Independence Day.

I remember a time when this neighbour came rushing to tell his wife that their son just phoned to inform that their daughter-in-law was on the point of conceiving. Their son was asking for help, requesting them to go to him, to tell him what to do next.

Although I said not a word, I was suppressing my laughter, finding it ridiculous that a grown married man would need the parents’ help in a matter which is so simple.

How many parents can say that their children truly feel competent and secure enough to venture out on their own? Have the parents given their children the opportunity to learn and understand their family, social and environmental world? Have the children been given the chance to function as individuals in their world?

As parents, we ought to ensure our children learn and understand sufficiently to perform on their own, without us to lend a helping hand.

When a child helps in the kitchen, he/she may be just enjoying the experience of knowing how food is prepared and cooked. Then, he/she may be given the chance to try his/her hand at cooking. Imagine the feeling of achievement we can give a child when he/she is able to produce a meal all on his/her own! This sense of accomplishment is important; this feeling of usefulness as a person brings self-esteem; this experience gives your child the knowledge that he or she can be independent.

However, parents are sometimes too protective. We are afraid our child will be hurt or that it is too early to let go.

Of course, it is good and responsible for parents to be protective. Nevertheless, we have to teach, allow practices and then give opportunities to achieve independence.

Certainly, allowing a child to venture out on his/her own can cause the parents lots of anxiety. And it is rightly so! Thus, the first step would be to accompany our child to places outside the home. As we do so, tell our child about the surroundings, what possible things can happen, tell about vehicles, dangers while crossing the roads, looking left and right and how accidents can happen. Teach our child about the various types of people he/she may encounter, how to react to such people and how to avoid possible problems. Then, as our child becomes streetwise, we allow our child to venture forth with siblings or some known friends; we observe discreetly from a distance, and when incidents occur in and around the area, teach our child what can possibly happen through talking about such happenings.

Use the incidents for illustration. As I had said before, the whole world is our classroom filled with audio visual aids to help our child know and understand everything well. In this way, we cultivate a sense of capability and competency in our child.

With such knowledge, training and practice, competency gradually develops. The security derived from understanding of the environment and the courage to function independently will be the end result.

Thus, in years to come, we can proudly see our success as parents in our children’s ability to perform well which can only be possible when they are confident enough to be independent.

Then, rejoice for we have achieved the ultimate goal of all parents.