Know what appreciation can do.

There are millions of lovers and married couples in this world. Some are rich while others are poor. Some are happy in their relationship while others are not. Who are those who are happy? Is there a clear division between the married and unmarried? Are the rich any happier than the poorer couples? Which couple is the happiest?

The above questions hold answers to eternal bliss in a love relationship. However, before we start, let us understand that sufficient money and daily life sustenance are essential to any love relationship but, in no way, does it guarantee happiness.

For that, we have to ask anybody what he/she needs other than the bare essentials of life; such as food, water and shelter. Humans need self-esteem. Self-esteem is the nutrient of our soul. Without self-esteem, there is a feeling of worthlessness, no self worth. Useless! Ask those who want to commit suicide and they will tell you, his/her life is no longer worth the living. Somewhere along the way, the self-esteem has been destroyed. And when self-esteem goes to an all-time low, a feeling that life is of no value creeps in.

So, how do we build up and sustain our self worth. It is through the love of parents and friends. Parents makes us feel wanted, needed and loved. With that our self-esteem grows. Thus, children who grow up without parents' expressions of daily love lack self-esteem and this is seen in their lack of confidence.

Later, through our achievements and successes, we develop further our self esteem. We know our worth and capability. We are positive in our attitude towards challenges in life.

If our own self esteem is strong, challenges that manage to batter our self esteem every once in a while, will not put us down for long, unlike those who have a weak self-esteem. Because of our knowledge of our own worth, we are able to sustain our self-esteem despite the odds we face. However, that does not mean that we need no further assurance of our capability to sustain it.

Sometimes, we face failures in life which come one after another, slowly but gradually whittling away our self-esteem. In the face of such storms, who can help us retain our confidence? In a relationship, it is our lover or other half in a marriage. how is that achieved?

Well, appreciation is very essential in stabilising the confidence of a partner. Appreciation is easy. It is merely telling the partner your liking for certain qualities or the gratitude for whatever the partner has done for you each and everyday. This appreciation reminds the partner that someone cares, needs and wants him/her; that his/her existence is important to his/her well-being. This is how one's self-esteem can be boosted.

Criticism is the very opposite of appreciation. It can destroy one's ego together with whatever relationship that exists. There, always show appreciation in any relationship. Never criticise! If there is nothing better to be said, just stopper the mouth and remain quiet until the calm returns.

Maturity and responsiblities.

How often people who want us to do something tell us: Where there's a will, there's a way. You can find time for it. Unfortunately, when it comes to certain things, there just isn't enough time for it. How is that so?

Well, a young mother's priority is her baby. She has to take care of it well. The duty belongs to her and her husband. They brought him/her into this world. They must care for it first regardless of other things which demand their attention. After the baby has been served and cared for, asleep and no longer needing attention, should the parents do other things.

Sometimes, parents find themselves unable to care for their child as well as should be the case. Perhaps, their daily food comes from a job and unless that job is done, there can be no sufficient money to buy food for the parents and their baby. In such a case, there is need for help from the child's grandparents or relatives. Arrangements have to be made so that the child still gets the attention it needs.

However, has people ever thought of the responsibilities that come with marriage? We have seen people marry even when the money earned by the two of them is not sufficient to support the marriage.

Sometimes, I wonder whether these people realise that when two young persons live together, unless their control over themselves is really good, it is just a matter of time before 1+1 becomes 3, if not 4 , 5 or 6. Here, I'm not talking about mathematics. I am talking about sex and two young persons of the opposite sex. Does the couple have the financial capability to support three mouths?

There was this report in the press pf a married couple with eight children living in a hut. The paper was pointing at their plight. Both parents were out of jobs and were dependent upon the neighbours for food everyday. Although we sympathise with the children and have to help them but the parents are obviously irresponsible. They do not have the maturity to understand the consequences of their actions. They are clear examples of some of the irresponsible and immatured people in our society.

With such immatured and irresponsible people around, it no wonder we face so many problems in our society. Where do we go wrong? Is it something the parents ought to have done? Are the parents exemplary examples? Did they ever give their children responsiblities when bringing them up? Did they discuss with their children the importance of responsibility in their lives?

Or is it the fault of education? Should we have more opportunities for children to be responsible for something in our schools? Or do we give up on those who seem to be lacking in discipline or responsibility?

What ought to be done to prevent such occurences? What do you think?

