakes cannot and should not be high. It ought to be as low as possible so that winning or losing has no consequences.
Once, as a bachelor in a rented house shared with other singles, we sometimes found ourselves with nowhere to go, no programme to fulfill, no work to complete. At such times in the evening, we would gather at a table with a stack of cards to play twenty-one. The condition was that the biggest winner would have to foot the bill for that night's supper. With such a condition, the winner sometimes end up the loser when the total cost of the supper was more than the biggest winner's winning. It was a good condition as it ensured that there was no greed, nobody wanted to win big enough to be the biggest winner. The smaller winners were safe and the smaller losers could be the winner, the cost of their food more than what they lost. In that manner, we enjoyed our gambling without being greedy, without thinking of gambling as a way to get other people's money. And that was a good way to prevent addiction to gambling. Of course, there were people who considered that a waste of time and effort. For us, we reaped comradeship and joy without any fear of financial problems. We gambled without fear of loss, except the loss of an adrenaline surge.
However, it is the adrenaline surge which resulted from the fear of losing and the excitement of winning that attracted people to gambling. It was the same surge that cause those people to be addicted. And how many people have gambled and consistently win. It has always been when the gambler wins, he hopes to win even more just to find that his/her winning streak is bound to change. And when the gamble loses, he gambles on, with a loan from someone perhaps, to hope for the losing streak to change but before the change comes, his/her financial resources has run out. Thus, most of the time, gamblers lose.
Then, who wins? You see, gamblers need a place to gamble day after day. They have to pay for it. In mahjong, they pay by the game. Then again, the loser have to think of the interest on the loan he/she took. The winner become the big spender of the day, thus lessening his/her winnings. In the long run, the wise ones who give out loans, those who let their premises be used to get 'rental', and the food suppliers are the real winners while most of the gamblers lose.
The unfortunate thing is that there are people who are not financially sound among such gambling addicts. There are even house-wives among them. When they do not have sufficient money to try and recoup their loses, they borrow. And when they have no money to return the loans, and so as to not let the household members or the husband know, they have sometimes no alternative but to trade with what they have, their body.Yes, from the guy who give out such loans, I have personally heard about how such loans are settled when it is just not possible to do it with cash. Depending upon the amount owed it is either cheap thrills or prostitution. For such women, it is sometimes the easy way out. (This is from true stories that I know.)
For the gambling men, there is no such easy way out. Unless they meet with a gay perhaps, they have to find the hard cash to repay the loan. We have often read of the dilemma of such men when they have to run away to escape the wrath of the people they owe.
I have personally known of a Chinese physician who borrowed so much to support his folly that he had to run off in the middle of the night to a destination unknown even to his own relatives, leaving behind his house, car and all other belongings. Imagine how desperate he must have been!
As it can be seen, gambling is one of the worst vices humans can have. Therefore, it is important that children be taught about this and prevented from being too carried away by the adrenaline surge from gambling. Give them other activities instead. Gambling is certainly not an activity to be encouraged or allowed free reign, even during a festive season.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
What's love?
I knew a rich guy who inherited a lot of money from his father. This was the best son of the lot as he knew how to look after his money, to invest it in property and loans.
The others, mainly because they had enough money to fall back on at any time, did not manage to do any business or had a permanent job. One of them was so arrogant that he hopped from job to job, vacating any job the minute the boss complained about him. He held onto a job as long as he could do as he wished.
So, despite the vast wealth of the dead father, most of his sons found life difficult. The only fortunate thing for them was the amount of money still kept in the bank and not spent on gambling. Except for the guy I knew, if anyone of them had gambled, all the inherited money would have disappeared fast since they had no permanent job.
However, unlike the father and this guy I knew, they knew not how to establish a business of their own. Perhaps, they were pampered by the parents when they were young, thus not even having to be hands on in their father's business and learning nothing at all about business. Seldom does this happen but the fact that there were these children proves that it can happen if parents are too protective and pamper their children with too much leisure time.
The guy, the youngest of the children, who could only hold onto a job as long as the boss allowed him to do as he wished could have been the most pampered, not used to criticism from anybody and allowed to lord over others in the family.
Love needs effort and there can be stress. To teach a child right from wrong, there is need for effort and when a child is stubborn, there would certainly be stress. To let the child have his/her own way even when the child's behaviour is wrong would not require any effort or stress. But to do so, knowing that the future of the child is at stake, there can be no real love for the child, for love dictates that it desires the best present and future for the one loved. To watch a rot start and not take appropriate action to stop it is to not care about the harm the rot can do.
