Let things be.

No two persons are a hundred percent the same. So inevitably, there will be differences in opinions. Those who cannot accept this fact should never get married for a marriage consists of two individuals who certainly have minds of their own. If differences in opinions and ideas cannot be tolerated or accepted, there will forever be arguments and such arguments are bound to harm the marriage.

If a person is matured enough to understand that the one he/she loves should be allowed to stick to his/her opinions with the understanding that the other partner is also allowed to keep whatever opposing opinions, then such respect allows love to flourish and happiness to grow.

The reality of this can be observed through either observation or own experiences. For those who have had tiffs with their loved ones, they should ask themselves, "Were all those arguments important enough to put so much stress on their marriage?" I personally have asked my own colleagues and friends this and they, after thinking about it for a short while, agreed that none of the arguments or quarrels they had hold much importance in their lives."

So let things be and a winner in such circumstances may turn out to be the loser. Those who have lost in a marriage would understand this on hindsight and in their regrets. If we understand this from the sad experiences of others we could benefit through them and avoid getting into petty issues that can escalate only because the other party just had to win the argument and lose the marriage.

What are you working for?

Here is a true story of a young man who could not decide what he wanted out of work. After studying for his secondary school certificate, he decided to get a diploma in computer science. He wanted to enter for that course as he was interested in computers.

A year later, he decided to quit the course when he saw some of his ex-schoolmates working and earning a salary. Those friends had their own money to spend. He so much wanted to be in the same situation as those friends. His parents could not do anything to persuade him to stay on with his studies as he felt he could also earn a lot of money working like his friends. Furthermore, he felt that what those friends were earning then was sufficient for him.

So, he started work for a company. Then he noticed that some of the workers who were doing the same type of work as his friends were being paid more. He discovered that those better paid people were better qualified than him and his friends. He suddenly realised that qualification is important. So he enrolled himself in a distance-learning course. He was a salesman from morning until evening and studied at night. Unfortunately, he had a weakness for video-games. That was a problem. It was a difficult choice for him, to study to improve his salary or relax with his video games. Eventually, video games won over his heart and he spent more and more time at them instead of his studies. Of course, a reason or excuse given for turning to video games was that once upon a time there was a guy in the neighbourhood who could help him with his studies whenever he encountered difficulties. Apparently, the helper has gone to live elsewhere leaving him without much needed assistance.

And he wanted to give up the studies. He has forgotten the better salary. He no longer thinks of a better salary. After all, he still has a job. It is not that he is jobless or unable to support himself.

Well, it looks like he does not actually know what he wants out of his work. Perhaps he does not even know what he wants out of life.

Betray not the trust of your woman.

Let no man who has betrayed the trust of his woman sleep peacefully in her bed. What is a marriage but a union based on trust to help each other towards the path of bliss in any form imaginable. Therefore those who decide to marry must remember to honour that trust placed upon them. With that the home and certainly the master-bedroom is the best refuge from anything harmful to both the partners in marriage. However, when one betray the trust, no longer should one expect the master-bedroom to be the safest for a woman scorned is the worse enemy a man can ever find.

There was this Indian woman who suspected her husband of having affairs outside the home. Whether what is suspect can be true or not is immaterial for once the seed of suspicion is sown, no one can turn back the tide of hatred that swells in the heart of the one betrayed, be that with substance or otherwise.

Therefore it is essential in marriage for transparency to be in all deeds and times. With that there can be no suspicion and the devil cannot perform any divisive moves to the marriage.

Well, this woman must have thoroughly believed her suspicions and must have grounds for doing so, for she had lodged a police report against the husband for his infidelity. However, knowing that the police would be too slow in their actions, she decided to take matters in her own hands and teach him a most memorable lesson as making that police report was not sufficient to appease her own besieged mind. Of course, she knew she could never overcome her husband as she was admittedly weaker. Hah! But there are ways to weaken him as he has a weakness for drinking. So that night she spiked his drinks and sent him into a drunken stupor. In that drunken state he was defenceless as she went on to take revenge on him. Therefore, my dear friend, if you do drink make sure that your spouse loves and cares for you dearly, otherwise you drink at your own risk as this story will reveal.

