A contrast to those wonderful people I wrote about yesterday.

Yesterday, I wrote about people whom I know to be some of the most wonderful people in the world, with not just plenty of love for their fellow humans but also for the animals. I also questioned how many would stop to help someone whom they do not know.

Well, today I read in the Star online that a hungry man waiting for his meal to break his fast during this holy month became angry with the waiter. upon being told that he would have to wait his turn as meals are delivered according to the placing of the order with the earlier orders delivered first before coming to the later orders, he lost his temper and beat up the poor waiter who was merely doing his job. Only the other waiters came to help to pacify the man while the others refused to be involved, allowing the poor waiter to be beaten up for about ten minutes when the other waiters had to run away when the man started to use the chairs to hit them.

According to the Star newspaper, a witness said, "The co-workers ran away, after which the man beat the victim for over 10 minutes before leaving. The other diners did not intervene." See! None of the others bothered to lift a finger to help the poor waiter. Here was a human in trouble; what if it had been just a little animal!

So, I was not exaggerating when I wrote that it takes goodness and greatness and all those beautiful humane qualities to be as God would have us be; to be sympathetic, compassionate and loving. Some people just do not have those qualities.

What to use and what to love.

Below is a story which I have posted in this blog before. However, here it is again as I find that this new way of looking at the story is eye-opening and helps us to become better individuals. Well, read and find out for yourself if what I have said is true.

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car.
In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing that
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....
with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad, when will my fingers grow back?'
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions......
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life and remember this:

Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
Sometimes, the problem in today's world is
that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved and
Not the other way around.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I'm glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder..
I hope you have a good day no matter what problems you may face
it's the only day you'll have before it's over.

Stop that anger!

Yesterday, I received a tragic story that i hope all of us can learn from.

One day, a man looked at his brand new car with pride. He had bought a very beautiful powerful car and its gleaming surface won his admiration. He had just put on a new well-made number plate. With a screw-driver in one hand and a wrench in another, he stood up to see how such a plate would enhance the appearance of his car.

Just then, his five year old son ran towards the car, took up a stone and scratched the side of his car.

On seeing that, the man became very angry, ran to the child, caught his hand and hit it many, many times in uncontrollable rage, not realising that he was hitting his own child with a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost his five fingers, the bones of the five fingers fractured and broken beyond repair. Doctors could not do anything but amputate the five fingers of the child.

When the child saw his father after the amputation, painfully, with tears in his eyes, he asked his father,"Dad, when will my fingers grow back?"

The shocked man was so sad and so mad at himself that he speechlessly went away to his car. In his frustration, devastated by his thoughtless action, he kicked the car a good number of times. Exhausted and with no reprieve from his agony, he sat down beside his car and cried.

As he cried he looked at the scratches his son had made, the son who had just learned how to write merely a few months ago. The words scratched on the car stared out at him. It read: Love you dad.

Truth dawned on him. He had thrown his anger with such vehemence on one who loves him so much.

The poor man could not forgive himself. He committed suicide.

And it was all because of anger. Anger blinded that man to the great love of his
son.

Can you see how damaging, how destructive anger can be? For that man, it hurt his loving son, it lowered his self-respect, it destroyed his life. Was the car important enough to save his life? Can any expensive car be as worthy as our loving child and his love? Can any car be worthy of anyone's life? Never! No, for it was merely an expensive object. It can never ever replace love. Can Should we allow anger to ruin our lives?

So, those who still could not control their anger must learn to do so. as long as anger is allowed to control us and our actions, tragedy can happen and none of us can be safe. Let us master our anger.

And if anyone were to say that he/she does not know how, learn to do so with the help of knowledge and the power of the breath through The Art of Living. There is a centre near you as The Art of Living has reached more than one hundred and forty countries throughout the world.

As we can see, love and anger has no limits. Anger destroy lives and love beautifies them.

Our ego can lead us into trouble.

It was in December, the exact date I had forgotten. During that end of the year period, The Great World Park in Penang during those years, was the place to be. There was the usual trade expo and live shows with well-known artistes rendering their latest songs.