Of course, the parents who pamper their children may think that their pampering is an act of love. Unfortunately, they are definitely wrong for we would certainly do what is right for the child out of love for him/her; not let the rot set in through our efforts. That can never be.
The others, mainly because they had enough money to fall back on at any time, did not manage to do any business or had a permanent job. One of them was so arrogant that he hopped from job to job, vacating any job the minute the boss complained about him. He held onto a job as long as he could do as he wished.
So, despite the vast wealth of the dead father, most of his sons found life difficult. The only fortunate thing for them was the amount of money still kept in the bank and not spent on gambling. Except for the guy I knew, if anyone of them had gambled, all the inherited money would have disappeared fast since they had no permanent job.
However, unlike the father and this guy I knew, they knew not how to establish a business of their own. Perhaps, they were pampered by the parents when they were young, thus not even having to be hands on in their father's business and learning nothing at all about business. Seldom does this happen but the fact that there were these children proves that it can happen if parents are too protective and pamper their children with too much leisure time.
The guy, the youngest of the children, who could only hold onto a job as long as the boss allowed him to do as he wished could have been the most pampered, not used to criticism from anybody and allowed to lord over others in the family.
Love needs effort and there can be stress. To teach a child right from wrong, there is need for effort and when a child is stubborn, there would certainly be stress. To let the child have his/her own way even when the child's behaviour is wrong would not require any effort or stress. But to do so, knowing that the future of the child is at stake, there can be no real love for the child, for love dictates that it desires the best present and future for the one loved. To watch a rot start and not take appropriate action to stop it is to not care about the harm the rot can do.
Of course, the parents who pamper their children may think that their pampering is an act of love. Unfortunately, they are definitely wrong for we would certainly do what is right for the child out of love for him/her; not let the rot set in through our efforts. That can never be.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Restrain from falling prey to weaknesses.
There are those who see a group of friends gamble, got interested and acquired an addiction for gambling. There are also those who watch a similar number of gamblers in action, curious as well, interested in the activity too but never got addicted to it. Again and again, throughout my sixty and more years, I have seen it happen in other social activities such as drinking, smoking and sex. How is that so? What is it that caused the difference between the two different persons?
It certainly has nothing to do with interest. You can be assured almost everybody, with the exception of priest and nuns perhaps, are interested in some kind of gambling, drinking, smoking and sex. Yet, despite the interest, there are those who have some kind of restraint which prevents them from being too obsessive in the activities.
And when it comes to the financial factor, it cannot be taken into consideration at all as the very poor do gamble, drink smoke and hunt for sex, some with restraint while others in wild abandon. Well, without their own money, some of these people merely resort to stealing, prostitution, begging and rape.
The question here is, how is it that some people can better restrain themselves than others? Where or how did they cultivate the discipline to be able to restrain themselves where others fail? People have been talking about discipline, people having been telling about restraint, yet is there a guideline on how to cultivate the kind of restraint and discipline that is needed to ward off the many evil invaders that wreak havoc on our society? Or is it more than just discipline? Is mental strength alone sufficient?
Obviously knowledge alone is insufficient to fight the many evils in our midst. I know a doctor who gambled so relentlessly that nothing could stop him from plummeting into debts and a life as a fugitive from his debtors. Well, there are professional men and politicians who are still obsessed enough with sex to risk their careers and future.
So, can we possibly develop sufficient mental strength or discipline to overcome whatever human weaknesses we may possess?
It certainly has nothing to do with interest. You can be assured almost everybody, with the exception of priest and nuns perhaps, are interested in some kind of gambling, drinking, smoking and sex. Yet, despite the interest, there are those who have some kind of restraint which prevents them from being too obsessive in the activities.
And when it comes to the financial factor, it cannot be taken into consideration at all as the very poor do gamble, drink smoke and hunt for sex, some with restraint while others in wild abandon. Well, without their own money, some of these people merely resort to stealing, prostitution, begging and rape.
The question here is, how is it that some people can better restrain themselves than others? Where or how did they cultivate the discipline to be able to restrain themselves where others fail? People have been talking about discipline, people having been telling about restraint, yet is there a guideline on how to cultivate the kind of restraint and discipline that is needed to ward off the many evil invaders that wreak havoc on our society? Or is it more than just discipline? Is mental strength alone sufficient?
