If there's a bully, what can be done?

Since bullying and gangsterism is on the rise as parents put more time into financial improvement and career, with less and less time for their children, it is time we look into this problem which may affect our children.

A bully is usually a pampered or neglected kid who has been allowed to get away with bad behaviour until he/she believes he can get away with any kind of misdeed. Without proper parental guidance or teaching, such a child feels he could get away with any misdemeanour and so does as he or she wishes to achieve his/her own ends. If no action is taken on him or her, it is just a matter of time before he hurts someone bad enough to recieve some kind of punishment. How far he goes with his/her life of wrong-doing and eventually crime depends upon his being apprehended for some kind of crime. From a bully, he/she may become a gangster, then a robber or a killer. Thus, it is important that authorities arrest this progress of a child or youth before he /she becomes hardcore.

What should a parent do if your child were to encounter a bully? In such circumstances, never allow anger to overcome you. Of course, being angry is perfectly normal but anger could lead you to the wrong action. if you were to personally punish the child, you become the one who is wrong. If the bully's parent were to come into the picture then, there could be a misunderstanding ending in a fight with both the losers.

What should be done? Rightly so, we must report the child to the proper authorities. If it happens in school, then let the school authorities call for the bully's parents and take action on the bully. Expelling a bully is not right either as that would only hasten the process to crime. Depending upon the severity of the case, a warning in front of the parents or a transfer to another school further from the bully's home would draw attention to the parents' need to pay more attention on their child. This can inconvenience the parents but it is the parents who allowed the problem to aggravate to this serious stage in the first place. Some parents ought to be given advise or counselling on good parenting by or through the school authorities.

As for the child who is bullied, the parents ought to accompany him/her to school to help him overcome the trauma of the incident as well as give him/her the courage to return to the scene/school to continue his/her studies. The discipline teacher ought to be confided in regarding the feeling of the victim so that he/she could help by keeping a vigilant eye on the victim and the bully.

If there are no further incidents of bullying after a warning, then the bully ought to be given the chance to improve as the bully is nothing but a victim of parental neglect.

However, should the bullying continue, then the school have to take firm action to contain the problem. The parents have to be informed and the child has to be sent out to another school.

Then again, there are some people who are against transferring a bully to another school, claiming that this merely transfers the problem elsewhere. That may be true if the parents are not told that the problem arises from their neglect. The parent must be informed that should the problem continues in the new school, the child will be transferred even further from home. The parents should be made to sign documents indicating that they have been informed of the consequences of their child's unacceptable action and the parents have been advised to take heed of their child's attitude and behaviour with greater love and better bonding with the child. (Please go to earlier posting on bonding with our precious children.)

Of course, it will inconvenience any parent to take his child to a school further away. Such parents ought to understand that this would draw their attention to their child. The parent may have to transport the child to and fro from a school as it may not be the usual routes of most buses. Greater contact and understanding could be achieved and the child could come to understand that his parents do care after all. There is no need for rowdy or bullying tactics to attract attention.

Yes, basically the child could be trying to draw much needed attention to himself or herself. That is the result of neglect. With more love, care and attention from the parents, the bully is bound to change. After all, when change is necessary to win the approval of the loving parents, it will happen.

That is the power of love, care and attention.