Silence may be golden but communication is essential.

Silence is golden as I have shown in two previous postings but good communication is necessary to convey our needs, desires and thoughts to fellow humans.There are many ways we can communicate. There is body language, sign language and verbal language. So, although there are times when we need to be silent and attentive to gain knowledge and gather opinions, we still need to utter something. However, as i have said before, there ought to be no verbal onslaught on the listeners. There should be communication and that means a two-way traffic or exchange of thoughts, ideas and knowledge.

Silence itself may lead us nowhere if no one starts a conversation. The person who intends to learn something may start with a question. Questioning is one of the best means to start a communication. It could be: Can I help you? Is there anything I can do for you? Where do you wish to go? Are you from this area? Where are you from? Can you tell me how this is done? Can you show me the way to .....? Such questions can lead to some explanation or talk on something. In fact, some of the friends I have made started with one of such questions.

Other than starting a conversation, words are necessary to convey our intentions and hopes correctly. Being able to do that in important in our daily lives as we go about our work and social circles. Of course, some people need to be more excellent at communication than others; a salesman, more than most people; would certainly need to be able to convince people with words.

When it comes to communication, no matter what the language, vocabulary and correct expressions are important to give the right messages to the people concerned. So how well we express ourselves depend upon our language proficiency. With better language proficiency, a person will have greater confidence to approach another fellow human. Definitely, with better language skills, there will be lesser miscommunication leading to improved understanding of any communication.

So, talk is required as much as silence in our lives. It is the extremes that we have to watch out for. Talk when necessary and be silent when desirable to do so. In everything there ought to be a middle way.

Why very young children learn fast.

Have you ever observed how children learn? I have and One of the things I noticed is their lack of self-consciousness that helps them to learn things so very fast.

Children are good are imitation; imitating the actions and sounds made by almost anything in their environment. And they are never afraid of who is watching and what others might think of them and their actions. Of course, this changes if adults were to spoil it for them by telling them, indirectly teaching them to be conscious of what others might think of them. Once that is drilled into them, they understand that others observe them and so they start observing the adults and find that that is true. Then adults would put the thought in their little minds that adults might laugh at them and their behaviours, might think them mad or .... and laugh at them. That puts them on guard and they stop learning in that spontaneous playful way.

Knowing that, adults ought to be careful with their comments and not put useless adult thinking into their innocent little minds. Then the adults can notice that that little mind can absorb a lot through repetitions of words, phrases, clauses and sentences without the consciousness that they could be making pronunciation and grammar mistakes. Through such repetitions and frequent listening to good speech, language is learned. Then, through the provision of good language on radio, television or conversation among people, the child will eventually correct his/her mistakes automatically. Of course, good language must be available much more often than poor language in order for the child to get his language right.

A child who is encouraged to sing and talk about things with words that had seeped into the brain gradually will learn faster than the child who is not given the opportunity listen to language and make use of whatever he could have acquired.

Thus, the opportunity to learn which must be made available by the parents and the chance to practice uttering the words to himself/herself and to others without being self conscious of whatever mistakes that are bound to be made in the process of learning are certainly necessary for learning.

This learning is also possible if adults can overcome their self-consciousness, something which is more difficult as there is always the fear of being laughed at for the mistakes made.

One of the ways adult can counter that fear is to talk to oneself in the privacy of the room. I learned my Bahasa Malaysia, Malaysia's National Language by starting with books from primary one. I would write down sentences with words I do not understand, find the meaning, repeat the words and sentences often in my room, even the bathroom, and talk to friends in the language using whatever I had learned. Initially there was a lot of laughter at my pronunciation but eventually the Language Institute people helped me be a winner by changing the way some words are pronounce with the 'Bakul' method; a method in which words are pronounced according to its spelling. Besides that I improved fast as I listened and use the language everyday. So opportunity to listen and practice is of utmost importance. And if self-consciousness is no impediment to practice, progress will be fast.

Why most mother-in-laws always get a bad name?

"Why must mother-in laws go where angels fear to tread?"
"Because it involves their sons or daughters, their blood and skin, and no one shall ever be allowed to threaten their welfare or happiness, imagined or otherwise!"

Really but the irony is that whenever mother-in-laws take sides, and invariably it is their own sons' or daughters' side, welfare scoots out the front door and happiness splatters onto the floor and drips into the drain if they are allowed to have things their way.

I have always advised young married couples to stay in a place of their own, no matter how shabby they have to be. It is surely better than any palace of both parents, no matter how grand they might be. Tell me who rules in those palaces if not the mother-in-laws. And the rulers ordained that her word is law, never ever to be disputed by any, except perhaps the kings themselves.

Those young couples who happen to be lucky to meet great kings in those palaces will find salvation, if not it will truly test their love for each other; and many great lovers have fallen in those moments of stress. Why give love such an unnecessary test when a simple move like having a little home of one's own can prevent the
problem.

In the first place, such a problem need not arise as all good mothers love their children and would certainly want their children to find eternal bliss in love. I sincerely believe they do. In that case why must problems come in many cases from them?