Obviously knowledge alone is insufficient to fight the many evils in our midst. I know a doctor who gambled so relentlessly that nothing could stop him from plummeting into debts and a life as a fugitive from his debtors. Well, there are professional men and politicians who are still obsessed enough with sex to risk their careers and future.
So, can we possibly develop sufficient mental strength or discipline to overcome whatever human weaknesses we may possess?
Beware of what our little children imitate.
Some years ago, I have read of a child who flew off down to his death as Superboy. Can you blame the poor little guy? His innocent mind could not differentiate between make-believe and reality. When he saw Superman fly through the air, he thought that was what everybody could be capable of. So, tell your child about what he sees on television. If the child watches Superman, explain to him/her how the guy on television could take off so effortlessly. Let the child understand he/she could not fly except in an aeroplane. As we all know every child likes to imitate.
Yes, our children loves to imitate. They would wear mother's high heels to suffer a fall, wear father's socks to clean up all the dirt on the floor and cough like the uncle next door. It is good for our precious children to imitate for that is one of the ways they learn. Well, for that matter, that is also the way we adults learn too. We imitate the way people tackle girls or boys, win competitions and perform in sports as well as do business from those who are successful.
However, imitating without understanding can be dangerous especially to innocent young minds. They see someone hide in a box and they may decide to hide in the refrigerator with disastrous result. Someone on television may put a mask made with a paper-bag and our child may imitate by putting his/her head into a plastic bag without realising the danger of suffocation exists in such acts.
If we are always there to explain the dangers to the child, then the chances of it happening is lessen but we cannot be there for him/her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Therefore, we need to ensure there is a replacement adult around for our children to notice any 'mischief' that he could be up to. This is especially so when we are dealing with very active children.
The presence of adults or parents is so important where little children are concerned that this need should never be underestimated.
Yes, our children loves to imitate. They would wear mother's high heels to suffer a fall, wear father's socks to clean up all the dirt on the floor and cough like the uncle next door. It is good for our precious children to imitate for that is one of the ways they learn. Well, for that matter, that is also the way we adults learn too. We imitate the way people tackle girls or boys, win competitions and perform in sports as well as do business from those who are successful.
However, imitating without understanding can be dangerous especially to innocent young minds. They see someone hide in a box and they may decide to hide in the refrigerator with disastrous result. Someone on television may put a mask made with a paper-bag and our child may imitate by putting his/her head into a plastic bag without realising the danger of suffocation exists in such acts.
If we are always there to explain the dangers to the child, then the chances of it happening is lessen but we cannot be there for him/her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Therefore, we need to ensure there is a replacement adult around for our children to notice any 'mischief' that he could be up to. This is especially so when we are dealing with very active children.
The presence of adults or parents is so important where little children are concerned that this need should never be underestimated.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Parents must constantly be vigilant.
Each year, we notice children who,instead of attending school as intentioned by their parents, play truant and loitered the streets or gathered in some places to avoid studying.
The cause of this could be an inability to follow the lessons any longer due to one reason or another. It could also be due to bad influence from the wrong people, possibly fellow students of the recalcitrant.
Whatever the reason for such behaviour from a student, the parents play an important role to prevent the child from sinking to a level where help may be a little too late. If, for example, a child had started taking drugs in the company of some bad influence, it could be difficult, although not impossible, to help the child out of problem.
Some children who play truant even change out of their uniform into ordinary everyday clothes so as to escape detection by any observer. In such a case, should not the parents realise that something must be amiss when each day that child must be putting extra clothes into the schoolbag or giving extra clothes to wash? Certainly, the child cannot be involved in some kind of physical exercise everyday of the week! Even if some plausible excuse could be given, parents could contact the school, school authorities are just one phone call away, to inquire about their child's presence in the school.
Then, there is the report card for each semester which parents are to scrutinise and know how the child is progressing in the school, know the child's strength and weaknesses in academic subjects as well as the total number of days he had attended school. Just a look at that report card merely twice a year is sufficient for the parent to realise how the child is progressing in the various subjects being studied and how constant the attendance has been. It certainly does not require a lot of work and effort to obtain such valuable information about one's child. And, even if the child does no produce the report card but forge the father's or mother's signature required in the report card, six months without a report card's appearance should certainly be a warning that something was obviously wrong and an investigation through just one phone call to the school authorities must be made.
