Listening is more important than talking.

This morning, at the hill, Grace told me about the couple who would talk and talk practically non-stop, giving her no opportunity at all to comment on the topic. Well, it was a one-way communication and she was forced to be the listener.

Of course, it is not bad to be a listener. In fact, very early in my life, while journeying three hundred and something miles to Kuala Lumpur to attend the motivation seminar by Lawrence Chan, I learned the importance of listening well.

However, today i wish to concentrate on this problem of some people who could get them into problems with others. It is the strong desire to talk, talk and talk, sometimes repeating the information already given previously. When something is repeated, the listener gets bored. So the talker is boring to his friends. Nobody would want that, I believe. Yet, it is an unconscious urge to listen to the person's own voice and also prove that he is an authority on the topic.

What the speaker does not realise is that when someone dominates too much and most of the things are the same old stories, everyone already knows them and are not willing to ache their ears having to tolerate the boring sounds emitting from the source. This is especially so when the listeners are given no opportunity to take part of the conversation.

It is not just the repetition that we dislike. In order for such people to last a long time talking endlessly, they put in the smallest uninteresting detail into their talk, explaining extensively what is sometimes so obvious, expected and certain.

And what is the result? As expected, most people would avoid such a talker. Excuses would quickly be given to avoid or escape from further verbal torture. Only a very few would tolerate the person and even those few would complain and at the earliest moment disappear from the scene.

I have made a study of such people. I have found that the problem arises from some causes. One of them is a habit copied from the family members. Yes, parents who talk too much or refuses to listen to other people's points of view have a great influence on their children who imitates them and become just like them. So parents ought to be careful not to turn into such long-winded, one-sided talkers.

And old people, me included, have that tendency to elaborate more than others. Especially so when the children have been away for some time and the desire to chat with them is so great. Right! So what can be done. We ought to realise our long-winded talking and do something about it. Realisation is the beginning of change. When we realise something has become undesirable, then we change and learn to allow others to voice their thoughts and help to have an interchange of feeling and ideas rather than to have a lecturer and his/her listeners.

And there are those who needs appreciation or a raise in self-esteem. These need to show others how much they know, to impress others with their knowledge. Of course, self-esteem is important to all of us. So is being appreciated. However, this can still be done without having to dominate so much as to prevent others having their say.

Eventually, the choice is our own. To know who we are, to see if we are the ones who lecture all the way and whether we feel everything is fine. Then, if we find that we do dominate, we must choose whether to change or not. Change is not difficult as realisation helps pave the way to such a change. This part is important as I have come across people who cannot see any problem with their ways despite someone pointing it out to them. Well, if they are happy as they are, we ought to wish them all the best for eventually everyone is the master of his/her own fate.