What can arguments achieve?

“Why must you always bring that up?” she shouted at the top of her voice, her frustration at having to go back to the old ought-to-be-forgotten differences. And it is always such continuing attacks that usually break the camel’s back. People usually do not know when to stop a battle. They would twist, turn and dig up old known, sure-winner arguments just to emerge the winner in a quarrel. But then, is there ever a winner in an argument? In most arguments, both parties are out to thrash the other one to win come what may. Both are arrogant with a refusal to see the other side of the coin. They are entrenched in their own views and only an agreement from the other party could be the only acceptable outcome.

The worst thing about most arguments is that they start from very unimportant issues that play no great roles in our lives. Then the argument escalates due to the stacking or bringing up of side issues as well as old ones as the aim of the argument is to appear as the winner. Unfortunately, with no one willing to give way or accept any weaknesses to their points raised, it can only lead to strained relationships or a total break. No one emerges as the clear winner although if we were to talk with them about it each would declare the other the loser.

If only we can try to understand that others can have their own ideas and opinions as no two individuals have the same experiences, then we might attempt to see their point of view or understand how the others could have come to such a conclusion.
Even if we do not accept someone’s thoughts, we could still have what is given as a lesson on people and life. In fact, it could even be turned into an interesting study which I sometimes do. This is because no matter what another person may say, especially things which differs vastly with our strongly held opinions, we ought to realise this person must have his/her own reason for his/her opinion.

It certainly takes a lot of courage to voice unpopular or arguable thoughts, unless he/she is stupid, to bring up something contradictory, knowing that there would certainly be a lot of conflict of ideas. That being the case, it would be interesting to understand and know the background supporting such actions or behaviour.

As I have said, stupidity could be a reason for people's unacceptable thoughts, although it is rare. Usually, a person manifests his/her stupidity more in actions than in words. Thus, there is usually nothing much to argue about with such a person; merely frustration at his inability to voice his thoughts well. Nevertheless, it could bring some understanding of fellow humans and some of the possible incidents in life which could have brought about the person’s sad state of mind. However, even mentally impaired persons with their simple, uncorrupted mind do sometimes bring surprising revelations.

Very few people oppose or bring up contradictory statements just for the sake of hearing their own voice although such people do exist. Then. we could study the possible reasons behind his strong desire to hear his own voice. Some argue, especially people in a family, because they wish to expose a frustration, a hurt or a grievance. Sometimes communication between two persons in a home can be strained due to so many possible causes and it appears so difficult to voice it. Therefore, there has to be an opening whereby it can be brought into the open.

An often seen example is a couple where one of them is suspected of having a relationship with a third party. It is a sensitive issue that could break up a relationship or family. Yet, it obviously cannot be allowed to continue. How does one of them approach the topic? With hurt emotions and no safe venue to overcome the problem, the only possible way is through an argument whereby feelings can be released and made known, where it is possible to, like a fisherman, slowly pull in his net to reveal the catch which is actually the main issue of getting up so early, getting the boat out to sea in the chilly morning air, with much effort in casting the net, waiting for the right time to pull in the net to be confronted with the type of catch for the day. Through this quarreling process, the real issue is confronted and thrashed out with the hope that an acceptable solution for both parties is achieved.

Of course, it had taken a lot of courage to start a quarrel which may end in disaster. However, frustration and pain lend wings to such courage and then as the feelings flow, the complainant gradually reveals his/her hurt and pain hoping that that would make the other party realise his/her wrong ending with a truce, forgiveness and a return to the right path. With that, the mission is accomplished. However, sometimes, the winning party does not know when to stop the battle, continues to fight and finally lose the war. The winning party makes use of the victory, keeping it as a weapon for future fights, not realising that such weapons may be fatal in a relationship, destroying what had been achieved.

In all relationships, the slate must be wiped clean after each argument or fight. Do not accumulate the spoils of such victory for such weapons are double-edged, able to hurt both parties. So, we need to know when to stop preparing for future arguments and fights. When the mind is ready for another conflict, another conflict will take place. That is a preparation for failure. We ought to sincerely start a new chapter, on fresh ground, with renewed strength and hopes. Like all adventurers in life, which we all should be, we must look ahead to the horizon ahead of us. The past is past. Let it be buried. Look towards the new dawn and a new day.