Punish, then regret.

The other day, The Art of Living members talked of anger and the sufferings of those who are easily angered.

Parents so often become stressed with their work and their children. When there is no respite from the many problems that crop up in the home, stress can flare up into anger.

If the child happens to be naughty, the stressed parent may just hit out at the child. The canning may be too hard and painful. There may be ugly welts on the body. The pain the child have to suffer may be unbearable.

Parents should never punish without an aim. The purpose of punishing a child must be to teach; to tell the child her behavior is wrong and there is a need to change. Unless there is a good valid reason for punishment, it must never be carried out.
When we hit out at a child in our rage, can such an act be considered a punishment?

If the act is merely to release some tension or find an outlet for anger, then we ought to go to the gym where we could let off the energy in such negative emotions in a more positive manner. We could perhaps take our anger out on a punching bag.
Our child is certainly no punching bag! When our child does wrong, our love and concern for his/her welfare makes us realise that he/she has to be taught. There are many ways to teach. A facial expression of disgust at the deed, words conveying dislike for a behavior, a light slap on the palm or thigh, a tap of the cane or a harder whack with the cane. Yes, I believe canning can be a form of punishment.

However, canning should be used to teach; just painful enough to deter a really naughty child from some form of truly bad behavour; to deter the child from forming bad habits, to teach the child such behavior cannot be acceptable. Whatever it is, choose the punishment to suit the wrong behavior so that it is effective. An ineffective punishment serves no purpose and may even be wrongly thought of as an encouragement. Certainly, we do not wish that to happen.

Canning or any other form of punishment should never be used at times of great anger. At such times, the parent loses control as he/she lashes out at the child to release his/her pent-up emotions. In doing so, the parent forgets the aim of the punishment. Later, when the parent realizes his/her wrong, it is a little too late to right that wrong. There’s no point in regretting.

Regretting parents often show their repentance by swabbing the ugly welts with some pain-killing ointment.

Parents feel the pain when they notice the angry red welts on their child’s skin. Who has inflicted the pain? The anger in us has caused us this pain, a pain which can be avoided for our own good as well as for our child.

So, the next time we are angry, care enough to count to ten and think of the purpose of whatever action we wish to take before proceeding with it.