Negativity drives parents and children apart.

"No! You must not do that!"

"No! I can never allow such things!"

"No! No! and No!"

Sometimes, our children get too many of such responses to requests.

We ought to examine our feelings we had concerning such matters when we were young. If we are always told whatever we wish can never be allowed, how did we feel? Of course, we were unhappy. This part should not deter us from refusing something that will be detrimental to our children. What we should look into is 'Did we feel the answer was unjustified; that our request was made properly and our need was right and proper."

What ought to be done is to find out the reason for wanting something. Is the want beneficial? Can there be harm. Let our children know we care. Let them understand our concern. Let them realise we are not being unreasonable. They will appreciate it, even though not at the moment of refusal. Although they may show a frustrated face, they will come to understand what we are doing for them.

Wanting to know and understand our children's wishes, discussing with them, telling them why and what we think thus; helping our children share our feelings; revealing to them the actual reason for not wishing them to do something, will get them to understand us better.

Through talking with them about their wishes, they will understand we are not merely going against their wishes; that our "No!' is a clear indication that we love and care.

Unfortunately,many parents do not have the time to explain to their children. They demand to be obeyed. When this happens, the frustrated child moves away from requesting permission. They do whatever they wish without consulting the parents. The parents no longer have the opportunity to guide their children; as they would no longer be confided to by their children in their activities; and that is dangerous.

Such children have distanced themselves from their parents; going into activities without the benefit of the wisdom of their parents. Sometimes, such children end up well while there are those less fortunate who find the wrong company and fall into problems they are unable to get out of, especially when they no longer consult their parents anymore for advice or means to overcome them.

So, negativity can drive a wedge between our most precious children and us, leaving us no chance of assisting them in steering their ship to success and safety.