If we find out early the problems of our children, it would be easier to help them to overcome those problems. Knowing this will not help unless parents take action to know how their children are doing in school. If it is truancy, a talk with the children to find out the cause may be reveal the truth but the children would understand that they have been found out and would most probably stop the truancy. Of course, once the problem is known, parents must monitor the activities and movements of their children to ensure they are safe from the many traps and dangers that awaits unwary children.
If it is weakness in certain subjects, then parents could get people to help with some tuition on the subjects concerned. Even if the children are unable to eventually catch up in those subjects, such an act by parents is clear indication to the child that the parents love them. That love is a major weapon against any danger that threatens from outside the home.
As it can be seen, it does not take a lot of effort to ensure our children are safe and not enticed by outsiders into undesirable activities. All that is needed is loving attention to them each and every day.
The cause of this could be an inability to follow the lessons any longer due to one reason or another. It could also be due to bad influence from the wrong people, possibly fellow students of the recalcitrant.
Whatever the reason for such behaviour from a student, the parents play an important role to prevent the child from sinking to a level where help may be a little too late. If, for example, a child had started taking drugs in the company of some bad influence, it could be difficult, although not impossible, to help the child out of problem.
Some children who play truant even change out of their uniform into ordinary everyday clothes so as to escape detection by any observer. In such a case, should not the parents realise that something must be amiss when each day that child must be putting extra clothes into the schoolbag or giving extra clothes to wash? Certainly, the child cannot be involved in some kind of physical exercise everyday of the week! Even if some plausible excuse could be given, parents could contact the school, school authorities are just one phone call away, to inquire about their child's presence in the school.
Then, there is the report card for each semester which parents are to scrutinise and know how the child is progressing in the school, know the child's strength and weaknesses in academic subjects as well as the total number of days he had attended school. Just a look at that report card merely twice a year is sufficient for the parent to realise how the child is progressing in the various subjects being studied and how constant the attendance has been. It certainly does not require a lot of work and effort to obtain such valuable information about one's child. And, even if the child does no produce the report card but forge the father's or mother's signature required in the report card, six months without a report card's appearance should certainly be a warning that something was obviously wrong and an investigation through just one phone call to the school authorities must be made.
If we find out early the problems of our children, it would be easier to help them to overcome those problems. Knowing this will not help unless parents take action to know how their children are doing in school. If it is truancy, a talk with the children to find out the cause may be reveal the truth but the children would understand that they have been found out and would most probably stop the truancy. Of course, once the problem is known, parents must monitor the activities and movements of their children to ensure they are safe from the many traps and dangers that awaits unwary children.
If it is weakness in certain subjects, then parents could get people to help with some tuition on the subjects concerned. Even if the children are unable to eventually catch up in those subjects, such an act by parents is clear indication to the child that the parents love them. That love is a major weapon against any danger that threatens from outside the home.
As it can be seen, it does not take a lot of effort to ensure our children are safe and not enticed by outsiders into undesirable activities. All that is needed is loving attention to them each and every day.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Do we ever forget the love that is ours to treasure always?
It was at a gathering on the death of a parent of one of our friends, that someone brought up the topic of feelings lying dormant in us, how behind that mask of sweet joy and happiness could be memories of some beloved person who had passed away.
There is so much truth in that statement that It instantly took me back to my beloved wife and two beloved friends. The two friends are still very much alive but my beloved dear is lost to me forever. What remains are the sweet memories of the time I was fortunate to share with her.
Although, like all humans, we had problems here and there from time to time, we sustained our love; nay, it grew stronger, especially during the last few months of her life. It was during those months that we really understood how much we cared for each other, how close we were, closer than any other person could be with her or with me. We realised that nothing can ever be as close as the relationship between a husband and a wife.
Looking back, those could have been the saddest, most painful moments of our relationship but it was also the most comfortable, most reassuring, most wonderful togetherness of our relationship. Although I had to sleep for a few months, sometimes in a chair with my head on my arms beside her hospital bed or a reclining armchair, those were moments when we felt our love for each other the most.
Sometimes we do not realise how much our other half meant to us until we know that we could be separated by death very soon. Time becomes so precious when we understand that the next second could be the last we have together.
Therefore, I am always saddened to hear of petty quarrels that often threaten to wreak a relationship or a marriage. If only those people know how much they should appreciate each other more. A little appreciation here and there each day could have brought a togetherness and love that can only bring more happiness into our lives.
There is so much to live for especially when there is someone to share it with.