That night, as the husband lay numbed and drugged by drink, she sharpened her kitchen knife and with one clean swipe severed his limp penis. Unfortunately, we are not told what happened to that penis after the incident. Was it sewn back and restored to its former state by a surgeon? Did she minced up the sausage look-alike? Was it given to the dog or a cat? Gruesome indeed when we think of the possibilities. Whatever it is, it is certainly safer to be faithful than to lose that pleasure-tool. Furthermore, how is the guy going to urinate after that? So, the next time when a friend gets itchy and you wish to get him 'to walk the line' for the sake of his family, tell him this story. Maybe not then but in later years, he will thank you for it. After all, it is not just the fear of losing a penis but also the danger of being presented with all kinds of venereal diseases.

And this is not the only true story. If you read the news daily, you know there are more cases of this popping up every now and then. Women are learning fast some of the ways to keep their men in line. Although it is somewhat cruel but then it does help to keep things right so that divorces do not happen as divorces bring lots of problems to many, the poor innocent children
and the person you once loved and most probably still do. It is time couples learn to be matured, to be fair to each other, to think of each others welfare and the consequences that ought not to come, especially to our children; consequences which can traumatise them for the rest of their lives. (I have personally seen the depression that can come to such children. God, is it fair?)

Actually, it's easy to be a Malaysian.

I remember my childhood and schooldays. Though I was then fairly weak physically, I enjoyed my life playing the games all children play. In Wellesley Primary School, Hutchings School, then Penang Free School, we played and mingled with anyone who wishes to join in our fun. When playing with marbles in the primary schools, we play to win without any thought on our friend’s race. Darker skin, lighter skin or whatever shade or colour, all those do not make any difference to us. As we played ‘Police and thief’, chasing each other, we only thought of catching friends for our team to win so that we could exchange roles in the game. Later, in the secondary school, we play rugby, football and other games as sports house members. No matter how rough we could be, we just played among students of the same school without a single thought of anyone’s race.

During those days, like any other children anywhere in the world, we sometimes disagree, get angry and fight. Sometimes we come back together as friends. There was never any worry about the other child’s race. It was just, “I don’t like him because he dirtied my shoes.” or something like that. The reason has nothing whatsoever about race. And when we support or cheer someone in a quarrel or fight, it was always ‘That’s my friend.’ who could be of another race.

Well, it is so easy to be a Malaysian. That was and is because when a child is born, he/she enters straight into this country as a Malaysian. He/She knows no other place he or she can call home. Malaysia is his/her home. It is only when divisive policies created by power-crazy politicians hammer into our heads that our ancestors come from another country and therefore we are less equal, less privileged and less advantaged in this land that we realise, people think we cannot call the land we are born in 'home' which is so wrong. After all, except for the Orang Asli or the original people of this land, every citizen's ancestors in my Mother Land comes from elsewhere. And anyone with just a little intelligence will have to agree with this truth. The truth is also that people like me who are born here knows of only this Mother Land and no other. This is home. If i am just a visitor, I could pack my bags to return home but because this is home, I write this so that my children and others can understand where home is for me.

In all things we did those days up to the time of the implementation of the National Economic Policy, we were just friends, acquaintances or enemies but there was nothing racial in it. How is that so? Well, for one thing, there was nothing in society, our education institutions or our lives where somebody was made more special, more privileged or more advantaged. Physically, mentally or emotionally; yes, there are people who are more special or more advantaged. Those people were born that way, not made to be like that by a government that divided its people into races with the excuse that a certain race is less capable of achieving what the others have achieved. I say excuse because if we sincerely wish to help our less capable or poorer people, all we need implement is a system by which all those who are less capable or poorer would be helped. With that, if most of the people from a particular state or race need such help, then certainly the people helped would mostly be from that state or race. So, there is no need to divide the country into states or races. In such an instance, the capable and rich will not have any reason to disagree and the problem of race would never exist.