It was in one of those halls that this young teenager found himself with a close friend pushing their way to a more vantage position. As they moved forward the teenager stepped on the foot of one big-sized youth who had refused to make way for him and his friend. The teenager appologised to the big-sized youth. Thinking nothing of the matter, the teenager moved on. Then, he felt a hand grab his shoulder. He turned round just in time to see a hand lifted to hit him. he blocked that and, just to show the big-sized youth what he thought of that action, he stepped on the youth's foot again. Of course, the youth was angry. That in no way cowed the teenager as he was already flabbergasted and looked fiercely and tauntingly into the eyes of the big-sized youth. His friend told him to forget the matter and to move on. Unfortunately, the teenager's ego refused to back down. His face strained forward, he demanded what the big-sized youth wanted, glaring at him and waiting for his next move.

The youth hesitated upon finding himself face-to-face with someone who obviously would not buckle under threat. The youth, clearly angered by the situation, turned round and rushed off to the door.

Upon seeing the angry youth's action, the friend knew that that youth had gone to gather man-power to avenge the slight suffered. He told his teenaged friend his apprehension. Realising that his friend's anxiety and fear were not unfounded as that area was known to be the home-ground for a group of well-known gangsters, they decided to leave the place.

They were out of that hall, at another corner of the fair, when they noticed the big-sized guy leading a group of people into the hall. At the sight of those gangsters, they knew that those people would search high and low for them.

Understanding the danger they have put themselves into, the teenager and his friend bolted out of the trade expo and into another street and then into another street again so as to move out of the gang's territory.

In the darkness, with their strength and stamina, they managed to evade the gang's search by moving into shadows and stopping to mingle amongst the crowds, going towards places where their presence would not be too obvious. Eventually, they boarded a bus to take them far away from the area before moving back towards their homes.

What was the teenager's problem? It was ego! It was stupidity! In that stupid moment, he had allowed his ego to put him into a dangerous situation which could have caused death to him and his friend. If not for the escape, it could have resulted in a beating, at the least!

Our ego is important. It is ego that makes us want to improve ourselves every step of the way. It is ego which causes us to strive to be the best.

But, just like fire, ego uncontrolled can lead us astray in more ways than one.

Ego also have us say that such stupidity can only happen to others. Is that true?

Looking back, what a relief it is, to have escaped the consequences of a moment's uncontrolled ego. And as I have said before, no one is infallible. I know for I was that stupid, fearless, egoistic teenager.

Do not pay for the wrongs of others.

The young man felt cheated. He believed he had been overcharged. He was angry. The words of the seller did not pacify him; it aggravated the situation. The young man could not contain his anger any longer. He forgot all he was taught about its control. There was a fight and the young man won. It ended with the death of the seller.

Though the seller was not faultless; for he had instigated the attack; the young man had to bear the responsibility of this death. He was sentenced to six years for manslaughter.

The young man had to pay for his anger and lost six years of freedom. The pain was not felt only by him. His parents suffered too. So did his siblings. And it all started with the wrong caused by the seller. The seller, after cheating him, had abused the power of words to put salt into the wound he had caused.

Therefore, it is important for parents to teach their children to control their thoughts and emotions, especially the destructive anger that has caused so much tragedy among humans.

How do we do it? As I have ilustrated before, the world is our audio-visual aids. Each time, anger brought misfortune to some poor souls, tell the children about it. Stress on the consequences of such acts of anger. Use the newspapers, magazines and the internet, their stories, pictures and videos to show that the people who wrong us would not suffer as much as ourselves.

In the above story, for example, the dead person stopped suffering the moment he died. The young man's suffering had to continue regretting not just during his years in prison but also forever, perhaps. He would return to his world as a convicted person. Would it be easy for him to find a living? Would it warp his mind sufficiently to have no opportunity to find peace of mind? Perhaps the pain and suffering might have to go on till his own death.

In any anger, whether it results in tragedy or not, the one who allows the anger to fester in his mind will be the one who hurts himself. The person who caused the anger would have forgotten that incident the moment the person whose heart he had pierced with hurting words had gone out of sight.

