Lines of communication in a marriage.

As we gathered at a coffee shop to wait for one more friend to turn up; talking and telling stories of economic failures of the governments in certain countries, coming to the conclusion that certain failures are inevitable especially when there is no natural source of wealth for the country to fall back on, unlike Malaysia which ought to be very rich with its oil, oil palm, rubber and the numerous places of attraction for tourists; when one of the ladies commented how interesting it is to gather now and then to listen to the interesting, witty and humorous stories that each individual among us could contribute. She added that life in a marriage could be boring if there were no such exchanges, if it is merely conversation between just the husband and the wife.

Well, what can the other partner in a marriage tell that has not been told before a good number of times already? Perhaps, after some time they have run out of matters to discuss, stories to relate, jokes to share or experiences to share. Just like the television, they run out of new movies after every now and then, and they have to pick something old to show. In Malaysia, many had to turn to Astro as the local television channels replay old movies so often. The old classics are even worse. Sometimes it gives the impression that P. Ramlee was the only good actor and producer in the country. Even though that might be the case, the numerous times the same old movies appear would have killed the interest people once had. According to this lady, the same effect is accomplished with too often repeated stories in a marriage.

Whether there is truth or not in that comment, it all depends upon your own marriage. First, are we repeaters of stories, talking about the same topics day in, day out. This happens even among friends. Some just like to repeat the same old things simple because they like to talk, perhaps because they like to hear their own voice. Or it could be to let others know how much they know, of which I am sometimes guilty of, but I try not to repeat. But then, who isn’t? (I am sorry but it looks like I wish to invite you to take a look at your own self today. The motivation is that it would certainly make you a more interesting person to your marriage partner as well as your friends.) Knowledge of this part of ourselves brings awareness and awareness is the tool for changes where necessary.

Anyway, it is not necessary to repeat if we keep up with the daily news, happenings in the neighbourhood and learn new things from the internet. Go into a blog or two, know what is written and when the married couple has time to relax and converse, tell each other what each had read or learned that day, discuss the truth of the matter, comment on the usefulness or applicability or practicality of the solutions or ideas of the writers and think of the possible situations where they can come in useful. That would be enough engaging new topics and ideas to exchange. If those are insufficient, throw in your own experience of that day and that would suffice for the day. The lines for communication are wide open and more intimate communication will flow through much more easily.

Where communication is concerned, what is even more important is the show of interest in the partner. While conversing, we ought to make it a point to look at each other. Drop every other thing and concentrate on the person who cares for you not just for a moment, a day, a week, a month or a year but forever. Give him/her your hundred percent attention. Watch the expressions on the face, the acknowledgement of the news or information. We should remember that communication cannot be achieved one hundred percent or fully unless we do it verbally, physically and emotionally. So, we must think about it and tell ourselves truthfully how good we are at communication.

Communication starts all relationships and a stop to it would indicate the end of any relationship.