Therefore it is not strange that true love never dies but forever remains in us, a private part of our lives, glimpses of which others may see from time to time when emotions overwhelm us. Even though such memories can be sad but they enrich and strengthen us for life to come.
There is so much truth in that statement that It instantly took me back to my beloved wife and two beloved friends. The two friends are still very much alive but my beloved dear is lost to me forever. What remains are the sweet memories of the time I was fortunate to share with her.
Although, like all humans, we had problems here and there from time to time, we sustained our love; nay, it grew stronger, especially during the last few months of her life. It was during those months that we really understood how much we cared for each other, how close we were, closer than any other person could be with her or with me. We realised that nothing can ever be as close as the relationship between a husband and a wife.
Looking back, those could have been the saddest, most painful moments of our relationship but it was also the most comfortable, most reassuring, most wonderful togetherness of our relationship. Although I had to sleep for a few months, sometimes in a chair with my head on my arms beside her hospital bed or a reclining armchair, those were moments when we felt our love for each other the most.
Sometimes we do not realise how much our other half meant to us until we know that we could be separated by death very soon. Time becomes so precious when we understand that the next second could be the last we have together.
Therefore, I am always saddened to hear of petty quarrels that often threaten to wreak a relationship or a marriage. If only those people know how much they should appreciate each other more. A little appreciation here and there each day could have brought a togetherness and love that can only bring more happiness into our lives.
There is so much to live for especially when there is someone to share it with.
Therefore it is not strange that true love never dies but forever remains in us, a private part of our lives, glimpses of which others may see from time to time when emotions overwhelm us. Even though such memories can be sad but they enrich and strengthen us for life to come.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
The splendour of the tropical forest at a mountain.
I spent the last day of the Chinese New Year, which is the fifteenth day, romancing mother nature. I took a walk to embrace her natural unspoilt beauty at Gunung Bintang in Kulim.
It was a pleasure I savoured as I wandered among her delightful greenery, her refreshing cool air and her soft textured earth. The trek was through undulating terrain filled with wonderful creatures. I went up her slopes, down into dark green tunnels and wade through several streams, stopping once at one of the fast flowing rivers to strip to my swimming trunk and dipped myself in to cool my body with its cold rejuvenating waters.
I had beautiful compactible company too as they love nature and its many splendours as much as I do. Together, we had a fantastic time immersed in nature's beauty.
The many splendours of the tropical forest on a mountain, some of which escaped the eye of my camera with their swift movements and flight, could better be appreciated through pictures. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, and it is true in this case. How else can I convey the majestic beauty that my eyes feasted on as I ventured deep into the forest towards the top of the mountain. Words would fail to tell what these pictures easily present.
Wow! Look at the foliage of those trees.
A beautiful moth comes alighting.
Glistening red berries. small yet so magnetic to our attention.
Delightfully red ginger flowers.
Look at those majestic trees. Nature in all its glory.
One of those rarely seen flowers.
And beautiful ground cover for the forest.
Flowers from cat-like buds.
However, from another angle, the buds look different.
A hanging flower.
Lovely black dragonfly among the ferns.
Another attractive plant on the forest floor. Truly, nature's allure is apparent from every angle.
What a scenic view!
There's erosion even in the mountains. Water power is indeed obvious.
The forest darkens and we prepare to descend. Failing which, we might have to sleep in the arms of mother nature, a prospect I look forward to another day.
It was a pleasure I savoured as I wandered among her delightful greenery, her refreshing cool air and her soft textured earth. The trek was through undulating terrain filled with wonderful creatures. I went up her slopes, down into dark green tunnels and wade through several streams, stopping once at one of the fast flowing rivers to strip to my swimming trunk and dipped myself in to cool my body with its cold rejuvenating waters.
I had beautiful compactible company too as they love nature and its many splendours as much as I do. Together, we had a fantastic time immersed in nature's beauty.
The many splendours of the tropical forest on a mountain, some of which escaped the eye of my camera with their swift movements and flight, could better be appreciated through pictures. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, and it is true in this case. How else can I convey the majestic beauty that my eyes feasted on as I ventured deep into the forest towards the top of the mountain. Words would fail to tell what these pictures easily present.
Wow! Look at the foliage of those trees.
A beautiful moth comes alighting.
Glistening red berries. small yet so magnetic to our attention.
Delightfully red ginger flowers.
Look at those majestic trees. Nature in all its glory.
One of those rarely seen flowers.
