Can't buy me love.

Parents naturally love their children. Unfortunately, they do not always seem to do their best for their children. Why?

Could this be the result of modern living where the law of the concrete jungle deems that each individual needs to work so hard at a particular job to the extent that he/she neglects his/her family, in order to survive? For some, this appears to be the case.

In the process of reaching personal goals, some parents forget their loved ones and take for granted that a shelter, money and all the other luxuries of modern life is sufficed to have the child achieve success; to grow and develop in life. Sometimes, they even forget their partners.

When adults or children are neglected; merely supplied with the necessities of day to day living; the bond between one parent and the other, the bond between parents and their children slowly degrades and love for each other is diluted.

When this happens, are we surprised that one of us easily strays off the marriage path into some promising backyard? It happens everyday in our concrete jungle. Yet nobody pose the obvious question: Are we not losing the very thing we work so hard for money to achieve?

Why are we working this hard, spending hour after hour chasing money? Is it just to become rich? Of course, we need money! Certainly, we need to work. We can have our 'Hard Day's Night', but how much wealth do we really need to be happy? A hundred dollars a day? Two hundred?

As the Beatles so rightly sang, money 'Can't Buy Me Love!' To chase after the momentary happiness that money can bring, we allow the happiness that is secured in our homes to dissipate through taking our loved ones for granted.

I have known as well as read in newspapers of children preferring to live with people such as grandparents and child-minders. These children have lost the bond with their true parents. Their parents just do not exist in their world.

Parents must spend time with their children. Children can only love those who have the time to love them. They do not understand the social contract which states that they must love someone just because that someone gave birth to them and gave them existence or provide them with child-minders and grandparents. Even if it is written on a piece of legal document, such young children have not learned to understand it!

Only when there is love, can rules be set by parents to establish discipline. Obeying good rules such as teeth-brushing before bed-time and bath-times must be enforced by the parents. However, obeying can only come about if there is love and care for the person who gives the orders. The only other way is through fear. However, fear can only be employed as long as the child is weaker than the parent. Woe betide the parent when the teenager is strong enough to rebel.

Obeying is made easy with love and structured living. The procedure is followed each day and so is expected to happen. Parents must think of appropriate punishment for going against rules. The punishment could be cancellation of certain activities enjoyed by the child. For things like reaching for electrical outlets, it could be an immediate light slap on the hand. Rules, praise (when rules are obeyed,) and punishment when rules are not obeyed, teach discipline and cultivates respect if it is done with explanation and consistently. This amount of effort can only persist if there is time and love for our children.

Explanation is important when meting out punishment. When I was a disciplinarian in a school dealing with more than a thousand students, I had to punish certain children for misbehaviours. I always make it a point to explain why action had to be taken. I also taught them to thank me for taking the trouble to do so. I believe in it! It is so easy for me and other authorities to turn a deaf ear or close one eye and claim I am not responsible for discipining them. Are we not responsible? I shall write on this in a future post.

Love, respect and obedience which lead to discipline are important factors in the development of a successful child.