It is because a race has been made special, more privileged and more advantaged, that our country finds it so difficult to have its people united. And this race problem is not easy to overcome, even though the government is moving towards helping every Malaysian according to merit. Why? How many are matured, truly educated (those who can really think clearly and correctly) and understanding enough to understand that the National Economic Policy was to help the poor and not everyone, even the very rich, in a particular race? Tell these less matured, less educated and less understanding people that places in the universities, contracts and job opportunities will not be specially reserved for them because they belong to a particular race and although they have riches beyond most Malaysians, they would protest and demand that they must be treated more equal than other Malaysians. And it is happening even as I put these thoughts to paper. No pampered son, even though he no longer needs any further help, would ever agreed to have other siblings be treated just as fair.

Thus, it is not easy to do away a bad practice. Pampered children grow up expecting to be treated better than the other siblings. He believes being pampered is his right. That, despite some of them going through a tertiary education (not educated, only literate), and having acquired much wealth. Oh God, what can be done with such pampered children.

Maturity does not come through a wish.

Do you watch and observe people and their talk as well as their actions. Through such observation, we find that many are still so immatured despite their age.

I am not talking about the comic, the guy who likes to make others laugh through their childish pranks and jokes. Purposely using childish behaviour to elicit some laughter or attract attention may not be an indication of maturity. that is merely an effective method to get people into a livelier mood.

Maturity is not just physical whereby a person develops physically in size, shape and growth of hairs in certain places as most adult would.

Maturity can also be mental development, the ability to judge well, to behave correctly and think with wisdom and knowledge.

This kind of maturity does not come through a wish. Maturity has to be developed. Our parents, teachers, friends and, even more important, we, ourselves, are the ones who have to help us develop our maturity.

This maturity is developed through the years with right thoughts, deeds and words.
First, we learn the right way to do things. For example, we learn not to throw tantrums. We learn to understand that we not only control situations but also ourselves. We come to realise the world is comprised of not just us but other people as well and that we cannot live as an island. We have to take in account other people's feeling and wants as well as needs.

Such a development can only come about through listening to the thoughts of people in and around us as well as from books. We get to think of these thoughts, understand them and realise the truth of the matter after which we apply the ideas in such thoughts in our everyday living. It is from this application to our lives that we know what is right and the situations where they are applicable. Our thinking is improved and thus more matured for living in a society. Thus, through the people around us, we learn by listening, digestion of what have been heard and application.

Another way we develop is through observation. We watch people, how they act and the reactions obtained. We understand and realise what should be done and what should never be our behaviour. However, sometimes, we do not agreed with the reactions and we understand that ther are times when it is not the majority actions which are right. We discover that there are times the individual or minority action can be right. What do I mean?

Let's look at America when slavery by the South was a popular practice. It was the accepted practice until a man, a courageous individual, saw the wrong thought of enslaving other fellow humans. His thinking was certainly clearer on the wrong of such an action. He was not only matured but brave enough to voicehis thoughts and apply his thoughts in positive action to erase such backward behaviour from his people when he took on the role of President of America. Of course, the person I have in mind is none other that Abraham Lincoln, one of the most admired man in our world.

A matured mind which can see the truth of actions clearly must, of course, be open-minded, able to look into opposing thoughts to see any possible good in them and possibly adopt them. It must be able to see the weaknesses of its own thoughts and strong enough to remove his own weak thoughts where and when necessary and thus change for the better.

A person who can readjust to improve constantly as his knowledge and understanding increases will develop great maturity. If every individual can achieve this maturity, the chaos present in our world can be obliterated forever.

Can we hope for such maturity in all mankind?