And beautiful ground cover for the forest.
Flowers from cat-like buds.
However, from another angle, the buds look different.
A hanging flower.
Lovely black dragonfly among the ferns.
Another attractive plant on the forest floor. Truly, nature's allure is apparent from every angle.
What a scenic view!
There's erosion even in the mountains. Water power is indeed obvious.
The forest darkens and we prepare to descend. Failing which, we might have to sleep in the arms of mother nature, a prospect I look forward to another day.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Build a strong evaluation mechanism in our young.
Did you read about the sixteen year old student who burgled her family’s house to pay off a debt for a one thousand ringgit download of pornographic clips into her mobile phone? She was assisted by two of her friends. This was reported three days ago in the Star newspaper.
From the news, that student turned herself and her friends in out of fear when police began investigations following a police report lodged by her father.
Something is obviously very wrong when such a young girl would be daring enough to download one thousand ringgit worth of pornographic material into her phone. Since we do not know her family background or how she had been brought up, we are unable to pinpoint where the fault lies.
However, no one would download so much pornographic material, especially when it is so unaffordable for her, unless the person’s mind is obsessed with such things.
Certainly, she must be in the wrong company as the friends who helped her to break into her family home were the people who supplied her with the pornographic material. She could be a victim of people out to profit from providing such material. But she seemed a willing victim to download such a huge amount.
Whatever it is, there must have been something amiss in the parenting of this girl.
We cannot control outside forces but we can ensure that children are brought up with solid values, be they cultural, moral or religious. Good parenting is the defence against bad external influences. If young children are consistently well brought up to respect right values and have a disdain for wrong values, such parenting is internalized and will be the core evaluating mechanism for all external influences which challenges our young each day as they face the world.
Of course, even with such parenting in place, mistakes can happen. After all, every child is just as human as any other. However, such a child will not be easily lead to the stage where even when the wrong becomes too expensive, she would go on even to the extend of commiting another bigger mistake. Realisation and the parent-established evaluation mechanism will stop any further mistakes.
As I see it, good parenting for our young is increasingly important in the face of the great variety of problems that beset our world from so many quarters. At a time when more and more parents are preoccupied with work outside the home, parenting suffers unless parents are willing to spend most of their off-work hours with their children to give them love and guidance, to teach them about the world they live in.
From the news, that student turned herself and her friends in out of fear when police began investigations following a police report lodged by her father.
Something is obviously very wrong when such a young girl would be daring enough to download one thousand ringgit worth of pornographic material into her phone. Since we do not know her family background or how she had been brought up, we are unable to pinpoint where the fault lies.
However, no one would download so much pornographic material, especially when it is so unaffordable for her, unless the person’s mind is obsessed with such things.
Certainly, she must be in the wrong company as the friends who helped her to break into her family home were the people who supplied her with the pornographic material. She could be a victim of people out to profit from providing such material. But she seemed a willing victim to download such a huge amount.
Whatever it is, there must have been something amiss in the parenting of this girl.
We cannot control outside forces but we can ensure that children are brought up with solid values, be they cultural, moral or religious. Good parenting is the defence against bad external influences. If young children are consistently well brought up to respect right values and have a disdain for wrong values, such parenting is internalized and will be the core evaluating mechanism for all external influences which challenges our young each day as they face the world.
Of course, even with such parenting in place, mistakes can happen. After all, every child is just as human as any other. However, such a child will not be easily lead to the stage where even when the wrong becomes too expensive, she would go on even to the extend of commiting another bigger mistake. Realisation and the parent-established evaluation mechanism will stop any further mistakes.
As I see it, good parenting for our young is increasingly important in the face of the great variety of problems that beset our world from so many quarters. At a time when more and more parents are preoccupied with work outside the home, parenting suffers unless parents are willing to spend most of their off-work hours with their children to give them love and guidance, to teach them about the world they live in.
Monday, March 01, 2010
We are certainly responsible for ourselves.
During the last few weeks I have heard on radio, as I drive to work and exercise as well as recreation of one kind or another, that children ought to be responsible for their ageing parents. As parents, is that really good?
Of course, we should be responsible for everything that we can act upon in this world. For example, if we never take the responsibility to help the poor in our society, should they be forced into crime to have a decent meal, then we have only ourselves to blame when they resort to such actions to stay sane and alive. But, there is no necessity to coerce anybody to look after their parents; the suggestion of enforcing such a duty through laws is not the thing to do.