Sometimes, hurt comes from mere words. And there are people who are sadistic enough to enjoy angering others. To prevent such hurts, always remember that everyone else has the right to his own opinions. When we adopt such an attitude, others' words can never ever pierce into our hearts.

Others have the right to their opinions. That does not mean that we are any less better than what we are. Our self esteem, our value of ourselves, will stand in good steed. With a strong self-esteem, no words can reduce our own values! Our children must be taught that.

So, teach our children how to look at such barbed words and prevent anger so that they do not have to pay for the wrongs of others.

When charges are exorbitant, learn from the experience.

Recently, my son who is studying mechanical engneering in one of the local universities, had a problem with his second-hand motor-cycle which he had bought nine months ago.

It was a Sunday and he had to go out to get certain things. After he had gone ten minutes on his bike, it refused to move. The engine was still on.

Since it was a Sunday and mechanics usually close for the day, he had no alternative but to search for a safe place to leave his bike. A police-station could be the best possible place to do so but there was none in sight. So, he asked around and found a newly opened mechanic shop.

The bike was 'repaired' but it could only move at sixty kilometres per hour at the fastest. Of course, he was not satisfied. The mechanic had told him everything was alright. In that case, how is it that it had no power despite the repairs, change of the plug and the engine oil?

Upon complaining to the mechanic after retrieving the bike and discovering the weakness, the mechanic told him that he would have to open up the bike again.

He complained to me about it, believing that he had been overchanged without the problem solved satisfactorily.

I explained to him there was no way I would know whether the charges were exorbitant as he was in a different state. Since the mechanic had offered to open the bike again, he ought to let him solve the problem.

As for the anger, I told him there was no point in being angry as in being so, the mechanic would not feel or suffer anything. The mechanic would have forgotten him after passing over the bike and getting his money. So the only person who felt the hurt would be the one who was angry. The anger might affect his mood and spoil the whole day for him.

He told me it was easy for me to say that. Of course, it was not easy not to feel the anger but we should never all ow anger to boil for too long. Forget it as soon as we can by involving ourselves with whatever activities may be at hand. Just let it go, I advised him.

I told him to treat the incident as a lesson in life.

As we all know, it takes all kinds to make the world. Therefore, we have to know the people around as much as possible. Knowledge of people is important to our happiness. In a previous posting, I have revealed how knowledge of the moods of some people has helped to avoid conflicts and bad feelings.

When it came to mechanics, I advised my son to find out where the local people or his friends in the university take their bike problems to. Know their experiences with mechanics in the area. Who has been proved to be reliable in their services? Are the exorbitant in their charges. However, if the charges are slightly more but the workmanship is good, then, in the long run it is alright.

If possible, if time permits, we ought to stay and watch what had to be replaced,the condition of the things replaced and the new, or is it a usable second-hand, part which had been used.

As my son complained, the bike could be started easily at the time it was taken to the mechanic, yet the plug was replaced. Upon hearing that, I knew that mechanic was doing it to earn more that he ought to. After all a good plug need not be replaced until it had malfunctioned.

But, then, that is life. We are at the mercy of such people. However, with knowledge, we understand what kind of person we are dealing with. With mechanics, I do not allow myself any anger. I merely register the knowledge that this mechanic cannot be considered reliable or thrustworthy.

Well, anger does not help things. It can never improve our lives. It can only hurt us. On the other hand, whenever we have bad experiences and we use it to improve nour understanding of human nature, our knowledge increases and that would help us to pick the ones we can rely on.

Punish, then regret.

The other day, The Art of Living members talked of anger and the sufferings of those who are easily angered.

Parents so often become stressed with their work and their children. When there is no respite from the many problems that crop up in the home, stress can flare up into anger.

If the child happens to be naughty, the stressed parent may just hit out at the child. The canning may be too hard and painful. There may be ugly welts on the body. The pain the child have to suffer may be unbearable.

Parents should never punish without an aim. The purpose of punishing a child must be to teach; to tell the child her behavior is wrong and there is a need to change. Unless there is a good valid reason for punishment, it must never be carried out.
When we hit out at a child in our rage, can such an act be considered a punishment?

