No need to follow others.

Today I had a visitor who shared something which i believe could be of benefit to almost anyone. This friend was chatting with me when the subject of her getting a marriage partner arose.
"You ought to find someone to share your life with," was the advice given by a concerned friend. Of course this brought a certain amount of discomfort to this friend as her philosophy of life was obviously different from many but then there was nothing odd about her as her thinking and life is definitely well-balanced with much logic and truth in many ways. I certainly agree to her way of life and thinking.

Her philosophy on such matters is that every one of us are individuals with very different wants and needs. When it comes to women, some grow up wanting a family while others prefer to be on their own. Whatever their stand on the matter, so long as they find happiness who can claim they are wrong in their choice. No one in fact can dictate that his or hers is the only way to true happiness. And no one way is the perfect vehicle to bliss as experience and observations will easily point our the many pitfalls in both situations. The debate will carry on decades to come and none will become the wiser.

I did find happiness in marriage although there were a few times when the sea can be choppy. So, I can point out to her the number of benefits of a good married life, one of which is the opportunity to share whatever glories and triumphs, disappointments and sadness with someone who is almost constantly available to double your joys and diminish your pain, someone who can be depended upon to encourage you to overcome whatever obstacles in your path. There are many more points that could be factors to consider for marriage.

But then, she has her points too. She told me that once a marriage is concluded, change to the situation is no longer viable. According to her, in a marriage one partner is always subjected to the supervision of another. So, you cannot do whatever you wish freely, such as the woman going out with a man friend without having to give an account of the evenings events. Why should we have to subject ourselves to such things, as though our lives are no longer our own, having to answer to someone else our very own actions and our own lives. She obviously abhors such possible questioning by one's spouse.

And, she added, there is always the possibility of change. After a number of years, some may meet someone attractive enough to pull them away. Imagine the pain and sequences of events that can take place which can disrupt the harmony in their lives, when it happens to someone in a marriage. There would be divorce and accusations of one kind or another from both the parties. One could claim he/she has been neglected and that had led him/her to another's arms while the other partner could claim that there was never real care and understanding in the marriage. There would be a lot of fury, noise and an inevitable traumatic break-up. Whereas for those who remain single always, it is understood that no one has the right to prevent or feel cheated by such a change. Friendship could even continue as one of the partners goes off into another direction. She told me she had been very close with two such friends and are still friendly with them despite no longer being that close.

After all, she stressed, if someone is happy as a single why would that person be expected to change and follow others in what they do. Well, marriage is just not her cup of tea.

Furthermore, as a single, she has the freedom of movement and decisions available to her at all times. In fact, she is thinking of going to stop her work as a teacher and head for another country to study further. This is not the first time she has done so and she strongly believes, there could always be obstacles to such moves if she were already married. As for money, although she has probably not sufficient to last the two year course, she is going as she need not be responsible to anyone for whatever financial decisions she makes. Worse comes to the worse, she would just return home half-way through the course to earn more money should the money run dry at any time during the course. Would that kind of action be easy for a married man or woman? Leaving a family in such circumstances could be termed irresponsible, but a single woman is only responsible for herself. And the situation does not make her unhappy at all as she looked at it as being lucky; lucky to not have to be responsible to anyone else and lucky to be given the opportunity to try to see her way through the course on such a precarious financial position.

She is without doubt a really plucky woman with a very positive and admirable outlook on life. So, rightly or wrongly, she has made her own free choice to be happily single ever in control of every act and path she takes to live life to the full, consistently certain that happiness is available to her always.

When she tells me her conviction of her actions, I could see the wisdom behind her thoughts. However, by so saying I am not implying that married people are not wise for I was married to my wife till death did us part and I certainly have my wisdom. (As one previous girl-friend once muttered, 'Boasting again.' but then what can I do under this circumstance.) All of us have our own strong belief, be it to get married or to remain single and I must insist that all of us are right until for some, circumstance beyond their control prove them wrong.

Whatever it is live life with confidence regardless of the many potholes in our path for as long as the urge to live is there, happiness can be found if we persist in getting out of those potholes and get on with living. There is always life in living.