Delay not when it's life and death.

"Hello, is that Tan?"
"Yes, speaking. Who's that?"
"Can't you recognise my voice. I'm your third uncle from Penang."
"Oh, oh! Sorry, it was some time since I heard from you. Anything, uncle?"
"Well, your aunt is sick in the General Hospital in Penang. She's quite serious with diabetes, kidney failure with 90% of the kidney gone and the heart stopped for more than six minutes. There's possible brain damage, according to the doctor."
"Which ward is she in?"
"It's ward 7 in the C block of the hospital.Please inform the rest of the relatives in Sungai Petani."
"I'll tell them about it. Sorry about auntie."

And the rest of the relatives were informed. Sometimes, relatives are slow to response to such a call. When I heard of the bad news, I told the others we had to move and get out there to the hospital immediately.

Despite that, i heard someone said she had to go to Kuala Lumpur that afternoon. Another said he would go the next day. Still another said he was not free even though it was his off day.

I had to persuade them, that this could be the last chance to see the sick aunt for the last time. Luckily, the rest of the gang got the message in and went to see her as that night our dear aunt passed away.

When it comes to death, it waits for no one and therefore we must move and do whatever needs to be done before it is too late to act.

Even when the matter has nothing certain to be connected with death, we must do whatever neccessary for our friends and love ones and leave nothing undone for how are we to know if the opportunity to do would still be around come the next day. Let us not like some people who show their regret only when such feelings no longer are of any good to the one for which it holds meaning.

As for my wife, before she went back to God, I held her hand each night to show and tell her my love for her. We were in hospital then and i would sit and hold her hand as my head bent forward onto the railing at the side of her hospital bed in sleep. She, in turn, would squeeze my hand every so often through the night. I know she died with the knowledge that she would always be in my heart.

Relationship with people is like a rubber ball and a wall.

When we throw a ball at a wall, the harder we do it the harder it returns and the softer the throw the softer the return. Our relationship with people is just like such a rubber ball thrown against a wall. We care for someone more and the person cares for us even more. We do not care for a person and most probably the person does not care for us.

However, if you do not take the initiative to throw the ball, will there be any return. Certainly not! Therefore, for any relationship to start, someone has to pick up the ball and start It. Give a big happy smile and you can be assured a smile will return. However, one should not do it half-heartedly, the ball may not have the force to return; it merely rolls to a stop some distance away.

If the ball returns, then next is the enthusiasm thrown out. Enthusiasm is very infectious. The response is usually fantastic. With that both parties have built a bridge to communication. You will be surprised how communication can pave the way to understanding and friendship.

Of course, the initiative is important. Without that initiative, there can be no beginning. There will always be a river in between putting each party on different banks of the river, seeing each other but not interacting, not coming any closer.

Even in a relationship, a misunderstanding can happen. A river comes in between. In this kind of situation, can a bridge be rebuilt when no one is willing to throw out a soft and tender ball to the other person so that she may have the opportunity to return the ball? Certainly, there are times when the other person does not bother to pick it up. Perhaps, the relationship is beyond repair.

Well, having said all that, we ought to realise that not all walls are even. And if the ball hits an uneven surface, it bounces off at an angle, never to return to its original thrower. Well, that is what life is all about. That is the uncertainty which besides bringing loads of joy, makes life painful at times but it awakens us to so many possibilities. When such pain or frustration comes it takes us to strange, unknown places that we, in our complacency, normally do not go; but are now more willing to venture along and discover things otherwise unknown to us, learning and experiencing new knowledge and accomplishments.

So happiness comes and then it goes away but then, as I have learned through knowledge in The Art of Living; without sadness, how can we appreciate happiness? Without darkness, how can we enjoy the light? And just as surely as the sun will return after each night, happiness will come again. It is inevitable.

And walls are never totally even. If we can accept that, then we can accept that uncertainty awaits us each day. What we can do is to accept the uncertainty, live life for whatever it dishes out to us, enjoy whatever there is to enjoy now for we know not what the future has in store for us. Whatever it is, let it be.

If you can find happiness and satisfaction in the things you do, do it well and I believe everything else will just flow smoothly alongside. If you see something beautiful, take the initiative, act immediately and throw your ball happily and with enthusiasm. Certainly, you gain more from it then sitting back and doing nothing, merely wishing and hoping things can happen. Do you agree with me?