If the act is merely to release some tension or find an outlet for anger, then we ought to go to the gym where we could let off the energy in such negative emotions in a more positive manner. We could perhaps take our anger out on a punching bag.
Our child is certainly no punching bag! When our child does wrong, our love and concern for his/her welfare makes us realise that he/she has to be taught. There are many ways to teach. A facial expression of disgust at the deed, words conveying dislike for a behavior, a light slap on the palm or thigh, a tap of the cane or a harder whack with the cane. Yes, I believe canning can be a form of punishment.

However, canning should be used to teach; just painful enough to deter a really naughty child from some form of truly bad behavour; to deter the child from forming bad habits, to teach the child such behavior cannot be acceptable. Whatever it is, choose the punishment to suit the wrong behavior so that it is effective. An ineffective punishment serves no purpose and may even be wrongly thought of as an encouragement. Certainly, we do not wish that to happen.

Canning or any other form of punishment should never be used at times of great anger. At such times, the parent loses control as he/she lashes out at the child to release his/her pent-up emotions. In doing so, the parent forgets the aim of the punishment. Later, when the parent realizes his/her wrong, it is a little too late to right that wrong. There’s no point in regretting.

Regretting parents often show their repentance by swabbing the ugly welts with some pain-killing ointment.

Parents feel the pain when they notice the angry red welts on their child’s skin. Who has inflicted the pain? The anger in us has caused us this pain, a pain which can be avoided for our own good as well as for our child.

So, the next time we are angry, care enough to count to ten and think of the purpose of whatever action we wish to take before proceeding with it.

What anger brings.

Once upon a time, there was a young man who became angry with his parents. He had returned late that night, just as he had done on most nights and his parents were angry with him.

He was tired and was so annoyed at being scolded for what was his usual practice. After all, this was not the first time that he returned at midnight. He could not tolerate the harangue by his parents. In a huff, he told them he did not need to stay to listen to their lecture. They were lots of places he could go to.

And in his anger, he did not think of the consequences of his anger. He put his shirt on again and walked out through the door. Soon, he was astride his 100c.c. Yamaha motorcycle roaring down the empty street, the cool wind wiping away the heat of anger from his head.

The hour was late. It was already well past midnight. Where could he go? His friends? Well, all of them must be already snoring in bed. Then, he realized all the doors are closed to him. Where can he go?

Looking at the places his bike took him, he found the only places with some kind of activity were third class hotels with ladies of the night loitering at their door-ways. There was that little temptation to while away some time there. But then, he knew the dangers that await at such places; sickness that could change his whole life forever. He shook off the idea.

But there was no place to stop at. Nowhere could he rest; no place could he have some wholesome fun, happiness or rest. None!

Next, he headed for the esplanade, a lovely place to rest and to watch the waves break onto the rocks below. The breeze would cool his body and relax it. His soul could then be at peace.

A half hour passed. Time just dragged by. There was no one to talk to. It was real lonely. Not even a dog or a cat could be seen. All alone. Alone! It was one of the most lonely moments in his life.

In such a moment, even beautiful natural surroundings are boring as the mind still dwell on the injustice of being deprived of rest in his own bed. Bored with watching the sea and the vast stretch of grass, he moved on. There were other vehicles on the road but none stopped for anything. Every vehicle was moving, each with a destination. For him there was none; no place he could think of to spend the rest of that long night.

The minutes seemed to crawl. Again and again, he looked at his watch to find that time had hardly moved. It was the longest night he had ever known. He loitered here, there and everywhere. The world was so big, yet there was no place he could rest.

At six o’clock, he heard the rumble of carts as hawkers and traders pushed their wares to their places of business. He waited as those hawkers began their day. The ones who sold food started with a fire in their stove and the boiling of soup or some other necessary sauce in their preparation for the new day’s sale. For want of something to do, he watched and waited. For one such hawker, he was her first customer for the day. He took his early breakfast slowly, killing time.

It was a precious lesson for him. It was a suffering he never wanted to have to go through again. Through that experience, he learnt to control his temper. That long night was not worth the temper he had so recklessly shown.

I know how terrible it is; the consequences of anger; for I was that young man in this true story.