I believe it is jealousy. It is a human trait. You see, for years, the child was hers and hers alone, especially so if the father is out somewhere working for the money. Mother cooks the the child, frets over every little discomfort that may be noticed and cares for that little one in every way twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week without any holiday at all. Then, after about twenty years, minus or add a few years, someone else, a total stranger comes along and sweeps her little boy or girl off, gains most of his/her attention and love which was once hers alone and comes into her palace to perhaps take over her stately position in the house-hold. For the love of her child she could tolerate certain things but then, imaginary or real threats are seen as the new woman of the house (Of course, it does happen with the men too, but it is usually with the woman.)seem to be the new authority when her child was concerned. The threats grew threateningly unbearable and it is a matter of time before something gives and all that is toxic is vomited out to shatter the peace of the home. The fuse that explodes the bomb could be anything from a careless word to some misunderstanding or even a dispute of family matters.

The thing is usually the problem is between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. Well, it is probably because the face each other almost eighteen hours a day if both are not working. Even it there are working both are sort of in control of household matters and here there can be a clash of ideas and methodology. Nevertheless, as women, why can't they help their female kind achieve some kind of harmony and success which would be beneficial to both parties? Why not come to an amiable understanding and have respect for each other so that their common household can be the haven for happiness?

Perhaps, the women can form a kind of society and exchange ideas or teach each other how they could live even better lives with greater understanding of each other. With time we, regardless of sex, ought to become better humans.

Spend time with our children.

This morning, I noted how a little girl was so close to her father that she loved to have his protective arms around her wherever they went. That father must have spent a lot of time with his daughter, playing with her and looking after her most of the time, whenever he was not working. That was soon confirmed as I know the father.

This brought back memories of my time with my children and nephew when they were young. Except for the time I had to be away at work, my wife and I spent our time with our children, talking to them, listening to whatever they were capable of expressing, playing with their toys, taking part in their joy and having the fun of our lives. Then, as they grew bigger and stronger, we ventured afield, first to the nearby fields and hills, then on outings to places of interest, letting our children experience new things, feelings, knowledge and discovering new understanding. Using the people and things we see on the way or at the places we went, we explained how the various people came to be what they were, that our actions have consequences and the final result of the situation people are in are caused by their very actions or inactions. Thgus, in this manner, we use the world of people, animals and things to educate our children.

In fact, looking back I found my precious time with my children too short. Time passes so fast. So, to parents who still have young children with them, do not waste what you may not have any more one day. Enjoy every precious second that you have with your children, for very soon they will be children no more.

Well, as a result of our spending time with our children, they are today very close with me. As they have reached adulthood, they are now more friend than children and we could discuss many things, improving further our relationship in the family. I am a proud and happy father because God gave me the opportunity to realise such importance early in life. I can never thank God enough for that.

Cultivate the habit of listening.

If someone has some knowledge, can you obtain it without listening. You probably can if the person is a writer.

We meet so many people in our life time. Some of them possess experiences beyond our reach. How then can we get such knowledge? as I have said, unless the persons are writers, the only way to get such knowledge is to listen carefully, attentively to what the person is willing to divulge.

How much is the person you are listening to, willing to divulge. It all depends upon the interest in the person and his or her talk. Have you noticed how people clamped up the minute the listener's attention is being distracted or turned to another direction? Unless the speaker is one who loves to hear his own voice so much that he is willing to listen to it thrown at nobody in particular, a stop to the flow of information is bound to happen when the listeners are not attentive.

So often have I learned things because I was attentive to complete strangers who happened to cross my path at certain stops in my life.

Recently, for example, I attended a demostration and learned how to make basic soap. Eager to try my hand at making goat's milk soap, I bought all the necessary materials and equipment to find that somehow it did not materialise as it should.

Listening around, I gained further knowledge and eventually succeeded in making the soap. That shows the importance of listening in gathering information.

Therefore, we ought to teach our children to listen. Never tell them that they must listen whenever people speak. People, even children, can rebel against orders. Instead, tell them interesting stories so that they will listen. Then as they grow up.isten to them. That is teaching by example. Listen to their problems and sympathise with them with love. Knowing that their parents do sympathise with them and can probably help them, they will be more willing to reveal more of what is happening to them when the parents are not around. Then, the parents would know if something is wrong and take remedial action to help the child. With such love and understanding, it is certain that the children will listen to the parents.

Later, when you listen to others, when opportunities come, tell your children why you listened to so and so, the amount of knowledge you got from him or her. Do not worry about your child having a lower opinion of you, for it will be the other way round. It would be how great their father or mother is in gathering information. How capable my dad or mum is!

I have overhead my children told their aunts and uncles how great papa is in getting so and so to explain how certain things are done. It wonderful to overhear such things. However, unless you practice this kind of listening, you cannot expect such compliments from your children.

So, let's start listening more to your children and indirectly teaching them to listen to you and those with great experiences. Such people are everywhere and it makes life still full of the unknown and so much more to live for.

You know, I am still listening around for the method of making brown rice venegar. I said listening because I have not been able to read about it in the libraries, books and the internet. So, anyone able to tell me that, I am all ears or eyes, whichever are needed.

So, let's listen around for more knowledge.