When we say that we are responsible for everything, we must remember that that includes ourselves., we should be responsible for our future which includes the process of growing old. If we are responsible for ourselves, then, as a responsible person, we should think of the future and how our present actions are going to affect it.
We ought to think of our health at the time when we are still healthy. We should act on our own financial situation when we are still young and capable of hard work. We must know how to bring up children with love and understanding so that they will love us in return. However, let us not depend upon them to look after us. We must plan to depend upon ourselves. If they are around to care for us, consider that a bonus.
Why must we be responsible for ourselves and not depend upon our children even though they are caring enough. First, we do not know our future. Look at the families around us and we see parents who outlive their children. To think thus does not in any way indicate negativity or cruelty in our thinking. Things just happen at times. Nothing is predictable and we have to be realistic if we want to be truly prepared for the future.
Then again, there is the type of thinking we develop as a result of being responsible for ourselves. Our thinking moulds our actions. Knowing that we have to be responsible for our future, we plan for it by saving our money consistently. I know of a bachelor who planned to live life to the full, not bothered about old age, by spending every cent he had believing that his pension would be sufficient to take him to his last day. Sad to say, he found his life longer than he had expected, his pension getting insufficient for his needs due to inflation and he had to spend the last few years of his life just surviving miserably. So, we have to plan wisely. We must plan to save no matter how small our income but then we could strive to work harder to earn more. If we are willing, there are ways to do it. I earn more even now by working hard throughout the day although it is for another reason.
Even if we really hope to have our children to lovingly look after us, we must start when our children are young. Love begets love. Nothing comes free. Remember that they do not owe us anything. It is our responsibility to bring our beloved children up well as it is our duty for bringing them into this world. As it is our duty, they do not owe us anything. Whatever we get from them is the result of love, the bonus we get for doing our duty well.
Anyway, if we plan our lives well, everything will fall properly into its place, everything will turn out well. Therefore, planning is important. True success in life, no matter what we have in mind, is no fluke. (Getting millions through a lottery is no success; that is luck.) It’s the result of work.
Of course, we should be responsible for everything that we can act upon in this world. For example, if we never take the responsibility to help the poor in our society, should they be forced into crime to have a decent meal, then we have only ourselves to blame when they resort to such actions to stay sane and alive. But, there is no necessity to coerce anybody to look after their parents; the suggestion of enforcing such a duty through laws is not the thing to do.
When we say that we are responsible for everything, we must remember that that includes ourselves., we should be responsible for our future which includes the process of growing old. If we are responsible for ourselves, then, as a responsible person, we should think of the future and how our present actions are going to affect it.
We ought to think of our health at the time when we are still healthy. We should act on our own financial situation when we are still young and capable of hard work. We must know how to bring up children with love and understanding so that they will love us in return. However, let us not depend upon them to look after us. We must plan to depend upon ourselves. If they are around to care for us, consider that a bonus.
Why must we be responsible for ourselves and not depend upon our children even though they are caring enough. First, we do not know our future. Look at the families around us and we see parents who outlive their children. To think thus does not in any way indicate negativity or cruelty in our thinking. Things just happen at times. Nothing is predictable and we have to be realistic if we want to be truly prepared for the future.
Then again, there is the type of thinking we develop as a result of being responsible for ourselves. Our thinking moulds our actions. Knowing that we have to be responsible for our future, we plan for it by saving our money consistently. I know of a bachelor who planned to live life to the full, not bothered about old age, by spending every cent he had believing that his pension would be sufficient to take him to his last day. Sad to say, he found his life longer than he had expected, his pension getting insufficient for his needs due to inflation and he had to spend the last few years of his life just surviving miserably. So, we have to plan wisely. We must plan to save no matter how small our income but then we could strive to work harder to earn more. If we are willing, there are ways to do it. I earn more even now by working hard throughout the day although it is for another reason.
Even if we really hope to have our children to lovingly look after us, we must start when our children are young. Love begets love. Nothing comes free. Remember that they do not owe us anything. It is our responsibility to bring our beloved children up well as it is our duty for bringing them into this world. As it is our duty, they do not owe us anything. Whatever we get from them is the result of love, the bonus we get for doing our duty well.
Anyway, if we plan our lives well, everything will fall properly into its place, everything will turn out well. Therefore, planning is important. True success in life, no matter what we have in mind, is no fluke. (Getting millions through a lottery is no success; that is luck.) It’s the result of work.
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